Contest entry for Lyrics to Life Contest

Title: Running on Empty

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Rating: M

Word Count: 10,147

Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities or song lyrics herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: For bartender Edward Masen, his three-year old daughter was his entire life until a free-spirited writer showed that he was worth something as well.

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels … I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

I roll over, or try to, when I feel something soft and feathery against my forehead. Fortunately my body remembers that I had fallen asleep on my mother's couch, and I keep myself from falling off the edge.

Blinking in the early dawn light, I find myself staring up my mother's copper hair and gentle smile. For a moment I feel like the teenager who got caught coming in late from curfew. God, I had been a punk. I should have listened to her then.

"Morning." I groan and sit up so that Mom can have a place to sit.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Mom smile in that disarming way that she has. It was a good thing she had it as she had raised three boys alone. I have my hands full with just one girl. "I thought you were going to take Bailey home."

"When I got here she was good and asleep. I figured I would grab a few seconds of shut eye. I guess I slept for hours. Sorry."

"It's alright. You know I don't mind. I just think she needs to sleep in her own bed too."

"I know." Mom doesn't mean to ride my ass. She's just trying to help. I have no idea what I'm doing and she does.

I'm a twenty-five year old, former piano prodigy, working a terrible 5 P.M. to 3 A.M. job, and the father of a three-year-old girl named Bailey. I'm in over my head and I have been for a long time. Mom is one of my life lines.

I feel a little guilty for asking for help. I mean, Mom had raised my brothers and I, even though we gave her hell. She deserved a break. I wish I could give it to her.

"I'll take her home tonight, I promise. I've got the weekend off, so you can go shopping or whatever you want to do."

She smiles like she had a secret, and I have no idea what to make of that look. "You still coming to dinner on Sunday?"

"Like I would pass up your pot roast." My stomach rumbles just thinking about it.

Mom smiles and rumples my already unkempt copper hair. The same shade as hers, I'd been told. "You boys still eat as much as when you were teenagers. Just be glad you had a girl, Edward."

I smile at her tease. "Em and Jas coming Sunday?"

She nods. "And Alice and Jackson."

I lean back, closing my eyes, and feel Mom stand up. I'm soon smelling bacon and eggs from the kitchen. Again I feel bad for taking advantage. I should be able to give my daughter breakfast.

I'm not aware Bailey is up until I feel her tiny hands on my knees. I crack my eyes open to see her red curls, button nose, and our shared green eyes. She rubs a fist over her eyes and stares blearily up at me.

"Morning Pretty Green Eyes." She smiles at her nickname and climbs into my lap.

I kiss the top of her head and wrap my arms around her. Her head hits my chest and I'm happy to just hold her. From the first time she was placed in my arms, I have been able to do nothing but marvel. Somehow I was deserving of this little life. Even with all the trouble her arrival had caused, I would go through it all again.

She scrunched up her nose. "Daddy, you smell like smoke."

I snicker and brush a loose curl out of her face. She hates it when I come back from the bar. "Sorry, sweetie, I haven't gotten a shower."

"Do you have to go back tonight?"

"Yes, I have to go work tonight, but you've got me all weekend. What would you like to do?"

"Can we go to the park?"

"Yeah, as long as it's not raining."

"Can I get a new dress to start school in next week?"

I swallow thickly. The hope in her eyes was so bright. I don't want to squash it, but preschool itself is stretching out our budget far enough.

She needs preschool. The only other kid that she hangs out with is her cousin. Otherwise, it's just me and Mom. She needs to know how to act around kids and teachers and stuff.

I want her to be able to have a new dress, but I just can't afford it. It's going to kill me, but I had promised never to lie to her.

"I don't think we can do that." Just like I expect, her face falls. Bailey really is a good kid, and she deserves a new dress if she wants one. I sigh and cuddle her closer. It feels like all I ever do is squash her dreams.

I suck at this. I'm not meant to be a father, but I love my daughter and I'm too selfish to let her go. I crave little moments like this. Bailey is warm and she gives the best hugs. I feel like my heart is about to burst whenever her arms wrap around my neck. Even if she's crying, it's nice to know I can still make her feel better. She makes all the shit I go through worth it.

Still her soft sniffles are killing me. My aim in life is to make Bailey happy, and this isn't happy. I kiss her cheeks, then her nose, then her eyelids. This coaxes a giggle out of her and I feel a little better. I continue to pepper her face with butterfly kisses before progressing to "finding" raspberries on her tummy. Her giggles and shrieks of laughter fill the room, and I can't think of a better way to wake up in the morning.

If it takes all night, that'll be alright, if I can get you to smile before I leave.

I'm thinking about Bailey that night at the bar when the brown haired beauty walks in. I'm trying desperately to come up with a way to afford a dress, even if it's from a thrift shop. I was so caught up in my thoughts I miss the fact she had sat down in her usual seat until I hear her giggle.

"Bella, when did you get here?"

"Only a couple minutes ago." Bella's lips are turned up in a beautiful smile. Of course everything about Bella is beautiful—long brown hair, deep chocolate colored eyes, and the palest skin. Bella Swan is my best customer and good friend. She sits on that stool almost every other night, tips generously, and is a fantastic listener.

"Sorry, I was thinking about Bailey." I set about making Bella's mojito. "Just don't tell Aro that I missed you sitting there."

"My lips are sealed." Her eyes twinkle mischievously. "How is she?"

"She's alright. Nervous about starting preschool, I think. She asked for a new dress, and, of course, I had to tell her no."

"Poor thing. I'm sure she'll do fine at school though. From what you've told me she's a very bright girl. You should be proud."

I try to hold back the smile that blooms across my face, but it does no good. I'm proud of my girl and with Bella in front of me there's nothing to not smile about. "Through no fault of my own, I promise you."

"Don't sell yourself short." She smirks.

The great thing about Bella is that she keeps me entertained with my otherwise boring bartending duties. She is sharp, witty, and funny. The girl always has a story to tell, which is important since she writes short stories for magazines along with her day job as the receptionist for a pediatrician. Bella is full of light, and I soak it up.

Last call comes and goes, and Bella waits there at the end of the bar for me to finish cleaning. Finally, her fingers slip through my own, and we walk out of the bar.

Bella and I have been dating for almost six months. She's fine with taking things slow and understands that I have other responsibilities, namely my daughter. My history with woman is terrible. From Jessica Stanley in high school to Bailey's mother, Victoria. I don't completely trust myself, and I'm not going to subject Bailey to any of that.

Still, Bella is different. She's soft, gentle, and transparent. With Bella, what you see is you get. I haven't ever seen her mad, and she's the sweetest girl I know. The fact I'm a single father doesn't scare her, and she doesn't mind that most of our dates happen at the end of the bar while I work.

Bella gets under my skin in the best way and keeping my hands off of her is becoming increasingly difficult. I know what I want, but I have to be responsible and not jump into it.

I push Bella back against the car door and sweep in to kiss the smile off of her face. It's hard to argue with how right her small body feels against mine. Her fists grip my t-shirt to pull me down to her. My heart is hammering in my chest, and my mind racing.

I finally pull away for a chance to breathe and nuzzle against her neck. I can feel each tiny puff of breath against my own neck. I know it's dark and this is not the best part of town, but I can't help holding her closer for a moment. I know I'm going to have to let her go and I'm just not ready. With Bella everything seems a little less overwhelming.

I pull away and trace the line of her cheek with my finger. Here goes nothing. "Come over for dinner Sunday. My mom's throwing a big family dinner and you can meet her, my family, and Bailey."

Her brown eyes widen. She knows some of my past, enough to know what I'm asking. "Are you sure you want to go public? I mean, I'm ready to be serious about this, but you need to be sure."

I smile a real smile, the one that only she and my Pretty Green Eyes ever get out of me. That's how I know I'm ready. "I've thought about this, and I want my family to know you make me happy. I want Bailey to know you. I love you, Bella Swan."

The smile on her face lit up the dark. I knew she had been waiting for this and she had been so patient. When I had been overwhelmed with everything, she said she'd wait, and I was one lucky guy.

The next instant, she's in my arms and kissing me like her life depends on it. Bella is giggling around our lips, and I can't myself stop from joining her. Now I just had to hope that my family would love her. Most importantly my daughter.

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive, trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive.

Sunday afternoon, I'm sitting at the top of the stairs in front of my apartment with Bailey a step lower. The air conditioning is out in the building, and it's cooler outside than inside my stuffy apartment. I send up a prayer that the maintenance man would have it fixed by the time we got back. I did not enjoy the thought of having to put Bailey in bed without any air.

Bailey is squirming as I try to brush her hair, and Bella is due any minute. I have dinner with my family tonight and I have no idea why I'd thought that Bella was ready for that. My family was insane.

My mother will hover and want to know what Bella did for a living, what she thought anything and everything, and what her intentions are. Then she will want the same from me. Alice, my sister-in-law, will drive me crazy because she drives everyone crazy. Jasper, my oldest brother, will stand there and stare like a mute idiot at Bella. Emmett, my other brother, will do his damndest to embarrass Bella, and on top of that for the first time I would be a father around her.

I groan and yank a hand through my hair. I'm shaking like a leaf. I have to get a grip on my nerves. If I'm nervous, it will just make Bailey and Bella nervous, and that would just make everything worse.

"Ouch. Daddy that hurt."

I sigh and pull the brush away from her. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay, Daddy." Her charming little voice brings a smile to my face. "Can you do a braid?"

I sigh again. I really have to stop doing that. "No, baby, I don't know how to do a braid. I can do pigtails?"

"Okay." She sighs just like I do. I lean down to kiss the top of her head before parting her hair like I remember my mother showing me how to.

Finally I get the sideways ponytails in. "Ta da!"

She shakes her head, feeling the ends of the ponytails slap her face. When she turns around, her face is anything but happy.

"Daddy, do you love me?"

"What? Of course I love you. You're my baby. I am always going to love you. Nothing is going to stop me from that. No matter how big you get, or how old you get, I am always going to love you."

"So do you love Miss Bella?"

I nod, realizing that I'm walking on thin ice. "Yes, I do love Miss Bella. She's very special to me and so I want her to be special to you to. That doesn't that I love you any less, or that I love someone more. I've got room to love you both."

"I still you Pruty Green Eyes?"

"Always." I kiss her forehead and gave her another hug before telling her to go inside to change into her dress. It wasn't a new dress, but Mom had helped me add a new ruffle to it, and Bailey loved it.

When she's gone, I hang my head in my hands. I understand that's she's only three, but I don't know how to make it all sense to her. I need her and Bella to get along. Bailey is a sweet girl, and I'm certain that she will love Bella. I just have to get her to understand that isn't a matter of amounts. It will work out; it has to.

I lift my head, and see Bella at the bottom of the stairs, clutching the piece of paper I had written the directions on. She smiles though there is also some nervousness. I feel better now that she's here.

She climbs the stairs and sits next to me. I pull her in for a quick, heartfelt kiss. When I pull away I leave an arm around her shoulder.

"Thanks for coming. I know it's not a lot to look at. I would invite you inside, but the air conditioning went out. It's sweltering in there."

She smiles gently, her brown eyes bouncing around and taking in our relatively boring surroundings. Even then, I want to pick apart her brain and see what she sees. She could make a story out of anything. "Where's Bailey?"

"She's inside getting dressed. I told her about you. She's nervous but I think excited."

"Well, then we have that in common."

"Don't be nervous. She'll love you. She was just asking me if I still loved her."

"It's obvious you love her, Edward. It was the first thing that I knew about you. I'm sure she knows it."

I can't help kissing her again. She was too amazing for words. Other women, Bailey's mother even, would have run screaming, but not Bella. She is braver than I have words for and I feel my heart thundering in my chest.

I should have been paying better attention. I peek over Bella's shoulder to find Bailey standing in our doorway. I pull away from Bella quickly. I don't want to overwhelm my daughter. She needs a chance to know Bella before she has to deal with any of our emotions.

I pat my knee and watch as she shyly walks around and climbs into my lap.

I give her a tight squeeze. "Bailey, this is Miss Bella. Bella, this is my baby, Bailey."

Bella smiles gently and holds out her hand. "Hi, Bailey. I'm Bella. Your daddy's told me a lot about you."

Bailey briefly lifts her head from my chest and shakes Bella's hand. "Hi," she half whispers in a sweet soprano.

"Why don't you tell Miss Bella what you're favorite book is?" Bailey loves reading, and I know that she can come out of her shell faster if she talks about her favorite subject.

"Do you like reading?" When Bailey nods Bella continues. "What's your favorite? I'll tell you mine."

Bailey studies Bella for a moment before she answers. "Goodnight Moon."

Bella nods like this is a serious academic discussion. I can't stop smiling. She is amazing. She knew exactly how to talk to my daughter without looking down on her. I want to kiss her.

Bella and Bailey chat the whole way to my mom's. I have never heard Bailey talk so much to anyone. All I can do is stare in shock as they both sit in the back seat, heads close together, whispering.

As soon as we get to my mom's, Bailey goes off to play with Jackson, her two year old cousin. We are barely in the door before my mother and Alice have pulled Bella away. I send her a sympathetic smile, and go to watch TV with my brothers.

Dinner is entertaining to say the least. With two toddlers, Emmett's continuous humour, and putting three brothers who never will grow up at one table, dinner is never a dull affair in the Masen household.

What impresses me is how well Bella fits in. She knew how to hand Emmett's crap back to him. She is a great enough listener that Alice doesn't drive her nuts. She even gets Jasper, my stoic brother, to talk.

I'd always felt like I was three steps behind Jasper. Jackson is a year younger than Bailey, but Jasper had done everything the "right" way. He and Alice were high school sweethearts. They got married right after graduation. Jackson had been an accident, but at least they had been ready for it. They'd both finished college, they have good jobs, and lived in a house with a lawn.

I want a house with a yard. I want to be able to move Bailey out of the string of thin-walled, run-down apartments, and into a home with a yard she can play in without worrying about being kidnapped.

I have big dreams, but no way to get to them.

We leave early since Bailey starts preschool tomorrow, and she needs to get some sleep. Before we can walk out the door my mom pulls me to the side. There's a smile on her face when she says, "Don't you dare let her go, Edward Masen."

In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up the one-oh-one… in sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own, I don't know when that road turned onto the road I'm on

It took a few weeks before Bella and I are able to go out again. We are all busy and tired. I still see Bella at the bar, and she came over for dinner a few times. Bailey has really opened up to Bella, and I want them to get along. I need to talk to Bella, though. She needs the story.

I finally got a weekend off so Bella agrees to meet us at the park. Bailey bounds out of the car and runs to Bella as soon as I get the car seat unbuckled. I follow a little slower while watching Bella and Bailey giggle.

I can't get over it. They are so beautiful together. I stop and watch, wondering what I ever did to deserve them.

Eventually we make it to the playground. Bella sits on a park bench and watches while Bailey plays.

I take Bella's hand in my own and squeeze. I know what I need to do, but that doesn't make it any easier to do.

As if she senses the tension in my hold, she glances at me, worry evident in her gaze. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"I need to tell you what happened with Bailey's mother. Just in case she asks about something, you can know what to say."

She holds on to my arm and her head rests on my shoulder. "Okay, if you think so. Take your time though, okay? It's not a big deal."

"It is. You need to know how I got into this and where Bailey and I are coming from.

"So, I met Victoria my first day at NYU. She was a year older than me and completely gorgeous in that not quite slutty way boys always fall for. It was a whirlwind romance, if you can call it that. It was hot and heavy. We were young and thought we could get away with everything.

"We made it a couple of years without trouble. I was just a few months away from applying to Juilliard when Victoria got pregnant.

"You should have heard her bitch and moan. I promise you, it was more than pregnancy hormones. The baby was going to ruin her figure and lifestyle. It took everything I had to convince her to have the baby. I had to give up school, get a job, promise to take care of Bailey, and not get in Victoria's way."

I'm surprised to not find any judgment in Bella's face for either Victoria or myself. Bella was a rare breed. I feel a smile break out on my face, and she squeezes my fingers, silently encouraging me to continue.

"I shouldn't be too hard. Victoria did love Bailey in her way. I came home one day to find Victoria doing a line a coke. We'd done drugs before, but we were both clean long before Bailey was born. I was pissed, unbelievably angry. There was shouting, yelling, and screaming. I should have told her to leave. I should have told her she couldn't see Bailey until she cleaned up. I didn't though. Oh, I ranted, I screamed, I cried, but I didn't make Vicky leave."

"I didn't love Vicky, not anymore, but I didn't want to be alone. I didn't know how to be alone, especially with a six-month-old daughter.

"You see, Vicky loved her more. She figured out she needed to leave, while I was willing to let her stay."

A single tear fell down my cheek. It was my shame—that I had been willing to sacrifice my own child's health and safety just because I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't bear to look at Bella. I was certain she would feel the same disgust I sometimes feel toward myself.

"Edward, love isn't a competition." I watch Bailey out on the playground, and Bella does the same. My daughter's bouncing red curls make me smile. There is no denying I wouldn't make that same choice now. I would have kicked Victoria's butt to the curb faster than I could spit. "We all do what we think is best. It doesn't make you a bad father. I've seen the way that you dote on Bailey. You do your best. That's all you can do."

We're silent, she doesn't leave, and I try to let her words sink in. My skull is too thick, but maybe she will keep telling me.

"Does Bailey know about Victoria?"

I shake my head. "Vicky left when she was six months old, and she hasn't seen her since. I don't know where's she at."

Bella moves us on to better topics. She knows I have been searching for a new job, and she has a few leads for me. With Bailey in preschool and me working nights I barely got to see her. I have to find a new job and I have no idea what I'm doing. Thank god for Bella.

Eventually we abandon the bench and go to play with Bailey. As I watch them play hide and seek, I realize not only does Bella love me, she loves Bailey. As a father, there was nothing better. I have no idea how I got here, but through the mess and confusion, maybe something good will come.

Honey you really tempt me… you know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find, running into the sun but I'm running behind.

The more time passes, the more Bailey and I fall helplessly in love with Bella. Bailey adores her, is always begging for her to come over, and I'm the same way. I just want her around for other reasons.

I can't keep my hands off of Bella. Every chance I get, I have my hands on her, around her waist, under her shirt, buried in the roots of her hair as I kiss the breath out of her. I'm enraptured with the way that she moves and the spark in her eyes.

We try to keep the physical to a limit around Bailey. Hand holding is about all we try to do. I don't want to scare Bailey, and Bella understands.

It's incredibly difficult though. I need Bella. I haven't been with anyone since Vicky. I've been too busy with Bailey. I still am, but Bella has become a part of our lives seamlessly. It's like there is a hole that we didn't know existed until she was there filling it. It's good to have someone else around. Someone who will understand what is going on. I love Bailey, but it was nice to have an adult to talk to as well.

I sigh, toss my pen onto the table with a pile of papers, and lean back onto the couch. Bella is currently putting my daughter to bed. She'd offered and brought over a stack of new books to read, so that I could fill out more applications. I'm certain most of the jobs are a hopeless pipe dream for a college dropout and single father. Bella keeps bringing them by though, and I can't bare to disappoint her.

Finally, she appears out of the hallway and settles onto my ricky, patched couch. Her heat burns my side and her fingers play with my hair. My eyes drift closed and a low moan escape my throat.

"Did she go down?"

"Yeah, she loved the new books, but she still wanted to read Goodnight Moon before she fell asleep."

"That doesn't surprise me." Again, I can't help it. I have to touch her. My nose skims up her throat to the shell of her ear. I pull it lightly between my teeth while I graze my fingers over the smooth skin of her abdomen. Her sigh escapes out of her mouth. I can't help smirking. I still had it.

"Edward, don't start something you can't finish." She doesn't seem upset, but she pulls back. Her eyes are dark, filled with lust and desire. "I just can't start something again and have you stop it."

I smirk and let my hands wander up her spine. "Do you have to go to work tomorrow?"

"No, the office isn't open on Sunday."

"Then you're all mine unless Bailey gets up, right?"

She nods, bottom lip between her teeth.

"Then I don't plan on letting you go all night."

Her grin threatens to split her face in her two. The next thing I'm aware of, she's in my lap, thighs outside of my own, and her lips crushing mine. She's warm and sweet like candy. Her fingers pull on the ends of my hair.

When I groan, she moans. When I breathe, she does too. She whimpers when I push my hand under her bra.

It strikes me that we are kissing around smiles. It's never happened to me before. Kissing and sex, in my past anyway, was a heavy, incessant, moody thing. This is a different kind of pleasure, the kind that makes you smile because you're holding something special in your arms. I like it. I like it a lot, and I don't want it to ever end.

Bella pulls her lips away, and I watch her chest heave. Her giggle brings my gaze back up to her. "Maybe we should take this to the bedroom?"

I smile, but my nervous thoughts bring me down. "Bella, I don't know what I'm doing."

"You have a daughter, so I know that's not true."

"Not like that." I meet her gaze and try to show how serious I am. I need her to understand this. "About anything. I don't understand anything. I don't know how to raise a daughter, I don't really know how to love you, and I have no idea where I'm going. None. I'm on a road, and I don't know where it goes. I'm on a road. I don't know where it goes or if I'm going to have the strength to get there. I know I need you with me."

She leans forward and captures my bottom lip between her own. It's a simple gesture, but full of meaning. I don't know how to wrap my head around it, but she loves me. For all my screw ups and guilt, she loves me.

And that's all it takes. We stumble our way to my small bedroom and fall together. It's over too quickly, but in its own small way it's perfect.

Oddly enough, the road doesn't seem so hopeless with someone there with you.

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels

I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

"You have a good day at school, okay, sweetie?"

Bailey nods and throws herself around my neck. She enjoys school, but dropping her off is still hard. It's only made harder by the fact that she hasn't seen me more than six hours in the last forty-eight. I really have to find a new job.

When I make it back to my car, I lay my head on the steering wheel. I'm exhausted to the point my eyes itch and my mood shifts erratically. When Bailey gets like this, she throws the mother of all tantrums, and I can feel it building inside me. I need to sleep.

I drive, but not to my apartment. I've got a new key in my pocket, and I want to use it.

I open her door quietly as possible, knowing that she's probably still asleep. Sure enough, she's sprawled across her bed and I smile despite my weariness.

I toe my shoes off and slide in next to her. She opens her eyes and stares for a moment until I whisper in her ear. Then I curl around her and pass out, dead to the world.

I'm woken later by Bella shoving my shoulder. "Edward, wake up. Your phone's ringing, and it's been ringing for almost five minutes. Must be important."

I grunt and roll over. If this is my boss, I'm going to kill someone.

I don't look at the screen before I answer, so I'm surprised to hear Bailey's teacher on the other end. After she tells me what's going on, I sigh and tell her that I'll be there in a just few minutes to pick Bailey up.

"Edward, what's going on?" Bella looks rumpled and freshly fucked. I wish that I could have made that real. I had been planning on it.

"Bailey got sick at school, and I've got to go pick her up. Sorry. I was gonna stay."

She shrugs and pulls on her shoes. "I'll go with you." I think about arguing but decide against it. Bella is stubborn. When she decides on something, there is no talking her out it.

It's a quiet ride to the preschool with both of us still trying to fully wake up.

We find Bailey in the office and the first thing I notice is that she looks sicker than expected. Her skin is white, her eyes glassy, she's shaking like a leaf, and coughing. As soon as she sees me, she holds her arms out to be picked her up and when I do, I realize that she's burning hot. I'm not worried until now. She'd had a runny nose and a sore throat, but I hadn't thought anything of it. There is no denying that she's sick now, very sick.

Bailey rests her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes. Her subduedness is a further reason for worry.

"Mr. Masen, I'm Angela Weber, the school nurse. I just took Bailey's temperature and it's a hundred and one point two."

I stare mutely in shock. No wonder she's so sick. The highest fever she's ever run was 98. "She was fine this morning."

"These things do happen quite suddenly sometimes. I would suggest you take her right to the hospital."

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll call Dr. Cullen," Bella says as we walk out of the school. "He's working at the hospital today. You can probably get her in a little quicker that way."

I nod. My throat feels oddly tight, and I can't quite breathe. The sickest she has ever been is a twenty-four hour bug. This is different. I grip my daughter a little tighter. I can't freak out, I just can't. Somehow, I have to hold myself together.

Bailey wails when I put in her carseat and refuses to let me go. Bella takes the car keys from me and drives while I sit in the back. Bailey's clinginess just makes my anxiety worse. Bella shoots me several worried glances in the rearview mirror. I try to smile at her, but it comes out more of a grimace.

We rush into the emergency room, and Bella takes over. She has the receptionist find Dr. Cullen, and we get to wait in one of the ER rooms rather than the waiting room.

By now, Bailey is not just sick, she's scared. Her tears kill me even under the best of circumstances, but in the middle of a hospital, it's just worse. I try everything I can think of. I rock her, I whisper in her ear, I rub her back, I kiss her hot forehead, but nothing works. Bella even tries with no results. She's so tired she can hardly do more than cry softly.

By the time Dr. Cullen gets there, I'm at my wit's end. Why are they making a three-year-old with a one hundred and one degree fever wait anyway? Isn't that enough to get an immediate response?

Dr. Cullen smiles gently and holds out his hand for me to shake. "I'm Dr. Cullen. You're Edward Masen, correct?"

"Yeah. This is Bailey." Normally I wouldn't be so short with a doctor, but my supply of patience has run out. I just want this taken care of.

He says a short hello to Bella, and then all his attention is on my baby girl. He uses a soft voice to talk to her she allows him to take her temperature and check her heartbeat. Bailey never lifts her head from my neck, and she never stops crying. Dr. Cullen takes a couple of notes and then he asks her if she can cough. She has trouble stopping. He listens all the while, and I'm dying to just beg him tell me what he's thinking. His face is completely unreadable, and it's driving me nuts. Bella must see how close I am to exploding because she links her fingers through my own and begins running her thumb over my palm. I take a deep breath and try to relax. I have to let Dr. Cullen work, no matter how much I just want to demand answers.

"Alright, Bailey, does anything hurt?" he asks gently. Bailey has been very still so I'd hazard a guess that she did hurt. She nods, still not lifting her head. "Where does it hurt?"

"All ovwer." Her soft, thin voice can barely heard. I kiss the crown of her head as much to make her feel better as to reassure myself.

"How much does it hurt, Bailey?"

She sniffs and more tears threaten to fall as she whimpers. "A lot."

Dr. Cullen smiles gently and nods. "Okay, Bailey, you've been a brave girl. You're gonna start feeling better soon, okay?"

She nods, trusting him, and I have to bite my tongue. It's clear he knows what's going on, and I need him to tell me. "I need to talk to your daddy outside. Do you mind if I borrow him? Nurse Jackie can stay and take care of you. I'll bring him right back."

She nods While Dr. Cullen goes to get the nurse, I put Bailey on the bed and brush red curls away from her face. I'm not sure her glazed over green eyes can focus on me, and her cheek feel hot against my hand. "I'll be right back, ok, baby?" She nods, and the nurse takes my place. I want to stay, but I follow Dr. Cullen. Bella hesitates for a moment before gripping my hand and following me.

To my immense relief, Dr. Cullen doesn't waste time on small talk. "I'm going to order a few more tests, but I'm fairly positive in my diagnosis of the flu. She'll be okay, but it's going to be a week or more. The flu has to run its course, but I'm going to order acetaminophen for the fever and muscle aches. She's also a little dehydrated, so I'm going to order an IV since she's not going to feel like eating."

"After that can she go home?" I want to go home. I want to tuck her into bed and hope this will blow over. It's taking everything in me to keep control and not beg him to tell this all just a cruel joke.

"Normally, I would allow her to go home, but with that high of a fever, and the dehydration worries, I want her to stay in the hospital where we can monitor her. She'll be ok. I just don't want to take any risks. She should be moved upstairs in just a few minutes. There aren't any visiting hours, so you can stay as long as you'd like. In fact, we would encourage you to stay close. She'll be more comfortable with you here."

I nod, unable to say a word. I'm not angry, I'm not mad, I'm not even upset. I'm just tired and doing everything I can not to blow. I pull my hand away from Bella and walk back into the ER room where the nurses are showing Bailey what an IV tube looks like. I take a deep breath and try to hold it all together. It's going to be a long couple of days.

I look around for the friends that I used to turn to pull me through, looking into their eyes I see them running to.

My sense of control lasts until dinner. Bailey sleeps most the day, and Dr. Cullen assures me that's normal. It scares me to death because she doesn't sleep easy, and surrounded by wires in a hospital bed, she looks way too small. Still, nothing much happens, so I'm able to keep calm and not scream, rant, and rave like a lunatic. It's all there in my mind, but I'm able to keep my lid.

Part of the reason is Bella. She's calm and even tempered. She doesn't jump to conclusions, she always knows what questions to ask, and she's perfect at keeping Bailey relaxed when she's awake. She never leaves. She stays right by my side.

I love it and hate it. I love it because she keeps me calm and helps me think clearer. She gives me someone to lean on and helps me to remember to breathe. I hate it because she's so much better at this than I am. She's perfectly relaxed; she's not stressed or wanting to demand answers she already knew the doctors and nurses can't give. I know she loves Bailey almost as much as I do, but she's serene, and I want to crawl out of my skin.

So, I sit, watch my baby sleep, and try to remember to breathe. I run what Dr. Cullen has already told me through my head over and over, and each time I feel my fine sense of control slipping a little more. I catch the worried glances Bella sends me. I ignore them and focus instead on keeping control. I can handle it until we can get home and this blows over. It has to blow over.

Mom comes just before dinner, worried, flustered, and just short of crying. It gives me something to do for a little while at least. Calming Mom down isn't too difficult after Bella and I are able to explain what's going on, but it's added yet another worry to my mind.

Mom and I are sitting on the bed, Bella in a chair by my side, when Dr. Cullen breezes back through. For a moment, I'm relieved thinking maybe he's changed his mind and he's going to let us go home, but the dark, serious look in his eyes tells me otherwise.

"Mom, this is Dr. Cullen." I speak first because I need to talk first. I know it's completely pointless, but I have to do it. "Doctor, this is my mother Esme Masen."

Dr. Cullen nods, shakes my mother's hand, and then turns back to me. I don't meet his gaze. I just can't. I look at my sleeping daughter and pretend nothing is wrong.

"Mr. Masen, we got the results of the earlier tests back. It is still the flu, but she's also contracted bacterial pneumonia. That's why she's having trouble breathing. I'm going to start her on a round of antibiotics, which should clear up the infection in about a week. I'm also going to keep her on the IV for a little while longer. Right now, she appears to be alright, and the sleep is doing her good. I'm also going to order an oxygen tank for her, just to help with her breathing until she's better. Is there any question I can answer for you?"

I stare and Bailey's sleeping cherubic face, the crease between her eyebrows marking that it's not a peaceful rest. My control is stretched to its limit, but I have to know one thing, just one thing.

"How did she get pneumonia?"

I'm not looking at him so I don't see it, but I imagine him shrugging. For some reason it makes me feel better. "There's no way of knowing. Since it's bacterial, she could have picked it up anywhere. She might have caught it at the same time she caught the flu. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is now is we know it's here, so we can treat it. She'll be alright in a few days."

Bella, Dr. Cullen, and Mom continue to talk, but I bother to listen. It's all so simple now. Bailey is sick, really, truly, terribly sick, in a hospital, and there is nothing that I can do about it. Worse, I may have been the one to put her here.

I lean down, kiss Bailey's hot little forehead, then stand and stalk out to the hallway. Bella and Mom follow me out and watch while I pace like a caged animal. My hands are in my hair and I pull so much it hurts, but I don't stop. If anything, I pull harder, welcoming the pain because I deserve it in those terrible moments of indecision.

"Edward, what's…" Bella stops cold when I turn to glare at her. I feel bad about it. Bella is the last person I should be mad at. I'm angry with myself, but my control has snapped and she's going to get caught in it's wake.

"Don't, don't even ask me what's wrong. The total sum of everything is wrong." I pause, take a deep breath, struggle to breathe, to think, to not be a total ass. I fail as terribly as I've failed at everything else. "I thought I could do this. I thought no matter what I did wrong, I would always get one thing right. Protecting her was all I had to do. I only had to make sure she was safe and healthy. That would make all the other shit worth it. I had one job! One fucking job, and I couldn't do it!"

"Edward, it doesn't work like that." For a moment I'm lulled by my mother's soft, reasonable voice. She rests her hand against my cheek, and I feel like I used to when my mother could make everything better. "We're parents, not superhumans. You can't keep her safe every moment of every day. Sickness is just a part of childhood. I used to freak out every time you and your brothers got sick or broke a bone. I knew if one of you got sick, the others wouldn't be far behind. More often than not, you were inflicting injuries on each other. It's just a part of being a child. It's not your fault she's here, and you heard Dr. Cullen. She's going to be fine."

I want to believe her, and I do on some level. I believe Bailey is going to be fine, but that doesn't alleviate the fact that it's my fault this happened at all. I back away from my mother and shake my head. "She's not just sick. If she just had the flu, that would be one thing, but she has pneumonia. She doesn't just have one thing. She has two."

"Edward." There is only one voice as sweet and enchanting as my daughter's. Bella approached me like I was wild animal. I certainly feel like one. Part of me just wanted to grab her and lose myself in her warm embrace, but the greater part of me is too ashamed to allow that. I don't deserve her. I never had, and I had no idea how I convinced myself I did. "It's bacterial. She could have picked it up anywhere, and it's been an early flu season. Edward, it's not your fault. Bailey needs you, and I need you. Please, come back inside?"

I want to, oh god I want to, but once again I disappoint everyone and I run.

Running on empty, running dry, running into the sun, but I'm running behind.

Bella found me. Of course she did. I had run to my apartment; there was no where else to go. She doesn't say anything. She just sits next to me on the floor, holds onto my arm, and leans her head on my shoulder. I try to ignore her. I don't want to think about what she must be thinking about me. I don't want to think about what I think about me.

She wears me down with silence and the gentleness of her spirit. Before long, I'm leaning into her and trying to keep from sobbing. Bella still doesn't say anything, but she does wrap an arm around my shoulders. After that, the dam breaks, and I fall apart. I can barely breathe, and I feel weak and pathetic. Still, there's nothing stopping me now.

Bella breaks her silence by whispering in my ear. I think she's trying to save me, but there's nothing she can say. I've screwed up. It was bad enough Bailey had gotten sick, but then I had run because I couldn't handle it. I feel pathetic, but I grip Bella a little tighter and allow myself to cry.

"Edward, this is not your fault." Her fingers smooth through my hair, and her arms are wrapped around me. Not a moment I realize that it feels sort of nice. The last time I can remember being held like this was when I was ten, and the neighborhood boys wouldn't let me play with them. Bella is solid, warm, and there. I'm a weeping, idiotic mess, but there she is anyway. I really don't deserve her.

"I'm her dad, Bella," I whimper against Bella's neck around broken sobs. "If she gets sick, it's my fault. She's not just sick, she's in the hospital, she's in pain, and that makes it my fault. She's my baby, I love her, and I need her to be okay. How did I screw up so badly?"

"You didn't screw up." I feel her lips on my forehead, her arms tighten around me. She's holding me together. "There is no way you could have prevented this. She's a child. It happens. The good thing is, these days, we have hospitals, medicine, and I promise you no one is better than Dr. Cullen."

"It's more than that." I want to shout, rant, or scream. I want to know why I can't be the man that she and Bella need. "I've never been good enough. I was twenty-two when she was born. I didn't know what I was doing. I've never been rich enough to get her nice things, or new dresses, send her to good schools. It's my fault. It's all my fault. She deserves so much better than me. Someone else who wouldn't have gotten scared and run away. Someone one who can get her all the things that she wants. The cold, hard, awful truth is, Bella, I am never going to be good enough. This is all I am ever going to be. Just a useless, stupid man who thinks he can be a dad."

"Edward, do you love Bailey?"

"Of course, I do, but…"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I do."

"And do you keep a roof over her head, do you feed her, clean up after her, tuck her into bed at night, chase her nightmares away, take her to the doctor when she's sick? Do you listen to her when she wants to talk, go to her doll's tea parties, and do it all with a smile? Don't try lying, because I've seen you do all of that and so much more."

I'm able to do nothing but nod. She's right. I would do any of that in a heartbeat. It's not always easy, but I would still do it over and over again.

"Then you've got everything you need. The only thing you have to do is love her, and you do. The rest of it-the money, and new toys, and better schools-they're nice things yes, but she doesn't need them. She'll be just fine as long you love her, and I don't believe for a second you could ever stop. She's going to be okay, but she needs you."

I hear the gentle rebuke in her voice. I'm being selfish. I'm her dad. It's my job to sit by her even if she's asleep and she has no idea I'm there.

As if she can read my mind, Bella pulls on me till I tilt my head up to see her soft, sympathetic, vibrant brown eyes. "You're not selfish, so don't think that. We all have times when we think we can't do it. Yes, you've made mistakes, but you're so much more than that. You are a great father, a wonderful man, and I love you very much. So does Bailey, your mother, and the rest of your family. I wish you could see what we see." Her eyes speak more in this moment than her mouth, and in them, I see my future and my salvation. I wouldn't be able to handle this without her. She keeps me strong, she helps me think, and best of all, she loves my daughter like her mother should have. She sees the man I want to be, not the one who ran away at the first sign of trouble.

My eyes burn, and I don't know what to say. What do you say to that? I have no idea. Nothing I can think if will be as beautiful, so I do the thing the man without words always does. I pull her so that she's in my lap, and I kiss her. I do my damndest to show her she's is my soul, my compass, and all the other trite words that men use to describe their love. Half of my home is in my arms and the other half is in a hospital bed.

I pull away gently, but I'm unable to stop touching her. I trace the curve of her cheek, the brush of her eyelash against her skin, the slight crook of her nose, and the smile on her lips. I marvel because I don't deserve her, but maybe that's why I need her. "I love you." I whisper against her mouth. "I don't know why you bother, but thanks. I owe you."

"I'm sure you'll get a chance to repay the favor." There is a slight giggle in her voice, and it relaxes me better than anything else. "What do you say we go find that baby of yours?"

I nod, pull her to her feet, and wrap an arm around her. She's by my side as we walk out the door, and she matches me step for step on the road.

Mom throws herself, sobbing, at me when I walk back into the waiting down the hall from Bailey's room. For a moment true worry seeps back into my mind. What if something has gone terribly wrong in the short time I've been away? What if she's gotten worse rather than better?

I quickly relax when Mom begins berating me. "You gave me a heartattack. In the future, would you please just listen to me or Bella? You've always been so thickheaded, just like your father used to be. He wouldn't ever listen either."

"Mom, I know, ok. I promise, I'm going to work on it. I'm sorry for scaring you." I kiss her cheek. She slaps the back of my head like she did I was kid, and I know I'm forgiven. "How is she?"

"She's about the same. She was awake for a little while and asking for you. You should go see her."

Bella lets go of my hand, and I almost sigh at the lost contact. I need her. I reach back and pull her into me, burying my nose in her hair, breathing in her fruity shampoo. I know I need to do this alone for now. Still, she needs to know she belongs here with us. I need her, and Bailey needs her. She's family, and nothing will ever change that.

"Go get something to eat, and then come on in, ok?"

She nods, walks away, and for a moment, I can only watch. I know she'll come back. I'm not worried. It's just watching her is beautiful and knowing she walks away only to come back makes it art.

Bailey's asleep when I walk into her room. She looks no different than she did when I left, still small and far too pale. I use my eyes to trace the tube that runs from an oxygen tank to her nose. That's new and seems to make her breathe better. I sink to the side of the bed and brush a curl of hair off her face. She stirs with a groan and cracks her eyes open.

"Hey, Pretty Green Eyes."

"Daddy." She wants to be excited, I can tell by the light in her eyes, but there's no energy to allow it. Still, she smiles and brightens my day. "Where you go?"

"I had to go home for a little bit. I'm sorry I left." When she's older, I will try to explain why I was so scared. I will try to make it clear I was scared for her and scared for me, but for now, I let it go. I don't want to upset her.

I fail, as I always do anyway. Great big tears fall from her eyes and a sob escapes her lips. Mindful of tubes and wires, I pull her toward me. She feels small and insubstantial, but she's there all the same. I sing to her and rock her like I used to when she was little. It calms me as much as it calms her.

Bailey is half asleep and laying on my chest when Bella makes it back into the room. A soft smile lightens her face when she sees us. She sits on the bed and her fingers brush away a curl like mine had done just an hour before. "How is she?"

"A little scared I think, but she'll be okay."

"Yes, she will. You should stay here tonight. I'll come back in the morning."

I take her hand, locking her fingers around mine. "You stay here too. Don't leave, please?"

It was a tight fit on the narrow hospital bed, but I manage to get one arm around her and the other around Bailey. It not perfect, it's not everything I want, but it's a good night. I know in the morning, we'll get to start over again. Bailey will get better, Bella will still be here. Really, what else can I ask for?

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels, I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this feels… Everyone I know, everywhere I go, people need some reason to believe.

I never expected my mother to get married. I'm beyond thrilled for her. Dr. Cullen is a great guy, but I still have to marvel that it took Bailey getting sick for Mom to find someone else to love. Now, here we are, just a few hours after the small ceremony. I'm surrounded by family but only have eyes for two.

Bella is a sight to behold. She's wearing blue silk, and it makes her pale skin look warm. She's beautiful, brilliant, smart, amazing, and perfect with Bailey. My heart seizes up just looking at her.

True to Dr. Cullen's word, Bailey was fine. She left the hospital in a little under a week and was back to normal in a month. She was perfect—still bubbly, giggly, and happy. There had been nothing much to worry about after all.

That one incident changed everything. I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I'm not alone on my way to it. I've got Bella, my mother, my brothers, and a new step-father. Bailey and I aren't alone, and we don't have to be. I may not be perfect, but no one is. Bailey and I had a family, and as much as they drove me crazy sometimes, I still loved them to death. Then there was Bella, who would do anything for me or Bailey. I still didn't know how I got so lucky, but I had learned to be thankful for it.

I feel tugging on my pants leg and find Bailey smiling up at me with her mischievous green eyes. I kneel in front of her and kiss her forehead before looking her in the eye with the most serious face I could muster. "Do you remember what we talked about?"

She nodded smiling, so I placed the black velvet box into her hand. "Go for it, sweetie."

My little wisp of white lace and tulle flutters her way across the room to Bella. I hold my breath as Bella takes the offered black box and opens it with a gasp.

Her eyes shoot to mine, dark and thrilled. I mouth, I love you, and the tears start. She pulls our daughter into her arms and makes her way toward me. When she makes it, it's with just one answer. "Yes."

I pull them into my arms-my little family, surrounded by my much bigger family. I had no idea what would happen tomorrow, or next week, or next year, and for the first time, I realize I'm not supposed to have all the answers. I'm just supposed to find the right people to go down the road with me.

Thank God I had.

Song: Running on Empty by Jackson Browne

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