Author's Note: I am in an Eyeshield 21 role play on LiveJournal, this is a similar scene to something that actually happened in the role play. It makes for an amusing one shot.
Disclaimer: In no way am I attempting to steal or claim I own or am affiliated with Eyeshield 21.
Rating: T for boob talk and a few bad words.
Summary: When making an attempt to understand the female creature a bit better, Juumonji finds himself sharing a guy moment with… Hiruma?
Pairings: None, though there is some not so well disguised heterosexualness.
A New Understanding
By: Bar-Ohki
The Deimon Devil Bats was a football team made up of mostly idiots. Thankfully there were a few shinning exceptions to this trend of stupidity. Hiruma Youichi, the cunning and devilish quarterback was arguably the smartest kid in school and the brains behind the operation of the team. Yukimitsu Manabu was a model student who's only strong muscle was his brain; this allowed him to synchronize with Hiruma on an intellectual basis and by doing so making some pretty outstanding plays. Anezaki Mamori was considered by most to be a dream girl (if you could ignore her obsession with cream puffs) having intelligence, good looks, and a kind, patient personality. She used these traits to be an outstanding manager for the Devil Bats. Takekura "Musashi" Gen wasn't a genius like the others, but he wasn't a complete idiot either. The final person of decent intelligence on the Devil Bats' line up was surprisingly Juumonji Kazuki, the man with the best technique on the Deimon Line.
Juumonji, though not a genius, got good marks in school and considered himself to be a fairly smart and successful person. Today he found himself baffled by something most boys his age found baffling: the female creature.
A girl had offered him a bento at lunch and he had declined, explaining that he had already had lunch and didn't have room in his stomach to eat her bento. Somehow this resulted in him getting slapped, screamed at, then glared at by all the girl's female companions.
The only saving grace was that Hiruma had not been there to film the whole thing to use as blackmail against him later.
After walking around school with a large hand-shaped bruise on his face, Juumonji decided that he would gain a better understanding of the female creature to prevent this episode from happening again.
Now the lineman found himself in front of an elderly saleslady at a magazine shop.
"Er… I'd like to know what magazines are most popular with high school girls." Juumonji answered the woman's inquiry if he needed some help.
"And why would you be wanting to know that?" The old woman was extremely suspicious.
"Umm… it's kind of hard to explain…," Juumonji began, "I got this girl really mad at me earlier and I'm trying to figure out why."
"Oh!" The woman laughed and pointed to various magazines on the rack. "Girls like boys that try to be understanding."
"Thanks?" Juumonji decided the old woman was being creepy. He quickly purchased the magazines and headed to the one place he could think of where he wouldn't be disturbed: the American Football Clubhouse. It wasn't a place of peace and quiet during practice, but when there wasn't practice the place was deserted (mainly because the student body was afraid of the consequences). So, Juumonji found himself sitting down on one of the comfortable couches and began his quest to understanding the female creature by studying what interested them.
Sometime while Juumonji was engrossed in reading, someone else had come into the clubhouse, banged around a little then stopped. Juumonji hadn't bothered to look up, or care because the noise stopped fairly quickly. He flipped the page in the book to see a clothes add for clothes. The model in the picture had enormous boobs, bigger than usual.
"Woah!" Juumonji gasped, startled by the image.
"Tch. Fake boobs aren't all that great." A male voice from behind him remarked.
"Well, no, they're not. I've heard they don't feel good under your hand when you play with them." Juumonji agreed, still not looking up from the magazine.
"That would be because they are full of plastic, not fat like the natural ones." The other guy explained.
"Ah." Juumonji nodded. "Why do they do it? I mean, most guys find fake breasts lame."
"Most quality guys find them unattractive." Juumonji's companion argued. "There are idiotic losers out there that just want big tits."
"That's true I suppose…." Juumonji consented. He flipped the page. "Ah, now there's a good set of breasts!"
"They'd be better if they weren't in that bra." Juumonji's companion was commenting on the most hideous looking green breast-holding contraption either male had ever seen. "I don't think I could get that fucking thing off with a knife!"
At the word 'fucking' Juumonji finally realized who his companion was. He slowly looked up from his magazine to meet eyes with Hiruma Youichi. Juumonji looked half horrified.
"What just crawled up your ass?" Hiruma's eyes narrowed into a disapproving glare.
"…We just checked out breasts…." Juumonji remained bewildered.
"And?"
"Together." Juumonji emphasized his point. Immediately Hiruma's harsh expression lifted and was replaced by a simple one of realization.
"Oh!" Hiruma's ears went red with embarrassment.
"I wouldn't talk about this if you don't." Juumonji returned his gaze to his magazine to hide his embarrassed flush.
"Deal."
Later that day Juumonji went and threw the magazines in the incinerator to hide the evidence.
_=_=_=_=_=_=_
And that is perhaps the nicest deal that the devil ever made.