Too Much
A/N: Once again this is a bit of a dark fic. I think I must be in a funny mood at the moment... All reviews are welcome.
Disclaimer: The characters, locations and aired plots belong to the creators of Stargate Atlantis. This plot is my own, but no profit is made from it. Thanks to the Stargate Atlantis production team for allowing us to play in their world.
McKay wasn't in the mess hall at lunch time or dinner, a fact which mystified and concerned everyone who knew him in equal measure. The last mission had been hard, almost all the marines on it hadn't returned and the rest of his team-mates were still in the infirmary, but it was usually John who disappeared for ours on end after such a mission, storming around the remote areas of the city. For Rodney to miss a meal in a situation which didn't qualify as emergency verging on catastrophe was unheard of.
When he wasn't seen anywhere for another twenty-four hours, concern became worry. Had something happened? Was he ill? Had he accidentally set some Lantean device off and got himself injured? His radio was working, but there was never a reply on it, no matter who called. Dr Heightmeyer eventually called Dr Weir to her office, thirty-six hours after people had noticed the physicist was missing.
"I think Rodney may be hiding away..." She started.
"Oh?" Asked Elizabeth.
"I think he may be responding badly to his badly to the last mission. I know no official statement had been made, but there are rumours going around. Rumours about his involvement in the loss of those marines, and John, Teyla and Ronon's injuries."
Elizabeth lifted a questioning eyebrow, but the psychologist only returned a blank look. "Really?" Her voice had a subtly edge to it, but Kate would not be intimidated into naming her source.
"If there is any truth at all to those rumours, I am concerned Rodney may take it too hard. He may consider harming himself."
This sounded nearly ridiculous to Elizabeth, but she restrained enough contain her reaction. "He's a strong person..."
"He seems that way, but even he will have limits. He is not good with dealing with this sort of thing and I think everything may be taking its toll."
Elizabeth paused, considering the situation. "Okay. This must not be repeated out of this room." Kate nodded, and so Elizabeth continued. "On the last mission, there was an accident with some Ancient technology. Nothing avoidable, under the circumstances, and definitely nobody's fault, but, well..."
"Rodney may take it as another personal failure."
Both women were silent for a moment, until Elizabeth's radio spoke in her ear. "Weir here." She listened for a moment, then the person on the other end said something that made the colour drain from her face. To Dr Heightmeyer, she mouthed 'Armoury'. "Understood. I'll deal with it immediately... No, I have a good idea who has it, I'll sort it out."
"Is that what I think it is?"
"A 9mm is missing from the Armoury. They don't think it was checked in after it went out on a mission."
Kate paled at the thought. "Rodney. Can we find him?"
"That depends where he is." She touched her radio again. "Weir to control. I need you to run an internal scan, look for anyone who is in the remote areas of the city, anywhere nobody normally goes. And get Dr Brown to you. I'll be up in a second." She paused long enough to get an acknowledgement, then rushed out to the nearest transporter, Dr Heightmeyer in her wake.
"Do we have anything?"
"No."
"Check back through the records, look for someone who went into an area with no sensor coverage but hasn't come out."
"Dr Weir, is something wrong?"
"Rodney has vanished. We think he's going to hurt himself."
"But... But why?"
"The last mission..."
"We think everything is getting on top of him."
"Ah ha!"
The confusion in the control room instantly died away after the technician's exclamation.
"Well?" Prompted Elizabeth.
"I have three life signs who haven't reappeared. Two haven't responded to their radios, but both could be in areas where radios don't work properly."
The three Doctors peered at the areas on the map.
"There!" Katie pointed to one of the outlying towers.
"How do you know?"
Katie smiled. "He took me for a picnic up there, just before his last mission. We spent the afternoon up there, such magnificent views."
"Oh, okay..." Elizabeth was slightly taken aback, Rodney didn't seem the romantic type.
"I'll head up there." Katie jogged to the transporter and was gone before anyone could respond.
"I'll go to the other section, find out who's there." Elizabeth said, leaving Kate to stare at the map, hoping for a good outcome.
Materialising just around the corner from the room she prayed contained Rodney, Katie took a moment to prepare what to say. She would go at Rodney's pace. Taking a deep breath, she stepped through the door.
She'd been right. There he was, sat cross-legged on the floor, staring out at the sea. She slowly walked in, letting her footsteps announce her presence. When he did not make the first move, she quietly said, "Rodney?" When he didn't reply she stepped closer. "Rodney. Can we talk?" Again, no response. She moved next to him, into his field of vision. He made no acknowledgement of her presence. Carefully she sat down next to him, within touching distance of him. "Please Rodney, talk to me... I want to help... Tell me what's wrong."
"Me!" He snapped bitterly, before abruptly turning on his back on her. Before he did, she saw a flash of dull metal. A gun. Elizabeth and Kate had not mentioned this.
"Rodney, why have you got a gun?" Her voice was soft, full of concern.
He picked the weapon up, examining it, holding it close to his face. "I can make everything better. Just one squeeze will make things right again." Katie could barely hear him, he was so quiet.
"You don't have to do this. Everything is fine."
"Ha. Everything I touch goes wrong. Everyone I'm with get hurt. Everyone will be safer without me."
"Oh, Rodney! How could you think that? Everything that's happened, it's not been your fault."
"The Doranda explosion was. The last mission, the explosion, that was my fault. I've killed people, my interference killed people..."
"You have saved this city so many times. Without you, none of us would be here." Katie wanted to hug him, to soother away his worries, but she didn't know how he'd react. She settled for a hand on his arm. Before he whipped it away, she could feel he was shaking.
"I can see the patterns. All the teams I've been in, they've had the highest fatality rate. I'm a liability, one which needs to be removed." He stood up, gun in hand and aimed it at his head. With his free hand, he flicked off the safety.
"Is this really what you want? To abandon everyone who needs you, everyone who loves you."
"I... I'll kill them... B...B...Being with them."
"You won't. You have saved people more times than not."
"People will die."
"We'll take the risk." She enclosed his right hand with both of hers, resetting the safety and carefully moving it away from them both. Gently, she pried his fingers from the grip and, when she alone had it, flung it into the corner of the room. Before the gun stopped rattling around she had pulled him into a close hug, holding him to stop him going away. Slowly her loving warmth stilled his shakes. "Please, promise me you won't do this again."
There was a pause and she pulled away to look him in the eye. "Rodney..." "Yes... Yes... I promise."
Katie peered at him for another moment, then pulled him close again, apparently satisfied.
The moment was broken when Katie's radio crackled. "Dr Brown. Is everything okay?"
Katie pulled away reluctantly, letting her hand trace along Rodney's arm and momentarily entwine with his before breaking contact. She took a step towards the door before replying. "Yes. Yes I think so, for the moment." She turned to smile at her lover, and was disconcerted to see he had wrapped his hands around himself, as if cold. His eyes darted around the room, searching every corner. She faced away to cover her speech. "We may have to speak to Dr Heightmeyer soon. This..."
She was cut off by the tiniest of noises, a click so quiet to be almost silent.
"Katie?"
The next noise echoed over her open channel. Everyone wearing a radio heard it, and stopped in shock. It was followed by a cry of pure sorrow, a heart-rending sound which slowly faded. The static crackled silence was worse than the noise.
Katie was at Rodney's side before he hit the ground, but even that was too late. The light died from his eyes as she slowed his fall, his characteristic energy fading in an instant. She held him close to her chest, crying onto his shoulder as they sank to the floor.
Elizabeth had herself, Dr Beckett and a medical team beamed directly to the room by the Daedalus. She immediately moved to Katie's side, gently pulling her away from Rodney to let the medical team in. It was futile, Rodney had been as precise as ever.
Katie sobbed into Elizabeth's shoulder, unable to look behind her. "He p...p...promised me..."
"Shh... I know..." Replied Elizabeth through her own suppressed sobs. She could not say the normal comforting things, the gentle lies everyone said on such an occasion, they wouldn't come out. 'It's okay...' No, without their best scientist, and without their loyal friend, nothing would be okay again.