Hurt

As she looked back on the horizon of the city she was leaving, she was suddenly overcome by a flood of regret and despair. She didn't want to leave behind the only things she knew, she didn't want to leave her family behind but she knew that she could no longer stay in this city, not after he had said those things to her. Running was her only chance at survival.

Flashback Begin

Olivia sat on the couch, staring out the window at the city lights, watching the rain come down in torrents, flooding away the evidence of the heart-breaking case. A load knock on the door startled her out of her riviere. She knew who it was, and since she had no intention of speaking to him, she made no effort to move from the couch and open the door. A few seconds later a loud call echoed through the door.

"Liv! Stop being a stubborn idiot and open the damn door!" Elliot yelled through the wood, hoping to spark some sort of anger within her.

Olivia ignored the call, and stayed firmly seated on the couch, tears softly trailing down her cheeks.

"Olivia, if you want to sulk, that's fine, just let me know when you're done so we can be partners again. I don't want to have to come and rescue you all the damn time!" he yelled at her once more.

This sparked a fierce reaction within Olivia, and she jumped off the couch, opened the door and struck Elliot firmly across the cheek.

"You son of a bitch! I can't believe you. I stand by you when everyone else would have walked away, I help you though you refuse to be helped and I comforted you when you needed it, and you repay me by insulting me, and taking away the only thing I have left?" She yelled viciously.

"You follow me around like a lost puppy and you say you still have dignity? You keep running back to me and you say you're still independent? You busy yourself in my business when I don't want you to, and you say that you do it because you care, when you know it hurts me more to let you know what's going on. How can you say you care about me if all you do it hurt me or force me to hurt others because of you?"

Tears that she was valiantly trying to hold back, overcame her strong control and flowed freely and unchecked down her face.

"I do it because I care," she whispered softly, "I try to help you because I respect you, I try to comfort you because I know you're in pain and you won't talk to anyone about it. I try to talk to you because I know if you do it will get better."

"So you don't care if it hurts me more? You don't care if it hurts others? You do it because you want to feel like your helping somebody when all you've done in your life is hurt people. Yeah, I can really see that you care, Olivia!" he yelled, rage encompassing every part of him, not leaving room for hurt or care.

Olivia looked stunned, and her tears instantly vanished. She had told him about her past because she thought that she could trust him. She had finally been able to trust somebody in her life, and just like everyone else he had broken that trust. Only this time it was different, because her trust wasn't the only thing that was broken. Her heart had shattered as he had uttered those last few words, and she doubted it would ever recover.

"Get out!" she whispered angrily. He didn't move, "Get out! OUT! GET OUT OF HERE AND DON"T YOU EVER COME BACK!" He remained where he was, as if frozen to the same spot, "GET OUT!!" she yelled so loudly, she thought her vocal chords had torn.

"'Livia," he tried gently, stepping forward and reaching out to touch her. Olivia visibly flinched and he stopped. She had never recoiled and backed away from him before.

"Get out," she said again.

Elliot looked at her, tears were rolling down her cheeks at lightening speed, but she didn't seem to notice, or simply didn't care. She was huddled into the corner of the sofa, her legs pulled tightly in front of her, her arms wrapped firmly around them. He turned to leave, and with his hand on the door, looked back at her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and then he was gone.

Flashback End

The airport was buzzing with people, but she didn't seem to care. Anything to take her mind of the pain in her heart was welcome. She looked around her and realized that she had no idea of where she was going. Her car was still in the parking lot and she hadn't packed anything to take with her, except for a few sentimental artefacts. The remainder of her belongings were in her apartment, which she still wanted to keep, regardless of whether or not she would ever return back to this city.

She glanced at the departures board. A flight to Oregon was leaving in half an hour. It was the furthest she could get away from him in this short amount of time but it was enough. When she boarded the plane, she felt a slight tug in her chest. A small amount of regret was begrudging her but she merely ignored it.

He didn't deserve to be her friend, he didn't deserve her comfort and support, and he certainly didn't deserve her love. But her friends, they were the innocent victims in all of this. She decided that as soon as she had found appropriate accommodation in Oregon, she would contact John, Fin, Don, Casey, Melinda and Alex. She contemplated contacting George but decided not to as she was not that close to him. She also resolved to make her friends promise not to tell Elliot of her whereabouts. The last thing she needed when she was recovering from a broken heart, was the person who broke it finding her.

As the plane took off, she reflected on her first meeting with Elliot.

Flashback Begin

"Stabler," the captain called from inside his office.

Elliot stood slowly, rather reluctant to meet his new partner, who he had been told was female, young and naïve. Though her file was filled with commendations and she had quickly progressed through the ranks to Detective and has requested the assignment to SVU.

Elliot walked through the door and stopped still, the woman sitting on the edge of Cragen's desk was much younger than he thought. He made a mental note to check her age again when he went back to his desk.

"Elliot," Don said, "This is Olivia Benson. Olivia, this is Elliot Stabler."

Olivia held out her hand for him to shake, but when he didn't take it, dropped it to her side dejectedly.

"Nice to meet you," she said, with an unamused tone in her voice.

"Yeah, you too." Elliot said quickly before heading out the door again.

Before he could leave, Don had called him back. "Elliot, you need to fill in your partner of all your cases." The captain signalled for Olivia to leave them. "I'll see you later," she said to Elliot, while giving Don a hug.

"What the hell?" Elliot asked, apparently annoyed, "She's a kid. She's barely 25 years old and why the hell did she give you a hug? How do you know her?"

"How much of her personnel file have you read?" Cragen asked gently.

"Dunno, not much. You can't put me with her, she's too young!" he said once more indignant.

"Elliot read her file before you dismiss her. If you read it, you'll find the answers to most of your questions. Now be nice and get to work." The captain then dismissed him.

"Come on Benson," Elliot said disgustedly, "We're going to track down a lead. You do know what that is right?"

"Stabler, look. I know you think I'm young and incompetent. But let me assure you I got here by my own merit and not any other way. And before you talk about how I've had a loving childhood and I don't know what the victims go through, you might want to read my personnel file because I can guarantee that I know more about that than you do. So don't use that tone with me until you know what you're talking about." Olivia said angrily.

"Alright," Elliot said, suddenly friendly, "You've got some gumption. Let's go!"

Flashback End

Olivia laughed quietly to herself as she thought about what they had learnt about each other that day. Though it took her a very long time to open up to him about her past, almost two years, when he had found out, he hadn't held it against her until last night.

As the thought of what he had said to her gripped her, she felt gentle tears begin to cascade down her cheeks. How could he have been that mean? How could he have been that horrible to her? She had thought that he had cared about her, but apparently she had been wrong. It seemed like his whole purpose was to gain her trust and bring her to a new all time low.

She remembered another time when she had doubted her worth and existence. An ex-prison inmate had had a serious grudge against her and was killing people to get back at her. She had felt horrid, but had refused a protective detail from Franklin (FBI), Don and Elliot. But Elliot had gone behind her back and ordered one anyway. She had confronted him and told him that she 'deserved better than that, especially from him', but he had made a comment to the effect that she was stupid. It had taken weeks after that for her to open up to Elliot again, and he had made no effort for the first few days to rectify the problem until Munch had berated him for his idiocy.

As she was sitting here, she secretly hoped that Munch would criticize and scold him again on her behalf. She truly felt that he deserved it this time, and if he had any idea of the hurt that he had caused her he would accept that scolding willingly.

The plane landed and Olivia walked out, thoroughly traumatized by the memories that she had allowed herself to remember about Elliot. She walked over to the taxi rank and recognised a familiar face. No! she thought anxiously, I didn't tell anyone I was coming here! How could he know where I am? Of course he knows where you are, she berated herself, he learnt everything about you so he could hurt you remember?

As quickly as she could she climbed into a cab and directed the cab driver to drive away as fast as he possible could, not caring if the speed was dangerous. She had to get away!