So this idea's probably been done, but that didn't make it any less fun to do. It's a quick read, a quick lol or groan. I'll state off the bat that there are no characters that I dislike or hate in Sailor Moon. Not even Rei or Chibi-Usa. I love them all. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to be mean to my characters. Hell no.
Pink
Chapter 1/1
Usagi was careful not to drop the decorated teacup after she had finished up her story. She was shaking so badly after she was done with the story that she wasn't sure if it was her nerves or an earthquake. The stunned looks on her friends faces told her she wasn't the only one. She had called them, all of them, to find out what she should do.
The deafening silence of her Senshi, who were huddled around her at the Crown Fruit Parlor, spoke volumes. Once they found their voices, they began talking, trying to offer suggestions on how Usagi should deal with the situation.
Minako was the first, with what could be construed as the most brilliant, or the stupidest, idea of the night. "Can't you just…take it back?"
"Minako-chan!" Rei tried not to sound scandalized, though she looked a little pale herself. "this isn't something you take back! This gift is truly one of a kind and-"
"And it could ruin Mamoru and Usagi's marriage," Ami broke in, her voice completely serious and a little cold. Her blue eyes seemed to be calculating something and the others stayed quiet. "Usagi-chan, I agree with Minako-chan."
Even Setsuna was caught by surprise. "Ami-chan?"
"You should take it back." Ami's tone was still quiet, but she was more forceful in her conviction.
Usagi, now on a chocolate shake, took a gulp. "But I don't know HOW!" she whined.
Haruka, who had been curiously silent, spoke up. "I can take you right down the block." She stood and grabbed her car keys. "I know someone who will-"
"Haruka!" Michiru snapped. Her tone sent Haruka straight back into her chair. "Obviously we are all forgetting the future." She nibbled politely on a cookie. "This will not break Usagi and Mamoru-san up. Right, Setsuna?"
As though she were late, Setsuna looked at her left wrist and appeared to be flustered. "Will you look at that, I left the time gate open again!" She stood up, and despite the large crowd of people who were not associated with the Senshi in the Crown, she pulled out her Time Staff. "Silly me…" There was the normal flash of light and when everyone could see again, Setsuna was gone.
Strange monsters, magical girls, and Godzilla enabled the patrons to get back to normal with minimal fuss. Some American tourists, however, began taking pictures and trying to speak in broken Japanese in order to find out what happened.
Makoto scoffed softly and ignored the tourists. "You were saying?"
Tears began to form in Hotaru's eyes. "But, if you take it back, what will happen to me, Usagi-san?" She started to cry, though softly, and tried to hide it. Her attempts were futile and within moments she was drying her eyes on Rei's handkerchief.
"Hotaru-chan," Usagi smiled, though it was forced. The situation was a lot more trying than any of them wanted to admit. "Hotaru-chan," she began again, "this has nothing to do with you. It's just…I don't know how Mamo-chan will react. Everything was normal, and sane, and there were no worries. This…gift puts a damper on things." She winced when her crying worsened.
Haruka, like all good parents, expertly ignored her daughters' wailing. "Koneko-chan, I'm telling you, we can take care of that in fifteen, no ten, minutes," Haruka insisted.
Usagi seemed to consider this. After all, it Mamoru never had to know, right? There was no harm in just getting rid of it and saving both of them the grief of trying to figure this out. It wasn't the end of the world if she just tweaked history a little bit.
"She can't just make this go away." Michiru replied. She rested her forehead on her fingertips. "It will just happen again and again, we both know how Usagi and Mamoru-san are."
They lapsed into silence once more. Usagi slurped down the rest of her shake and signaled Motoki for another. She was half done with it when Rei added her careful assessment. "So, we can't get rid of it, and we can't avoid it."
"It's like Galaxia," Minako explained woefully, "the world is doomed no matter what we do."
"Erm, isn't that an exaggeration?" Makoto asked. The others raised their eyebrows, she rushed to clarify and tried not to blush. "It's just…I mean, we're not talking about the resurrection of the Dark Kingdom here."
"Look, Setsuna just vanished, while babbling and looking at a watch that didn't exist. Either she's crazy, or we're right."
"She has lived alone for so long, it's not a far cry to say she's insane." Ami sipped her tea nonchalantly and pondered the thought. "After all, Mamoru-san was such an ass when we met him because of being alone, wasn't he?"
"Ami-chan," Rei spoke through gritted teeth, ignoring Ami's use of language, "unless you have something to say that doesn't force me to believe that all mankind is doomed: shut up."
"Mou!" Usagi slammed her hands on the table and stood up. "You guys aren't helping me at all." She grabbed her purse and reapplied her lipstick with superb speed and skill. "I'll just…tell Mamo-chan. Yeah, and I'll make sure he knows that I love him no matter what." She checked her reflection and put on a fake smile. "Even with this…no matter what!"
They watched Usagi walk out of the room, Motoki tried running after her but she closed the door, leaving once more without paying her bill. For years the others had wondered how Motoki could have stayed in business with someone such as Usagi leeching off of him as often as she did. They had been forced to believe it was Yakuza intervention that kept the Crown afloat.
"Fifteen bucks on divorce by next month! Odds are prime, call your bets!" Minako announced to the entire room.
Makoto considered this and was the first to shell out her cash. "I give them at least six weeks. You're on." Minako and Makoto shook on the deal, and Minako began to go around and collect from the others in the room.
"Divorce? Maybe this won't be so bad." Haruka opened her wallet and pulled out a folded piece of paper. On it, in blood red ink, was a signed permission slip, for lack of a better word. It wasn't that Haruka had never trusted Mamoru, it was just that she liked to have insurance on everything, including Mamoru's masculinity. "It's like the gift that keeps on giving."
O.o.O.o.O.o
The story was told, nothing could be taken back. Usagi stood before Mamoru, waiting for his reaction to the gift. A gift…but really not. Gifts were supposed to be a joyous occasion, something that you could treasure and brag about. Usagi looked down at what Mamoru now held and felt like spitting, tearing the room in rage, or just crying. His silence was worse than the Senshi's earlier.
"Fuck me," Mamoru muttered under his breath.
"I think that's what got us into this mess!" Usagi snapped at him. She folded her arms and sat down on the bed in a huff. "And you said we had enough condoms, Mr. Oh-Don't-Worry-I'm-Sure-It'll-Be-Fine!"
Mamoru looked at the small white strip, then back up at Usagi, and then back down again. Pink. Pink. It had to be pink. "Can't we just take her back?"
Like I said, I love all the characters, even Chibi-Usa, I just love to fuck with them, too. And it's so easy to do. I hope you got a few laughs out of this, and if you didn't, sorry I put you through it! Please review, I always appreciate that!