I'll Wear Your Ring
Day 1
When they'd told me that your plane had crashed, I thought nothing of it. I knew how smart, brave and cunning you were. I knew you'd find your way out of this and back home to me. By hook or by crook, you would come home.
You promised to come home to me.
Day 6
When they told me that they found your wedding ring and your wand in the debris, I thought nothing of it. Despite the two items being your most prized possessions, I knew you had your reasons. Maybe some debris would have fallen on you. Maybe someone stole them from you. Maybe you had to leave them behind in order to survive.
You always had a plan.
Day 8
When they told me they had found your body, I didn't believe it. The body was barely recognizable. It was burnt, mutilated, and twisted, how could they be sure it was yours? Someone on the plane must have looked like you. Had on the same clothes as you. Because you couldn't just die like that.
You couldn't just die.
Day 10
When the autopsy report confirmed your remains, I didn't do anything. I was too shocked to. The report said that you had been attacked from behind. That you had been protecting something, maybe someone. They said something hit you and then exploded. I did away with the details, I could do with not knowing how it happened. But of course it happened when you were trying to save someone.
You always had to save someone.
Day 17
When they brought home your body, I wasn't at the airport. I gave your parents the honor of welcoming you home. But in reality, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't muster up enough courage to see that my wife – my beautiful wife—was inside a wooden box. And I couldn't do anything to make her leave it.
You were just…gone.
Day 23
When I went to your home, I couldn't breathe. The last time we were here, I asked for your hand in marriage, and now I wanted nothing more to have your hand in mine. The house filled with whispers the moment I stepped in. I saw nothing of you but a picture, sitting beside a silver container. I did not want to think the word, much less say it. It would make things too real.
I wish you were here to hold my hand.
Day 27
When I woke up on the day of your funeral, I didn't want to wake up for the 27th day in the row. I had no idea why we had to go through all of this. There is nothing to bury. But I put on my best suit, because if you were here you would have told me to.
I wish you could see me attempting to tie my own tie.
Day 27
When I attended your funeral, they let me carry you up the hill. Your parents opened the container, took one handful each of what was inside and let you fly. Then they told me I could have whatever was left, and do with it whatever I wanted. They also gave me your ring. I let them keep the wand.
I took you home that day.
Day 34
When I still woke up a week after the funeral, I wondered why I was being punished. Everyday without you by my side was torture. I didn't want to do anything other than wait for the day I can see you again. I know I could speed that up, but you wouldn't be happy about it. So on that seventh day, I instead decided to have you by my side always. A reminder of why I still march on.
Your ring stayed on my right hand for a while.
Day 69
Sometimes I wake up in cold sweat, and stay up for hours wondering if what you had told me was true. That you and me were doomed from the very beginning.
I hope I'd died instead of you.
Day 83
I finally did something with whatever was inside the container. I planted a tree on the hill that you loved as a child.
You had to stay on earth in some way.
Day 105
I could never wrap my head around the fact that you were taken away from me in the blink of an eye. Death came like a bandit and ruined everything.
I still wish you were really here.
Day 232
I wrote you a letter today. I left it at your tree. I said some things that I never had the chance to tell you. I said some things that I tell you everyday.
I wish you could read it.
Day 310
I still dream about you. In my dreams you almost take my hand, but I wake up just before our skin could touch. Maybe the time we had was all the time we could have. If I had known, I woulld have saved up my minutes with you.
If only I'd known how to keep you alive.
Day 355
When I woke up nearly a year later, nothing has changed. I still miss you. I still toss and turn when I sleep. I still need you. I still wish that you were here. I still wait for the day that we could be together.
Your ring reminds me why I'm still here.
Day 365
When I woke up one year later, it still feels like the longest nightmare of my life. I'm not sure that this nightmare will ever be over. But today, I made some tea. Today, I decided to wear something nice. With tea in one hand, flowers in the other, I went to your tree today. I lay back, breathing.
And you're still gone.
Day 441
No one tells you how long it'll take for you to move on. No one also tells you how long it would take for the grief to settle in. Today, I caught a whiff of your perfume when I accidentally opened your closet.
And for the first time, I cried.
Day 500
No one tells you how long it'll take for you to move on.
When I woke up today, I forgot for a minute that you were gone. But the moment it all came back to me, I am reminded that you could be in a much better place.
Your ring is still on my right hand.
This fic was inspired by Trixie Mattel's I'll Wear Your Ring. Thanks for reading!