A/N - This is my first (but hopefully not last) HO Fanfic, I wrote it a couple of weeks back, it started off as a oneshot, but it got a little longer than that, except there aren't really any defined chapters, so I've left it as a (long) oneshot. It's JPKC centered around Craig coming home, hence the title. I will warn you in advance that this is a JPK shipping fic, if you don't like JPK, you probably won't like it. Obviously I don't own Hollyoaks, the characters or the SLs. Enjoy!
Craig Dean had been devastated to hear the news that his step father, Jack Osborne, had died
Craig Dean had been devastated to hear the news that his step father, Jack Osborne, had died. When his mother, Frankie Osborne had called him, he hadn't known what to say to her. All he knew was what he had to do – he had to go and comfort her. After all, with his brother, Jack, in a mental hospital, refusing to see Frankie, he was the most important man left in his mother's life. They couldn't expect his step-brother, Darren Osborne, to be of any use. It had taken him a matter of hours to find a flight, and fly to Liverpool's John Lennon Airport. But it wasn't the thought of seeing his mother, or his childhood home, that had plagued him on that flight, it was the thought of seeing his ex-boyfriend, the only person he had ever truly loved, John Paul, again. It exited him and scared him in almost equal measure. He hadn't been with anyone since, not one boy- or girl- friend in those long 12 months. He still loved John Paul with all his heart and he wondered if John Paul felt the same.
By the time his taxi pulled up at The Dog in the Pond, the pub where his mother lived, his thoughts had turned back to Frankie Dean, and Jack Osborne, the man he had come to look to as a father figure. He was sad that Jack had died, but it was his mother's loss that he was most concerned about; his mother hadn't had the luckiest life. He quickly paid the cabbie, and retrieved his bag from the boot, rushing into the pub and straight up the stairs to the flat.
Craig didn't see the two young men playing pool, and neither did they see him, but the barman did.
"Kris? You look like you've seen a ghost," said the first young man as he walked up to the bar, whilst the second racked up the balls again.
"Hmm? Yeah, sorry Kieron, same again?"
Kieron nodded, and handed over £4 in exchange for two bottles of beer.
Kieron walked back over to John Paul, taking a swig out of one of the bottles, and placing the other on a table as he watched his boyfriend break. His thoughts drifted away for a moment, as he recalled their blissful summer. It had been two months, two magical months since he had returned, after leaving the priesthood, in July. All the secrecy and lies that had surrounded their relationship during its stop-start beginning was long behind them now, and they had even managed to convince Myra that they were the perfect couple.
John Paul nudged him in the side, eliciting a smile from Kieron, to prompt him to play his next shot. John Paul couldn't resist those smiles Kieron gave him, the way they lit up his entire face, and crinkled his eyes.
"What's up with Kris?" asked John Paul, motioning over to Kris who was now staring at The Dog's door.
"Not sure, he seems a bit out of it." replied Kieron. "Maybe he's drinking on the job again?"
John Paul laughed, remembering the incident the previous week when Kris had decided to liven up a particularly slow shift by adding some vodka to the Coke he had been drinking. But alcohol usually made Kris more chatty, rather than less. He probably wasn't having the best day, though, since John Paul and Kieron were the only other people in the pub.
Kris wandered over to the pair of them, and watched John Paul as he attempted to pot a particularly difficult ball.
Kieron looked at him. "Kris, are you alright? You're being bizarrely quiet!"
Kris elected not to answer, and instead directed a question at John Paul. "You weren't expecting any old friends to turn up today, were you?"
John Paul shook his head at Kris's decidedly cryptic question, whilst he lined up his next shot. "Why?"
"Nothing"
"Seriously, Kris, you're staring to scare me."
"You're not the only one" added Kieron, as he took his next shot, somehow managing to pot two balls at once, as Kris picked up two empty bottles, and made his way back over to the bar.
John Paul looked at Kieron, "How did you managed that"
"Skill." Said Kieron, jokingly.
"Blind luck, more like" laughed John Paul
"Yeah, well, I'm one luck guy, aren't I," said Kieron, smiling, and pulling John Paul towards him for a kiss.
It was at this point that Craig walked back into the bar. He had not found his mother upstairs, and had instead rung her, however, her phone had gone straight to voicemail, so he had decided to go down to the bar to see if whoever was down there knew where she was.
When he walked into the bar, he saw a tall, brown haired man, embracing someone he couldn't see, and walked over to Kris, who was now truly lost for words, an extreme rarity for the usually vociferous man.
John Paul and Kieron broke apart, smiling at each other, John Paul leaning against a pillar, out of sight of the bar, whilst Kieron lined up his next shot. He had seen a young man walking, behind the bar, over to Kris, and although he could see Kris's odd reaction, he remained in momentary ignorance of who this stranger was.
"Surprised to see me, Kris," said Craig, almost laughing at the Irishman's reaction to his presence. "Do you know where my mum is?" Kris didn't reply, instead his eyes flicked over to where John Paul and Kieron were standing.
With no one else in the pub, Craig's words were easily audible to both John Paul and Kieron, although Kieron only knew of their significance from John Paul's reaction. John Paul immediately stiffened up, and moving away from his resting place, turned so that he could see the bar. Kieron, barely an arms length from John Paul, turned to face his boyfriend, worried by his silence.
"John Paul, what's up?"
Craig heard those words as clearly as John Paul had heard his, and felt his throat tighten. He turned to face his ex-lover, and was suddenly shocked. There was no one else in the pub, which meant that the person the tall man had been embracing was John Paul. Neither Craig nor John Paul could muster any words, but Kris's earlier words, 'You weren't expecting any old friends to turn up today, were you?' were echoing in Kieron's mind as they fell into place. He turned his eyes to the stranger, and could see something in the other man's eyes; something he couldn't quite described, a strange mixture of love and heart-break, and quickly surmised who this must be. Craig. John Paul's first love, Craig. He had no idea what to say, or do, and in that moment his whole world froze. He was amazingly relieved, therefore, to feel a hand reaching for his. His finger's intertwined with John Paul's, as he turned his face to look at him. John Paul was still looking straight at Craig, whether or not he knew that his fingers were now linked with Kieron's, Kieron didn't know.
John Paul couldn't take his eyes away from Craig, couldn't speak, couldn't even think. He hadn't seen Craig in 12 months, 12 long months, hadn't heard from him since one text at Christmas. He had still thought of him occasionally, less and less since he had met Kieron, and not even once in the last two months. But he had never had the cataclysmic thought that suddenly hit him then. He wasn't in love with Craig Dean. He still loved him, with an odd affection that he knew he would never relinquish, but he wasn't in love with him, not anymore. He didn't know when he had stopped being in love with him, but he had. The man he was now in love with, the man he loved with all his heart and soul, was standing next to him. Without taking his eyes off of Craig, he slid his hand across to where Kieron was standing, and took it in his. Kieron squeezed his hand, giving him the reassurance that he needed. Whatever happened next, he knew Kieron would be there for him.
Craig couldn't understand what he was witnessing. He couldn't take his eyes away from John Paul, even though he felt like his heart was breaking inside. He watched John Paul as he reached his hand over to the man by his side and the entwined their fingers together. He couldn't believe that John Paul had replaced his so easily. Anger was starting to boil up inside him, and he had to take some deep steadying breaths. Finally he broke eye contact, as he reached down for a glass and filled it with beer, downing his drink as he watched John Paul say something to the other man, so quietly it was inaudible to him.
John Paul's words were so quiet they were also inaudible to Kieron, who had to ask him to repeat them.
"I think I need to talk to Craig on my own."
"Alright. You know where I am if you need me."
John Paul nodded, and released Kieron's hand, walking over to where Craig stood. Kris, who had been forgotten by the three men until this moment, looked at him questioningly, but John Paul shook his head.
"I know what I'm doing, Kris."
He walked over to where Craig was standing, and finally addressed him.
"I think we need to talk, Craig. Can we go upstairs?"
Craig still found himself struggling for words. "John Paul…" he started, before he faltered, suddenly remembering that the last thing he had said to John Paul was his name.
"Please, Craig?"
Craig simply nodded, and walked up to the flat, John Paul following him.
When the two men had left the room, Kieron walked over to the bar.
"Do you want a drink, Kieron?" asked Kris, not actually waiting for Kieron's answer as he pulled him a pint, and set it in front of him.
Kieron drained the glass and handed it back to Kris. "You know me too well."
Kris smiled, and pulled Kieron another pint, as he pulled out his wallet. He downed his second pint, almost as quickly as his first, but the third he decided to sip on, as Kris's chattiness returned to him.
"Wow, if I had put a bet on the last person I was expecting to see walk through those doors, it would have been Craig Dean."
"Kris, his step father just died, he's probably come back for the funeral."
"He didn't come back when Charlie was ill, did he? Or when his brother confessed to murder, when his sister got married or when his brother-in-law died? How do you explain that, Mr voice-of-reason Hobbs?"
Kieron shrugged.
"And did you see the look on his face when he saw John Paul? That man is still in love with your boyfriend!"
"Is all this supposed to be making me feel better?"
Kris laughed, "OK, I admit, hardly helping, am I?"
"No," said Kieron flatly.
"Oh, come on Kieron, you know John Paul loves you, no one nor nothing can get between the two of you, how many times have you proved that over the last 3 months?"
Kieron nodded.
"You trust him, don't you?"
"It's not him I don't trust; it's Craig."
John Paul had followed Craig upstairs, unsure of what he was going to say to him. He knew they needed to clear the air, needed to talk things through. After all, they had been mates, best mates, once-upon-a-time. Who was to say that they couldn't have that again?
When they reached the flat's living room, Craig motioned to John Paul that he should sit down. John Paul was reluctant, more interested in determining Craig's next move, than making his own.
Both men were standing facing each other, trying to start the conversation they both needed to have.
"How have you been?"
It was John Paul who broke the silence. Craig remained quiet, leaving John Paul's question unanswered, at least out loud. The answer was written across Craig's face; not good.
"Is Dublin nice?"
Again silence, although this time Craig managed to nod.
"Enjoying your course?"
When the only reply John Paul received for his third question was a shrug, he realised small talk wasn't going to work.
"Look, Craig, did you expect me to spend this whole year pining for you? Waiting for you to return? John Paul hadn't intended his question to sound angry or accusatory, but that was how it came out.
"I did."
Craig finally spoke, but his response left John Paul lost for words.
Finally, he managed to whisper a reply. "What?"
"I said: I did." Craig was gaining confidence now, and took a step towards John Paul, finally meeting his eyes, and looking straight into them.
"I spent the entire year thinking about you. Not one day went by when your face wasn't in my mind, when I didn't see your eyes every time I closed mine, when I didn't hear the way you used to scream my name every night as I lay in bed. One morning when I didn't wake up, and for one second I could feel your body lying next to mine." He stepped forward again, now so close to John Paul that he could feel his breath on his cheek.
"There wasn't one day when I didn't wish you were with me." He was whispering now. "So I could feel you hand in mine again." Craig picked up John Paul's hand, the younger man rooted to the spot. "So I could feel your breath on my skin again."
Just listening to those words, John Paul was mesmerised. He was looking deep into Craig's chocolate brown eyes, as Craig was gazing into his dazzling blue ones.
"So I could feel your lips on mine again."
Craig leant in for the kiss, but John Paul pushed him away. "No Craig," he said, quietly but determinedly.
"John Paul, don't deny it, you've thought about me, about being with me again, just as much as I have thought about you."
"I haven't, actually" mumbled John Paul as he looked down at the ground, afraid to look into Craig's eyes in case they hypnotised him again.
"You have, and we both know it."
But suddenly Kieron's face popped into John Paul's mind, and he remembered Kieron's hand squeezing his.
"I haven't, Craig. And you can't just come back into my life and expect to pick things up were they left off." He was staring straight into Craig's eyes not, as if daring him to contradict him. "I'm with Kieron now."
"You still love me though, don't you? You and I both know that. Go on; tell me you don't love me."
He didn't question the new found strength that he now felt deep inside of him, he knew it came from his love for Kieron, and it gave him to power he needed to stand up to Craig.
"I will always love you, Craig. You were my first love, and nothing will change that. But I am not in love with you."
John Paul wanted to run away, to run downstairs to where Kieron was waiting, but his new-found strength kept him standing there, standing up to Craig, in a way he had only managed once before, where he had refused to go to Dublin with him.
John Paul waited for Craig to reply, staring him straight in the eyes, watching tears start to fall from them, and resisting the urge to wipe them away.
Finally Craig broke the silence.
"But I love you, John Paul. With all my heart and all my soul, I am still in love with you."
Craig's words were quiet and measured; he was struggling to say them as the tears fell freely from his eyes. His heart was breaking in a way he never knew was possible, he felt vulnerable and sad in a way he had never done before.
John Paul didn't know how to respond, but Craig quickly spared him the trouble.
"Go, just go John Paul." He didn't want John Paul to see him like this.
John Paul turned and walked to the door of the flat, pausing only to glance behind him at Craig Dean, the one time love-of-his-life. And then he left, walking back down the stairs.
John Paul walked into the bar, and saw Kieron and Kris talking. He didn't feel like talking to anyone right then, his conversation with Craig had drained him; all he really wanted to do was go home. He walked over to where Kieron was sitting.
"I think I'm going to go home."
"Kieron looked at John Paul, and concern immediately became apparent on his face. He didn't even need to ask the question 'are you alright?'
John Paul shook his head – a silent answer to the unasked question.
"I just need some time alone."
Kieron nodded, and kissed his partner on the cheek. "Ring me when you want to talk. Take all the time you need."
John Paul smiled. He loved how understanding Kieron was. How well he 'got' him. He walked out of the pub and into the muggy evening.
"What I would have given to have been a fly-on-the-wall during that conversation" stated Kris.
"Kris!" replied Kieron, slightly annoyed.
"Oh, alright, but you would too."
"Would what?"
"Have given anything to hear what they said?"
"I wouldn't, actually."
That comment stumped Kris.
"I trust John Paul, and I know he'll tell me what passed between Craig and him, in is own time."
At that moment, Mercedes walked into the pub. "Finally," began Kris. "My shift was supposed to be over half an hour ago."
"Sorry" said Mercedes, sarcastically.
"Yeah, well, I'm off to tell anyone who will listen that Craig Dean is back in the village."
"What!?" exclaimed Mercedes, as Kieron looked at Kris reproachfully.
Kris walked around the bar as Mercedes went to serve a customer.
"I don't even need to now; Mercedes is even worse at keeping her trap shut than I am." Kieron laughed at Kris's comment, whilst the man himself simply grinned.
"Seeing as you're giving John Paul space, and he's probably gone to yours, what do you say to heading over to HCC for a bit? Me, Zak, and Zoe were thinking of heading to the SUBAR for a bit, and then hitting that new club."
"I don't know."
"Oh, come on, it'll be a laugh. We might even try and drag Eliot along."
Kieron laughed. "OK, then."
Craig didn't know how long the period of time between John Paul's leaving and his mother's arriving was, but it felt like hours. He had sat down on the sofa almost immediately after John Paul had left, and did not move from that spot. John Paul didn't love him anymore. John Paul McQueen, the love of his life, did not love him anymore. The tears which had begun when john Paul had left were streaming faster and faster down his face. However many times he thought those words, he was still struggling to comprehend them. He had managed to convince himself that John Paul would still be as madly in love with him as he was with John Paul, but obviously he had been wrong. John Paul had another man in his life now… Kieron; he barely managed to recall the name of the man he had seen downstairs.
In his heart he did not know how John Paul could have moved on so quickly, but in his head he knew it had been 12 months since they had last spoken, and he did not know how long John Paul and Kieron had been together. He tried to blank the images from downstairs from his mind, of Kieron squeezing John Paul's hand, giving him the strength he had needed to talk to Craig again, after so long. How he longed to be the person that John Paul turned to when he needed help. How he wished to be the person John Paul loved above all others.
He heard someone walking up the stairs to the flat, and quickly composed himself, wiping the tears from his eyes. But, when Frankie walked into the living room, she knew something was up with her youngest son.
"Craig! You made it. Are you alright, son?" Craig still hadn't spoken; he was still trying to fight the tears. "It's OK, love, I miss him too." Craig looked up at Frankie, a little confused, before he realised that the 'he' she meant was Jack. He nodded, glad for a way to hide his heart break, whilst still letting his emotion out.
Frankie was leaking tears too now, tears that had been her constant companion for the past 48 hours. She might have just about succeeding in coming to terms with the fact that her husband was dead, but tears were still her constant companion, so it hardly surprised her that her son would wish to grieve as well. She wasn't aware that those tears were not for the loss of a step-father, but for the loss of an entirely different kind of love.
Craig knew that Frankie didn't know why he was grieving, but he was still immensely glad of her company, and so, as she sat on the sofa to hug her youngest son, both Frankie and Craig cried their eyes out for their respective losses. And the companionship they received helped them both.
John Paul arrived back at the flat where he and Kieron lived along with the local hairdresser, Niall Rafferty. He had spent the walk to the flat trying to come to terms with what Craig had just said to him. Craig was still in love with him. If he felt any emotion more than any of the others he was felling, it was anger. He was angry that Craig had told him he still loved him now, after 12 months with only one text message as contact. He was angry that Craig had thought he could walk back into his life, after all that time, and just pick up where they had left off. He was angry that Craig thought that John Paul would still love him, even thought he had seen John Paul standing with Kieron only moments earlier. He understood why Craig was here, Jack had just died, after all, but why was his first act upon arriving back in the village to profess his undying love for him? And John Paul had though he could be friends with him again.
By the time John Paul had arrived at the flat, and retrieved a can of beer from the fridge, his anger had subsided somewhat. The time he had had to experience those emotions had given him the clarity to find his rational thoughts. So what if Craig loved him? He didn't love Craig, he was even more sure of that today than he had been at any point during that long year. And Kieron's actions today, Kieron's unquestioning trust in him, his innate understanding, and his unblinking faith in him, had made John Paul love him more than ever before, even though he had not thought that that was possible. John Paul smiled as he thought of Kieron, but that smile turned into a frown as his thoughts drifted back to Craig. He had nearly let himself be sucked back into Craig's seductive embrace. He felt guilty although he had no need to; he had pushed Craig away. He shook his head as he thought of Craig. He felt slightly sorry for him, that he had held onto that torch for so long, especially since John Paul had let his go long time ago. But his pity was only marginal, and did little to assuage his anger.
With all these thoughts and emotions running through his head, it did not surprise John Paul that he felt exhausted, and emotionally drained. He didn't think he felt particularly tired though, and when his eyelids started to droop, and his head started to feel heavy, he didn't move from the sofa he was sitting on. Instead, he just let himself fall asleep where he sat, his unconscious self causing him to move so that his sleeping form was lying, rather than sitting, on the sofa.
Kieron arrived back at the flat at 1am, although he still hadn't received a call or a text from John Paul. He figured that John Paul must have fallen asleep, so he wasn't surprised to find his body sprawled out on one of the sofas, sound asleep. He smiled for a few moments, as he watched John Paul sleeping there, before regretfully trying to wake him from his peace.
"John Paul" he whispered, failing to elicit a response.
"John Paul," he tried again, a little louder this time.
"John Paul!" When his third, and loudest, attempt proved unsuccessful, he poked him. Even this failed, so Kieron picked up John Paul in his arms, and carried him to his bed. He pulled off John Paul's jumper, and his jeans, John Paul remaining asleep through all of this, and pulled the duvet over him.
Kieron was unsure of what to do with himself. He didn't want to get into bed, he had told John Paul he would give him space, and he felt like that flouted that. He grabbed two of the pillows off the bed, and a blanket from on top of his wardrobe, walking back into the living room. Kieron had the uncanny ability to sleep soundly almost anywhere, and as he threw the cushions off one of the sofas, replacing them with the pillows, he was extremely glad of this fact. He checked Niall was asleep in his room, before stripping down into his boxers and lying down on the sofa and pulling the blanket over him. He was asleep almost instantly, his faith in his blue eyed lover keeping him from any worries about what may or may not have passed between John Paul and Craig.
Craig lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing he could fall asleep. Wishing he could get John Paul out of his mind. He was used to thinking of John Paul before he fell asleep, it had become a routine over the past year, but his thoughts were rarely all consuming, insomniac inducing thoughts. He had finally stopped crying just before midnight, the last time he had looked at the clock in this room, but he didn't know what the time was now, didn't know if minutes or hours had passed since then. He wasn't sleeping in his old room, rather in Steph's old room. He had been surprised to hear that Steph had remained in Max's flat, after his death, to look after Tom Cunningham. It surprised Craig that Steph was finally growing up. He had known about his mother and step-father's foster son, Newt, and had met the emo kid at dinner. Newt was quiet, and had hardly said a word to Craig, except enquiring as to whether Craig minded that he had taken over his room. Craig had replied that he didn't. He was amazed at how quickly things in the Osborne-Dean household had changed since his departure, but all those thought were merely tiny distractions from the all-encompassing despair which had engulfed him that day. John Paul McQueen. He had never known a love like it, nor a loss. And it hurt. It hurt so much he couldn't stop thinking of that young man, reliving their last conversation, and reflecting upon how much he had lost.
Craig lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing he could fall asleep. Wishing he could get John Paul out of his mind. And after several long hours tossing and turning, he managed to achieve his first goal. But his second defeated him, and he spent that night dreaming of John Paul, and the good times they had had together, and when he woke up the next morning, he thought, just for a second, that he could feel John Paul next to him. And a second later, just as it did every morning, reality hit. And he knew he was alone. But this morning, for the first time, realisation suddenly dawned on him; he knew John Paul would never be his again
When John Paul woke the following morning he moved his arm over to where he expected Kieron to be lying, but found Kieron's side of the bed empty. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence; however many times John Paul protested that he like Kieron waking him up in the mornings, Kieron had got far too good at slipping out of the bed without John Paul noticing, and John Paul was too much of a lazy student to normally be awake at the time Kieron woke.
Suddenly realisation dawned on him that he hadn't fallen asleep in this bed, he had fallen asleep, fully clothed, on the sofa, yet here he was, in his t-shirt and boxers, in bed. He smiled as he thought of how caring Kieron was and he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Now he had sat up, he could see that there was a handwritten note on his bedside table, the latest one Kieron had left for him. Kieron was often leaving him notes, informing him of his whereabouts, it was one of the many things John Paul loved about him, but Kieron didn't know, or at least John Paul hoped he didn't know, that he kept them all in a small box in the drawer of the bedside table. John Paul picked up the note and had a look at it.
Morning sleepyhead,
Had to go out to that job interview this morning, remember the one I told you about? Should be back around 1pm, if you're even awake by then. ;-)
Don't forget you told Myra we would go and have dinner over there, so don't go eating a whole pizza for lunch again.
See you later!
K xx
John Paul glanced over at the clock on the table on Kieron's side of the bed. Midday. Just about enough time to have a shower, and some lunch before Kieron got back.
Kieron arrived back from his job interview at little later than he had expected, at 1:15, to find John Paul sitting on the sofa, watching the TV. The TV was tuned to some pointless daytime talk show, featuring some middle aged women, and John Paul quickly flicked the channel to one showing lunchtime news when he heard Kieron walk in.
"I caught you!" Kieron said teasingly, and laughed.
John Paul laughed as well, turning the channel back to the talk show, and said, "I was only watching it because they have that Alex what-ever-his-name-is on, the one who was in the final of the Apprentice, and he's really, um,"
"Good-looking," suggested Kieron.
"I was going to say interesting."
"But I knew what you meant," said Kieron, smiling. John Paul smiled too, and for a moment there eyes locked, and it was as if the two of them were they only two people in the entire world. But perfect happiness can't last forever, and Kieron walked towards John Paul, and sat down on the sofa.
"So," he paused. Kieron wasn't entirely sure how to start this conversation, but he knew they had to talk about it sooner or later, and he preferred to get it over and done with now, as opposed to it weighing over them for days.
John Paul bit his lip, he knew what he had to say, but he didn't know how to frame it so that Kieron got the correct impression of his and Craig's conversation.
"I need you to hear me out." He told Kieron. "Once I've started, it might not make sense until I get to the end, but please don't interrupt me, OK?"
Kieron nodded.
John Paul still wasn't sure where to start, but his mouth did the hard work for him.
"Craig told me that he still loves me." The statement didn't particularly shock Kieron, and it wasn't the fact that Craig had told John Paul that fact that was the important part; to Kieron, it was what John Paul had told Craig that mattered the most.
"Craig told me that he still loves me, that he thinks about me every day, and he tried to kiss me." Kieron was still silent. He was a man of this word and, besides, the 'tried to' in that sentence was reassurance enough.
"I thought he would be over by now, that we could go back to being friends, but he told me he still loves me and he tried to kiss me." All this repetition was indicative of John Paul's prolonged confusion.
"He told me he still loves me. He thought that after a year, he could walk back into my life, and I would take him back, just like that." John Paul shook his head. "He tried to kiss me, and I pushed him away." John Paul was almost smiling now. Kieron had been so patient with him.
"I pushed him away, because however much he loves me, I am not in love with him, anymore, because I am in love with you."
John Paul's smile had become a grin, an infectious grin, because Kieron was grinning too. The pair embraced in a passionate, loving kiss, one which told John Paul something he already knew, that Kieron was in love with him too. When the pair separated, Kieron found a question forming in his mind.
"You said you wanted to go back to being friends?"
John Paul nodded. "Me and Hannah managed it, I thought, maybe after a year, me and Craig might be able to too. He was a good mate, before…"
His voice trailed off. John Paul and Kieron had had this conversation before, about their pasts, and John Paul obviously didn't want to relive his right now.
Instead Kieron decided to change the subject. "Did you have any plans for this afternoon?"
John Paul noticed the twinkle in Kieron's eye as he said that, and decided to play along.
"No, I don't think I do. Why, was there something you wanted to do?"
"I think the correct word would be someone" replied Kieron, smiling.
"Really. I wonder what that someone thinks about that," said John Paul, shifting his body so that his face was barely an inch away from Kieron's, and smiling from ear to ear.
"Well, I'll just have to find out," said Kieron, as he planted a kiss firmly on John Paul's lips.
Craig was standing in the kitchen, attempting to work the new microwave, a different one to the microwave that had been it that kitchen when he had last lived there. It seemed like everything had changed since he had left Hollyoaks, but some changes would take longer to get used to than others.
He missed the morning mayhem that he had been used to in the Osborne-Dean residence. Trying to make it into the bathroom before Steph's usual hour long visit. Arguing with Darren over who would get the last piece of toast, before his mum stole it from under both their noses. Insisting with Jack that he couldn't do a shift that evening, but being badgered into doing it anyway. It was certainly a lot quieter nowadays, with only three people in the house. Newt had left for school before Craig had awoken, and Frankie was still holed up in her room. Baby Charlie had gone to stay with Auntie Nancy for a while, whilst Frankie adjusted to life without Jack. Darren, he had seen only briefly that morning, he had gone to meet his sister at Chester station.
Craig finally succeeded in causing the microwave to heat up the cold pizza which was the remains of last night's dinner, and was this morning's breakfast. As he sat down at the table and began to his pizza, Craig's thoughts drifted to the realisation he had had when he had woken up that morning, that John Paul McQueen would never be his. He had to get over him. At that moment in time he wasn't sure if it was possible, but he had break ups before, and he had come to terms with those losses. But none of those people had been the love of his life. He sighed. He didn't want to 'get over' John Paul. But maybe he had too.
It had taken Myra McQueen some time to adapt to the fact that her son had been sleeping with a priest. When she had initially heard the news, she had thrown her only son out of her house. But she had taken him back, when the priest left him, with little in the way of an explanation. She had been witness to both his grief at loosing Kieron, and his jubilation at Kieron's return, no longer a man of the cloth. When Kieron and John Paul had got back together two months ago, she had been overjoyed, because nothing made her happier than seeing her children happy; it was all she wanted from life.
It had been with some regret, however, that she had watched her only son 'leave the nest', when he had moved in with Kieron. John Paul had said she was silly, they would still see plenty of each other, but she had made him agree to fortnightly dinners at the McQueen house, and he had agreed.
"Hey, Mum" said John Paul as he walked through the McQueen front door, using the key he still had. Myra looked up and saw both John Paul and Kieron walked towards her, hand in hand, and she smiled. She bent down to take the sausage casserole, which was ready literally that second, out of the oven.
"How is it that men know exactly when the dinner's ready and turn up not a moment before?"
John Paul laughed. "You told us to turn up at 7:30, and we turn up at 7:30 precisely. And then you complain because dinner was ready when you said it would be? Is there any way I can win?"
It was Myra's turn to laugh. "No, I don't think there is. How are you then son?" asked Myra, as she plated out the casserole.
"Thirsty," replied John Paul, as he filled two glasses with water, handing one to Kieron, who took it with a quick "thank you".
"And you, Kieron? Have you been doing anything interesting today?"
"I had another interview for that job I was telling you about."
"The one at HCC" Kieron nodded. He had applied for a post as a student counsellor, a post he felt he was well qualified for, all except the minor issue that he was living, and sleeping, with one of the students. But he had been upfront about this, the 'living with' part at least, at the first interview, and his honesty had obviously paid off, as they had asked him back for another interview.
The two men tucked into their dinner with enthusiasm, a fact Myra quickly picked up on.
"Hungry, John Paul?" John Paul merely nodded. "What have you been doing this afternoon to work up such an appetite?"
John Paul made the mistake of catching Kieron's eye at that moment, and the older man merely raised an eyebrow. John Paul tried desperately not to laugh, trying to think any reason other than the truth.
"I've been training for a half marathon; I'm doing one next month." John Paul's excuse was fairly plausible, but now he'd said it, he'd actually have to find a run, and do it; his mother was unlikely to forget his words any time soon.
"Really, you never said! Where is it?"
John Paul racked his brain for any running events he had heard of nearby, but it was Kieron who saved him. "Chester. It's the annual run around the walls" Kieron had actually been thinking of running the race himself, and he had to admit, John Paul had thought of a quick excuse, especially since he hadn't yet told John Paul he was planning to run it.
"Oh, are you both doing it then?" The two men nodded, simultaneously. "Well, Kieron was doing it. I only decided to join him today." Moments ago, in fact, he added silently.
"Well, I never. And for a good cause I hope."
"Cancer Research" supplied Kieron.
From there the conversation turned onto other things, including how Tony and Jacqui's baby, Annabelle, was doing. Myra, a proud grandmother for the first time, delighted over showing the two young men the photograph she carried everywhere, even though John Paul had last seen his niece fewer than three days ago.
The following day Craig was working behind the bar at The Dog, filling in for his step-brother Darren, who, along with Frankie, was finalising the arrangements for Jack's funeral.
He hadn't told anyone, outside his family, and Kris, John Paul and Kieron, that he was back in Hollyoaks. He had not left the flat at all the previous day, but now, here he was, minding the bar at The Dog. He didn't know whether or not it was known around the village that he was back, or even if people cared. Sarah, for instance, and Nancy and Hannah too, his ex-girlfriend and his school friends. Did they know he was back? Would they come to visit him if they knew?
He was about to get at least one of those question answered, however, when, through the door of The Dog, in walked Sarah and Zoe.
Suddenly Sarah saw who was at the bar, and she stared straight at Craig. Zoe continued chatting for a full 30 seconds, before she realised something was up.
"Sarah? Sarah, are you listening?"
Sarah was staring daggers at Craig. He could feel her hatred of him from across then room. He assumed that she hadn't heard of his return, since if this was her reaction, she wouldn't have come if she had known.
Zoe looked over to the bar. She had barely known Craig, merely as the step-brother of her ex-boyfriend Darren, but she still recognised him, and instantly knew why Sarah had fallen silent.
"What is he doing here?" hissed Sarah.
"Do you want to go? We could go to the SUBAR." Zoe was frantically trying to avoid a scene.
"No. I want to give him a piece of my mind."
"Maybe not in the middle of the pub, yeah?"
"I'll do it wherever I want, thank you very much!"
Sarah was headstrong, Zoe knew that, but she thought she needed to remind Sarah of something, something that might make her check her words.
"He did just loose his step-father, Sarah. Maybe now isn't the best time?"
"You're on his side now?" Zoe quickly shook her head, as Sarah ploughed on. "I couldn't care less if the rest of his family had been blown to shreds; I'm going to talk to him!"
And with that, Sarah marched over to Craig, who, due to Sarah's innate lack of subtlety, had actually heard almost every word of the conversation.
"Hello Sarah.
Craig's polite greeting threw Sarah of guard somewhat. She hadn't expected him to be so, so what, she thought. So formal. It put her on the back foot; she had wanted to shout at him, to cause a scene. But now?
"Hello Craig."
"Look, I know there are probably a million things you want to scream at me right now, but I'm working. Would you mind if we did this later?" Craig was just as determined to avoid a scene as Zoe had been, but when Sarah was concerned he was just as likely to fail.
Sarah, still slightly flabbergasted by Craig's treatment of her was slowly regaining the anger she had felt, when she had initially seen him.
"No, Craig, we can't talk about this later. I want to talk to you now." She had meant to sound earnest and determined, but to Craig her words seemed petulant.
"Fine" Craig sighed. "In that case we will have to so it in front of the entire pub" (in reality all of five people) "but I'm sure you would prefer it if we could talk privately.
"I'll mind the bar for you" said Zoe, who was now standing at the bar, next to Sarah.
Craig looked astonished. He had been using his job as yet another excuse to avoid the impending confrontation with Sarah; it was almost the last he could think of. He looked at Zoe questioningly. She hadn't worked here before; surely she couldn't just stand in for him. "But, you haven't…"
"I've done a couple of shifts of bar work" Zoe said, interrupting him. "And it's not like you are going to be gone for long."
Craig racked his brains for another way out of this predicament, but he knew there was none. Slowly, he nodded, and motioned to Sarah that they should go upstairs.
"Thanks, Zoe." muttered Sarah. She wanted to get this conversation over and done with as soon as possible.
"Don't mention it." muttered Zoe back, as she walked around, behind the bar.
When they arrived upstairs, Craig and Sarah found themselves facing each other with steely silence. Neither of them had any felling towards each other, not anymore. In fact, Craig wasn't sure if he ever had done. It was their very public break-up, and Craig's betrayal, that had ripped those feeling from Sarah, but she had never properly come to terms with the heartbreak. Maybe that was why she was so insistent on talking to Craig; she was in desperate need of some closure.
It was Sarah who broke the silence.
"Why are you back here Craig?"
"My step-father just died." Craig thought the answer to that question was obvious.
But I suppose you've already seen him" Sarah spat that last word; she couldn't even bring herself to say John Paul's name, the name of the man she blamed even more for her public humiliation than Craig.
Craig nodded. It didn't particularly surprise him that the conversation had turned to john Paul so quickly. What did surprise him was how he hadn't immediately lied to Sarah, the way he had done so many times before. He remained silent, however; he wasn't sure of a suitable reply.
Sarah stumbled over her next words. It was the first thing she had thought of, but she hadn't expected it to be true.
Finally Craig found his voice. "But I didn't come back here for him, or for you. I came back here for mum." Now it had started, the lying that came so easily to Craig. Had he really come back to Hollyoaks just for his mother? Or had he been glad of an excuse to see John Paul? He knew the answer. It didn't matter, anyway now, he thought. Nothing really mattered anymore.
Sarah was still unsure of what words to say next, so she simply said the question which came to the forefront of her mind.
"Did you ever really love me, Craig Dean?"
"No, I don't think I did." With his mind so focused on John Paul, he said those words without thinking about them. Those words might have sounded harsh to Sarah, but they were probably the most honest words he had ever spoken.
Sarah turned on the spot, and left the flat, tears streaming down her face.
John Paul and Kieron saw Sarah running out of The Dog, and then Zoe running after her, as they walked through the village. It didn't take a genius to surmise what had happened, but neither of themselves voiced those thoughts out loud, they merely continued to walk towards the pub.
Kieron was unsure as to why John Paul wanted to come here, two days after their last visit. They could have visited the SUBAR, or Mobs, and yet here they were.
John Paul knew he would have to face Craig at some point, and he had decided to make it sooner rather than later. He had dragged Kieron along for moral support, not that he had told the older man that, but also because he wanted his past to meet his present – and, he secretly hoped, his future.
Inside The Dog, Craig had returned to the bar, after his confutation with Sarah. He was a little shaken, admittedly, at his honesty, but his mind had returned to its favourite subject – John Paul. He quickly relieved Zoe, in order that she could go after her friend, and decided to wander around the pub, collecting glasses, instead of simply standing behind the bar and wallowing in his thoughts.
It was because Craig was wondering around the pub that neither John Paul nor Kieron saw him immediately, upon their entering the pub. They saw an almost empty pub, and an empty bar, with no one to serve them.
"I'll kill him, I will. I ask him to do one thing, one simple thing!" Frankie's voice was as loud as ever, as she and Darren walked through one of the other doors of The Dog to see the bar unmanned.
Craig walked around the corner towards his mother.
"I was collecting glasses. Do you expect me to leave them all over the place?"
"No," replied Frankie, "but I don't expect you to leave the punters waiting." She gestured over to where John Paul and Kieron were standing, now asking Darren, who had slid behind the bar whilst Frankie accosted Craig, for two bottles of beer.
Craig muttered something audible only to Frankie, and she shook her head, before saying, "Craig, you said you would cover for Darren, so you can damn well finish his shift."
Craig looked despondent and wandered back behind the bar, whilst John Paul and Kieron, now with their beers, and having paid Darren, wandered over to one of the tables and sat down.
"I didn't know he was going to be here."
Kieron didn't quite believe John Paul's statement, how ever much he wanted to, but he let it slide anyway, quickly changing the subject.
"Are you looking forward to starting college again soon?"
"What 9am lectures? Essay deadlines? No more long lie-ins or free time?"
Kieron laughed. "No more lazy days to spend as you like."
"Mmm, and how do I like to spend them?"
"Ooh, I don't know, but you don't seem to like leaving the flat."
"There might be a reason for that."
"Really, now what might that reason be?"
John Paul and Kieron gazed into each others eyes for a moment before John Paul brushed his lips lightly against Kieron's eliciting a smile.
Suddenly someone coughed right next to them, and the moment was shattered. Both men looked up to find Craig standing next to them. In their moment of oblivion neither of them had noticed Craig watching them, hardly able to contain himself; finding the scene so painful, that he eventually had to walk up and ruin it.
"What do you want, Craig." John Paul was brisk, almost harsh. He had little patience for Craig after what had happened two days previously, and if his ex-lover was here to mess with both his and Kieron's heads this time, he wasn't going to have any of it.
It surprised Craig just how much John Paul had changed over the last year. He was so much stronger, and more mature than he had been when they had been together. Whether that was in spite or despite of their relationship, Craig didn't know.
"Um, have you finished with those bottles?" It was a paper-thin excuse, easily seen through by both John Paul and Kieron; the latter of the two handed over an empty bottle, whilst John Paul shook his head.
As Craig walked away, Kieron said, quietly, "Has he always been that jealous?"
John Paul hadn't seen the situation quite that was. But he thought back and his memory recalled some of the things Craig had said about Sarah, whilst she was modelling, and how he had treated Spike. He nodded his head. "Maybe we should go somewhere else?"
"We're here now." Kieron took John Paul's hand. "You don't have to run away from him."
"I'm not running away," he said, and, as if to prove this, he got up and walked over to where Craig was standing.
Kieron, unsure of what to think, remained seated in his chair, and watched the two men engage in a conversation he could not hear.
"Craig, I think we need to talk."
"We already did that, John Paul, remember?"
"But it didn't get us anywhere did it?"
"And that gives you some sort of right to be jealous, does it?"
Craig paused for a second, before replying, "I love you, John Paul, you're all I ever think about. How can I not be jealous, seeing you with another man?"
"How about being happy for me, did you ever think about that?"
Craig took a deep breath. "What if I try?"
John Paul looked at him, perplexed. He hadn't expected Craig to come around so quickly.
"What if I try being happy for you?" Craig repeated. "We were friends once, and I miss that. I miss having you in my life, John Paul McQueen."
John Paul was immediately suspicious. It sounded like Craig was trying to mess with his head again. "And you really think we can be friends again, after everything that has happened? You really think you can settle for that?"
Craig thought for a few seconds, before nodding. Even being just friends with John Paul was better than the year he had spent without speaking to him. They had been best mates before all this had happened, maybe they could be again.
John Paul smiled. "In that case, you can meet my boyfriend."
Craig immediately began racking his mind for an excuse, John Paul wasn't to know his shift should have ended five minutes ago, but then Frankie walked over to them.
"Thanks, love. There's some dinner upstairs if you want it." It took John Paul only an instant to clock that Craig's shift was over, and he looked Craig straight in the eyes, and look Craig couldn't resist and he found himself being dragged over to the table where Kieron was sitting.
"Craig Dean, this is Kieron Hobbs. Kieron, Craig."
Kieron offered his hand to Craig, who reluctantly shook it. Craig sat down at the table, unsure of why John Paul was doing this. Kieron was just as befuddled as Craig, and for several moments no body said anything, before Kieron, reluctantly, started up the conversation.
"So, Craig, John Paul tells me that you've been studying in Dublin. Nice part of the world?" Kieron stared Craig straight in the eyes, with his best 'hands off my man' look. Craig realised immediately that Kieron knew everything, but decided to play along with the small talk anyway.
"It's a great place actually. Rains a lot, though."
"You'll be starting your second year soon, won't you? Can't imagine you'll be staying in Hollyoaks for long."
The meaning in that sentence, get the hell away from my man, couldn't have been clearer to either Craig or John Paul. John Paul didn't know why Kieron was acting so aggressively; did he feel threatened in some way?
"I haven't really decided yet, I've still got another three weeks before term begins."
John Paul decided to try and steer the conversation onto slightly safer ground.
"So I bet you know all the good bars, and where the good nightlife is then."
Craig nodded. "Oh yeah, I know loads of places. You should come and visit sometime, I could show you!"
Not quite so safe then, thought John Paul, as he watched Kieron nearly choke on his drink. He looked at his boyfriend, "What do you say, Kieron, weekend away in Dublin?"
Being the third wheel to John Paul and Kieron's dirty weekend wasn't quite what Craig had had in mind, but he knew that if he seemed OK with it, it might help get Kieron off his back.
"As long as you two actually leave your hotel room," Craig said, jokingly. The image might have been driving him mad, but as he watched Kieron's face, he could see him warm to him slightly, and he knew it had had the desired affect.
There was a pause, the conversation seemed to have reached a conclusion of sorts, and Craig decided to make his excuses, and leave.
"I'm going to go upstairs, grab some dinner, I'll see you around?" He hadn't meant to look straight at John Paul, so when the younger man nodded, he looked at Kieron, who also nodded, a little more reluctantly than John Paul had done.
"See ya, Craig" said John Paul, whilst Kieron just muttered "'bye."
John Paul and Kieron stayed in the pub for quite a while longer, but Craig had other ideas, and instead played video games with Newt, Frankie's foster son. He popped back down into the pub at about 10pm, to tell his mum that she was wanted on the telephone, and spent 15 minutes minding the bar. He saw that John Paul and Kieron were still there, now playing pool, but when John Paul came to the bar to get another round in, Craig had a question for him.
"John Paul, would you mind coming with me to Jack's funeral?"
John Paul thought the request was slightly odd, but, in the spirit of friendship, he agreed, and they arranged to meet outside the pub at 11:30 the following morning.
Jack's funeral was a traditional, sombre affair. Darren read the eulogy, a particularly poignant piece that brought tears to the eyes of the entire congregation, and Craig was glad that he had John Paul at his side throughout. He had looked to Jack as a father figure during his later teenage years, and he was surprised how much he missed the Scot now that he was gone.
The wake, held at The Dog, was slightly more cheerful than the service, with people opting to remember the happier memories of Jack's life, rather than dwell on his sudden passing. But it was still hard for Craig to bear, and, approximately an hour after arriving back at the pub, he decided to slip upstairs.
What he heard, however, astonished him.
"Alright, well, I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye Dad."
He could have sworn that was Darren's voice. But Jack was dead; they had just been to his funeral. His suspicion was compounded when he walked through the door and saw Darren, whose face, for a moment, looked extremely guilty.
"Who were you talking to on the phone, Darren?"
"No one." Not the best answer he could have given, a fact he realised immediately, and suddenly he backtracked.
"No one, important. Just a guy from the brewery. We need some more barrels."
Craig knew Darren was lying, not just because he was acting strangely, but because he had been down to the cellar that morning, and knew they were not short of anything.
"You call you guy at the brewery 'Dad' do you."
"Dad, you thought I said Dad, no I said Dan; you must have wax in your ears." Darren was still utterly unconvincing.
Craig decided the best course of action was simply to ask the obvious question and see where it got him.
"Darren, is Jack still alive?"
It was Darren hesitant 'no' that gave Craig the answer he was dreading.
"So what, you faked his death?"
Stunned by how quickly Craig had got to the truth, Darren failed to answer.
"Does mum know?" Craig was starting to become almost hysterical now. He couldn't believe it; Jack had faked his own death. Why? What purpose did it serve?
"No, she doesn't" replied Darren, quickly, "and it would be much better for her if she never found out."
"Why did he do it?"
"He got himself," Darren paused, "I got him, into some trouble. It got so bad, that neither of us could see any other way out."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Debt." Darren hung his head in shame. It must have been the copious amount of booze he had consumed that day; he was never this open with anyone other than his father, and he had destroyed his father's life.
Craig was unsure of what to say, but he knew he didn't want to get sucked into Darren's problems, especially considering the drastic measures that had already been taken.
As he walked back downstairs to the wake, he saw his mother rapidly draining a glass of red wine. Maybe it would be best if he went back to Dublin as soon as he could. 'Running away again, Craig', asked a niggling voice at the back of his head, but he knew there was nothing he could do here, and he would feel like he was betraying his mother if he stayed and watched her grieving for a husband who wasn't even dead. He was glad he didn't know where Jack was or he would have gone and given him a piece of his mind, for what he had done to Frankie. But if it got the family out of trouble? Well, he would never hear both sides of the argument, so he decided to find John Paul and tell him his plans.
It was midday the next day when Craig found himself sitting outside The Dog, waiting for a taxi. He had had a quiet conversation with his mother that morning, apologising for the shortness of his stay, but insisting that he needed to get back to Dublin as soon as possible. And now he was sat outside The Dog, hoping that John Paul would turn up before the taxi, so that he could say goodbye.
John Paul turned the corner, and saw his friend sat next to two bags; he knew immediately that Craig was leaving. He walked up to him, wondering what the reason for his sudden departure could be.
"Leaving so soon?"
Craig looked up when he heard John Paul's voice.
"I didn't think you would come."
"Of course I came, we're mates, aren't we?" Craig nodded his response, and smiled.
"And before you ask, it's nothing to do with you; I just can't stand being around Darren anymore. I forgot how much he does my head in." At least half of that was true, thought Craig, he would have liked to spend more time with John Paul, but not if it meant lying to his mother. He might have spent most of his last summer lying to her, but he couldn't do it when she was grieving so badly.
At that moment, the taxi Craig was waiting for drew up. The cabbie got out, and opened the boot, placing Craig's bags in there for him.
"I guess this is goodbye then," said Craig.
"At least for now," replied John Paul. "But, you never know, I might take you up on that offer to come visit you."
"I'd like that. You've still got my number, haven't you?"
"Well, I do since you sent me a text this morning."
Craig knew what that meant: he had been deleted from John Paul's phone.
"Yeah, well, you've got no excuse now. Don't be a stranger, eh?"
John Paul smiled. "I won't. Have a good term. I'll see you soon."
"Yeah, I hope so," replied Craig as he got into the taxi. "Bye, John Paul."
"See ya, Craig."
John Paul waved, and the taxi pulled away. He was glad that this parting, at least, had been amicable, and that he and Craig had parted friends. He walked slowly back to the flat and made himself a cup of tea, putting the TV on, and settling down in front of an old episode of LOST.
When Kieron came in, several hours later, John Paul was still sitting in front of the TV.
"Telly rots your brain you know."
John Paul laughed, and switched off the TV, turning to face Kieron, who was now slumped on the sofa opposite him. "Good day?" Kieron had spent the day on a training course, after having been given the counsellor post at HCC the previous day."
"Not really. The course was dire. There was this woman, she kept droning on and on about confidentiality. As if I didn't know enough about that already."
John Paul had moved, so that he was now sitting next to Kieron. "Well, I'm sure we can think of something that might make it a little better."
Kieron looked at John Paul, not that he needed to see the grin on his lover's face to know what he was referring to. He kissed John Paul full on the mouth, and then stood up, leading him into their bedroom.
When John Paul stirred the next morning, he smiled as he felt Kieron's arm around his waist. He turned over to look at him, watching him as he slept, for a moment, before closing his eyes, and lying there, completely happy to lie in his partner's arms.
"I know you're awake," said Kieron, half opening his eyes to look at John Paul.
"I know," replied John Paul, not opening his, simply lying still and contented.
Neither man moved, both truly happy in each other's company, until John Paul broke the silence. Opening his eyes, he leant his head in towards Kieron's and said, "I love you Kieron Hobbs."
Kieron smiled, and then opened his eyes, finding John Paul's blue eyes millimetres from his brown ones. He kissed John Paul lightly on the mouth and then replied.
"I love you too, John Paul McQueen."
The End