Written for comment_fic on livejournal
The prompt was girl!Hamlet, Dear Diary
Caveat: not saying Hamlet would talk like this if she were a woman, or that this is how women are - just saying this is the Cracky girl!version of a self-centered priveleged adolescent boy prince.
Dear Diary,
Okay, I totally hate my Aunt Claudia. I know she hates me too, she just won't admit it. Check this out - she invited my BFF's Rosie and Gilda to hang out here, but really they're here to spy on me. Talk about Frenemies!
Also, they say they're going to be big stars some day. They met this writer named Tom from England who says he going to make them the main characters in a play. He wouldn't tell them what the play was about but he said they would spend a lot of time flipping a coin. Whatever! That guy's obviously just trying to angle for a threesome. Who would write a play about those losers anyway?
Luv, Hamletta
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Dear Diary,
Sometimes I get so down I don't know what to do. Like maybe I should just end it all. But then maybe not. Or maybe yes. It's a big question.
I mean, life sucks. Seriously, it sucks the big one. But is it really all that better to throw a big shit-fit about it? I don't know.
I hate making decisions. :(
Hammie
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Dear Diary,
Sometimes I really wish Yurick were here. I miss him!
He totally got me. And he always made me LOL. Like as in ROTFLMAO.
All the new jesters suck. It's all topical humor now, and jokes about the artisan guilds. Whatever.
H
Dear Diary,
I also had this totally weird dream about my mom last night. Seriously, I don't even want to write it down.
I haven't hung out with Ophelia in a while. Hope she's okay.
Geez, why'd I think of Ophelia just now anyway?
Hugs,
Hammie
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Dear Diary,
So I killed some people today, and guess what? Everyone went bat-shit crazy! Hello? How do you think our family got to be royalty in the first place? By NOT killing people? Don't think so.
I call double standard. They are definitely a little more upset than they would be if I were a dude. Well, maybe.
Hammie
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Dear Diary,
I think I'm going to have to do something about Aunt Claudia. She is seriously pissing me off!
I mean, I don't really want to do this. But actually, I kind of do. I mean I have to do this but I can't do this. I want to do this but I don't want to do this.
The thing is, dearest diary, is that it's all a big giant mess in my head. And if there's one thing my classical education has taught me, it's when your thoughts are messy, you clean them up with a sword.
So I'll have to kill my aunt. And some other people too. Again.
I mean, I really don't want to become the kind of ruler who fills the palace with the blood of her relatives. But I guess maybe that's just part of growing up.
Toodles,
Hamletta