It was their fault, they should have never threatened my sister. I kept telling myself that. Had they left her alone, I would have accepted my fate. They were no different from that man who tried to take my sister. I had to save her... somehow.
The door opened. "Flandre..."
"Come in." My sister did so, closing the door behind her.
"So, how have you been?"
They struck first. He struck first, he tried to kidnap her. And they had the gall to defend his actions? Did they mean to tell me that he was entitled to her? Should I have allowed him to take her? He tried to kidnap her! Could they not see that?
"Flandre?"
They could have killed me and that would have been it. They didn't have to threaten my family. It was my decision, mine alone, to save my sister!
"Flandre?"
"Tell me, sister, what do you think of what happened? With the other vampires? Why did they threaten you?" The words sounded sad when they came out of my mouth.
"I wanted to protect you. You're my sister, Flandre."
"I was more than willing to accept my fate. I couldn't bear to see you taken away like that. That's why I destroyed him. I didn't care who he was. I didn't care that he had so much influence among the other vampires. When they ordered my execution, I accepted it. Sister, why did you try to save me? Why couldn't you leave me to my fate?"
"I couldn't bear to see them just take you. I couldn't abandon you, Flandre."
It was them or us! They chose to threaten my sister, and they perished!
"I killed them all. A young innocent girl like me killed every vampire in existence. I wanted to save you!" My arms latched around the one for whom I condemned the vampire race to extinction. "Did I make the right choice?! Should we have accepted our fates?! Don't try to comfort me with lies! You wouldn't lie to your own sister, would you?"
I waited for her response. I waited for her to tell me that I made the wrong choice. I had committed so many crimes, I've killed too many just to save her. She knew this, she knew that I was wrong. Tell me I was wrong! Tell me I shouldn't have done this!
My sister's arms wrapped themselves around me. "You did what you did for those you cared for. I can't fault you for that. Please... don't hate yourself for that."
"I was wrong! I was wrong to doom our kind to extinction! Why won't you tell me that I was wrong?! Remilia..., my sister..., even you can't defend me forever! I was wrong! I made a cataclysmic mistake and I have to live with it! The blood won't wash off of my hands! Don't pretend that what I did was right!"
She pushed me away from her. I could see the tears streaming down her face. "What can you do to undo what you did?! All the regrets you have won't let you undo your mistakes!" Her sadness, her despair, rose to the surface. "If you truly regret what you've done, and you want to atone, then kill me! Kill me, and then kill yourself! If you hate yourself that much, why haven't you killed us both?!" Thank you, sister. It will be much easier to do this knowing that your judgement isn't clouded by your love for your sister. After so long, you truly see the guilt I harbour. It has been eating away at me for as long as I can remember, but I didn't act on it because I didn't want you to worry, I did what I did to save you, sister, killing myself without telling you would drag you further into despair and undo my efforts. Now that you know the guilt I bear, I feel comfortable ending this nightmare that we share.
My arm stretched out to my side, my hand began to close. My eyes focused on my sister. Remilia, my sister, thank you, for sharing in my guilt. You didn't want it to be like this, and now you truly understand what I've been through since that day. Don't worry, sister. I'll end the nightmare. My fingers stopped moving, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close my hand. I... I can't do it! I can't do it! I've given up so much for you, sister! I've made so many sacrifices for you! What was the purpose of bearing all of that guilt? It was them or you! I can't kill you, sister! All of that blood on my hands for nothing?!
I took a step forward, then another, then another. My sister did not move from where she stood, accepting a death that would be more violent than that of the rest of our kind. I clutched her more tightly than I did when we were surrounded by the corpses of every other vampire in existence. "I can't do it, sister." I gasped for air. "All of that blood on my hands would have been for nothing."
"I'm sorry, Flandre, I hated seeing you wallow in your self-hatred like this."
"I made a rash, selfish choice. I want to regret what I did and ask for forgiveness, but I can't kill you, sister."
"I know that you did something horrible and I'll never see you the same way ever again. But you can't let this guilt eat you alive."
I had discovered that I had this dark power to destroy anything and everything when someone threatened to abduct my sister, and then I used that power, the only thing I knew to do. They killed our parents for daring to defend my actions. And then, when they threatened my sister, I lost control over this power and became one of only two vampires left in existence.
We would bear this guilt together. The vampire race had been doomed to extinction so that we alone could survive. What is done cannot be undone. Killing ourselves would not wash the blood from my hands. The nightmares of the past would continue to plague me and my sister, but we would move forward.
But what would happen if I lost control of these powers again? I didn't want to think about it, and I locked myself in this prison. I would rather be locked in a struggle not to kill myself or blow the door open than pay that heavy price for my own freedom. I did this all for her sake, and I would do everything I could to prevent that from going to waste. Her company allowed me to endure the trauma of those events.
She stood and turned to leave. I walked her to the door and we both smiled at one another. The door opened and she returned to the outside. I returned to my bed and was able to fall asleep, having subdued my inner demons for now. Those voices in my head that wanted me to feel only despair, they would return, but at least for tonight, I was able to rest easily.