I can remember the day like it was yesterday. Back when I was a klutzy, uncoordinated human. Back when I was in love with the most beautiful man to grace the earth with his presence, even though he wasn't technically a living man. Back when I was also in love with his bubby, overly-optimistic sister. My little pixie.
How it happened, I'll never know. There was no indication before that day that I'd had any inkling of un-sisterly feelings towards her. It had always been strictly platonic, girly friendship with the occasional peck on the cheek and the daily cold embrace. I don't know. That day, when she'd wrapped her marble arms around me, I was suddenly filled with the urge to hold on to her tightly, to never let her go.
She had been wearing black skinny jeans, a simple yet fashionable gray sweater that overlaid her white ruffled blouse, and black ballet flats that did nothing to lengthen her enough to meet my height. Was it the clothes? Was it the simplicity of her makeup? The dark shadows on her eyelids and the light amount of eyeliner only enhanced her beauty by tenfold.
No, I don't believe it was. If it had been, I'd feel overwhelming shallow right about now.
I always think back to that day, trying to deduce what it was that completely changed my perspective of her. Even now, as Edward's wife and eternal beloved, I don't deny to myself that I love her. What would the point of that be? Denying my feelings for her, especially at that time, could've destroyed me, and alienated her.
I think he knows. I've never told him about it, and even though I'm an exception to his rather insightful faculties, the more time we've spent together the easier it's become for him to read me as easily as Renee does. Now that I don't see her anymore it's like a substitute meant to keep me on my guard. But just because he can't read my mind, that doesn't exclude her from his ability. I know her, and she wouldn't keep such dangerous thoughts in her head while he was around. That would kill him to find out that way.
Even now, I know that any pursuit of a relationship with her would mean terrible consequences for us and everyone else. I love Edward, and always will. He had my heart first, and without him I wouldn't have the most perfect daughter I could ask for. Just thinking about Renesmee wrenches my heart in the most unimaginable way; with her, she wouldn't be alive. Despite this, I don't regret having these feelings for my sister-in-law. What I felt for her, and still feel right now, are irreplaceable and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I love her. I love Alice Cullen.
All right, so, new story! This has been dancing around in my head for a while, and the more I think about it, the more I say to myself, "There could totally be a relationship between Alice and Bella in the books!" It's up to interpretation, but I think there's something there, albeit small. Anyways, I'll update in a while as more ideas come to me, so please review! Thanks!