Skip to the end to read the notes as they contain spoilers for the show. Avoid if you haven't seen this weeks episode or the spring trailer.
Waiting for the other Shoe to Drop
She'd gone back to work yesterday after taking just over a months leave. She'd heard rumours of Essie's and Ollie's departure practically as soon as she'd entered the building. She hadn't had the chance to say goodbye to either of them and she was dismayed at the loss. She felt a particular sadness for Ollie though, they'd shared a lot of history.
She hadn't ever quite managed to convince herself that Ollie would return to Darwin as a surgeon after suffering such serious head injuries in the shooting, but she had chosen to fruitlessly hold out some hope anyway. Now he was gone, the possibility of his return had just been completely wiped from existence. She's not really sure how she feels about that.
There had been a complete whirlwind of change at Holby over the last six months or so. Nothing seemed certain anymore and she'd half been expecting the other shoe to drop any minute. She felt unsettled to say the least. Her return while bittersweet was now twinged with sadness.
She briefly wonders how Fletch feels about Essie's departure. They were close so he must have struggled with her loss. She'd heard it had happened just a single day after she'd left and she hadn't been around to help him at all. In fact she knows her sudden departure must have caused a double blow to be dealt. She sighs.
There's a new CEO who she hasn't met yet and Henrik was back as a consultant. She not really sure how she feels about that either.
Darwin at least was relatively unchanged. Her office was virtually untouched. The ward still had the same number of beds and theatres, and the Jammy Dodgers were still hidden exactly were she'd left them. Probably stale by now though she muses. She makes a mental note to buy some more. She takes comfort in the fact that while some things change others remain constant.
She'd noticed a new closeness between Fletch and Petrenko yesterday. They'd clearly bonded in her absence and he'd automatically been helping her with her patients in an established type of routine. She can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy no matter how unwarranted. She'd seen Petrenko visit his office multiple times throughout the day and then she'd spotted them having coffee together in the break room. She supposed the loss of Essie and Ollie had brought them closer together. They'd had a month with only each other to rely on.
She'd approached Fletch early yesterday morning, asked if he had a spare five minutes to catch up. He pretty much dismissed her, told her he didn't even have a spare thirty seconds, mumbled a quick welcome back and had wandered off down the corridor. Their paths hadn't really crossed since.
She's not sure what she expected their working relationship to be like when she returned but she'd thought he'd have been at least partly glad to have her back.
She looks down at the paperwork in front of her, it's literally a mountain. It may well take her days to catch up on it all. She decides to take a break by reviewing the files of the patients currently occupying her ward. She heads to the nurses station and picks a file at random, places it on the counter in front her and starts to review the information inside.
She spots Fletch out of the corner of her eye and she can't stop her gaze from leaving the file in front of her to watch him. She wants to talk to him. She wants him to talk to her. She was surprised he hadn't once been in to check on her or to ask how her time off had been, he'd brushed her off when she had approached him even though they'd had absolutely zero contact since the day she'd left on leave.
She hadn't really expected to pick things up exactly as they'd left off considering the way she'd left, but she expected something. She thought he might be angry with her, upset or even disappointed but she hadn't expected almost total indifference. Her eyes follow him as he heads towards his office. She'd missed him when she was away but she'd thought those feelings would disappear once she returned to work and was once again back in his company, they hadn't. How can you miss someone who is standing less than twenty feet from you, she muses.
"Less looking, more talking." Petrenko's voice makes her jump. She's almost right behind her.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She feigns ignorance. Drags her eyes away from Fletch and focuses back on the file in front of her.
"Oh, So we're still playing that game? I see." Petrenko replies mockingly.
She huffs loudly. She knows Petrenko knows exactly how she feels about Fletch but she doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of openly admitting it to her.
"Okay, but if you don't do something soon you're gonna lose him, if you haven't already and you'll have no one to blame but yourself." Petrenko tells her firmly before walking away in to the patients room directly behind her.
As soon as she's sure Petrenko is out of sight she looks back towards Fletch's office. She can see him sitting at his desk typing. She'd decided before returning to work that she was going to try and have some sort of honest conversation with him, not straight away but once they'd settled back into some normalcy again. The feelings she had for him before she left hadn't faded and one way or another she was going to have to address them eventually. The only problem with her plan was that it didn't look like normalcy was coming any time soon.
She rolls her eyes.
She walks towards his office and heads inside without knocking.
"Busy?" She asks him.
He glances up from his screen for barely a second.
"Like you wouldn't believe." He tells her, sighs loudly then continues. "I've gotta call the nursing agency as we are two short for the night shift and if they can't send anyone I'll end up having to work a double."
His phone starts vibrating on the desk and she glances down to look at the screen. She sees the name Sydney Somers and can't help but wonder who that is.
"Sorry but I've gotta take this." He tells her but makes no move to get up or answer the phone. She assumes he wants her to leave before doing so. She walks out of his office and back to the nurses station to review the rest of the patients files.
He'd shut the door to his office as soon as she'd left so she could no longer see him. A short while later she sees Petrenko head for his office, as she enters she leaves the door open. She can just about make out some of the conversation when she focuses really hard. She can hear Fletch telling Petrenko about the nurse shortage for tonights shift.
"If you have to stay on a double tonight, I'll stay with you." She hears Petrenko tell him and she can practically feel their new found camaraderie. She doesn't stay to listen to the rest of the conversation.
She spends the rest of the afternoon catching up on paperwork and emails in her office but as soon as her shift is over she leaves for night and heads home. She couldn't help but notice that neither Fletch nor Petrenko had needed her once during the entire 48 hours since she'd been back.
She arrives at work the next morning exhausted and grumpy. She didn't sleep well last night. She picks up a large coffee at Pulses and heads straight for her office. She's looking forward to getting back to surgery but knows she has to clear the mountain of paperwork before she can. She wants to get as much out of the way today as possible with as little interruptions.
As she arrives at her desk she finds a pile of forms with a post it note stuck on the top which reads 'Please sign. Fletch'. She rolls her eyes. She can't remember Fletch ever leaving her a post it note. He'd always previously brought any forms he needed to her himself, probably using them as an excuse to stay and chat for bit. She can only hope this won't continue forever. Her annoyance at his indifference is growing by the minute and she's not sure how long she's going to be able to contain it.
There's a knock at the door. She turns her head and sees Petrenko walk into her office with a file. It's more paperwork. She groans. Petrenko offers her a brief but sympathetic smile and leaves her office.
She reviews and signs Fletch's forms and decides to use them as a good excuse to track him down. She heads for his office. He has obviously just arrived as he is taking his suit jacket off and hanging it on the back of his chair. She walks in without knocking and hands him the forms.
"Thanks." He says.
"Did you manage to find agency nurses to cover last night?" She asks him keeping her tone as light and as friendly as possible.
"Er….yeah all's well that ends well." He tells her.
She smiles. He doesn't.
"If there's nothing else I've got the management meeting to get too." He tells her.
She can feel annoyance simmering up inside her.
"Are you ever going to talk to me?" She asks him but it comes out soft and more filled with concern rather than angrily like she'd intended.
"What like you talk to me you mean?" He replies while getting up and heading out of his office. His voice is filled with indifference and not a hint of anger. She's disappointed, at least if there was anger she'd have known he still cared.
Now she's exhausted, grumpy and ticked off.
She walks out to the nurses station and finds Petrenko already there. Petrenko walks straight up to her and practically shoves an envelope into her hand.
"You have got to talk to him." Petrenko tells her concern and worry clearly present in her voice.
She sighs. Gives up trying to deny what they both know.
"I'm trying." She tells her in almost a whisper.
"Try harder!" Petrenko tells her firmly then continues in a far softer tone. "Put that back in Fletch's office when you're done with it, before he comes out of the management meeting."
Petrenko is looking at her almost conspiratorially now and her curiosity about what she's going to find in the envelope is almost overwhelming.
She goes straight to her office and examines it. It's addressed to Fletch. She hesitates, wonders if she should look inside but starts peeling back the tab before her conscious has a chance to stop her. She pulls a rather large pack of papers halfway out the envelope and knows exactly what it is just by glancing at the front page.
And there it is. The other shoe dropping.
She pulls out the employment contract fully from the envelope, glances at the company name. Not Holby. She rustles quickly through the pages to check for a signature. She's relieved when she finds none. He hadn't signed it yet. She stuffs the papers quickly back inside the envelope and a red hot flush hits her skin.
She's furious.
She paces back and forwards across her office floor trying to walk some of it out. She just can't believe it.
Her anger subsides quickly and all she's left with is anguish. She sits down heavily in her chair and she can feel a sob rising in her throat but she doesn't allow it to escape. She takes a few deep calming breaths and closes her eyes. She stays there for a few minutes until she has a grip on her emotions.
She heads straight for Fletch's office and dumps the envelope onto the desk not caring where it lands. She searches the ward for Petrenko, but she's no where to be found. She checks the storage cupboard then finally the kitchen.
Petrenko is sitting at the table drinking a coffee. She sits down opposite her.
"We can't let him leave." She tells her. Her voice sounds desperate even to own ears.
"I know." Petrenko tells her sympathetically.
"We need to stop him." She can hear the emotions cracking through her own voice. She doesn't care though.
"What do you think I've been doing?" Petrenko asks her.
She nods. She knows it's not Petrenko's fault. She'd obviously been trying to stop him herself but had finally given up and called for reinforcements. She was glad she did.
"Fletch told me they are expecting the contract back signed by Friday so whatever you do, it needs to be before then." Petrenko tells her.
"Thanks." She tells her.
Petrenko smiles obviously relieved to have finally shared the secret she'd been keeping.
Petrenko gets up and heads towards the door but throws a final comment at her just as she passes through the doorway.
"He still cares."
She can only hope she's right.
She knows she shouldn't speak to him while her emotions are still bubbling just beneath the surface but she finds herself waiting at the nurses station tapping her finger anxiously against the top of the counter. He should be back from the management meeting in just a few minutes.
As soon as she spots him and he is within earshot she practically yells.
" Fletch. My office. Now." She leaves no room for discussion and her tone is clearly angry.
She doesn't wait to see his reaction, instead she turns and heads straight towards her office expecting him to follow. He does.
He closes the door behind him.
She tries to defuse herself with a deep calming breath before turning to face him.
"If you want to talk to me, then talk. If you want yell at me then yell. If you're angry with me then be angry but don't be like this." She's practically yelling as she finishes unable to stop herself.
"Like what?" He asks her.
She laughs.
"Like this. You've barely said two words to me since I came back and you're clearly avoiding me. It's ridiculous." She tells him.
He shrugs.
"I've just had enough." He tells her and she thinks he means he's had enough of her. "Enough of everything, enough of Holby." He elaborates but she can see slight guilt in his eyes and she knows for certain he'd meant her as well as Holby. "I don't want to talk or yell and I'm not angry, I'm just done." He finishes with another shrug.
She nods. That hurt.
"Fine." Her voice sounds defeated. She can feel raw emotions washing over her and she wants to get him out of her office as quickly as possible.
She walks past him to the door and opens it for him. She can feel his eyes watching her but she avoids his gaze. She uses her hands to signal him to leave instead. He walks towards her, hesitates like he wants to say something else. Curiosity gets the better of her and she looks up to catch his gaze. The only thing she sees in his eyes is hurt and frustration. Whatever he had been about to say never leaves his lips. She can't hold his gaze though so she looks out the door into the ward. She's almost positive the last thing she saw in his eyes was guilt.
"Out." She whispers
And he leaves.
She doesn't leave her office until after 8pm. She walks out on to the nearly dark ward, heads quickly to the nurses station to return one of the patients files she'd been reviewing and on her way past she spots the light still on in Fletch's office.
The door is open and he is standing there watching her. Her eyes lock on to his and she's overwhelmed by the emotions she sees. He turns away from her then and walks further into his office out of her view.
She stops dead still for a second, makes a decision and walks straight into his office. She gently grasps his forearm and turns him around. She moves her body into him and presses her lips firmly to his. She pulls back a few millimetres and hears her own intake of breath quiver. He doesn't pull away from her so she kisses him again. He seems stunned.
She pulls back and sees shock on his face.
"Kiss me." She tells him softly to snap him out of the reverie he appears to be in.
That seems to do the trick. His mouth is on hers a second later and his hands are touching her everywhere, pulling her closer into him. She's gripping him tightly and kissing him with all the emotions she'd felt since she'd returned. She pulls her mouth from his suddenly shocking him for the second time.
"Don't leave." She tells him as she pulls him closer to her.
"Petrenko." He says with a sigh.
"She doesn't want to see you go either." She explains.
He rolls his eyes.
"I know your angry with me…" she starts.
"I'm not angry." He interrupts her.
She raises her eyebrows at him.
"Oh alright. I'm a bit angry that you didn't talk to me…"
She raises her eyebrows again.
"Fine. I'm angry at you for not talking to me about what you were going through. I'm angry that Becky, Ken and Petrenko all knew and I didn't."
She nods finally understanding what had upset him but he doesn't stop there.
"I'm angry at myself, Holby, Petrenko and the patients. We all needed you. Needed you to be okay, needed you to be a surgeon, needed you to be a friend and because of that you stuck around when you should have been recovering at home and we all let you. I should have known, we all should have known. That's what I'm mostly angry about. I know why you did what you did."
She's shocked by his understanding, and floored by his concern for her. She kisses him. Wraps her arms around him tightly. She pulls back looks into his eyes.
"I should have talked to you." She tells him and she wishes she had. "I'm sorry."
He smiles at her first the time since she'd been back.
She finally feels relief flood through her as the anger, hurt and guilt dissolves from his eyes.
He kisses her again.
"Let's get out of here." She tells him.
Notes:
A horrible thought occurred to me. We've all been worried about Jac leaving but what if Sydney Somers shows up to offer Fletch a job and he leaves? After this weeks episode it seems almost all those directly involved in the shooting or directly affected by it have either left or are on a break. Raf, Morven, Ollie, Essie, Jac. The only few still remaining are Fletch, Henrik and Roxanna.
Anyway this fic was as a result of that above thought!