A/N: Look at this. Another one-shot. How sad…

Hi there. I'm Garfield Logan,but many people call me Beast Boy. You can call me BB, or Beast, or Boy, or Gar, or Log…

No. I take that back. Don't call me Log. That makes me sound like a turd. Ewsies.

How was your day today? Bad? Yeah, I know the feeling. What? You're asking why I know the feeling? You actually want to know why I know what a bad day feels like? Are you sure? I mean, seriously, I could be rotting your brain right now with these pixilated letters. And you're wasting your time! Go read a fucking book or something, or hang out with some friends!

What? You don't have friends? Really? That's sad… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Really. No hard feelings, right?

OK. Good. Now that we've patched that up, let's get back to your question. You're absolutely sure that you want to here about my day? Yeah? Positive? Well, alright then, seeing that there's no stopping you…

Nerd.

Oh. Wait. I didn't hurt your feelings, did I? I'm so sorry if I did… I've just been having a really bad day today. That's why I know what it's like to have a bad day, and that's when you said that you wanted to know why I had a bad day, and that's when I blaaah I'm rambling.

OK. So, my day began when I woke up. I woke up from sleeping. I go to sleep every night at twelve, and I wake up at eight. Pretty cool, huh? I get exactly eight hours of sleep, and like clockwork I wake up at eight. I think it's my superpowers. My superpowers are cool. Yeah. I can turn into any animal I want. You can't do that, can you? Nope. Didn't think so.

Anyway, I woke up, and then I went downstairs and began to cook my tofu. When I was cooking my tofu I noticed that it looked white, and that it sort of looked like a cloud. And then I started to wonder why clouds float. Why do they float? What, you don't know either? Do they have wings? No… They can't have wings. If they had wings that could move, also. How do they stay in one place? Do they not feel good? When I don't feel good, I stay in one place until the pain goes away. That usually takes about two hours. Who came up with our units of time? Did we just come up with them when we were sitting down? Who came up with stools? Why do we call poop a stool? Is it because we sit when we go? Why do we even sit?

Woah. Huh? Oh. Right. My day.

Well anyway, I was making some tofu and then I thought of the clouds, and then I remembered that clouds reminded me of marshmallows. Except marshmallows don't float, and that's kind of funny because they're so fluffy and good. But then again, if they did float, they would catch on fire because they're made of sugar and sugar catches on fire. But why? Does sugar just commit suicide because they can't beat the heat? But if they set themselves on fire, they're still dying of heat. Sugar's not very smart.

Speaking of setting yourselves on fire, did you know that people combust when they drink too much alcohol and they get close enough to an open flame? Pretty weird, huh? It's because alcohol comes out of your pores.

Hey wait! If you can combust after drinking alcohol and alcohol catches on fire, like marshmallows, could you combust if you ate enough marshmallows? I mean, seriously! It's bound to happen! Marshmallows could come out of your pores and catch on fire!

Oh look! It's my friend Raven! I should ask her. People her age are… um… really smart.

"Hey Rae," I said. Hey, that rhymes. Hey Rae, hey Rae, hey Rae…

"What?" she asked, sharply. I didn't know that people could sharply ask stuff, since words have no physical form, and thus it would be impossible to make them pointy. Who thought of the word "pointy", anyway? Oh right… The question.

"If you eat enough marshmallows and you got near an open flame, would you spontaneously combust?"

Raven looked at me weirdly. Weird… that's such a cool word. Weird weird weird weird weird weird…

"No…" said Raven, walking out of the room.

She's obviously wrong. Either that, or she doesn't know. She would support her answer if she were right. So I must be right… I should quit eating marshmallows.

But they're so GOOD! I guess we should sue the person that invented marshmallows. Why did he invent marshmallows if he knew that they would make people combust? Maybe he didn't… Maybe I made some scientific discovery! I'm better than those guys on CNN! I don't like the guys on CNN. They remind me of the guys on Fox, and the guys on Fox do nothing but bitch at each other and discuss democrats and republicans.

Who decided to make the Democratic Party symbol a donkey? Are they making fun of them? I mean, donkeys are called jackasses. Maybe it was some foreigner that made the symbols, like a German or something. Or maybe he was French. French people make fun of America. I'm not surprised. We have some stupid people here. I mean, serious. Who actually believes that marshmallows won't make you combust?

I'm moving to the Netherlands or something. Or India. That would be cool. But they're poor. I guess it's because of the fact that they let cows roam through the city and let them eat all their food. I could get all the food I want if I turned into one. Of course, I would be green and different. Maybe I could get special recognition for being a green cow! Or maybe not. I may get stoned, like Janis Joplin. She got dizzy and became ugly and stuff. I don't want to be ugly.

Maybe Janis Joplin's ugliness is a Texas thing? She is from Texas, you know. But so is Hilary Duff… but she's kind of ugly. Ew. I don't like her. I also don't like boy bands. They're high-pitched and sound like girls. I bet they had sex changes. Why would you want a sex change, anyway? I think being a guy is pretty cool. I get to stand up when I have to pee. But I wonder what it would be like to be a girl… I would have PMS. But then I could get chocolate and flowers from my boyfriend or husband! That would be so cool, but it wouldn't be cool if I got daisies. I'm allergic to daisies. I'm also allergic to poison ivy. I get all itchy, and then I have to scratch myself.

A couple of days ago I got scratched and bled! It was hilarious! I scared a girl! Why are people even afraid of blood? It keeps you alive! And if you're not alive, you're dead. Maybe they want to be dead, like The Rolling Stones. Those guys are cool, except Keith Richards is very skinny and Mick Jagger has big lips. Seriously, they're like… evil clones of The Beatles.

I like The Beatles. They have some cool music. Jimmy Page likes The Beatles, too. He said he did on my Led Zeppelin DVD in an interview. They were interviewing him in NYC, and I thought that was kind of cool, because that's pretty close to where I live. All the big things happen in NYC, like in movies and stuff. I laughed when I was watching The Day After Tomorrow. I didn't like it that much, and when I don't like something I laugh at it. Of course, I don't laugh at funny stuff, like The Golden Girls or The Nanny. Those are great shows. Today's television sucks.

Why do we have so many reality shows, anyway? I blame Survivor. They kind of started the reality show thing, anyway. Along with Big Brother. That show sucked. I mean, it's people with nothing in common living in one giant house. The only good thing about the show is the house. I would like to live in that house.

Living in Donald Trump's house would be pretty cool, too! I bet he has lots of furniture. And gold. Gold is a good element. So is platinum. Did you know that platinum is the most expensive metal, but it's used in cars? Weird, huh? It reduces pollution. And that's good, because pollution is bad. It kills our lungs and makes us dirty. One time I went to Los Angeles, and the smog there was so terrible, the horizon was all blue and cloudy. Of course, it would be blue anyway because the sky is blue. I wonder why…

Blue is a good color, though. So is green. I like green. It's the color of my skin, you know. Yeah. People think I'm a vegetable! Raven says I'm stupid and calls me a vegetable a lot of times. Sometimes, Cyborg calls me a fruit. I think that's cool, though, because some fruits smell really, really good. Like lemons. Lemons are yummy. They don't make your face pucker if you eat them right. And they make lemonade! Except lemonade is yellow, and I very much dislike yellow. Well... sometimes it's pink, but most of the time it's yellow. Bleck.

But there are some good yellow things. Lemons, for one. And did you know that lemons not only taste good, but smell good, too? You can put them in the garbage disposal and then your kitchen smells like lemons! It works! I don't know if it'll work as good with limes, though. Lemons and limes, lemons and limes…

Hey… there are fanfics called lemons, and fanifcs called limes. Why, though? They're about sex! If you wanted to say that a fanfic has sex in it, you wouldn't say they're "a lemon". You would say they're "sexish"! It's pathetic! And then when you click on the fanfic, a billion pop-ups come and try to get you to get a free vacation or an iPod. One time I won a free Xbox from a pop-up. I was the 1,000,000th visitor of the site. Then I got off, and then when I got back on, I was the 1,000,000th visitor again!

How in the world did I achieve this? Did I go back in time? I heard that could happen. Raven sent me back in time once. She sent me to the 1920s. It was pretty cool, because I got to do the Charleston with a bunch of flappers.

Why did they call them flappers? They hardly flap. They have no breasts to flap, anyway. If they did have breast, would they be called "floppers"? It would make sense… I mean, boobs hardly flap. They flop! If they flapped, the girls would fly away! But then again, the flappers had nothing that could flop, so I guess they were alright. Otherwise, they would've gone so high up that they wouldn't be able to breathe. There's less oxygen in the air as you go up, you know. I wonder why? Maybe all the oxygen in the air combusts? That must be why the sky turns red when the sun goes down!

Huh? Oh look! It's 12:00! I gotta go to bed now. Did you figure out how I know what a bad day is like? What? You didn't? Are you serious?

Oh well. I'll tell you again tomorrow. Good night.