Yes, 'tis true. I have decided to hop on the authoress bandwagon and do a Lily/James fic. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it anyway, despite its overdone-ness by many other fanficthors. If any of the characters are OOC I'm sorry… just tell me and I'll see if I can (or even want to) fix them, but be warned: just because you tell me they're OOC, or if they even are OOC (in some cases people have been known to be wrong, so sue me), it doesn't mean I'll change them. I may happen to like them OOC. But I'll see what I can do, just because I love you all.
Warning: This fic is not suitable for children under thirteen, government officials, prudes, Mpalo (Sorry Mpalo, go eat somewhere else ;D) and people prone to heart failure.
May Contain: Naked things, graphic oatmeal and compromising photos of your sister.
So…: Grab some popcorn and a drink, a pony and a sponge (for luck) and read on!
Dedication: To my first beta (hehe and wife ;D), Mocha-Java Boost for inspiring me and spending those long talks online talking about Padfoot and his… erm… character (pssh, yea right, we were talking about… well, let's just say more than his character ::grins wickedly::). To my second (but still extremely important!!) beta Milla for just being completely awesome and helping me out with this. And to Niobe and Tony, because they amuse me, and to Mildetryth because she's just cool like that.
Disclaimer: 'tis not mine. Haha! Foiled again, evil lawyer people!
Chasing Lily
Chapter One: You Cloned Me?!
"So Prongsie, get any hot birds over the summer?" Sirius Black, one of the four infamous Marauders, asked his best mate James Potter, also known as Prongs, as they boarded the Hogwart's Express.
It was finally the time to go back to school, and they were both, surprisingly for some, looking forward to it – the Marauder's sixth year. In other words; their second to last chance to wreak havoc and maim unsuspecting Slytherins without being in legal trouble!
James' only response was a broad grin and a sidelong wink. Of course James Potter got the girl; who wouldn't want to shag him? Other than Lily Evans, soul sex Goddess of James' dreams, of course. Shame she didn't want him back, though much to the amusement of onlookers.
The pair had just found a compartment where they sat down when the door opened and revealed the rest of them Marauders; Remus 'Moony' Lupin, and Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew. After much girlish squealing on Sirius' part and giant bear hugs from James, the group settled and got comfortable for the customary long train ride back.
"So Moony how was your holiday?" James questioned, popping a chocolate frog into his mouth.
"Ten galleons says it has something to do with books." Sirius muttered, so only James could hear him.
"You're on." James agreed, not bothering to swallow his chocolate before doing so.
Unaware of his friend's bet, Remus grinned openly. "I renewed the spells on my… 'transformation' room – it's soundproof now, and stronger."
The rest of the boys smiled in honest happiness for him, well, minus Peter who was busy trying to gnaw on a band that was on his wrist, and no one noticed the discreet smirk James flashed Sirius. Brow furrowed, Sirius cleared his throat. "'Nything else, Moony? Or did that take you all summer?"
"Well, I saw that Muggle girl Sarah… so it was good." Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Ha! Padfoot, you owe me money!"
"Buggar."
Then Remus' eyes lit up, "Oh, and I got this great new series, 'How to spot a Magical Maladie: The Differences between their Muggle Counterparts'; it covers things like Chicken pox and Dragon pox and how to tell which is which. Seven books in the series!"
Sirius smirked as James handed back the money that he'd almost won. "Never come between a Moony and his books; lesson number twenty-four."
"Yea well, you could use the money Pads; Andy isn't exactly a rich heiress anymore." James grinned and handed over his own ten galleons.
"Not since she married that Muggle what's-his-name Tonks anyway."
"You live with them and you don't know his name?" James quirked an eyebrow at Sirius, who shrugged nonchalantly at the question.
"Were you two betting on me?"
The conversation was halted as both boys caught sight of Remus' narrowed eyes. It was a bad idea to anger a werewolf; especially since the last full moon was only two days ago. The only way out? Lie.
"Erm… no?"
Remus shot them a suspicious glare before disappearing behind the fourth volume of his new series.
"Remus?"
Groaning, Remus set down his book and looked at Peter, who had stopped trying to bite at his wristband. "Yes, Pete?"
"Don't you have Prefect duties?" With that settled, Peter went back to chewing at his wrist; it appeared that he was attempting to take it off. Why he was doing it that way, and not simply cutting it off was a mystery, but no one bothered to correct him.
To everyone's surprise, Remus swore; Remus never swore, he was the calm one; the anchor – he didn't swear, rather he berated Sirius for swearing. "Buggar! I was meant to be preparing the new fifth year Prefects with Lily!"
James raised an eyebrow, something he had taken to over the summer, "Moony!" He admonished, "Since when have you been a foul mouth? Pads we all know and expect–"
"Hey, I'm sitting right here!" Sirius cried, with much limb flailing.
"–but you?" James shook his head in mock disappointment, ignoring Sirius' evil eye and waving hands, "What can I say? We're converting you."
Remus rolled his eyes as he carefully packed away his book. "Drama Queen." He muttered, leaving his friends alone in the compartment.
"Oi! Moony, it's Drama King! King! No 'Queen' whatsoever!" James called out with a desperate edge in his voice to his retreating friend.
"Awww is ickle Prongsiekins having gender problems?" Sirius snickered, his eyes never leaving James' face as he waited for a reaction.
James merely blinked, all thoughts of 'King!' out of his mind. "Padfoot, since when do you know what the word 'gender' means?"
"Erm…"
"Have you been reading Moony's dictionary again?" James' eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Whistling innocently, Sirius kicked Peter, who'd fallen asleep in the short amount of time and was dribbling slightly, who fell off his seat with a loud shriek as he awoke to find himself on the cold, hard ground staring into James' concerned face. "Aww, I'm sorry Wormy, mate, did I just kick you?"
"Sirius, don't be a twat." James glared at Sirius' all-too-innocent expression, "You knew Peter was sleeping and you purposefully tried to–"
"It's fine, James," Peter mumbled miserably as he wiped his dirty blonde hair out of his pudgy face and continued gnawing at his wristband where he'd left off previously, "I should have been awake anyway."
"See?" Sirius crowed gleefully, "I did him a favour."
James muttered darkly about 'Marauder's code' before helping Peter up and into the seat net to him, offering him a pumpkin pastie which Peter readily accepted. "So, why are you so tired, Pete?"
Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Peter swallowed the last of the pastie in one big gulp. "I had some last minute… stuff to do before I got back."
As if sensing his discomfort, James offered him another sweet and dropped the subject.
"Pass the chicken, Prongsie." Sirius looked expectantly at James who was staring at something further down the table. "Oi, thickhead, the chicken is getting cold!" He poked James, who had yet to respond. Deciding to try a different approach, Sirius slung his arm around James' neck, effectively catching his eye. "Lovely night, eh mate?" To really get through, Sirius batted his long eyelashes.
"Erm… yea?" James eyed Sirius suspiciously and was wondering where this was leading and why the bloody hell Sirius had his arm around him. Honestly, the year had barely begun but after tonight James was sure there was going to be some rumour about his sexuality.
"And you know what would make it better?" Again with the eyelashes.
"A llama?" Peter interjected, staring open mouthed at the two boy's closeness.
"A llama? What does that have to do with anything?" Glaring at Wormtail once more, Sirius huffed and leaned closer to James, who had started to edge away as far as he could with Sirius' arm around him. "No," he whispered, staring straight into James' hazel eyes, "Chicken."
"Chicken?" James rolled his eyes and finally shrugged off Sirius' limb, "Honestly, you're as bad as Wormtail; chicken! What does that have to do with anything?"
"Because, my little wanker, chicken tastes yummy and if you'd only pass the bloody plate I'd be able to try it and see for myself!" Sirius sniffed, drooling slightly as he stared at the platter piled high with roast chicken legs, wings and thighs.
"I still say a llama would have made the night better." Peter grumbled as he watched James pass Sirius the plate, who was drooling harder as the plate came into view.
"Honestly Padfoot, quite drooling; the Giant Squid will be jealous." Remus muttered through his mouthful of potatoes. His head had disappeared behind his book and he was eating as he read. How he managed to eat, read and berate Sirius all at the same time was beyond James.
A rare silence overtook the friends… well, except for Sirius' noisy eating habits, Remus turning a new page, Peter licking the cutlery and James… staring at his peas.
"Hullo Remus, how was your holiday?"
Three Marauders turned to look up as Lily Evans and her friends Alice Anderson and Michelle Harrison came and stood behind Remus, who was the only one who hadn't noticed the three girl's arrival. James stared at Lily's friends, trying to see what their reaction to his presence was.
Michelle, also known as Michi, was pretty well known through out the house. Her auburn hair was wavy where it ended at her shoulders and her blue eyes were nearly always filled with mischief. She was not known for her sanity, nor for her wise comments; she could have been the female version of Sirius if she hadn't befriended Lily first.
Alice was another story all together. Her pale blonde hair curled into little ringlettes that lasted until her collarbone and she almost always had it tied into a ponytail with an apple-red ribbon. She was slightly plump and her brown eyes weren't as expressive as her friends', but she was the nicest of the three and by far the most patient.
James swore she'd have made it better in Hufflepuff. How the three of them were compatible, he'd never know; they were all extremely different.
"James Potter if you don't quit eyeing my boobs there'll be hell to pay!"
Michelle's sudden screech cut through his musings. Glaring at her defiantly, he thrust his chin into the air. "I was not staring at your chest, Harrison."
"Liar, liar penis on fire! Her boobies are brill; you couldn't possibly not stare at them, Prongs!" Sirius clapped James heartily on his back, unaware that James currently wanted to claw at his throat.
Lily however, beat him to it. "Black, I believe the term is: 'Liar, liar pants on fire'." She rolled her eyes, "only you would think to involve penises."
"Pants on fire? Why would his pants be on fire?" Sirius was honestly confused.
"Why would his penis be on fire then?" Lily challenged.
Now they were treading in dangerous waters; everyone could sense it… except maybe Sirius. Lily's face was getting increasingly red; her fists were balling and unballing. James could only hope that Sirius didn't say anything too… Sirius-like. Then again, this was Sirius. The big kahoona himself; ponce extraordinaire.
Sirius winked at Lily, slung his arm around her neck, dragging her closer and murmured in an extremely husky voice "You want me to show you, bébé?"
He was either incredibly brave, or the biggest prat in Hogwarts' history. James, and several others, was willing to bet big money on the latter.
"Lily? Might I ask why Sirius looks comfortable leaning on you?" Remus may have just saved Sirius' life. Moony, seeing Sirius' smug grin and James' discomfort turned to Lily again in horror. "Lily, please tell me you aren't Sirius' newest… plaything."
Or he may have condemned him. Either way, everyone else was in for an interesting show.
Michi evidently saw this as she winked at James and temporarily forgot the whole 'boob' incident.
Pinching Sirius hard enough to draw blood, and pushing him off of her, Lily took a deep, calming breath.
… Unfortunately, it did not work…
"I am not, nor will ever be, one of Sirius'… tarts!" Her loud voice carried, causing several girls at all the tables to blush and cover their heads and others to wink unabashedly at him with seductive smiles. "If you had been paying attention to the whole… situation, Remus, this would never have happened!" Lily resisted the urge to stomp her foot.
"How is this my fault?" Remus questioned, hurt evident in his eyes. His expression must have calmed Lily because her face returned to its normally pale complexion and she sighed.
"I'm sorry Remus, it's just you know how Potter and Black get to me; they're the biggest prats I know!"
Sirius evidently didn't care she was calling him a prat, but James dropped his fork in surprise, "Me? What did I do?! I haven't even spoken to you yet!"
"You don't have to do anything. Simply your existence irks me." Lily sniffed, eyeing James as though he were an insect.
"Irk? Isn't that some sort of gazelle?" Sirius' eyes lit up, "Are you saying that James turns you into a gazelle because that's perfect! You're a gazelle, James is a– ow! Prongs, what was that for? I was telling Lily that you two are perfect for each other and that you will have lots of Prongslettes because she's a gazelle and you're a– ow! Stop kicking me, you twat!" Sirius glared, rubbing his shin from under the table where James had kicked him repeatedly.
"Well, maybe if you weren't such a prat then I wouldn't have to!"
"Excuse me, I'd hate to interrupt your little love-fest–" Lily began.
"We are not gay! No love-fest!"
"–but I'm not a gazelle, nor will I ever bear James' children! Get that idiotic notion out of your heads before I smack it out of you. And Sirius, you dipstick, I think you mean elk – which isn't a gazelle. Irk means to annoy, your soul existence on this planet." she glared.
Michelle raised an eyebrow, "Elk, irk, same difference. And now that you mention it," she tilted her head to the side and inspected Lily, "you do sort of look like a gazelle." She shrugged, shooting a sympathetic grin at Lily's horror-struck face, "but its ok, Lil; I like gazelles!"
"Michi! Who's side are you on? You're my friend!" Lily shrieked, turning to Alice for support only to find her chatting amiably with Peter.
Shrugging again, Michelle grabbed a roll out of Sirius' hands and took a bite out of it. "I'm on whoever-amuses-me-most's side, and today it's Peter." She pointed at the small boy who had begun to attempt to eat Alice's hair, much to her displeasure. "He's weird. And he smells like mushrooms."
Letting out a squeal of annoyance, Lily turned on her heel and stomped off, calling over her shoulder, "And I do not look like a gazelle!"
"Yes she does," Michi nodded wisely, "And her sister looks like a horse. Must be a family thing."
"Well, now that that's over, I'm bored. Anyone up for a quickie? Harrison?" Sirius turned to said girl who had returned to eating the roll.
"Me? Why me?" she inquired, taking another bite of the roll.
"Because you stole my roll– ooh rhymes!– so it's only fair. A roll for a shag." His only reply was getting a roll thrown at his face. Wiping the butter off his forehead, he shouted after her retreating form as she dragged Alice away, "You should be honored I even want to shag you! I am a Sex God!" This statement caused three third year girls sitting nearby to giggle and turn away from the Marauder.
"Face it Pads, she's gone." James gave Sirius a sympathetic pat.
"Oh, but she wants me. So badly. Just the thought of me creates a party in her panties!" He ducked just in time as two rolls and a fork were thrown at his head.
"You know what I'm thinking?" James murmured as he lay, clad in only his tartan boxers, on his bed, playing with a very beat-up stuffed bunny. The boys were in their room now, having just come back from the Great Hall.
Remus was reading… again, Sirius was reading a magazine; probably one filled with naked girls – in which case there was probably no reading involved, and Peter was… well, no one was quite sure exactly what he was doing (he was laying on his side, thus whatever he was fiddling with was out of site).
"You were actually thinking?" Remus questioned, not looking up from his book.
"Of course he was thinking, Moony! He was thinking abut how firm Angel's breasts look… mm I'll have a bite of that!" Sirius whispered, bringing the magazine closer to his eyes.
"Sirius you tosser, no one wants to hear your pornographic thoughts! And har-bloody-har, Moony! Of course I was thinking! What, don't you think I'm capable of such a Moony-esque feat?" James laughed, making his raggedy bunny hop on the blanket beside him, its ears flopping limply with each 'hop'.
Remus finally put down his book, "Erm… James? Was that a rhetorical question because–"
"Mm Angel, you naughty picture, you! Come to Paddy, baby!"
Remus and James looked at each other in horror before glancing over at Sirius' bed where he was apparently… kissing a picture. The wanker.
Getting up and moving over to James, Remus grabbed the stuffed animal and threw it at Sirius' head where it hit with a soft thump. "Stop wanking, Sirius!"
"Oi! That was my head, you wiener, and for the record, before you go all 'wienering' on me, I was not touching my wiener!" Sirius half-yelled, throwing the rabbit on the floor unceremoniously.
"Stop using the word 'wiener'!" But the conversation stopped as James shrieked and dropped to the edge of the bed, clutching the raggedy stuffed bunny to his breast and wailing.
"Nooo! Not Mr. BunBuns!" He wailed, flailing his free arm dramatically while the other clutched 'Mr. BunBuns' protectively, "Why is it always the innocent? Why?!"
Sirius shook his head pathetically at him as Remus looked from one to the other, an odd expression on his face. "Erm… Sirius? Why is James holding onto a dirty sock like it's worth a thousand galleons?"
Opening his mouth with a shocked expression, Sirius took a step back, "You shouldn't have done that, mate."
"Done what?"
"MR. BUNBUNS IS NOT A DIRTY SOCK! AND IN MY MIND, HE'S WORTH A MILLION GALLEONS!"
"That." Sirius whispered, nodding at the now-hysterical James who was cooing at 'Mr. BunBuns' and muttering things like, 'it's going to be ok,' and 'he didn't really mean it!'
Brow furrowed, Remus ignored James and went back to his bed. "How is it that I've known James for six years and never met … Mr. BunBuns?"
"James probably snuck him out; his mum has been stealing the thing for years, trying to get rid of it and wean him off it. I'm surprised he managed to keep him this year." Sirius murmured thoughtfully.
Remus quirked an eyebrow, "So how do you know of the damned thing?"
"Oh, I tried to eat him once." Sirius smiled happily, as though that explained everything. Remus rolled his eyes but did not comment further, deciding that for the sake of his sanity, he did not want to know.
James got up and walked over to Remus stiffly, holding Mr. BunBuns out. "Remus, I think you should apologize to Mr. BunBuns – you really hurt his feelings."
"Are you serious?"
With an incredibly fake laugh, Sirius jumped on top of Remus, squishing his head, "No you tit, I'm Sirius! Ha, ha… ha." He cleared his throat, roughly pushing Remus' head back down when he'd tried to get up and shake Sirius off him. Turning to the rabbit solemnly, Sirius sighed with mock regret, "We are truly sorry Mr. BunBuns; it will never happen again."
Apparently satisfied, James nodded and went back to his bed, placing his beloved bunny on the pillow gently. "'pology accepted, Moony."
Pushing Sirius off him, Remus finally got up. "This has gone on too far! I am not going along with such ludicrousy this time, Padfoot!" He glowered, snapping at Sirius who'd begun to mouth the words 'shut up'. "In my first year, you died my hair green, second, you pantsed me, third year, you told Professor McGonagall that I fancied her–"
"Oh yea, and old Minnie bought it – good times, good times. Awkward for about six months afterward, but good times none-the-less." Sirius grinned to himself.
"FOURTH YEAR," Remus bellowed, attempting to speak over Sirius' interruption, "You burnt half the books in the library and said it was my 'temper' – thank God they were able to be fixed – and last year," he paused for breath, "last year you told Marlene Winters I said she looked like a man, knowing that I fancied her, but this time you've gone too far! I, Remus John Lupin, will not apologize to a dirty sock!"
"MR. BUNBUNS IS NOT A DIRTY SOCK!" James yelled, as he grabbed said rabbit from his pillow and held it lovingly.
Sighing, Remus took out his wand, ignoring Sirius' cautious, "whatcha doin' with that Moony?" and advanced on James, "I'm sorry Prongs, but this is for your own good. If your own mum can't wean you off it, I can certainly try." He raised his wand higher, seeing past James' horrified look to the slightly demonic-looking rabbit one.
"Moony, no!" Sirius cried… and tackled him, but not fast enough to stop Remus.
"Repli–" he muttered, just as his best mate's body collided with his, jerking his wand arm, "-ka" he squeaked as he fell to the floor, Sirius on top of him for the second time that night. 'It had better not become a daily occurrence' was the only thing Remus thought before–
"Padfoot, you pillock! What was that for? I missed and used a completely different spell!" He kicked Sirius hard, "Replika? What kind of a spell is ReplikaNow how will James get over his childhood playthings?"
"Mate," Sirius whispered breathlessly, "I think James has bigger problems now."
"Oh yes, like what – a bruised ego?" The werewolf snapped, brushing off his shoulder as he stood up.
"No," He pointed at James now, "like that."
Rolling his eyes, Remus finally looked up. "Awww did I ruin ickle Prongsie's – bloody hell!" For the second time that day, Remus swore.
There, standing before them, were a pair of James Potters. Yes, pair as in two; a couple; twins; clones; mirror images; duplicates! "Yes Sirius, I do believe you're right." Remus was uttering a phrase he'd thought he'd never say, in a tone much like Sirius' as he regarded the twins who were staring at each other in utmost shock. "James has much, much bigger problems now."
"Remus, you baboon, what did you do?" A James shrieked, most presumably the original, "Bloody hell, you cloned me?!"
A/N Woot, Woot! This chapter was more of an introduction than anything but I hope you enjoyed it. Yes, 'tis long. I'm going to try and make all my chapters around this length so enjoy! You know, if you review, you get a brownie. A giant cyber brownie – the best kind! I'd just like to see what everyone thought of it so far… mmkay? Love you all.
Oh yes. Must thank my lovely betas for the beta'ing for me! Thanks guys, I love you both. Hehe, my wife and my cousin, people! Sorta like a family business, I guess. Woa, never thought about it that way before O.O
Oh, and I'd like to point out that the each chapter will be dedicated to the first reviewer of the previous one. So… next chapter will be dedicated to the first reviewer of this one :D
… Kinda makes you want to review now, doesn't it? I thought so too.
Oh, and for future references, my updates will be 'out of wack'. I update when I get the urge to... I'm a procrastinator at heart, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for it... And sorry if this chapter was kind of weird.. I wrote it awhile ago, meaning to post it and... well, it's just odd. Let's leave it at that. Sorry for the long-ass authors note... Heh, I'm just sorry for alot of things, now, aren't I?
xox Caramel