DISCLAIMER: I do not own or wish to appear to be the owner of Weiss Kreuz or any merchandise relateded thereof.

AN: In case it was missed or overlooked I edited the last chapter of Beautiful a placed a lemon at the end of it. The first line of this chapter is taken from that lemon. I did this for all the readers who left either PMs or reviews with 'aw no lemon?' lol! If you did not read Beautiful you don't have to go back and read it for this to make sense to you, but I would love it if you did anyway! Happy reading hope you all like!

"I love you Yohji…you son of a bitch."

I have no earthly idea how he wrenched that out of me. Sure he had me on my back and yielding, but still…I am normally stronger than that. And to say it to someone who just told me he may or may not feel that way about me at a later date…God I was really not myself.

Despite what people say about me I am not the 'Ice Queen'. I am just a solitary and deeply internal person. But I hear what others say about me and though I am a master at keeping my face void of emotion…deep down it stings a little. I didn't intend to be this way. I didn't think that with my fierce desire to protect/avenge/save my sister that I would start to slowly fade from the world. It just so happened that was the easiest thing to do when in this profession. You didn't want to get close to someone; they ended up being a liability, always in the back of your mind as you fought, afraid they would notice your secrets in your eyes. It was even more important to stay to oneself once in a group like Weiss. If you started to care too deeply for your teammates then they tended to be in the front of your mind as you fought and they knew your secrets because they watched you commit your sin. This makes a normally conformed person so open and vulnerable and that can be dangerous in the end. So once I realized that would be the safest way to survive this life I just accepted it.

But as I said before I am not the 'Ice Queen', so human emotion seeps in anyway. I found that I liked when Omi asked me for help with his homework, though I have no idea why he thought I would understand any of his college courses. I was actually interested in Ken's stories about the kids he coached in soccer and I found I was silently rooting for the smaller ones and the ones having a rough go at it. Then, much to my chagrin, I slowly began to realize I was becoming jealous of all the women Yohji bragged about. Though, this was a foreign emotion for me, I instinctively knew what the sharp pains in my chest-my heart-meant. I am by no means unintelligent, but this I did not understand.

I have never been in a relationship before, but when I was younger I did have crushes. I have kissed a few girls and even a boy or two, but nothing serious. I remembered the things that attracted me to them. They seemed bright and were fairly cute, mature for their age and well spoken. I am no fool, Yohji is quite handsome and for the most part well spoken, but mature? Bright? I am not in anyway way, shape or form trying to imply that Yohji is dumb. Quite the opposite, he is much more intelligent than he wants the world to know. It is this act he puts on that makes me question his maturity. He goes out at all times of the night, comes back smelling of debauchery and grinning like he's the cat that just caught the mouse. According to his stories, most of the time he is. Never the less, this makes me question his brightness, for lack of a better term.

So how is it that my body and mind are all telling me that I have feelings for him? I tried to think of what it was that was attracting me to him. Physically he was nothing short of perfection. I have no qualms about admitting that. I have always wondered if his hair was as soft as it looks and I always knew that no other man could get away with smelling like strawberries and sunshine and happiness…yes I was a bit smitten when it came to him physically. But I wasn't that kind of man. I wasn't like Yohji. Physical 'relationships' were an oxymoron. Either you were in a deep committed relationship or you were loose. So I deduced that there must be something more to this attraction.

I started to study him throughout the day. There was a reason my body was reacting so strongly to him. I began to take note of the little things, things I have noticed before but really didn't stop to analyze until now. During breaks Yohji would air up Ken's soccer balls. I had seen him do it many times, but I always just assumed that Ken asked him too. However, I noticed that Ken would make comments on how great the balls were, that sure he had to pay extra money for them, but they kept their air for a long time. I would glance at Yohji expecting him to say that it was all his doing, but he would just smile softly and nod as he listened to Ken. I noticed Yohji would do all the arrangements evolving sunflowers and I just thought this was a preference of his until I noticed Omi sneezing horribly when he got too close to the yellow and brown flowers. When it was Yohji's time to grocery shop he was the one that always remembered what tea I drank and what candy Ken liked and the exact computer magazine Omi read and he would buy them all even if they weren't on the list. It seemed like small, insignificant things, but I had convinced myself that Yohji didn't care about anyone but himself. That he was all about fast times and feeling good. So to see these acts of kindness…it gave me great insight on the true nature of his soul.

Still with these little bits of information it still didn't feel like it was enough to fall for him. However, I have never been in love with anyone before, maybe this is how it worked. You often hear that the cosmos are strange. Maybe the Fates just liked confusing me. Never the less, slowly my feelings grew and overwhelmed me. I can tell you the exact moment I realized I was in love with him.

It was during a mission. Yes, an epic, bloody mission. A mission I wasn't sure we would endure. We were so ridiculously outnumbered that I wondered if Kriticker was trying to eliminate us. We were all injured, Omi was limping and I was sure Ken would be blind in his right eye at the end of it (to everyone's surprise he wasn't). I had slipped in a puddle of blood, but was still holding off the horde on my knees. Yohji's left arm was limp at his side, broken obviously, and slick with blood. He came to my aid and in one swift movement he had lifted me by my waist with his good arm. I looked over at him, it was the barest of glances, but I will never forget the look on his face. Or what he said to me.

Those vibrant eyes of his were looking down at me with a determination and resolve that took my breath away. His lips were a grim straight line and his hair was plastered to the sides of his face with sweat and blood. In short he looked beautiful. He whispered and though it was soft it was commanding: "Survive." That was all he said, but it seemed that he was telling me this, not for the sake of the team, me being their leader, but because he actually cared about my well being. I might have been overreacting, but I remember thinking Shit I love you. It was scary and humbling all at once.

I was good, however, at remaining Aya. The stoic and solitary man they all knew. The 'Ice Queen' with no emotion or feeling. Why anyone thought a human could actually live like that was beyond me. That notion was such a preposterous one that someone should have realized it was all a lie. Never the less, this was what they expected and as I stated before it had became easy and necessary to be this way, so this was what I put forth. Though I realized now that it was harder not to watch Yohji and analyze every move he made or every sentence he said.

I thought I was making a good show of 'being me' when the incident in the kitchen occurred. I thought maybe somehow he had realized my feelings for him. What other reason could there be for him kissing me? I didn't kiss him back though, I was actually too stunned to think, let alone move. His lips were so soft though, hot and skillful and I found that I was becoming embarrassingly dizzy from his closeness. Then he got a drink and left. I thought that was the end of it.

As it turned out I was wrong, he started giving me kisses on the cheek when no one was around. Every day I got a kiss, quick and warm, sometimes he would smirk at me other times he would lick his lips like he had just tasted some sweet treat. Those were the times I would push him away roughly. I was anything but a treat. There was a part of me that was flattered, but an even larger part that wanted him to stop. He never said anything, never explained or tried to go further. In my mind I just knew this was some kind of game to him. Kiss the Swordsman or something like that. See if you can get away with your life. Like a game of chicken. Will this be the time the katana comes out? I was annoyed at him and aroused by him. I hated Yohji for his playfulness, but loved him just the same.

When he finally explained I was astonished. I never looked at myself and thought I was beautiful. I thought I was alright, I was unique and I supposed that could either work for or against me. Beautiful? That was too strong of a word. But he was touching and teasing and caressing me with abandon and I was losing my resolve and actually trembling beneath him! Ridiculous yet wonderful. What was happening to me?

It became clear very quickly that even though this wasn't a game to Yohji it still wasn't serious. I was not about to turn into some heartbroken puppet. That wasn't me and I wasn't talking about stoic 'Ice Queen' Aya I was talking about me. Ran. I was not going to be weakened with a bout of unrequited love.

Never the less the moment he finally 'got it' that moment he burst into my room and asked me what I wanted I found I was okay with that. I was okay even when he said he didn't feel the same, but maybe someday he would. To my surprise I was okay with all of it. Maybe it was this acceptance that allowed me to tell him I loved him out loud.

Now three weeks later I am still okay with it. He even stopped going out, well going out to get one night stands, he still goes out to drink, but not often. He's more bold now in his advances, he touched my hand during breakfast one day. It was fast and light, but Omi caught it. Omi knows something is going on, but he doesn't ask, I think in some silly way he is afraid to. The kisses have returned. Though now they are pecks to my lips as opposed to my cheek. He steals them when he can get them, between shift change and even before missions sometimes. Some nights he'll sneak into my room and to my pleasure it isn't always for sex. He'll whisper that he missed me or some other emotional drivel then wrap me up in his arms and sleeps. Ken saw us leaving from my room together one morning. He raised a brow as Yohji waggled his. I remember I actually had to remind myself not to chuckle.

We weren't keeping it secret mind you. If one of the two came right out and asked I would have told them that yes Yohji and I were sleeping together. I didn't care if they knew, but I wasn't going to offer the information up to them. How would I even work that into a conversation anyway? We still, as a team, worked well on missions. I was right though, Yohji was always in the forefront of my mind, but he didn't have to be in my sight. I believed in Yohji's combat abilities and I trusted he wanted to get out alive for my sake. I wanted to do that for his.

It was strange, to watch Yohji act so strongly for me and speak so passionately to me yet never say he loved me. If he was this intense in like…how wonderful or awful would it be once his feelings were pushed over the line into love? I was surprisingly comfortable in this little arrangement we had. I wouldn't call it a relationship. Though I was content with Yohji a part of me still felt he would never allow himself to be 'tied down'.

I liked to watch him. I was doing so now; he was eating a bowl of ice cream sitting on the floor at Ken's feet, who was on the sofa. They were watching some made for TV sci-fi movie; the special effects were awful, which was a shame because the acting was actually decent. Once the movie went to commercial Ken asked him when they had gotten ice cream and Yohji said casually that I had bought it for him.

"Aya seems to be doing that a lot lately…buying your favorite things," Ken's tone was casual as well. I saw Omi get a bit nervous and glance at me. I gave him a glare and he looked back down at his shoe.

Yohji shrugged, "Is he? I hadn't noticed." Honestly I hadn't either; I went to the store twice in the past three weeks, once it was my day to get groceries. The other time it was because I ran out of soap. I got Yohji's brand of ice cream on a whim, but other than that I hadn't bought anything else for him. Apparently Ken just needed an opening to ask about Yohji and me.

Ken scoffed, "Sure you hadn't."

"Damn man if you have something to say then just say it," Yohji tilted his head back and looked up at Ken who was glancing at him from his place on the couch.

"Nothing," Ken shook his head and looked back up at the TV. Yohji sighed then dropped his head back down as well.

Omi's voice was small, "Let's not pretend anymore…the walls are too thin for that."

Yohji let out a chuckle, but I spoke up before he could. I knew he would say something vulgar just to get a rise out of the two, "If you two already know then why is verification needed?"

Yohji opened his mouth anyway, "So they are clear on who's the top."

I snorted as Omi blushed and Ken blanched. Ken spoke up defensive, "I don't care about that!"

"Sure you do!" Yohji was on a roll now; "That way when you are jacking off to the moans the image is right!" he smiled up at him as Ken seemed to almost growl back.

I sighed and was about to stand up and leave when Omi said, "Stop that! Ken does not need any aid from you to masturbate!" all the blood rushed to Ken's face at that statement and it was this reaction that made Omi sputter and try to reel back in his words.

I raised a brow then looked over at Omi, "That's good to know. I hate to share," his already large eyes got even wider at that and Ken, someone bless him, his face got even more flushed. Yohji's head whipped around and he looked at me wide eyed, but with a grin on his lips. His eyes softened then darkened a bit and the grin changed to almost feral. I knew that look. I wasn't getting any sleep tonight. The movie started up again and Yohji turned his head and started to watch like this whole way too personal conversation never took place. Ken was next, with a sigh and leaning back to watch the remainder of the film. Omi was the last to recover; he was staring at me his head cocked to the side like a confused cat. I had said something what he deemed out of character for me and now it was as if he was some sort of electronic device I had overloaded. Finally he turned his head and watched the movie as well, though I highly doubt he was paying attention.