Title: "Love's Evolution"
Author: Dementedjen
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2750
Summary: Does love ever really change? Or is it just the relation ships that change? When two people meet and become friends and then lovers did their love change? Or did their souls recognize each other and love each other as mates from the very beginning and it is the human perception of love that forces the evolution into lovers? When Sam and Dean discovered their love for each other, Dean had to wonder if he had always loved his Sammy like this... ever since he met him.
Note: Yeah. So. I like writing schmoopy happy things with little to know dialogue. And if you notice. There is only one word of dialogue in this entire one-shot. is oddly proud
Disclaimer: Of course you know it's not mine.
---Love's Evolution---
Does love ever really change? Or is it just the relation ships that change? When two people meet and become friends and then lovers did their love change? Or did their souls recognize each other and love each other as mates from the very beginning and it is the human perception of love that forces the evolution into lovers? When Sam and Dean discovered their love for each other, Dean had to wonder if he had always loved his Sammy like this... ever since he met him.
There was always something between them. It has always been Sam and Dean. Dean and Sam. Never any other combination. Not really. There was Jess. But Jess was part of the evolution that led to where they are. If not for Jess, Sam would never had tasted what his apple-pie life would have felt like. And now, with the experience under his belt, there can be no regrets. No 'what if's. No 'if only's. Sam was able to enter the relationship and the changing facets of it with eyes wide open. Sam would know exactly what he was getting into. And Dean would know that he was his only.
It took the separation and the isolation to bring them together. It took that time to sit back and reflect without the each other's presence to fully understand their feelings.
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The moment Sam walked out the door on that dreary day, Dean knew the date and place would forever be etched into his memory. That was the moment that everything would change. That was the moment that Dean realized what he had. And now, what he had lost. With the pain of separation, Dean could come to grips with the taboo nature of their relationship. The societally rejected love that they shared. On his own he could pick apart the moments in time and realize what Sam was to him. That the love he had for his brother, the responsibility he felt, and the need to protect was not that of a standard familial obligation. No, Sam and Dean were meant to be. Together they were two parts of a whole. Sam, the softly loving, light of the relationships. Dean, the dark, hardness. Together they were a perfect whole. Both light and dark, hard and soft.
The greatest pain of their separation for both parties, was not the loss of the other. Deep down inside, they both knew that the other would be there for them when they were ready. No, the greatest pain was the unknowingly. The inability to know where the other was at any given time. The inability to know within a moments notice, if the other was safe and out of harm's way. That was something that was taken for granted while they were together. Years and years they were together, they never truly appreciated the ability to know each other.
As Dean reflected and mourned the temporary loss of his brother and soul-mate, he realized a great many things. His entire life he had been the lady's man. But rarely was it, that he actually went home with them. At the very most, it was a quick fuck behind a bar, or in the back room. But it never got personal. It was all about physical release. Nothing more. No, Dean unknowingly saved real love for his Sam.
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Sam missed Dean from the moment he walked out the door. Sure, he knew this was part of what would shape his future. This is what would give him a chance to see what he could be and what he would be leaving behind when he finally committed to this life. Oh, yes. Sam always knew he'd be coming back. He couldn't leave forever. But he needed this. This momentary snapshot of life where he could step back and observe what the normal people did. He needed to understand what he was missing to be truly happy with what he had. And he knew this is where he belonged. It was regrettable that his father hadn't understood that. Now, it would be more difficult than he ever thought to come back into his old life. But he would. Eventually.
He met Jess in an unfortunate situation. He dated Jess as a diversionary tactic. Sam's first roommate was a dick. There was no other term for it. Ironically enough, his name was Richard. He partied all night. Came back drunk and crashed wherever he fell. Beer bottles and various other things that Sam didn't even want to contemplate were strewn about the room, and no matter how Sam attempted to get rid of it, it was just constantly relittered. One morning Sam was just returning to his room, after an evening exam and could hear struggling behind the door. He quickly opened the door and found a young blonde woman struggling from Dick the Roommate. Sam, quickly stepped in and easily had the drunken man dealt with and the young woman escorted out into the hall where he checked her over to ensure she was fine. Save for a little bit of roughing up, she was fine. He offered to walk her back to her place. She gratefully accepted. After a quite walk across campus, they reached her door and she quietly asked if he'd like to come in for a drink or something. She apologized, she only had tea and coke, oh and of course water. But he was more than welcome to come in. Sam, not wanting to return to his room, accepted. They sat and talked for hours and Sam felt more comfortable with her than he had felt with anyone in a long while. Perhaps anyone since Dean. As they talked it was discovered that they shared a common class. A common class that she just so happened to be struggling with and he was excelling. He offered to come over and help her study. A Study-Buddy system, if you will. And again, Jess gladly accepted.
From there, things went quickly. Study sessions turned to campus shows. Campus shows turned into the movies. Movies turned into dinner. And dinner turned into "Why don't you move in? I mean, you're here all the time anyway?". It was all very romantic. But for Sam, he knew it was just a distraction. Something to keep him from wasting away wondering about Dean. It wasn't fair to Jess to not go into the relationship with his whole heart. But something told him that she wasn't in it for a life long commitment either. Sure, he loved her. But she was the sister that he felt responsible for. The girl that he'd protect with his life, if need be. But she wasn't the one that he'd kill for. Sam liked to think of it as practice. Practice as this 'love' thing. Practice so that he'd be ready for Dean. Ready for his Dean when his Dean was ready for him.
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When Dean and Sam came together again that dark night, it was like finding your missing half. Things suddenly were brighter, the sounds sharper and the breeze brisker. Things couldn't get much better. And then she died.
The death of Jess was probably the most painful thing that Sam had felt in his young life. It was like losing his whole world of four years. He had lost his sister.
The death of Jess was probably the most painful thing that Dean had felt in his life. While it hurt to lose his mother, watching Sam lose someone with whom he had a relationship that was deep in a way that Dean knew he couldn't understand hurt even more.
But through the pain, they were able to find each other again. The wound that their separation had ripped open, slowly began to heal and knit together. And they began a whole again.
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That first day together could be described in no other way but an excitable awkwardness. Neither of them spoke of their time apart or how glad they were together again. They didn't talk about how they dreamt of the other every night for four years or how they felt they could feel each other lying in the bed with them. They didn't exclaim in relief that they could touch and talk and watch each other again. No. They just continued as if nothing happened. At least on the outside. On the inside both of them were vibrating with a need to make up for lost time. Whenever possible, Sam would 'accidentally' brush against Dean's arm. Dean would 'accidently' touch Sam's shoulder as he stretched his arm on the back of the seat during a full day of driving. There were a lot of 'accidents' between them. And though no words were spoken, both of them knew what it was. And that was enough for now.
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The first night was even more awkward than the first day. Sam sat staring at the ceiling for the better part of the night, listening to Dean's calm breath. Listening to the rhythm. Fairly absorbing his brother's presence. Dean didn't sleep that night either. He laid calmly in bed and listened to his brother listening to him. In the silent darkness they were able to bring comfort to each other and silently acknowledge what they had. At least until day break.
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It wasn't until the first time Sam was hurt since Jess that the change in the relationship truly come out and into the opened, acknowledged by both parties. Sam had taken a fall when they were going for a poltergeist. In the past it would have meant a momentary disorientation, but then all parties would have stood up, shook themselves off and continued on with the job as if nothing happened. But not this time. This time Dean thought his heart was going to die. Watching Sam fall hurt him more than if he, himself had fallen. Heart in his throat, Dean had dropped everything for his Sammy. Only after confirming he was okay, did Dean continue his job. He had deviated from what had been drilled into them since the beginning. And it meant something. Sam knew right away that this was the point when it would finally change forever.
That night, back in the car, driving towards the hotel, Dean was quite. And in situations like this, there is danger in silence. The air between them was thick and it was all that Sam could do to wait until they got back to the hotel.
Once they reached the hotel, Dean threw his door open and fairly snapped the handle off of the door to their room. Once they were both in, Dean slammed the door shut and locked it.
He turned around and just looked at Sam. He drank Sam as if had been dehydrated for a hundred years. His eyes snapped with a fire that Sam rarely had seen. At least towards him. That kind of thing was hidden from observing eyes, underneath shadowed cloaks of hair and in the quite darkness. But now his eyes were watching Sam as if Sam were the only thing he ever wanted to look at. As if Sam was the only thing in color in his otherwise bleak, black and white world.
Dean pushed off of the door and closed in on his other half. His everything. The one thing he lived for and the one thing that he knew lived for him. He closed in on Sam, and Sam let him. It was a testament to the trust between them that Sam allowed Dean to stalk straight up to him without going to protect himself. Sam left himself completely open. And that meant the world to Dean.
He got within inches of Sam. At nearest point, their chests were separated by scarcely a few inches. Sam could feel Dean's breath on his chin. And Dean could feel Sam's warm breath on his face, in turn. Dean reached over and grasped Sam's chin and pulled his head up so that their eyes met. Dean's eyes twinkled as if barely suppressing tears. And Sam's eyes kept darting away to keep in control of his emotions. Looking into Dean's eyes would break him. And Dean knew it. Just as Sam knew it. But it was time. It was time for them to crack. Crack and break so that they can come together in a completely new, better way.
"Sammy..."
Sam immediately lifted his eyes up towards the ceiling. Fighting to keep the tears at bay. But still they slowly spilled over and dripped down his face to drip and puddle where Dean's strong hands gripped him. His breath was staggered with the immense effort it took not to sob. Dean's hands traced up to cup either side of his neck, the tips of his fingers burrowing into his hair, and his palms cupping his jaw, his thumbs holding his chin up. The soothing movement of those hands were
Sam's true undoing. He closed his eyes and brought his gaze down, to where he instinctively knew Dean would be. He slowly opened his eyes to gaze at Dean for the first time since he spoke. Dean's eyes were a shimmering pool of tears. It was obvious that Dean had lost control just as Sam had. Sam took a breath to center himself and reached up and brushed the tears from Dean's face, resting his paw-like hands along his jaw line. For long moments the two merely looked at each other. Mutually acknowledging that it was time. Ever since the beginning of... this, it was expected that Dean would make that first actual tangible move. And in a way it was. But in the end it was Sam who reached down with his other hand and cupped Dean's face and brought his lips up to meet his.
They kissed through the tears. Tears that represented the pain they had felt while apart. The pain they had felt while they were together. The pain of not knowing, and the pain of knowing. The repressed emotion that had always been there but neither of them had been ready to acknowledge. The kiss was wet and sloppy, and slow in a way that was over in an instant and completely and utterly perfect.
The kiss lasted forever. Years later, if asked what their first kiss was like, they'd never be able to agree. Dean would say it was hot and fast. Sam would say it was slow and sweet. But the one thing they could agree on was that it was perfect in every way.