A/N I can't seem to find the Frito-Lay box with my notes in it. All of them look the same to me, big green logo on the side, writing all over them in scraggly black marker. I hate moving, HATE it. Any semblance of order my room once had is gone, and it will take me months to get it back. So, while I unpack and see if any of my plot bunnies managed to get packed up, I'm writing a little McWeir piece for you.
That's right, MCWEIR. If you don't like it, go. I don't care if you hate it, just don't tell me. I really, really don't like flames. I think I'm going to use any of them I get on Kolya. He really needs to be roasted. Alive.
? Space?
So this is what it comes down to. All that's really left now is the warm, crimson liquid running down my cheek. I just wanted to look at the temple, see what was in the ruins. Who knew the natives weren't friendly, that they were better armed than even us?
Major Sheppard is gone now. He grabbed a hold of Teyla and ran withFord right behind them. I was the last one, justtrying to save some of my equipment. It is valuable, but maybe not more than my life. I really do hope they are happy together, the Major and Teyla. A blind man could see how they feel. It's written all over them, like the writing on these walls. It's got a bit here about ascending, like a how-to manual. Maybe I could do that. Then I would be able to come back and visit the only people that have ever cared about me, the only people who have been my friends.
Maybe if I hold on, I could tell Elisabeth that this planet should be visited, but only by some of our better trained people. Or I could tell her how I feel. There's no way to get hurt, now way she could reject me then. After all, why would you want to break a dying man's heart? Just snap it right before he crosses over, his last thought being that of betrayal? But I don't think she would do that to me. I think she cares, a lot more than a leader should.
I remember when Kolya held that gun to her. All I could think about was not being able to tell her about the latest discovery, not having her there to give me that little smile over dinner when she thinks I'm not looking. I wanted her to be there for me. Maybe it was selfish, but we all need someone to lean on, right? I wonder who said that. I think it's a song.
The puddle next to me is larger than my pack now. I can see the sun glinting through the trees, making strange shapes on the ground. I know its only a bit longer now, on a bit longer until the headache I have fades forever. I hope there is an afterlife for people like me, people who hide from the world. I might let down my barriers to be let in.
There is a pair of feet in front of me. They're blocking my view, but I can't seem to move to see around them. Ah, now there is a face too. It's Carson. I could tell him what to tell Elisabeth, what I wanted to say to her since the day I met her. He could tell her just how much I really cared, even when I was acting an ass. He's not letting me talk, though. He says to hold on, but I don't want to any more. My hands and feet are numb, and the rest of my body is warm, like a soft blanket. I just want to sleep, but that's hard with a light in your face.
They're putting me in a jumper now. I can see the roof over my head. Maybe they will bring the puddle along with me? I did like looking at it, watching it shimmer. Now everything has gone gray. I know Carson should be wearing a blue shirt, but it's not there. I'm really tired. I wish people would stop tapping me in the face and telling me to stay awake.
Elisabeth is standing over me now. I don't remember going through the gate. She's staring at me, and there's this big light behind her head. I know we didn't bring any of those with us. I want to reach up, to touch it, but I can't move at all now. Elisabeth is holding my hand. I can see her lips moving, but I can't hear her. I'm falling now, fading away. It's really hard, but I have to say it, at least once. She has to know.
"I love you, Elisabeth."
Now I can sleep.