Disclaimer:Don't own Les Mis, I'm still not Hugo. :(
"Éponine,you are clearly upset. Tell me what's bothering you!" Demanded Enjolras.
"I'm fine! " she groaned," Go Back to your book! Don't you have an essay due tomorrow?"
"Yes I do. But I will not go back to studying until you tell me why you are depressed. " Enjolras pushed his thick book away to stare at her eyes. He knew she can't take "that look" of his.
"Really,I'm fine. Nothing to bother you with. I can deal with my own demons."
"Éponine- " he asked again.
"Fine,but you must not be distracted." She sighed. "It's really not a big deal,it's just , I went to see you give speeches today."
"Was it something that I said?" Enjolras frowned.
"No!" She shook her head. "Quite the opposite. You were too perfect."
"I wasn't! I nearly forgot the part of-"
"You were." She stated calmly. "And you always will be. Don't you understand? How it hurts to see you shine on that stage,knowing that I am never good enough to make it? I can never be as likable,or charming ,or smart as you. I belong on the bleachers,but you - you are always the star player. I bet you don't have any idea how that feels. I bet you have never felt unworthy before."
"Éponine please,you know that's not true. We talked about this- You are outstanding and smart as well."
"And who would second that?" She bitterly smiled. Enjolras is not a man of principles when it comes to her. She knew so. " It's fine for me at first,you know,I know how useless I was and I was ok with it. I know I could never make strait A's or be the head cheerleader. I was not meant for that and I can live with myself. But then you-"
"Éponine stop." Enjolras sensed where this was going. But she did not stop. "You have full scholarship. You are the leader of various clubs. You are too good to be true. And I am a shadow. Your shadow."
" If giving you my everything was enough,it will be fine with me. But it does not. Giving you my everything is still not good enough to save you. And there's nothing I can do about it. "
"Éponine ." He called again,voice angrier.
"When I see you,I see a shiny God,an Apollo,but what I don't know is,what do you see in me? Don't you even dare saying 'beauty' because I know I have none. I have no reason to be loved. "
"I see..." Enjolras stuck a lock of her brunette hair back behind her ears,and smiled softly as he replied. "I see all of the fortune I've ever owned,ever will get, and could possibly borrow,all combined,laid down at me feet. That's what you are to me. Éponine,you are more than enough. "
He couldn't help but smile. Every minute,he fells a little bit more in love with his broken,wicked little beauty. "How could you smile at this point of time?" Éponine grumbled.
"Because I know that's what you needed to see..." He abandoned the thought of resistance ,and went directly to her lips.
She just dodged that kiss.
" I'm everyone's nightmare." She said with a samll voice.
"Close enough," Enjolras mused.
" You are every man's dream. "
"I remembered." Éponine slid a notebook on the table,acting like nothing happened . "I wrote this while watching you speak. Wanna hear? It's a poet."
She took a deep breath ,just as she always does before performing,but nothing came out of her mouth. She hesitated long enough to make Enjolras leaned closer to see the poet written between math notes and random doodles. But then,it became too hard for him to smile.
she finally spoke,voice unsteady.
" I am nothing but a Mute
Mute
Mute
Swallowing way too hard
Not to choke on my own venom
That poison,which burns deep inside
And aches through every breath
O how guilt tears me apart
Knowing I am to profane my only belief
My constant- shining sun
My remaining beauty,the one and only
You
Within one sight
My eyes filled with tears
Filthy and yet still warm
Nothing but a Mute
Mute
Mute
Your mighty highness, with your gold flicker robes
Free to travel through all the temples
Squares and slums as you wish
Never shall any mud defile your honor
Or bring shame to your noble name
Yet me? I am to be swallowed in the crowd
Left behind,and cast away
My veil made of dirt ,thick and grey-
O what a Mute
Mute
Mute
If any creature of the night was to hear my screams
Then run away must they seek
Already lost lives never worth saving
Just as me,a broken soul
So let it be,and still
Suffer , on my own
Keep being a Mute
Mute
Mute
But may I ask,what kind of devil blinds your eyes
And persuades you into seeing any beauty at all,in me?
On what purpose would a evil play with your thoughts
Trick you to mistaken unloving crows as white doves?
You holy deity,lord of all the nature's beings
There's not a place in the entire world
Where you won't find
An utter beauty,with her cheeks rose-red
Flushing with affection for you
She would lay her body at your feet
Dance swiftly and crazily,for you only
So why would you caress my tear-stained cheeks
And press your golden,blessed lips on mine
Why would you not go away
But instead give all of your loving,to me
A Mute
Mute
Mute?! "
"Why? " she repeated,throat tightened.
Enjolras laid his head on his elbows,his golden hair completely blocked his face. He shimmered slightly. "I'm sorry." That was all Éponine could say,sorry. She wrote this based on her own guilt,but this guilt must have hurt him deeply as well.
She waited in silence for him to calm down. Enjolras stood up,eyes watery.
"Listen carefully,and don't ever forget," he said into her ears,hot breath bringing shivers down her spine. "I am not a God,I'm just a man, who loves you."
"But that's what I see in you." She closed her eyes,trying hard not to cry.
"Let me be the man you want." He ran his hand through her waist,"but only if you set yourself free as well."
That must have been the sweetest thing Enjolras has ever said to Éponine,yet it brought more pain to her than joy.
"But you've got your goals and dreams ahead of you, Apollo. And I am only to slow you down. You deserve better,or at least,you need to get rid of-"
He tried to hush her by kissing her again,but she backed out again. "See? I'm upsetting you again. Go back to your study now,don't you worry about me." She winked, her voice cheerful and light.
They felt silent for a while,then,all of a sudden,Éponine started giggling.
"When you go to France,Enjolras... Please do break up with me."
Enjolras felt nothing but emptiness inside his chest. She's doing this again. She is asking him to break up with her again. Again. And what's worse is,she became more and more serious each time. It's like she's actually considering it.
"You shall be too busy for a relationship. I would not distract you from your work. I couldn't forgive myself it I do." She kept on talking,as if it's nothing but a scientific fact.
"Éponine. You are not distracting me from anything. You are making it sufferable." Enjolras gritted his teeth,unable to say anything more without out bursting.
Éponine just broke into hysterical laughing.
"How could you laugh at this point of time?" He said,too depressed to even sit up.
"Because I know,when the time comes,I could find out a way to not hurt you. Her eyes widened," I would be broken for sure,but at least you will be alright."
Pure frustration came over Enjolras. "You don't know that!"
"I do." Her laughter turned into slight chuckling. "Because you have so many things you could rely on. You have your studies and friends. Sure,you will miss me for a day or two,if I am not that unattractive,but then you will be able to move on. I know you can ,and will,because I am not your whole universe. You are mine."
"That's the craziest thing you've ever said. "
"Or,the wisest." She corrected.
If the only way for me to love you is to break myself,then,burn me for all I care. The one I love the most on this earth is no longer myself ,it's you. Enjolras my love,from now on ,you are my principle.
"Don't you ever say that. Never,never again,Éponine."
I could have done more. I could have shown her how much I loved her. Now she thinks she's nothing but a normal girl to me. But she is not. She is my heart. She is my treasure. She is mine...
"Promise me you will save yourself first?" She sat on his lap, eyes staring sincerely at him.
"Never." He kissed her,again and again,each time harder,till it became too much for her to bear.
"Never, do you hear me? "
-fin