Disclaimer- I DON'T own dan or phil and this is all fictional.

This may also trigger!

Dans P.O.V

People say life is like a roller coaster it has it's ups and downs but right now to me all there is are drops, long and never ending, on a constant loop, just like my life which is just one massive hell hole.

It wasn't always like this, before the accident happened. It should've been me that died that day not him, not my brother jack. He died trying to save me when he could've saved himself, but he didn't he came back for me, he died because of me. I miss him. I miss the way we used to argue and the way he used to cheat at video games, then denying he cheated.

-flashback-

'I hate you so much' he shouted at me, a hint of a smile playing with his lips.

'Hate you too' I smiled at him. He glared at me and broke into a smile. He groaned and turned to stomp away to his room. The door slammed behind him and I chuckled to myself.

This was our daily routine. Jack would start a fight about the stupidest things, I'd pretend to react, let him beat me up and then we would tell each other we hated the other, even though we both knew it wasn't true. But for the last couple of weeks, he hasn't been home that much. That's right, I said let him beat me up. Truth is, I've been able to beat him up for a while now. You see every time me and jack fight he would always beat me, All that fencing and working out at the gym with Jack really paid off (Though it hasn't been kind to Jack) I work at the gym now much to my mums and brother's dislike, (they think if I get enough money I'd get on a train and leave them.) I let Jack beat me up because I like seeing how happy it makes him when I'm in pain. As crazy as it sounds I would rather face my worse fear than see my brother unhappy.

I opened the door of the lounge and walked straight to my room. Everybody was going out tonight, leaving me on my own for the evening so I turned my laptop on and decided to scroll through my twitter and tumblr pages.

I woke up due to immense amounts if smoke seeping through my bedroom door. I sat up and realised that I fell asleep at my desk and that the house was on fire! I got up and realised The fire alarm hadn't gone off and everyone would still be asleep. I grabbed quilt quickly and wrapped it around myself so I wouldn't catch any flames as attempted to walk down the hall to get everybody out.

I opened the door to find entire hallway covered in flames. I walked towards jacks bedroom clutching onto my quilt as though it was my life line

"Jack!" I called he would hear me

"What do you want dan?" He called back at me, I heard his footsteps walk over towards the door and open it.

"THE HOUSE IS ON FUCKING FIRE IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED!" Now really isn't the time for him to joke around

"Dude calm the fuck down! You freaking out wont help us here! Get mum and dad up NOW! And get them out of the house fast" I did as I was told and I practically ran towards their room. Banging and screaming at their door for them to wake up.

"Daniel what is the meaning of... OH MY GOD DAVE GET UP NOW THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" She screamed as she opened her bedroom door.

"Dan don't just stand there! Get out of the house now! Get your brother as well and get out of the house now! GO!" I did as I was told and ran back towards jacks room to drag him out with me. He wasn't there when I arrived at his bedroom door, he was now safe outside along with my parents who had just made it out of the flaming house. I ran towards the stairs dodging the roaring flames as I did. Tripping over my own feet I fell down the flight of burning stairs, falling into darkness as I landed head first. This is it. I'm going to die right here right now. As I fell further into unconsciousness.

~flashback end~

That's all I could remember from that night. I thought I was as good as dead that night in the fire, if it wasn't for jack I would be dead. I owe him so much for saving my life and there is nothing I can do to repay him. He's dead. He died saving me, he ran back into the house trying to find me and get me out, once he did he picked my unconscious body up and carried towards the door, where my was dad standing with his arms open to receive me. As jack quickly placed me into my dads arms, my dad quickly fled from the doorway so jack could get out. But it was too late. He wasn't quick enough. The floor above him collapsed and crushed him, killing him instantly. I lost not only my brother that day but my best friend, he was like a best friend to me and I lost him. My mum blames herself for his death, she left her cigarette lit on the sofa, causing it to set the sofa on fire. She's so over come with grief and guilt I can hardly recognise her anymore. She is wrong though, I'm reason he's dead if he hadn't of came back for me he wouldn't of died and mum wouldn't be like this. This was two years ago, something I will never forget.

I don't have any friends anymore because all I ever did was push them away when all they wanted to do was help me, they gave up on trying to help me they thought I was a 'lost cause' they might be right there.

Phil's P.O.V

I took a deep breath before opening my front door. I was overwhelmed with the smell of alcohol that hit me as soon as I stepped in.

'PHIL?' I heard my fathers drunken voice coming from the kitchen, 'IS THAT YOU?' he shouted

I quietly made my way in the kitchen.

'Yeah it's me, dad' I said quietly but just loud enough for her to hear it

'Where have you been?' He shouted at me, slapping me across the cheek sending me to the floor,

'I just went for a walk' I whimpered holding my cheek, 'That's a lie! Don't think I can't tell when you're lying! You were with HIM again! Leaving me alone with your sick mother! you selfish bastard! you know how ill she!' He shouted kicking me in the ribs repeatedly. I let out a sharp cry of pain as he kicked me in the back of the head.

'Please stop you know i don't gave a choice' I whimpered. He ignored me and pulled me up by my hair. I let out a sharp cry of pair as she punched me in my stomach. He grabbed my hair and threw me against the wall. I hit my head as I fell to the floor.

'Get out of my sight' he hissed at me. I tried to get up but I just fell against the floor again. He stormed over to me kicked me in the shin once more, 'DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF MY SIGHT?' he screamed at me

'I can't...'I whimpered, '...get up' I managed to say as I was struggling to stand up.

'Well, let me help you' he said sarcastically. He picked me up by my hair and dragged me to my room. He kicked my door open and threw me in.

'I'm so glad you go HIM somebody should you a lesson since I obviously can't' he shouted at me before slamming the door. l stayed laying on the floor of my bedroom, not being able to drag myself to the bed. It's days like this I just want to walk away, pack my bags and watch my dads shadow fade in the distance. I drifted off to sleep but was soon wakened by the loud murmuring of my mother in the other room. Who was she talking to? I asked myself. I listened to her talking.

'Hey, Mate' my father Greeted. Oh no. Not HIM. I can't deal with him right now. I listened to the conversation. 'He being selfish again' my father sighed at him; 'can you go and teach him a lesson?' I didn't hear anything after that until I heard someone's footsteps heading toward my door. I immediately panicked. I tried to stand up but I couldn't. My door swung open revealing HIM, my worst nightmare. When HE was over here he would let HIM do anything he wanted to me. Sometimes when he was out, he would send him to 'babysit' me. HE walked towards me and crouched down to my level. 'Your father says you're being selfish again?' He asked, patronising me, 'He says I should teach you a lesson' HE said. HE leant down to my ear and whispered; 'we can have another special time, this time it will be extra special since you failed to show up today' I shivered,

'I don't-' I managed to get out, 'want-' I tried to get up but my ribs were hurting too much that whenever I tried I would just fall back down again.

'You don't want me?' HE asked, 'well, that's rude' he feigned being hurt, 'unfortunately for you, that's not your decision' he said. He grabbed me by my hair and threw me down on the bed. I yelled out in pain from my ribs. He started to rip off my clothes. I screamed and tried to fight him off, but I couldn't move with my probably broken ribs. It would be useless anyway. He started to rip of his clothes. I couldn't breathe as he put all his weight on me. I shut my eyes and waited for it to be over. Finally, I felt his weight lift off me. I opened my eyes and he was gone. I dragged myself into the bathroom not bringing myself to look in the mirror yet. I sat leaning against the bathtub thinking about what I had left. This had been going on for 2 years now and I was getting tired of the same routine. I couldn't think of anything I had. I had no friends, no family that would miss me. A soon as I came to that conclusion I reached up to my sink and grabbed my razor, and brought it to my wrist. I dragged it across, the blood starting emerging. I did it again, and again, and again. I kept slashing until I started to drift off to sleep with the razor still in my hand.

okay this is a re-write of my original story everything will get better I swear, I founds major flaws in the original so I decided to re write it, I hope this is better, please tell me in the reviews whatcha think :-)