A/N: This is my first fic with an antiheroine, so I hope it works out. Look out world, 'cause here comes Ellen Stryde, a criminally insane pokemon trainer aspiring to take over Team Rocket AND Indigo Plateau. As always, RxR.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. Well, I own the games, but...dammit! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! RAWR!
Chapter One: A Few False Starts
It was nine o' clock on the morning of our big move to New Bark Town when my mother called me down to breakfast.
"Ellen? Your eggs are getting cold!" she yelled, probably thinking that I had overslept, as I was prone to do every now and then.
But of course, I wasn't coming down; now or ever. If she and dad wanted to move to stupid Johto just because my sister Emily happened to get a scholarship at this so-called academy in Violet City, then they would just have to leave me behind. I had already made up my mind to become the Champion of Indigo Plateau, not some preppy little school girl studying Pidgeys and whatnot.
Jeez! Who did they think they were kidding, anyway? Did they really think I would be happy with my nose in a textbook when I could be out there pwn'ing Lance with my all-mighty badassness and Pokemon training skillz?
Yes, I spelled skillz with a z. Get used to it, noobs.
"Give 'em to Em," I called back. "I'm not hungry!"
My mother grumbled something awful as the sound of her footsteps faded. I could already picture her scraping the eggs into the trashbin since Emily, while being a stuck-up little know-it-all, also happened to be a vegetarian AND lactose intolerant. Needless to say, she wasn't touching Pidgey eggs. No sir, not Em.
Little did the woman know what sort of irritation was in store for her when she found out that I had chained myself to the radiator in my room.
"Okay, Pyre," I said to the Charmander sitting beside me. "You know what to do. If anyone tries to come in or mess with the locks, fry 'em straight to hell. Got it, buddy?"
"Char!" he responded, cheerfully enough. After all, he was pretty much used to my antics by now. I had gotten him a few weeks ago from Professor Oak, and I was about to leave for Viridian City when my baby sister went and dropped her Smart-Ass-Scholarship bomb on us, and my parents made their "executive decision" to relocate to New Bark Town.
Little runt. She would pay for that. But later. Right now, I had to stop this heinous act of injustice.
Soon enough, I heard a knock at the door. "Elle? Hey, listen, Mom says that you have to come downstairs soon. The moving Pokemon are here."
Pyre, the Charmander, looked at me expectantly. But there was no need for him to waste his energy when technically Emily wasn't even trying to open the door. I'd try to parley first.
"I'm not going. Tell Mom that I'm staying in Kanto."
"Officer Jenny is waiting downstairs to bring you along if you try anything stupid, you know."
"Really?"
This surprised me. I didn't think the woman would be back at our place so quickly after she had brought me back, kicking and screaming, in the dead of night. My parents were pissed that I had tried to sneak off to Viridian City without their permission, and apparently they had meant it when they said they'd be calling in a professional to deal with me that morning.
But Officer Jenny? That was their professional? I'd known the woman since I was five, back when I had tried to rob my first Pokemart. The owner thought I was joking at first when I claimed to be an elite member of Team Rocket. Then, when I wouldn't go away, he had given me a lollipop before calling the police to bring me home.
I remember the Jenny asking me if I had learned my lesson, and I said that I had. Never, ever accept bribes when you're on a mission. After countless other little brushes with the law over the years, she had become a sort-of friend of the family. It was kind of ironic given my constant scheming for world domination. I'm just saying.
"My statement stands," I replied cooly. "Tell the Jenny that if she tries anything funny, I'll have Pyre heat the doorknob and melt the locks. She won't be able to get into the room, anyway."
"You idiot. She has a freaking Arcanine."
"But is she really willing to pay the property damage if she has to force her way into the room?" I asked, revealing my ace in the hole. "No. She won't. So tell her my demands like a good little girl, and be quick about it."
Em sighed. "Mom won't like this..." she groaned as she trudged away. I felt a spike of triumph as my little sister trudged downstairs again.
Five minutes later, Jenny was outside my door wearing a pair of flame-retardant gloves, the kind vulcanologists wear, physically removing the door off of its hinges. Pyre's melting the lock was moot point by then. Those were easy and inexpensive enough to replace, anyway. Damn it.
It had taken them an hour to get me out of the chains. Mostly because Pyre had kept them back with his ember attack. But in the end, Jenny had completely blackballed me and threatened to have my Trainer's License taken away. Not that this would matter much once I was in charge of Team Rocket, but...well...right now, I needed a backstory for why I was traveling throughout Kanto. I mean, who would suspect just another wannable Pokemon trainer?
So, the assbags got me to New Bark Town. I would have my revenge! I VOW TO HAVE MY...
"Oh, my God," Em muttered as she looked over to read what I was writing in my journal. "You are such a psycho, you know that?"
I was sitting in the backseat wearing a pair of handcuffs on my wrists and feet. It didn't stop me from writing, and didn't even hurt so long as I didn't try to move my arms too much. What really sucked was that I was stuck in the car for a five hour drive with my annoying little sister instead of my badass Charmander. The Jenny had confisgated his pokeball, saying that I could have him back when I got to New Bark Town.
I missed Pyre already. He was my partner in crime.
"You're really being difficult about this, you know," she said. "Why don't you just take the Trainer's Challenge in Johto instead? Arceus knows it'd be easier."
"You fool. Do I look like such a noob to have to ride the bunny slope when I could be climbing to Kingdom Come?"
"Why do you feel the need to invent names for Indigo Plateau?"
"Because I can. Now be quiet. You don't understand the likes of me, peon."
"No surprise there," Em sighed again, rolling her eyes. "I think Mom might have dropped you on your head as a baby. That's the only way I'd ever believe that you weren't adopted or something."
"Whatever," I muttered. "Anyway, why the hell would you want to go to school out in freaking Violet City? What's so good about Johto, anyway?"
"Well, for starters, they give away starter pokemon for free."
In case you live in a cave, reader, starter pokemon (such as Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle) are not typically found in the wild. In fact, they are so rare that most of the ones given away to newbie trainers are born and raised at a breeding center. And, just so you know, breeding centers don't give away rare pokemon for free.
Hence, the Starter's Fee. When you got your trainer's license from the resident professor of the region (or the nearest Joy), you had the option of paying a substantial extraneous amount of cash for your starter pokemon. I, of course, poured most of my life savings to get Pyre.
"WHAT?" I cried, jerking my head to face her sharply. "Free? Free starters?"
"Just the Johto ones."
This couldn't be right. It seemed almost insulting to think that while I was slaving away doing extra chores around the house and community service and whatnot, all I had to do was make a little switcheroo to Johto, and BAM! Free starter pokemon.
Not that it would have mattered. I was saving my allowance for my Charmander; specifically a Charmander. If you even have to ask why a Charmander, then you are clearly a noob and do not deserve to have your question answered.
Em, on the other hand, had been saving up for school. Judging by the evidence laid out at my feet, she planned to go to school in Johto and get her starter for free...the little brat.
"What's wrong with them?" I demanded.
Em looked a little surprised and cowed by the manic glint in my eyes. I don't think she was trying to throw me into another one of my grand master plans. I think she was just trying to cheer me up to the idea of moving to such a crap place like New Bark Town. Like that was going to happen.
"What do you mean, what's wrong with them?" she asked, completely bemused by my reaction. "The Pokemon?"
"YES! I mean, are they mentally deficient? Lab bred? Do their stats suck? What's the deal?"
"They're just normal Pokemon, Elle. Jeez! What's with you, anyway? You already have a starter, remember?"
I grinned. "Oh, I know. Pyre is an awesome little badass!"
But even the most awesomest of badasses need backup and cohorts and stuff. And since they were practically giving these starters away, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if I happened to take a Chikorita off of their hands. I mean, if I had to pick one of the three Johto starters, was I going to grab the fire-type Cyndaquil when I already had Pyre? Or a spaztastic Totodile that wouldn't listen to a word I said?
From what I've read, Chikorita tend to be pretty easy-going. Plus, their defensive stats are the best out of all three Johto starters. So my mind was made up on this matter. But obviously, I didn't say as much out loud. Em would totally rat me out to Mom and the Jennies.
I cackled with glee. This was so perfect! And once I had my free Chikorita, I'd jump the nearest boat to Kanto and just take the League challenge on my own, with two little badasses on my team! Freaking sweet!
Em's eyes narrowed at me suspiciously. "For all of our sakes, I am praying to Arceus that you never end up with a Charizard," she said, misreading my insane laughter for fiery visions of the future.
She had no freaking idea! HA!
"You know I can still read over your shoulder, right?"
Erm...crap!
"Mom! Elle's planning on stealing a Chikorita from Professor Elm and running away to Kanto!"
"Why, you little...!"
Mom didn't even look up from the steering wheel as I attempted to close my fingers around my sister's windpipe. Em made a gagging sound as she swatted me across my head with one of her textbooks. A fight immediately broke out right there in the back seat.
"God," Mom muttered. "What did I do to deserve this? Where did I go wrong with that girl...?"
"HEY!"
When we finally got to New Bark Town, Mom dropped the bomb on me.
"Grounded!" I cried. "What do you mean I'm grounded!"
My mother dryly gestured towards Em, who was sporting a split lip from where I had nicked her with the handcuffs.
"And don't think that I've forgotten about that crap you pulled this morning. Where did you even get those chains, anyway, young lady?"
"I plea the fifth," I replied.
"Of course you do," said my father as he climbed out of the passenger seat of the moving van. Wisely, he had opted to ride with the movers-partially because he had known that I would not go to Johto quietly. "But your mother's right, sweet-bean. I'm going to hold on to Pyre's pokeball until I've decided that you're responsible enough to care for a Pokemon."
"Like that'll happen," Em muttered.
"You're just going to leave him in there?" I yelled. "He'll die!"
"Obviously we'll let him out for meals and exercise. Other than that, he'll be in our care until further notice."
I sulked. This sucked. Not only was I stranded out here in the middle of freaking no-where, but I didn't even have my little badass to keep me company. My parents really know how to make a girl suffer.
The jerks.
But crap! This left me with another problem. If I was trapped in my bedroom, how am I supposed to get my hands on a Chikorita? If I waited too long, Professor...crap, what was his name again? Redwood? Maple? Meh, who cares? The point is that the early worm gets the worm, and I never wanted a worm so badly as I did right then and there.
I had to escape. That was my only option.
I was all set to bolt the moment they took the cuffs off of me, except for the little detail that Dad still had Pyre's pokeball. As desperate as I was to get the hell out of there, I was not leaving without the Charmander I spend ten thousand pokes on. Seriously. That little dude was expensive!
"Can I earn some brownie points by helping to unload the truck?" I asked, ignoring the blunt laugh from my sister. "Please?"
My father looked concerned. "Um...sweetie, maybe we should leave the heavy-lifting to a...well, a professional."
I looked at the two "professionals" Dad had hired. The Machoke were busy flexing their muscles and grunting at each other in poke language. Their owners were doing almost the same thing, only they didn't know poke-speak. I had to say, this bode of confidence in me was quite reassuring.
But then Mom elbowed Dad in the ribs. "If she's working, she'll be too busy to cause trouble."
"But..."
"And if she exhausts herself lifting something heavy, then she'll actually sleep tonight. SLEEP!" she reiterated in a hiss, stabbing Dad in the shoulder with a persistant finger. "Do you know how hard it is for me to sleep, wondering if that girl is actually in her bed at night, or even in the same town as us?"
Apparently she had not forgotten my many midnight escapes.
"We can always lock the window."
"That NEVER works, Richard!"
Dad sighed. "Fine. Knock yourself out, Elle. Just...try not to break anything...please?"
Three dented picture frames, a smashed vase, and a burnt sofa cushion later (don't ask), I had pretty much given up on earning brownie points of any kind. It was all just a ruse, anyway. To lure my parents into a false sense of security.
A ruse that apparently had failed, since they just ended up locking me in my new bedroom anyway. The jerks.
"Okay, Pyre," I said to the Charmander sitting next to me on the bed. The windows were, of course, bolted shut. "I'm not going to lie to you. This is a pretty sticky situation we've gone and landed ourselves in."
Pyre, though a loyal minion of mine, eyed me when I said that, as though to say, "We?"
"The fact of the matter is that the Kanto League isn't going to go on forever. If we don't start out on our journey soon, we won't have enough badges by the time the Elite Four start to take on challengers. And we MUST win!"
"Char," Pyre supplied helpfully. "Mander, Charmander, Char!"
"I don't know what you just said, but I'm sure it was something I can agree with," I replied. "So first things first. We need to get your pokeball back from Dad. We need to discreetly get our things packed without alerting the parental-bots to our plan. AND," I finished dramatically, "we need to get a Chikorita from Professor Elm."
Pyre blinked at me in confusion. "Char?"
"They're free, Pyre. And I needed to get a grass type anyway, so I figured it may as well be a starter with decent stats. Plus, it's easier than digging around through the grass for an Oddish or something."
Pyre scowled at me. "Char, Charmander," he said, folding his small arms across his chest. I supposed he meant to say, "If you wanted a grass type, why didn't you buy yourself a Bulbasaur instead?" Clearly, the little guy was jealous.
Crap. I could already see dissension within the ranks. I would have to be freaking retarded to just sit there and let it fester beyond my control. So I picked up my Charmander and looked him square in the eye.
"You are a badass. Point in fact, you are my badass. Don't forget that, okay, dude? No matter how many pokemon we catch and trounce along our journey, you will always be my favorite little pyromaniac."
Pyre smiled, revealing a row of wickedly pointed teeth. He looked positively diabolical, even though I knew the fire-lizard long enough to know that that was the expression he wore when he was happy. Innocent and happy. At least, I hoped...
"So, tonight, we go through with Phase One of our plan...!" I announced.
"Char!"
A/N: So here's chapter one. What fate lies in store for Ellen and her Charmander, Pyre? Will she get her Chikorita? Will she ever start on her Pokemon Journey? And what crazy scheme will she concoct to do it?
If this story sucks, just tell me and I'll do what I can to fix it. Or kill it. Slowly and painfully. Because, as Stephen Hawking said, a good author needs to learn to kill her babies...
...I might be paraphrasing a little.
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