"Say you had a wish, but you never even said it out loud." -Dean Winchester (2.20)
Sam POV
"We should start teaching Cas to hunt again," Dean said one morning out of nowhere.
Yeah, because that worked out sooo well the last time I thought sarcastically. I managed to stifle my attitude and instead said, "Why stir the shit pot? Things just calmed down, we shouldn't go looking for trouble."
"Well, he should know how to take care of issues if there comes a time when we can't."
"Don't say things like that," I scold even though I know he's right.
"Come on Sammy, there's possible djinn activity not too far away," Dean says, excited at the thought of hunting. "It's a good place for him to start and it'll keep us in practice."
That was three days ago. Since then we've tracked down the djinn and killed it, but not before it jacked Cas up with its 'supernatural acid' as Dean put it. Now we're back in the bunker searching for African dream root because Cas still hasn't woken up.
"Where the fuck IS IT?" Dean shouted as he throws an empty jar at the wall. "The stupid ass Men of Letters have everything else besides the goddamn dream root."
"Maybe it's under another name," I suggest without thinking about it.
"Right!" Says Dean eagerly. "What was the scientific name for it? Silent something."
Silene capensis.
"I don't remember," I fib. I'll take care of this myself when Dean is asleep. He's obviously too emotional to function properly in this situation.
"I know you're lying Sam," he accuses. "I'm not gonna let you do this without me, this is Cas we're talking about here, my Cas."
I raise an eyebrow. "Your Cas?" I smirk.
"You know what I meant," he says, turning bright red. "Now what's the dream root called because I know your nerd ass has a photographic memory."
"Silene Capensis," I state reluctantly. We look for another hour and come up empty handed. "You should get some sleep Dean," I suggest gently which earns me a glare that he's way too tired to make convincing.
"Four hours," he sighs defeated. "And then we get back on Cas."
I cough to hide my laugh
"Shut it, Sammy," he barks.
"I didn't say anything," I shrug innocently.
"Bitch."
"Jerk."
Once I'm sure he has gone to bed, I open my laptop and Google 'silene capensis.' I click on the wiki page and start to skim through it, silene undulata, blah blah blah, African dream root, blah blah blah, South Africa, fucking great UGH. I have to admit it's a pretty flower, doesn't stop it from tasting like piss, wait wait, menandrium undulatum, I definitely saw a jar of that.
I grab the jar labeled menandrium undulatum full of curled up, brown leaves that almost look like cinnamon bark, I wish I could say the same thing about the taste. It takes about five minutes to brew the smelly, yellow tea. While I wait for it to cool I go to Cas' room to get some of his hair, I would much rather not but the spell does call for DNA *shudder.*
I open the door to Cas' room and sure enough, there's Dean asleep on the armchair, curled up like a child. I roll my eyes, pluck a few hairs from the top of Cas' head, and walk back to the kitchen.
By the time I get back, the dream root has cooled. I drop the hairs in and carry the mug to my room. I sit on the bed and quickly down the mixture, trying not to gag.
I sniff a bit to clear my nose and I catch the distinctive smell of burgers. Well nobody is actually awake right now to cook burgers so I guess the dream root worked. My only question is why am I still in the bunker, I would have assumed Cas' one wish would have been to go back to heaven. I guess I'll have to ask him about that. I get up and head towards the kitchen.
When I get to the kitchen, I find it empty but the smell of burgers lingers in the air and I can faintly hear Cas saying "but Dean, tigers are not typically fond of bouncing." What?
I walk towards the sitting room and find Dean sitting on the couch with Cas' head in his lap. They're watching some children's movie and Dean is idly playing with Cas' hair. I should have known that this would be Cas' wish, the sap.
"What are you guys watching?" I ask more to draw attention to myself that out of any curiosity.
"The Tigger Movie," Dean replies, "it's actually kinda cute."
"I don't understand the premise," Cas interjects, "I thought they were all the stuffed animals of a young boy, not real animals. Most of those animals don't even live in the forest, and why are only the bear and the small kangaroo wearing clothes?"
"I don't know, hun," Dean responds, rustling Cas' hair.
They seem happy. I decide to let Cas have a little while longer before I break the news. I settle in and start to watch the movie, slowly getting dragged in. Dean was right, it is a cute movie. Even the frequent questions and comments from Cas (which most often go unanswered) don't pull me out of the trance.
I fully understand why parents plop their kids down in front of the television so often, it occupies the mind while simultaneously numbing it.
Just after the tiger shouts "T.T.F.E." and slams the door I hear the fake Dean say with a gentle voice, "Cas, sweetheart, I gotta get up."
"But why?" Cas mumbles.
"My legs are asleep and I gotta take a piss."
Cas slowly sits up, emitting small sounds of protest.
As soon as Dean is out of earshot, I decide to tell Cas the truth.
"Cas, I need to tell you something important, and you might not like it."
He squints his eyes and tilts his head to the side. "What is it, Sam? Is everything okay?"
"Cas, bud, I really don't want to tell you this, but," I hesitate.
I've never seen him this happy and he could live out a full life in here. No. Dean, the real Dean, needs him, and he'll never forgive me if I don't at least try.
"Cas, none of this is real, you got attacked by a djinn, this is just a dream."
He looks at me with a bleak smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "You think I haven't figured that out already Sam? I know the real Dean would never look at me the way that one does."
I try my best not to scoff at how oblivious the poor guy is. "That's exactly how the real Dean looks at you, you just never see it. He's scared to admit his feelings to himself, much less to you. He shoves it down and pretends that there's nothing there because he's afraid of getting hurt. For as much as Dean says 'no chick flick moments' he's basically living in one."
"Don't lie to me Sam," he says, sounding defeated.
"Why would I lie to you," I ask, genuinely confused.
"I don't know why, but you are. I like it here Sam, I can be happy here. Please don't make me go back," he pleads on the verge of tears. "I can't stand looking at Dean every day for the rest of my life knowing that he doesn't feel the same way I do, but I can't live without him. This way, I don't have to compromise."
"Why won't you listen to me Cas? He. Loves. You." I say, getting exasperated, "now wake up and tell him how you feel about him. I promise you won't regret it."
"You can't make promises like that Sam," he says with a doleful smile.
At that moment, the fake Dean walked back into the room.
"This," Cas said gesturing towards him, "this is a sure thing, real Dean isn't."
"It isn't real," I practically shout.
"It's real enough," he counters with a determined pout.
I plop down on the couch and bury my face in my hands out of frustration.
Your eyes
As We Said Our Goodbyes
Can't Get Them Out Of My Mind
It started off soft, but definitely Dean. "You are so not helping," I growl at the fake Dean without looking up.
"It's not me Sammy," he says as the singing continues.
And I Find I Can't Hide from
Your Eyes
The Ones That Took Me By Surprise
I look up when I realize that the voice is coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
The Night You Came Into My Life
Where There's Moonlight
I See Your Eyes
Cas is staring up at the ceiling, tears gathering in his eyes.
How'd I Let You Slip Away
When I'm Longing So To Hold You
Now I'd Die For One More Day
'Cause There's Something I Should
Have Told You
Yes There's Something I Should Have
Told You
When I Looked Into Your Eyes
Why Does Distance Make Us Wise?
You Were The Song All Along
And Before The Song Dies
I Should Tell You I Should Tell You
I Have Always Loved You
You Can See It In My Eyes
"That enough proof for you Cas?" I ask smugly. "Go to him," I whisper dramatically.
I blink and suddenly I'm staring at the ceiling of my room. I stand up and jog to Cas' room to verify that he's awake before I celebrate my accomplishment. I open the door to find Cas curled up in Dean's lap with his head nestled in the crook of Dean's neck.
"Who da man?!" I shout triumphantly only to be met with blank stares. "Oh, it's, I'm never saying that again," I mumble.
As I turn around to leave I hear a soft "I love you, Dean."
"I love you too angel.
God, finally. I roll my eyes as the door clicks shut behind me. Mission accomplished.
Author's Note: The song is obviously not mine, it's from the Broadway musical, Rent. If you haven't seen that you definitely should, it's amazing. But I just really wanted to put that song in a Destiel fic ever since the 200th episode.
The DW reference was a last minute thing, I didn't plan on that but in the moment it kind seemed necessary.
And I was, in fact, watching The Tigger Movie while writing that part.
This is my first fanfiction so please don't judge me too harshly but constructive criticism is appreciated.