Part 1
"House, clinic duty now," Lisa Cuddy demanded, her hands on her hips as she glared down at House.
He was sitting in his office. Seemingly, without a care in the world as he played his game boy. Still, he ignored her and continued to play until Cuddy let out a frustrated sigh.
"House," she warned again.
Rolling his eyes, he looked up at her. "What would make you go away?"
"Doing your job."
"Well," he slowly said, his eyes roving over her body. "You obviously don't plan on seducing me since I can't see your fun bags and by that glare on your face, you actually think I will do work." With an annoyed look he whined, "Great, you just made me die."
"People will die if you don't do your job," she reminded him. "Unless you do your job, your clinic hours will double."
Grabbing his vicodin bottle, which was conveniently near him on his desk, he opened it and popped a few, swallowing them easily. Placing it in his pocket, he grabbed his cane and stood up, walking near her. Before he passed her, he paused and leaned near her ear.
"Yes, people are really going to die due to nose runs."
Pushing the chart onto his chest, she gave him a triumphant look. "Patient in exam room 10. I believe she said she has been nauseated."
"Oh great," he muttered. "Forgive me if I don't sound too grateful. Inside I'm really leaping for joy…"
As soon as House had pushed his office door open with his cane and had limped out. Cuddy smiled and shook her head as she headed for the door. One thing was for sure; hiring House had been her misfortune as well as her salvation.
XXX
Opening the door, House was greeted with his patient. She sat on the exam table; her hair dyed an artificial blonde and her blue eyes lined with thick eyeliner and mascara. The clothes she wore spoke slut.
He estimated she was sixteen or seventeen but with boobs like hers he couldn't be sure. God, they were huge and he wondered if they were implants or real.
"I'm Dr. House," he greeted, coming fully into the room and shutting the door. Not bothering to sit down he glanced over the chart. The classic symptoms of nausea and dizziness. Utterly boring in his opinion.
Inspecting her, he saw her looking back at him with a smirk.
"I didn't want to come here but my mom made me."
"And you always listen to mommy don't you?" he mockingly asked. "Which is why you're pregnant."
Her jaw dropped open. "I'm not pregnant!"
"Oh really? And I'm not a doctor. Tell mommy she's going to be a grandma very soon."
House left the exam room, shutting the door behind him. Having dealt with the patient, he didn't see Cuddy in the hall and glanced down at his watch. It was exactly 12:30, which in his mind signified it was time to take an hour lunch break and steal Wilson's food.
First, going down the hall while successfully hiding from Cuddy, he came to his office and was about to push it open when he heard a voice call his name. Sighing, it was unmistakable it was the wombat.
"What is it now, having trouble down under?" he brightly asked.
Chase rolled his eyes. "No. Cameron won't tell our patient that she is dying because she tells me you'll find a cure."
"Well, you tell Cameron… hell have Foreman tell the patient. Trying to get Cameron to tell a patient they have no hope is like telling a child there's no Santa. And wombat, I want coffee in my office in an hour."
Sighing, Chase walked away and House watched him with a smirk. Dr. Chase was really his favorite duckling out of the three. Foreman was becoming too bitter, Cameron too clingy and even though Chase acted afraid and bowed down to his every wish, the wombat's frustration was showing more and more.
Pushing the door open, he limped in and went to his glass sliding door, out onto his patio. Only a wall separated his patio from Wilson's office and going over it, though slightly difficult was well worth the annoyed look that Wilson shot him when he banged loudly on Wilson's door, causing the younger man to jump.
Shaking his head, Wilson got up from his desk and opened the glass sliding door with a roll of his eyes and placed his hands on his hips.
"You know you could have went through my door like normal people."
"What fun would there be in that?" House asked as he pushed his way in and sat down. "I want to keep the spice in our relationship and I like seeing you annoyed."
"So I take it you want to go to lunch," Wilson said, with a knowing smile, he seemed in a better mood.
House nodded. "I take it no telling your cancer kiddies they are going to die."
"Luckily no. Today has been a relatively painless day and how about you?"
He twirled his cane. "Cuddy forcing me to diagnosis a patient. I haven't seen her that irritated since I ruined her date last month. You, know she wants to get pregnant."
"What?" Wilson screeched.
House twisted his face in pain. "You're giving me a migraine and the day isn't even over yet, Jimmy. I found a pregnancy test in Cuddy's garbage, it was negative."
"And what were you doing in her garbage?"
"Passing the time."
Wilson smiled. "Uh huh, I'm sure. It was perfectly innocent and you have no designs on trying to get with Cuddy."
"I would sooner be with Cameron," House retorted. "I'd get no peace with Cuddy and her fun bags. Before I know it, she would be the one wearing the pants and trying to wean me off of my little white pills."
"Obviously she is going through menopause or she is lonely," Wilson murmured.
House shook his head. "Everyone has a motive and everyone lies, Jimmy. Just what her motive is for wanting to get pregnant I haven't the faintest clue…"
"Perhaps she loves babies and wants a family of her own," Wilson suggested. "Not everyone wants to be alone, House."
"No one just loves babies," House confidently said. "They stick things up their noses, are messy and whine until they get their way."
"Just like you except the nose part."
House chose to ignore it as he searched his mind for a possible answer. "No, she's not pregnant because I would know."
"Dare I ask how?"
"Heightened color in cheeks, sometimes a glossy look in eyes, fuller breasts and Cuddy's fun bags were hardly exposed. I can point a pregnant woman miles away. Just earlier I diagnosed a patient without touching her and she was pregnant."
"And how do you know this?"
House stared at him with a smirk. "Nausea and dizziness. Besides the part she looks like a slut and doesn't listen to a word mommy says when she tells her not to play with Johnny."
"Amazing, your abilities never cease to amaze me."
"Why do you think Cuddy wants to get pregnant?" House muttered, is mind obviously on one topic only.
Wilson rolls his eyes. "Just to bother you and make you jealous."
That made House's eyes become alert and he leaned forward ever so slightly. "Has she said something about me?"
"Just that she is madly in love with you," Wilson seriously said.
"Seriously?"
"No."
House got up on his feet, tapping Wilson's shin with his cane. "Come on, I'm starving and you're paying."
Wilson grabbed his coat then they were off, leaving Wilson's office and going out into the hall. Their strides matched perfectly as Wilson rambled about his day with the cancer people, House merely snorting as Wilson shared his idealistic views.
But House couldn't deny he felt happier then he had in a long time and his leg had hurt less. Hell, he was even enjoying his conversation with Wilson… The couple were stopped however as Cameron came, walking up with an accusing look in her eyes.
"Where have you been?"
"Having hot sex in my office," he said.
"Not funny," she muttered. "Cuddy wants you in your office now, and it's urgent."
Turning on her heel, she left and House sighed. "Mommy calls. Wait here and I'll be right back."
"You could ask nicely," Wilson pointed out, folding his arms.
House batted his eyelashes. "Please wait for me, Jimmy."
Wilson shook his head with a grudging look of giving in. "Go to Cuddy House. I'll be waiting for you but don't take forever."
House began to walk towards the direction of his office. Wondering just what Cuddy wanted and why she was trying to get pregnant still baffled him. It proved to be an interesting puzzle and he would figure it out.
TBC