Title: Notes

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine, making no money. Sigh.

Author's Notes: This is what happens when I ponder seasons 1 and 2, especially "Evaluation Day." Grissom pretty much demoralized poor Nick. :(. It's also what happens when I try to write when my blood sugar is low. ;) But it's fine. I'm about to have some Cheetos! I don't know exactly where this little story is going, but I guess we'll find out.

Also, this takes place during Season 5.

Dear Everyone,

I'm not an eloquent man, but I'll try to say everything I have to say without yammering on too long.

I've lived for a long time with the hope that I can outrun my past, and that my present will start to look like I've always envisioned my future. But I've finally realized that my hopes are in vain. No matter what I say or what I do, I can't seem to make life work for me. So here I am, writing you all this note in an attempt to explain what I've done.

I've never been quite as smart as the rest of you, and certainly not as intellectual as you, Sara, or you, Grissom. Sometimes I feel like I have to struggle just to keep up. I'm not whining, mind you. I'm stating facts.

Over the years, though, I think I've become a pretty good CSI. Grissom, I know you had your doubts early on, but even you have to admit I have a knack for it. Right? Well, I guess you don't have to admit it. If you did, it would be first.

Over the years, I've learned a lot about myself, too. I've learned that the one and only thing that makes me special is my ability to read people, and to tell them what they want to hear. And that ability makes me a pretty good actor. Or a fraud, depending on how you want to look at it. Right now, I'm going with fraud. Which brings us to today.

Looking back over the past few weeks, I wonder if maybe I should've come to one of you, told you what was going on. But then I ask myself…who would I have come to? Who would've understood? Ah…it's water under the bridge, now. Right?

Anyway, that's about it. So…I guess I'll end now. I've enjoyed working with all of you, and I've valued your friendship. Thanks for being a part of my life.

Nick

Author's Notes Part II:

Hmm…What does this note mean? What has Nick done? Has the note been found by someone, or is Nick still considering what to do? And what exactly drove Nicky to this anyway?