Have You Ever?

by Mo-Mantai

A songfic to Brandy's "Have You Ever?" Davis reflects on a love for Kari that she will never share.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

There's this girl that I've known for a long time now. We're friends sure enough, but I've wanted so much more for so long. The thing is, she knows of my love for her, but continuously denies its existence. My whole world revolves around this girl, but hers is centered around another. I prey every night that she will open her eyes and see what is right in front of her. They say that love is blind, but I can see quite clearly. I see that she's in love with him and that there is no hope for me. Still, even though my chances are slim to none, I can't stop loving her.

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

I guess in order for you to completely understand my dilemma, you have to understand exactly how deep I have it for this girl. Her name is Hikari Kamiya, my angel of light. Ever since I laid eyes on her she's all that I think about, all that I dream about. Everything I do, I do it for her. She is the source of my existence. I live and breathe her and without her, it feels as if I could just fade away into nothingness.
You'd think it would be easy for me to talk to a girl that I've known for so long, especially because I have the reputation of a chatter box, but when I'm around her, I get completely tongue-tied. My vocabulary consists of various moans and incoherent slurs. It drives me completely up the wall when I try to tell her how I feel. I open my mouth as if to speak and silence. It's like somebody has reached down my throat and torn out my voice box. I might as well be a mute. It's just too bad that I can't be blind as well...

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Why did I say that I wish I was blind? Well, it hurts me that I'm not able to express my feelings for her, but it hurts me even more that my rival Tk has no problem expressing his. I can't stand seeing the two of them together. It's like they're joined at the hip. Okay, I understand that they have a history, but you've got to let go sometime... I think.
In any case, if I can't tell Kari how I feel, I'd rather not be able to see her giving her love to that leach either. You might as well make me deaf well your at it because hearing him speak to her they way he does makes me sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong. Tk would be a good guy... If he was going after some other girl.

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

So, now I pose a question to you. Have you ever felt the way I feel? Do you really understand what I'm going through or are you reading this wondering when I'm going to get over myself? You see, when you are in love with someone as much as I am for Kari, nothing else matters except for making that person happy.
When you try so hard to do that and the person doesn't even acknowledge you, do you know how much that hurts? Do you realize the pain it causes when you see that person's face in your dreams? You reach out to touch their soft skin, then you wake to realize that it was just that... a dream?
Do you understand how helpless you can feel? You can do nothing but sit on the sidelines and watch from afar while the one you love is whisked further and further away from your grasp. All you can do is wait until that someone you love realizes the truth and comes to rescue you from that helplessness.
Of course you don't understand? How could you possibly understand? No one on earth is more pathetic than I am. I'm probably the only one who even has time to sit and dwell on this, but I can't help it...

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Coz baby I can't sleep

I've done all that I can. There's nothing more to do. My chances of being with her are next to nothing. I'm all tapped out and she doesn't even know that I've been running for this long. Why do I have to do this to myself all of the time? Why can't I just move on like any normal teenager. I have to face the fact that you don't love me Kari and that you never will...

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever?

But I love you

The End
~MPF