Title: Falling.
Fandom: K Project.
Characters: Yata Misaki, Fushimi Saruhiko. Blink and she'll disappear: Kushina Anna.
Rating: Pretty much G, I guess. Or PG if you think a M/M relationship should be PG.
Warnings: Again, english isn't my first language, BUT! This one was beta'd by my beautiful friend fio!
Summary: "Why didn't you call me?", asked Saruhiko one time without leaving his eyes from his book. Misaki didn't falter on his answer.
"Because you wouldn't have come. Would you?"
"No, I wouldn't have".
Notes: This is a Misaki centric fic, I didn't like many of the Misaki's centric fics I've read by far, so I tried writing mine. There's Sarumi too, so enjoy! (And although it wasn't the main source of inspiration, you should listen to Falling from Florence + The Machine while reading this. AND HAPPY SARUMI DAY!)
1.
If he could jump off from a cliff without getting hurt, Misaki would do it without thinking about it twice.
It's not just a skater thing. Well sure, it had a lot to do with the fact that he loved the wind on his face, the adrenaline and all the rush of emotions he felt while skating, but it was more than that.
To put it simple, you could say that Misaki really liked the feeling of falling.
Not in a literal way, of course, but in a figurative one. The feeling of being the one to jump first on things, the feeling of being the one to face things with courage, the feeling of living life to the fullest.
Getting into Homra was like jumping from the biggest cliff he had ever known and he still didn't regret a single bit of it. Not even for the true reason which made him jump. He didn't regret it, at all.
Falling made him feel alive.
2.
Of course it had to be the one for whom he jumped the one who made him crash.
At highschool, When people talked about them trying to understand how they managed to become friends, Misaki would start laughing out loudly. Saruhiko would raise an eyebrow, but Misaki would just talk about how stupid common people was and change the topic.
Deep inside him he could hear: "Well, we're not that much different after all".
Because it was the truth, they were actually really alike.
Both of them were temperamental, loved to play videogames, were full of dislike for the entire world and were too sensitive for their own sake.
Now, Saruhiko wasn't one to show his feelings, true, but Misaki became the one to be there whenever he decided to lower his own walls. Misaki even learned to understand when Saruhiko was willing to talk or when he didn't want to, so he'd just wait by his side spouting nonsense until the younger decided it was time to share what was bothering him. They had built a world in which they could be themselves to the fullest and that's what they liked the most of each other, the feeling of being free to be how they were.
But something happened in the way, something went wrong.
Misaki dragged Saruhiko to Homra the moment those strangers started to walk again, and the very moment they were asked to become part of the clan, Misaki didn't thought twice about jumping and did it. It took just one look to his side to know that Saruhiko would be there.
But then something did go wrong and Misaki found himself crashing to the ground for the first time in ages. It hurt, it hurt more than the last time and it actually changed all of his world.
There wasn't anyone by his side to help him to raise back again.
He cried and yelled and screamed because the pain was real and it made him fear. For the first time he was afraid of life and didn't want to be back on track, he didn't want to feel like this ever again.
But after opening his eyes again he found himself circled by a lot of persons.
"It will all be alright", said a voice and he believed in those words because he needed to hang onto something desperately.
They taught him how to smile again.
3.
He crashed back again when he saw him in that awful blue suit.
Oddly, the first thought that came to his mind was from a excursion they went with their class years ago and how they sneaked from all of them before the buses left the place, so they stayed the night in the forest, talking about how they could live here forever and haunt all the tourists and steal their food and so on.
Misaki was caught up on detailing how they could build a cabin for them in that forest when Saruhiko spoke.
"The sky really looks blue here".
He wanted to complain because dammit, he was busy talking and he wasn't hearing, but he turned to see the sky and found that it was true. The sky at Shizume city wasn't that blue, it was usually clouded and then the lights didn't make it possible to see it, not even the stars. But here in the middle of the forest he could see it, shining diamonds in an endless blue.
"I like that colour", Saruhiko admitted after a few seconds in silence.
"Me too", he replied honestly.
How mistaken he was.
(Or wasn't. Because he loves that colour, but he hates its meaning.)
(Or maybe he doesn't hate the meaning either)
(Navy blue is a sad colour after all)
(And Misaki's been a sad person for a while)
(You can't crash and be happy about it)
But going back to the blue suit, Misaki knew what he had to do.
He put his right foot on his skateboard and took impulse with his left one. The next second he was already engulfed in his red aura, yelling curses and throwing punches at his best friend. For making him crash. For making him sad. For making him blue.
He had to destroy the blue.
(Navy blue is a sad colour after all)
4.
It only made sense that the night Totsuka-san died was the bluest night he remembers living on Shizume.
He felt himself crashing again, but there weren't people around anymore to put him back on his feet again. And he needed people, because he felt too empty inside to have strenght to pull himself back on line, back on the cliff, back on being ready to jump again.
That night Misaki understood something, but he opted to cry himself to sleep rather than dwelling on it.
(He understood blue)
(He understood Saruhiko)
(He didn't want to crash again)
5.
There's a thing called resilience. Misaki learned it from Saruhiko when they were younger and they were studying for a vocabulary test, but he never imagined back then he'd become such a resilient person.
Back then he dreamt of getting a job just so he'd have the enough amount of money to buy a department to share with Saruhiko. They'd pass their days playing videogames and making true all of their plans about blowing up the school and building their cabin in the forest to see blue nights all the time (and to have where to hide the bodies, of course).
But nothing of that happened, his dream crashed.
Instead he started to dream of happy afternoons filled with his favourite music and the laughter of his favourite people, but that came to a crash too.
The difference was this time there wasn't anyone to pull him back on track.
He yelled and screamed and felt hot tears at the lid of his eyes, but Kusanagi-san yelled at him and he bit his lip. He felt bad with himself for behaving as if he was the centre of the world, but he needed all of them desperately, he needed Mikoto-san so desperately because he felt himself cracking and he felt so near to the ground and he needed someone and he missed Saruhiko so badly and…
"Misaki". Anna's voice cut all of his thoughts and the soft hug she gave him helped to slow down the fall.
But he fell anyway.
He didn't feel like getting back ever again.
Maybe he wasn't that resilient after all.
Maybe he wasn't made for jumping.
6.
It only made sense that the one to make him crash would be the one to pick him back again, piece by piece. And that he'd be the one to make him fall again and again.
Misaki tried, he really did, but he was too tired to fight back in the end, so he let the damn monkey to do as he pleased and he did go back into his life. Saruhiko would just come to his house with something for lunch, they would eat and then he'd just sit on the floor while he stayed on bed looking at the ceiling. He had already cried his share of tears (and they were a lot), but he still felt the loss of something as awesome and beautiful as Homra, so he didn't have the strenght enough to go back to live, but Saruhiko was here now, sitting on the floor and reading a book, here.
After four days of the same routine, Misaki started to believe that maybe, just maybe, he could do it again.
7.
"Why didn't you call me?", asked Saruhiko one time without leaving his eyes from his book. Misaki didn't falter on his answer.
"Because you wouldn't have come. Would you?"
"No, I wouldn't have", admitted the younger and turned around. Misaki finally found his courage again and looked at him in the eyes. "And how did you know that?"
"Because I made you crash, and although I was there I really wasn't".
"No, you weren't".
"So, if I had gone to you, you wouldn't have been there for me. It would have been like rubbing salt on a wound, I guess".
"Who would have ever thought you'd be capable of rational thinking, Misaki". The redhead frowned, but didn't say anything. Saruhiko was lowering his walls and he wouldn't mess up this time. "So, what would have happened if I never appeared?"
"I don't truly know".
"Yeah, I wasn't getting my hopes up that much about you being able to think". Now the older was ready to punch him in the face, but Saruhiko chuckled and that was just odd. "You really are a mess".
"Go and look into a fucking mirror before talking, bastard!"
His smile oddly felt like home.
8.
"Back then you didn't jump with me, did you?" That was the real question he was dying to ask him after he left Homra.
"Of course I didn't". His short and quick reply made him want to throw his chopsticks at his eyes and kill him on the spot, but Saruhiko spoke again. "I knew you wouldn't have jumped for me".
"Are you stupid?", asked Misaki, offended. "I jumped for the both of us!" The younger one was about to retort, but Misaki had enough and he cried right then to a surprised Saruhiko. "Because I thought you'd be there I had the strenght enough to crash for the both of us!"
Yelling that was like falling again. He felt a wave of relieve and freedom in every inch of his body and soul. Maybe he could do it again.
9.
"What if we jump together now?"
Misaki didn't have to hear that twice to know it was a confession.
10.
After all the denial, he learned how to embrace blue again.
And he jumped again while embracing it, laughing from relieve, laughing from happiness…
He was falling into love, after all.