' Damn can he be any slower?' Itachi thought.
Itachi shifted slightly agaist the door frame he was leaning on. He looked up to see a very happy hyper blonde flash, coming at him at full speed.
" ITACHI! " Deidara said jumping on the raven haired man.
They hit the floor with a hard thud.
" Did you really think that was necessary?" Itachi asked annoyed.
" Very much so," Deidara answered. " anyways...ITACHI ARE YOU READY TO LOSE TO ME?"
" In your dreams." Itachi said standing up.
Deidara stood up as well and the began their trek to the training grounds.
10 minutes later
Deidara lay under a tree defeated.
' DAMN ITACHI AND HIS NINJA SKILLS' Deidara thought as he rubbed his arm.
Deidara was mostly daydreaming when a little white bunny hopped infront of him. Deidara noticed the rabbit and stared at it contently.
' A white bunny? But its almost summer. Its fur should be brown.' Deidara thought standing up.
He attemped to catch the rabbit but, he tripped over a tree root and fell into a black scary abyss.
" AHHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed as he was sucked into the unforgiving darkness.
After about 5 minutes Deidara stopped screaming. His throat hurt and it was WAY to long of a fall. He looked down, there was floor and it was coming to meet him fast. He landed on it with a loud smack.
'' Owww, my ass!!!" He moaned in pain," There should be a warning sign around here saying 'beware floor, it hurts like a son of a bitch.' un."
Deidara stood up rubbing his sore butt. He looked around. There was a small door and nothing else.
' This must be the exit.' Deidara thought as he crouched down to look at the door more closely. ' But how the hell am I supposed to get through there?'
Just as Deidara stood up. A pudding pop fell on his head.
" WHAT THE HELL?'' Deidara said looking around." Hey its a pudding pop!!!"
He unwrapped the pop and took a bite. He shrunk.
'...This pudding pop is magical!!!!' Deidara thought as he walked through the door.
After about 10 minutes Deidara started to get bored. Then he stepped in a puddle. He didn't think much of it, so he took another step and sank into a deep dark pool of water. Deidara clutched his throat, he couldn't breathe. He swam up to the top of the pond. He pulled himself on shore. He was coughing and spitting out water.
" Have a nice swim?" A familiar voice asked.
Deidara looked up to see Hidan. He was sitting on a giant mushroom with a weird machine that had multiple colors of smoke pouring from the top.
" Hidan?" Deidara said spitting more water up.
" Yes? And you are?" Hidan said turning to see the soaked blonde.
" Its me Deidara, un." Deidara said. standing up.
Hidan took a long suck on his pipe and let out a long, thick stream of blue smoke.
" I do not know you." Hidan said blowing smoke in Deidara's face.
Deidara started coughing and waving the green smoke away.
" Well, can you tell me how to get back to the base?" Deidara asked a bit annoyed.
" No, but I know someone who can. " Hidan said sucking on his pipe again, "The Queen."
" The Queen, how can I find her?" Deidara asked.
" Just follow the smoke, " Hidan said letting out a long trail of purple smoke.
" THANK YOU!!" Deidara yelled running along the path of smoke.
" Geez, what a weirdo." Hidan whispered to himself.
After about 20 minutes, ok it was only like 2 but Deidara's lazy and such, Deidara stopped and leaned agaist a tree.
" How long can this smoke go on for?" Another familiar voice said. " A few more meters or a couple 100 kilometers?''
Deidara looked up to see a creepy ass smile and a venus flytrap outline.
" Zetsu?" Deidara asked as the figure disappeared and reappeared right next to him.
" That's right Deidara." Zetsu said with the same creepy smile, " Do you want to know who I know you?"
" No, because I already know, we live together." Deidara answered.
" WRONG!!!" Zetsu yelled as he hit Deidara in the forehead with a stamp that said 'BAKA' on it. " I know who you are because i've been watching you."
Deidara was laying on the ground gripping his forehead.
" Well that isn't creepy in the slightest bit.'' Deidara said rubbing his forehead.
" SHUT UP!" Zetsu said hitting Deidara in the forehead again." Anyway I know your looking for the Queen, and I know a short cut!"
Deidara was on the ground again writhing in pain, rocking himself back and forth until he heard 'short cut.'
"REALLY YOU CAN SHOW ME A SHORT CUT?" Deidara basically sang.
" Yes I can." Zetsu said pointing to a dark path that magically became lit. " Just follow that path, eventually you'll see a tea party, and I'll be watching so call out my name if you need any help."
Zetsu disappeared like a flash. Deidara was alone again. He ran towards the path. He followed it for about 5 minutes when he heard the sounds of teapots reaching a full boil, this must be the place.
There was a raven haired man and a red haired man sitting at the table, sipping tea. They looked up and saw Deidara. The raven haired man motioned for him to join them. So he did.
" Hello," The raven haired man said as he looked up.
It was no other than Itachi and the red haired man was Sasori.
" Itachi, Danna?" Deidara asked in utter confusion.
" Yes?" They said in unison.
" Umm...?" Deidara was choking on his words. "..."
" CHANGE PLACES!!!" Sasori yelled as he and Itachi ran at the speed of light to a different place.
Deidara was very confused. Itachi knocked Deidara out of his chair.
"Hey that hurt!" Deidara complained as Itachi pulled Deidara into his lap.
" Has anyone ever told you that your a really hot girl?" Itachi asked nibbling Deidara's ear. "I'll admit your voice is a bit manish but that doesn't matter."
Deidara was silent for a moment. Then he slightly exploded with anger.
" ITACHI! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS?!" Deidara yelled. " I'M A BOOOOOYYYY!!!"
" If you're a boy, why are you wearing a dress?" Itachi pointed out.
Deidara looked down. How long has he been wearing that without noticing?
" Well, either way it doesn't matter cause I go both ways." Itachi said running a hand through Deidara's blonde hair.
Deidara blushed as Itachi pulled him in closer. Their lips met in a fierce kiss. Sasori got jealous and horny.
" Not fair Tachi-kun." Sasori said moving from his seat to Itachi's side.
Itachi broke his kiss with Deidara to kiss Sasori's perfect wooden lips. Their kiss lasted like a minute when Itachi broke the kiss for air. That's when Sasori pulled Deidara in for a sweet kiss, that could give you splinters.
author moment : hey people, thanks for reading this fic of the fan varity, looks up ...that's some intense stuff right there YAY THREESOME!!
Itachi couldn't take it anymore, so ripped off all of their clothes and they had a threesome.
After the threesome was over Deidara put his dress back on.
" You're looking for the Queen right?" Itachi asked as he rezipped his pants.
" Yeah," Deidara said looking at Itachi.
" Then take that path over there." Itachi said pointing to a path that was right next to Konan.
"...What the hell are you doing here?" Deidara said confused.
" Don't talk to the King of Wonderland like that." Itachi said hitting Deidara in the arm.
" King?" Deidara asked. " Shouldn't she be the queen?"
Konan shook her head.
" She'll show you to the Queen, but do not disrespect her or you'll get your head cut off." Itachi said as he sat down at the table again.
Konan started to walk down the path.
"WAIT FOR ME!!" Deidara yelled running after Konan.
Deidara caught up with Konan and they walked in silence for about 5 minutes.
" We're here, " Konan said.
" Thank you, " Deidara said, he looked Konan and her piercing shot light from the damn conspiring sun and blinded him.
" Your welcome," Konan said as she left Deidara.
Deidara stood there rubbing his eyes for at least 3 minutes before he noticed Konan was gone.
" Damnit," Deidara said after getting his sight back. " Where did she go?"
Deidara walked for a few more minutes before he reached the gates of the palace. He walked straight in. Then climbed up 6 flights of stairs, went down 10 really long hallways, went in 2 circles and he got lost.
" Damn I didn't think this place was so HUGE!" Deidara groaned as he rested against a wall.
That's when Deidara thought of what Zetsu said earlier.
I've been watching you.'
No not that.
Just call my name and I'll be happy to help.'
" ZETSU!!!" Deidara called Zetsu instantly appeared.
" Yes," Zetsu said.
Deidara nearly jumped out of his skin.
" HOLY DAMNIT STICK!" Deidara yelled. " DON'T DO THAT!!!"
" What do you want?'' Zetsu asked.
" Oh right...how do I find the Queen?" Deidara whinned, " They need like a directory for this place or something. Its confusing in here."
" You're stupid." Zetsu said opening a door with the royal thrones on the other side.
Then Kisame radomly popped up, " YOU JUST GOT OWNED." Then he ran away.
Deidara walked into the room seeing Konan and Pein. He still didn't get why Konan was the king and Pein was the Queen. Then Pein broke out into the Sweet Transvestite' song from Rocky Horror Picture Show'.
" How you doing?" Pein sang, " I see you've met my faithful handyman. He's just a bit brodine because when you knocked, he thought you were the candy man."
Deidara was in complete silence. Then Pein pulled off his cloak and underneath was a black leather corsette, skimpy black girl panties, and hooker boots. Deidara's mouth completely dropped to the floor. He realized why Pein was the queen, it was because he was a drag queen!
" Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book by its cover, I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by night i'm one hell of a lover!" Pein sang even louder, " I'm just a sweet transvestite, from transexual transilvannia!"
" Are you done?" Konan asked annoyed.
" KONAN! YOU RUINED IT!! " Pein whinned, " Why are you so mean?!"
" Excuse me," Deidara said regaining his voice. " But can you tell me how to get to the base?"
Pein and Konan stopped fighting and looked at Deidara.
" All you need to do is wake up." Pein said.
" Wake up?" Deidara asked confused. " But I'm not sleeping."
" Wake up.'' Konan said.
" Wake up," Zetsu said.
" Wake up," Hidan said.
" Wake up." Sasori said.
" WAKE UP!!!" Itachi yelled.
Deidara felt an extreme pain cross his face, like he'd been hit by someone. Then Deidara woke up to see Itachi kneeling over him yelling Wake up.'
" What happened?" Deidara asked in a daze.
" Oh good, Deidara your alive, I almost had to come up with an excuse for your death." Itachi said.
" Why did you hit me?" Deidara said putting his hand against the sting on his face.
" Because you weren't responding." Itachi said.
Itachi got off his knees and started walking away.
" Aren't you coming?" Itachi asked.
" In a minute," Deidara said.
After Deidara said that he saw a white rabbit.
" ...There's no way in HELL I'm doing that again." Deidara said standing up.
He chased after Itachi. Then Kisame passed them going the opposite direction. When Kisame reached the training ground he noticed the white rabbit and persued it. Kisame tripped and fell into a dark abyss.