Warnings: The usual AMSA fanfare.
Comments: Remember kids, the AMSA members are experts. Do not try this at home.
Disclaimer: Dragon Knights and its characters belong to Ohkami-sensei.
The Mysterious and Beautiful New Dragon Knight!
"Geez, Rath. How many more detours are we going to take?" Cesia glared poisonously at the back of Rath's head as they walked. Their destination was a small, out-of-the-way town that was rumored to be plagued by a fierce demon. As usual, once Rath caught scent of anything demonic, he made a beeline for the inevitable battle.
"Only as many as there are demons on the way!"
Cesia huffed. He sounded entirely too cheerful about all this. "This is the last one, okay? We can't wander around slaying every demon on the continent forever!"
"Well, I'm not making any promises, you know…"
"Rath!"
A crash in the underbrush caught their attention. Without warning, something leapt out onto the path in front of them, and Rath found himself nose-to-nose with the point of a very sharp blade. "…Eh?!"
"Hold it right there, you demons!"
"Great, now what?" Cesia muttered in a foul mood.
The girl who held the sword had long, flowing hair that was black as a raven's wing. Her eyes were a brilliant sapphire that shone like twin blue flames. She wore a skimpy sky blue tank top and a black miniskirt with a blue rose pattern. A sapphire choker adorned her neck, and several bracelets clattered on both her arms. Most noticeably, a small black dragon sat on her shoulder.
"Um…" Rath jabbed a finger at the girl, face twitching in the effort not to laugh. "Who's the diva?"
"My name is Raven Darkmoon. I'm the Dragon Knight of Darkness! Prepare to die, demon!"
She took a swing with her sword, which Rath ducked. He didn't get back up, instead falling to the ground, clutching his sides and shaking with laughter. "Dragon Knight…of Darkness… Ha-ha… Good one…"
Cesia covered her face with a hand. "This is ridiculous. Rath! Get up, this isn't funny."
The fire Knight snickered on the ground. "Oh yes it is. Hey girl, say your intro again! Except this time pose or something. Heheh…"
"Rath!" Cesia stomped over to him and held a boulder over her head threateningly. "This is serious! I think this girl is one of those Mary Sue creatures. They're worse than Nadil!"
"Nadil?" Raven gasped. "I am his daughter!"
"D-d-daughter?!" Rath sputtered and cracked up again.
"Yes…" Raven ignored Rath, closing her eyes as she began her sad tale. "When The Dragon Lord found out the Dragon Knight of Darkness was Nadil's daughter, he made me a forbidden Knight. My memories were erased and I was separated from my family. However, when I found my dragon my memories returned. This choker keeps my power in check, or I would be able to destroy the world."
Cesia took out a cell phone. "Rath, keep it down! I gotta make a call." She dialed a number and waited. "Hello? We have a Mary Sue problem over here. No, she hasn't done any damage yet. No, Rath is currently laughing his ass off at her. All right, thanks."
"Okay… Okay, I'm better now… Really…" Rath sat up, snickering. "Tell me another one!"
Raven looked mildly taken aback. Curiously, she asked, "why do you laugh? Are you not astounded by my beauty and mystique?"
"Ahem." Another person had joined them on the path. This one was a kid – probably no more then thirteen years of age. He held up an ID. card for the three of them to view.
Anti-Mary-Sue-Authors
AMSA
Kirin 13 Field Agent
Luna C.
"I'm from the AMSA, an elite group of authors dedicated to the extermination of Mary Sues and promotion of better writing."
Cesia nodded. "Can you remove this…blemish from the series?" She waved a hand at Raven.
Kirin gave the girl a once-over. "Yep. She hasn't rooted herself into the story yet."
"Now wait a minute!" Raven looked back and forth between the newcomer and Rath, who was still laughing uproariously. "What's going on?"
"You're coming with me. The AMSA has started a Mary Sue boot camp. If you're lucky, you'll actually become a good original character. If you fail, well, that's what gas chambers are for."
Raven's sapphire eyes darkened. "I will not allow you to do such a thing!" She readjusted her grip on her sword, the blade now beginning to glow an iridescent blue.
"Oh, give me a friggin' break." Kirin eased a backpack from his shoulder labeled 'Anti-Mary Sue Artillery' and rummaged through it. "Last warning. Come quietly or stuffed in a body bag. Either way, you're not staying here to seduce Rath. I think you have your work cut out for you on that anyway."
Raven's only response was an exaggerated swing of her sword.
Kirin sighed, rolled under the elaborate move, and jabbed her side with an electric cattle prod. Raven's sword thudded on the ground from her shaking hands.
"Wh-wh-what did y-you just…"
"This is all standard procedure, actually." Kirin got back to his feet, shouldering the backpack again. "You'd be surprised what kind of stuff can fit in here. Changed your mind yet?"
The girl nodded dumbly.
"Good. You'll need to get your files in order at HQ, then it's straight to the camp. Training lasts as long as you shape up or piss us off to the point where you become a lost cause. Questions will be answered later and by someone with more patience than I. Get it, got it, good? We're gone."
Cesia breathed a sigh of relief. "Those things have been popping up everywhere lately. I've been worried."
Rath propped his head up in one hand and mused out loud, "killing Mary Sues sounds fun~ I wanna try it! Ow!"
Cesia shook her fist at him warningly. "Not if it's as bothersome as your demon-hunting! Get up, we've wasted enough time here. Up!"
"Ow, stop kicking me! Ouch, abuse! Abuse!"
End.
The following was taken from the AMSA Beyblade fic because Luna C. admits to being imperfect. She also admits to being lazy.
Greetings, readers and writers alike. I am Luna Crescent, commonly referred to as simply 'Luna C.' or even 'L.C.' to the extremely lazy (I don't flatter myself; I'm included in that group.) I am the proud founder of the AMSA, a gathering of brave writers who have a firm grasp on the English language and reality. Let's face it; Mary Sues are a dream to the creator. They are, after all, a wish-fulfillment. How we wish we were beautiful, flawless, adored, and perfect.
Yeah, we wish.
But we aren't.
Wake-up call, little eleven-year-olds, this is reality. Cold, hard reality. It's not your dream world or your fantasy land. You can't be perfect here. As much as you think they're wonderful and just so cool, your Mary Sues are literally impossible. Perfection doesn't exist.
This is why the AMSA, Anti-Mary-Sue-Authors, was created. We're not saying we're smarter than you (though in some cases that could be argued) or better, but we are saying that your Mary Sues are stupid. All Mary Sues, even if they're written with proper grammar (which is a rarity), are vile creatures that have no place on Earth and they're too cliché for Heaven. Mary Sues may even get kicked out of Hell.
I'm sure that many of you out there are going, "but my characters aren't perfect!" Well, no, maybe she isn't to you. But she's still unrealistic/impossible/irrational, and main characters can't be flat or boring like that. Side characters can be flat, but not the main character of a story.
"Other people like my characters!" Other people are stupid too. There are many people out there who can't recognize a Mary Sue. There will always be someone who likes your story, no matter how repulsive it is. You can't rely of these people to know where your story stands.
"I like my characters and that's all that matters!" Sure, your opinion is a very powerful thing, and I'm not being sarcastic. However, that's your view, and everyone is biased. Are you really comfortable knowing there are people out there who hate your characters and have pointed out what was wrong with them? Are you still sure that they're perfect the way they are? Of course you like them, they are yours after all. That doesn't mean they're any good.
"You're just being mean and I don't care what you say!" Yes, we are mean. The AMSA is notorious for our flames, and we're quite proud of that. We never promised to be nice and give out criticism with a spoonful of sugar. We don't care if you don't care, but that doesn't mean we'll go away.
That said; let's have a closer look at these Mary Sues and exactly what is wrong with them.
Drop Dead Gorgeous
The most common trait of a Mary Sue or John Doe; the looks. I'm sure you know what I mean. Here's how to avoid this deadly disease.
For crying out loud, people can be attractive, but they're not breath-taking. What one person may find beautiful, another may not. For the record, being "pale" is not always a nice trait. Pale means white, or close to it. It's ghostly or sickly, and that's not exactly shockingly beautiful. A character's appearance doesn't need to be so unique, they might as well be other-worldly (and they are sometimes described as such.) In the real world, people have physical flaws. Especially teenagers, which most Sues tend to be. Yes, gotta love that acne. You never find Sues with oily hair, dry skin, or –god forbid – pimples. Hence, the perfection of Mary Sue-ism.
This isn't to say that you can't have characters that are attractive. You just can't have them be so stunning that everyone else has to stop, notice, and fall madly in love.
Make your characters appear however you want, but…give them an equally-diverse personality while you're at it.
I know that a common anime feature is oddly-colored hair and eyes. I think the best way to go about this is simply; if the series has characters with blue hair and red eyes, go ahead and have fun with your original's pigmentation. If the series is strictly "real-life", then you better have good reasons for the pink hair (dye) and purple eyes (contacts). Just don't be a complete idiot and take unnecessary liberties with this.
Trauma
Conflict is good. We like torturing our characters. It's an oddly twisted form of affection. My favorite originals are very traumatized indeed. And you know what? I follow through. You want your character to have a dark, bloody past? Sure. You want them to be full of angst? Fine. Do you have any idea how to write such things? You better. If a girl was abused by her parents, raped, and never treated nicely once in her life, she is scarred forever. You need to realize that if all that has happened to her she is not going to trust anyone without a damn good reason and a lot of therapy. This includes falling in love with the first nice guy she meets. It's not going to happen. Rape victims will be very, very hesitant to trust men. Women who were abused by their boyfriends/spouses are likely to look for more abusive relationships. A child who is beaten by her parents is likely to beat her own children later on. This is a psychology thing. Don't expect us to believe your Mary Sue had a terrible past and magically recovers when her true love sweeps her off her feet. Love isn't a miracle-working cure-all. Sometimes, (actually, most of the time,) love won't save anyone.
If you're going to give someone a dark background, make sure it realistically affects their current state. Make them completely paranoid and skittish, if it fits. Don't make a girl who was beaten all gung-ho to "cover up her vulnerable side". Pfft. Don't make me laugh.
Whatever you do, don't downplay suicide. Don't downplay anything, for that matter. Chances are, you have no idea what it's like to be suicidal. Research if you have to, but don't write blindly.
Love
Ahh, yes. Romance. I love romance, but I can't write it for crap. I'll devotedly worship anyone who does write good romance. Unfortunately, these God-like beings are few and far between.
The number one reason why a Mary Sue is born is so she can be paired up with the author's favorite bishounen. Yes, we've all had urges to do this, and many of us have. *reaches into a dusty character closet and hauls out Reika by her hair* I am also guilty. *shoves the imperial lady back into the depths of the closet* Really, pairing a character up is no big deal to me. As I said, I'm all for a good love story!
But please, there is a difference between a gripping tale of love and a dinky "*gasp!* I love you!" "Really? *gasp* I love you too!" "Passionate" and "deep" kissing ensues. In the worst-case scenario, it will result in badly-written, unrealistic sex. (Which will include the guy being all pansy-ish and worried about hurting the girl during penetration, to which the girl assures him she'll be fine and it magically doesn't hurt because it's "true love". The girl must've been lying about something…) I don't mind a bit of cliché-ness, but… I'm enough of a veteran sap-lover that I can practically taste the difference between "story" and "eleven year old's fantasy". Not to sound snobby, but…it's obvious.
And why settle for "true love"? Flirting is fun too! Not all relationships are deep, meaningful, and everlasting.
The most sought-after guy in DK seems to be Rath. He's the favorite of most fans. Well, he's good-looking and has a lot of mystique, but is he really boyfriend material? Look at all his personality flaws – he's obsessive, easily-distracted, not exactly responsible, egotistical, self-centered… Rath is a very deep and complex character. You have to understand that before you assume that he'll fall in love with your Mary Sue. Rath and love don't even compute. He admits to caring about Rune and Thatz, but he sure as hell won't tell them that. He's not open with his feelings. He'll deny caring for anyone. He probably cares about the Dragon Lord and the Dragon Officers, but he's even more secretive there. He probably cares for Cesia, though even he doesn't know why. Guess what, guys? Rath and Cesia are probably a canon couple. Well, there goes your Mary Sue's chance at hooking up with Rath!
Powers
The next – I swear – the next Sue claiming to be the Knight of Wind will be getting the Dragon Sword shoved so far down her throat it might as well have been up her ass.
That pretty much speaks for itself. But basically – no more Dragon Knights. No more. Isn't all that complicated enough without throwing more people into it? No more Knights, Officers, or dragons. No one is more powerful than Rath, Cesia, Lykouleon, or Nadil. Got it? Good.
This is Luna C, founder of the AMSA, signing out.