Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. In fact, sometimes that very thought is the only thing to get me through the day. :)
Renee: BELLA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE. LIKE, SERIOUSLY. THERE'S NO LOGICAL REASON FOR YOU TO LEAVE.
Bella: Be silent, senseless human! Don't you realize that I need something to relentlessly angst and be chagrinned about!?
Renee: I'M SORRY, YOUR MAJESTY. DO AS YOU PLEASE.
Bella: I will! I'm going to leave for no apparent reason because I'm so selfless!
Everyone: Bella's so selfless!
Renee: OKAY, MY DARLING. YOU ARE SO SELFLESS. I WOULD MISS YOU, BUT YOU ARE SO SELFLESS IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE NEVER HERE.
Stephenie Meyer: Hey guys, Bella is clumsy!
Bella: So, this is the story all about how my life got flipped/turned upside down. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, to tell you how I became the most OMG AMAZING Mary Sue in Forks. BUH BUH DUH DUH DUH DAH. BUH BUH DUH DUH DUH DAH. Innnnnnn Pheonix, AZ, born and raised...
Trees: We died to become this?
Bella: ...and my mom got a man, and said "YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR DAD TO FORKS, 'CAUSE...........WELL, YOU CAN."
Trees: :C
Bella: Well, I'm here, and the weather is horrid. It makes me feel chagrin and also chagrinned.
Charlie: Hi. May I cater to your every need? Here, I got you a car.
Bella: YOU IDIOT. I HATE YOU. YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO AWKWARD WITH ALL YOUR CARING AND SUCH.
Weather: Is rainy.
Bella: WAHHHHHH I HATE THE RAIN. I'M SO CHAGRINNED.
Stephenie Meyer: Remember, Bella is clumsy.
Bella: I'm going to school. Ugh, I hate school. And no one likes me!
Entire male population: I LOVE YOU, BELLA.
Bella: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, the ugly people like me!
Entire female population except Angela because Bella needs at least one girl to befriend/use: I HATE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SO PRETTY AND AMAZING AND STUFF.
Bella: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, the ugly people don't like me!
Bella: Arrives at class, breaks a door, trips over her own feet, blushes, falls down, hits her head on a wall, causes global warming, creates a hole in the ozone layer, raises gas prices, and faints from the shock of it all. REMEMBER, SHE'S CLUMSY.
Class: Is boring, because Bella's vast knowledge extends beyond ANYTHING that could be taught in school.
Bella: OH EM GEE. THIS IS SO BORING.
Readers: We concur.
Stephanie Meyer: Bella is still clumsy. Just in case you forgot.
Lunchtime: Comes sooner than it should in hope of giving this story a plot.
Bella: Hey you, who is that hawt sparkly guy who looks like he wants to kill us all?
Jessica: That's Edward. But he only dates beautiful girls with the personality of a cucumber, so you're out of luck. OH WAIT.
Bella: Looks up at Edward, then back down.
Edward: Looks at Bella, then away.
Bella and Edward: IT'S BOBBLEHEAD TIME.
Lunch: Bye bye!
Bella: This class is going to be so boring because I already know everything. And by the way, I like Wuthering Heights.
Teacher: Hi Bella, there are no seats left except the one next to Edward...and probably a few in the back, but who would want to sit with the uglies?
Bella: OMG OMG OMG YAY AND STUFF.
Edward: SHE SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRY BEEF JERKY YUM.
Bella: HE'S SO HAWTTTTTT.
Readers: Don't realize that the past two lines sum up the entire series...yet.
Bella: I hope I don't trip again or something because I'M CLUMSY. Have you guys picked up on that yet? Huh? HUH?
Edward: I CANNOT READ HER MIND, SO SHE MUST BE LIKE TOTALLY DEEP AND JUNK.
Readers: So...he's eventually going to realize that she's a shallow, whiny brat, right?
Readers: Are wrong. :(