Saying Goodbye

By: Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell

Lyrics: "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Oh oh oh oh

A green sweatshirt.

That was all she had left of him and she'd rather give up her life than release the cloth from her grasp. She'd been washing clothes and ran into it in the pile. She'd collapsed on the floor in tears. It was just too much!

He'd only been gone (and here) for a week. It was odd to her. The same green eyes pierced her every time her baby looked at her, but at the same time, she couldn't smile. How could she be happy knowing he died for her – for them?

It still smelled like him as she inhaled, wrinkling her nose slightly. She wanted it to be clean, but if it was it wouldn't smell like him anymore. He tears were scalding as they raced down her cheeks, hugging the shirt, shaking.

Upstairs, Baby Chris started crying. She tried to stand, but could find no strength. She heard footsteps stop at the door to the room, but not enter. She assumed it was Leo as the person headed upstairs.

Not five minutes later, her son's wails ceased. She turned around, resting her back against the washing machine, which was still filling with water. She thought for a moment before donning on the sweatshirt as she proceeded to throw the remaining articles in the wash, closing the lid, making adjustments and starting it before she walked away.

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

She walked into the sun room, taking comfort in the cloth protecting her arms. She wrapped her arms around herself as Leo walked down. "Piper?"

"Hm?" she asked, opening her eyes and receiving a comforting look from him.

"Where did you find that?" he asked as he sat beside her, running his hand along the fabric as if it was the most delicate silk that would rip if handled too roughly.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

"It was in the dirty clothes," she whispered. "It needs to be washed, but—"

"—if it's washed, you'll lose the smell. The same feeling," Leo answered.

She looked at him. "Leo, with all that's happened have I neglected him?"

"Neglected is a strong word, Piper," he answered, taking her hand as she leaned on his shoulder. "All of us are shaken up," he sighed. He could still see Chris's dying body lying on their bed, feel how powerless he was to prevent his own son's death, "and still grieving. I think you've handled it better than most of us."

"I shouldn't be," she answered. "I must seem cold or heartless for not acting like you did, Leo. He's my son and this cloth, this scent, is physically all I have left to hold onto. I shouldn't hold onto it though."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because it should be buried," she spoke rationally. "It's the closest thing to his body we have. Not having a funeral is…believable, seeing as we wouldn't be able to explain how or why he died."

"Or exactly who he was," Leo added.

She nodded, "But not burying something just seems…like it never happened and we know it did. Still though, I don't want to give this up. I can picture his face, those green eyes," she looked at Leo, "just like yours. This is connected to everything. He's still my baby and I can't lose him again."

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Leo sat up. "How about just the hood of the sweatshirt? That way you can keep it."

"It sounds like a crazy thing, to keep an article of clothing from him—"

"I don't think so," Leo said. "Whether he was from the future or not, he's still part of the family," he smiled as he stood up. "I'll be right back. Call your sisters. They should be in on this too."

She nodded, wiping her eyes as he Orbed out…

The next day

The Charmed Ones sat on the couch waiting Leo.

"This feels creepy," Phoebe said. "Ow!" she said as Paige elbowed her in the ribs. "What was that for?"

"He's our nephew, Phoebe!" Paige said. "Besides you still keep things of Cole's."

She sighed. "Pictures, but yeah I really need to get rid of those," she said.

"Stop it you two!" Piper yelled walking across the room. "This isn't about you! He was my son! And he died for us!" she raised her eyebrow. "Or have you forgotten that?" she said as tears ran down her cheeks.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

"Piper, we didn't mean to—"

"Forget it, Paige! Obviously, Leo and the boys and I will be the ones to do this," Piper said as she walked upstairs.

"What's wrong?" Leo asked as he walked into the room.

"Phoebe upset her," Paige said.

"I didn't try to!" Phoebe defended. "I only said that it felt creepy to keep that sweatshirt."

"When in reality," Paige said, "it isn't. He's her son and our nephew. She needs something to hold on to. You know, better than any of us, what he went through."

"I do, but—" Phoebe thought for a moment. "I guess its just shock. I didn't think I'd ever see stuff again."

"True," Leo answered. "And Piper hasn't dealt with his death – being preoccupied with the baby – so…"

Phoebe stood. "I'll go talk to her."

They nodded as she scaled the stairs.

Phoebe expected her sister to be in the nursery, but she wasn't. Chris was asleep and Wyatt was sitting up playing with stuffed animals. He looked her way and smiled. She smiled back as she walked over to her sister's room.

The door was slightly ajar and Phoebe walked in. Piper was sitting on her bed, facing the window, her legs hanging off the edge. Phoebe could hear her softly crying and it broke her heart to know that she was the one to make her sister cry.

She reached the bed and Piper seemed to know someone was there because she wiped her eyes and Phoebe walked around the edge to sit beside her.

Phoebe wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to be right – that it did seem ridiculous to keep it – but knew she wasn't. "Piper," she spoke resting her hand on top of hers, noticing it was shaking. Piper looked at her with so much resentment and hate, Phoebe almost wanted to get up and leave, but the pain that was still within her own heart reached out, making her want to stay and help.

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding me hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

Unfortunately, Piper's emotions had too much of a hold on her because the next thing Phoebe knew, she was on the floor. Piper was still coming to terms with it, so Phoebe turned to face her, never leaving the floor and let some of her pain go.

Through her tears, Phoebe saw Piper's expression turn from worse to agonizing as her tears spilled from her eyes and down her face as she sat farther back on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest.

Piper's mind was whirling. Until now, she hadn't had the time or energy to process it. He was gone, died because they were powerless to stop Gideon. He'd done whatever he had to save Wyatt and protect their family, his family. She'd been clueless – they all had – as to who he really was for so long, even though it'd been staring her in the face for how many months.

She pulled her knees in closer, resting her chin in between, bawling hysterically as she remembered when she's kicked him out. She thought the secrets he kept were harmful, and they were, but to him they were even harder to admit. He was terrified if he said anything about what happened to her history would repeat itself.

Only time would tell she supposed…

Phoebe, meanwhile, sat silent while her sister mourned. It wasn't that she'd come to terms in a week (she knew it'd take much longer than that) it was that this was her sister coming to terms with something no mother should ever have to face. And she wanted to get up and hug her, but didn't know if it was the right time yet.

Something in her heart gave her the strength to get up and sit beside Piper and offer her open arms, though she didn't know exactly what it was. She waited to see it Piper noticed her, but Phoebe knew she wouldn't. She was too lost in grief. Finally, Phoebe could take it no longer without breaking down herself and sat right beside Piper, wrapping her arms tightly around her and her older sister's head rested against her shoulder as she shook with uncontrollable sobs.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

The two sisters sat like that for a while. Piper's head had moved to rest on Phoebe's shoulder and Phoebe's rested on hers.

"Ph—Phoebe?" Piper spoke with her voice raw from crying so hard that it was barely a whisper. "You're here with me?"

Phoebe pulled her head up from her sister's shoulder. "You thought it would be someone else?" she asked as Piper's red puffy eyes met her own, as she wiped her nose with the sleeve.

Piper shook her head. "He was—was m—my b—baby and n—now he's—" she couldn't even finish her sentence. Admitting who he was made her feel even worse as tears overtook her again.

"Piper, he's still here—"

"No, he's not!" she said. "The one here isn't even a month old…"

"He wanted to protect us and that's what he did," Phoebe said tightening her hold. "And I had no right to criticize you for wanting to hold on to someone whose still very close to all of us," Piper's eyes met hers. "I'm sorry. I guess part of me thinks that if I act like it never happened it'll go away, but I know I can't do that."

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

"You were the first to figure out who he really was," Piper said. "You didn't admonish him by kicking him out," she cried. "By saying you never wanted to see him again!"

"Piper, I'm sure he knows you didn't to," Phoebe tried to reassure her.

"I hope so," she said as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "Where do you think we should put it?"

"Put what?"

"The hood."

"I think you should decide, Piper."

An Hour Later

Piper stood, taking the hood of the sweatshirt from the drawer. "Piper, what are you doing?"

"What's right."

"What's right?" Phoebe asked confused. "I thought you said he deserved a proper burial."

Piper turned to her. "You're right."

"I—I am?" she asked.

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

Piper went over and grabbed the sewing kit from her desk drawer. "Piper, are you going to sew it back on or…?"

"No, go back downstairs and take the boys with you. I'll be down in a bit."

"Um, okay," she said walking out of the room.

About 30 minutes later

Piper walked down the stairs with a brightly colored package. She walked over and sat beside Chris. "Come here, baby," she cooed pulling him into her lap. "Mommy has something for you," she said moving the package into his lap.

"Piper, what are you doing?" Leo asked.

All she did was turn around and smile at him as Baby Chris ripped the paper off.

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Oh oh

They all gathered 'round and stared in shock. There was the hood of the sweatshirt and embroidered in thick gold thread said: "To Chris, we love you and will never forget you, Love Mommy, Daddy, Auntie Phoebe and Auntie Paige."

"I thought about it and decided that even though he wasn't here anymore, that doesn't mean we can't remember him through this," Piper said as Leo and her sisters hugged her.

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em oh

"And both of them will know we love them," Phoebe said.

Wyatt walked over to her. "You remember him, don't you Wyatt?" Piper asked.

He traced the letters with his fingers and smiled.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

"I'll take that as a yes," Paige said.

"And I think he likes it," Leo said as his son pulled it onto his head.

"A little big, but he'll grow into it," Phoebe said.

From the afterlife, Chris smiled, knowing no one would ever forget what he did no matter how many years passed.

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

THE END

Author's note: So what do you think?

Please R&R!

Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell