Title: When It All Falls Apart
Author: BurninThroughMe
Disclaimer: I do not own nor did I create any characters from South of Nowhere. This is purely for my own entertainment.

Warning: Drug Use & Abuse!
Pairing: Spencer/Carmen, eventual Spashley
Summary: Spencer Carlin is spiraling out of control after the death of her brother. Who's going to catch her?

"It's hard to look for the light when you're lost in darkness."

~anonymous~

It should have come to an abrupt end the minute that it began. It should have been noticed by someone before it had gotten too far. Yet everyone had been too involved with their own problems to notice that the youngest Carlin was spiraling downhill. They were still too busy trying to pick up the pieces of their own life in the wake of the tragic death of Clay. Under normal circumstances it would have had ended with the first shove, but Spencer Carlin had been feeling so numb that when she finally felt something she was not about to let it go. A part of her knew that it was wrong to let Carmen treat her that way, but the bigger part of her that was desperate to feel something, anything, was overriding her common sense. With every bruise that marked now scarred body Spencer felt herself able to feel. It was a huge contrast to the numbness filled her soul at the thought of her lost brother. But Carmen helped her forget her troubles. And it wasn't like it happened all the time. When Carmen was sweet and caring, Spencer felt like the luckiest girl in the world. And even though the bad moments outweighed the good by a huge number Spencer was able to look past them because she was finally able to feel again.

It was these good moments that she forced herself to think of when she suddenly felt Carmen's hateful eyes rest upon hers from across the room. She knew it had to have been her fault that Carmen was so mad. She was always doing something wrong to screw up their relationship. Whether it was staring at Ashley for a moment longer than necessary or forgetting to meet up with Carmen after school. It had to have been her fault because Carmen was always trying to be there for her. Spencer was the one who wasn't letting her in the way she should have been.

"You're late," Carmen snapped.

"I'm sorry," Spencer said quietly, "My mom wanted me to come home first before I came over."

Carmen rolled her eyes but she didn't say anything else about the matter and for a moment Spencer thought she was off the hook. She was wrong. Carmen took a step forward and back handed Spencer as hard as she could. The smack bounced off the walls echoing through the room. Spencer willed the tears to stay hidden. It may have stung like hell but it was the first real emotion she had felt all day.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" Spencer asked quietly.

A grin spread across Carmen's lips. An evil glint shimmered in her eyes and Spencer almost felt regretful for even having asked the question. She knew whatever was going through Carmen's mind could not have been good.

"I'm glad you asked," Carmen replied.

She turned around and went into one of her drawers. Spencer stood nervously waiting for Carmen to explain what she meant. She nervously played with her hands not liking how long it was taking Carmen to go through her drawer. She finally turned around holding something small in her hands. Something that Spencer couldn't see through Carmen's closed fist.

"What's that?" Spencer asked, against her better judgment.

The grin slid back across Carmen's lips as she came closer to Spencer holding out her hand for her to see. Spencer saw two tiny pills in the palm of the other girls hand and she was almost afraid to ask what they were. But she knew she wouldn't have to. Carmen was going to tell her whether she wanted to know or not.

"They're Ecstasy pills," Carmen told her, "One for you and one for me."

Spencer continued to stare at the pills as an internal battle waged on within her. The rational side of Spencer, however silent it had been lately, did it's best to yell at her not to take it. It was dangerous. She had taken health class and she knew the side effects of taking any type of drug. Yet a larger part of her that still felt incredibly numb, even when she was around Carmen was urging her to take it. It was urging her to experience the rush of emotions that the E pills would bring. They had learned how it feels to be high off drugs and in that moment the rush was looking mighty good to Spencer.

Spencer raised her eyes from the pills to Carmen who was still waiting for an answer. She knew that if she said no that Carmen would not be happy. Though even with that knowledge she knew those weren't going to the reasons she said yes. She was saying yes because she wanted to feel everything inside of her bursting out.

"Okay," Spencer finally said quietly, "I'll try it."

A triumphant smug grin crossed Carmen's lips, but Spencer ignored it as she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowed it dry. Carmen quickly followed suit a little annoyed that Spencer had been the first one to take it. But she wasn't going to say anything bad. She could proudly say that she had been the one to corrupt Spencer Carlin. Paula Carlin might have been worried about the influence that Ashley had been having on her daughter, but she had no idea that it was actually Carmen that she should have been worried about. Compared to Carmen Ashley would have been a dream come true.

Carmen led Spencer over to her bed where she pushed the other girl onto her back. As the drugs rushed through their system their lips met in a crushing kiss. They were going to ride out the high in the only way they knew how. Their relationship wasn't built upon respect and love. It was built upon violence and sex. For a brief second before Spencer succumbed to the effects she wondered what Ashley would think of her if she had seen her like this.