Felicity bit back tears as she tossed her keys into the bowl by her door. She hung up her jacket and kicked off her heels, too tired to be compulsive in putting them away. She had just agreed to work for Ray Palmer, received her new Queen Consolidated I.D. badge, which had a much better picture than her first one, and she was finally home from a weary day. She texted Roy to let him know she was safe and he texted her to know he was safe as well. She walked into her bedroom like a zombie, tears flowing and heart bleeding, just wanting to fall asleep and forget everything that's happened this week. Felicity had thrown her dress on her vanity chair when she heard the tell-tale thud part of her was dreading but knew was coming. She threw a gray T-shirt and blue pajama shorts over her underwear and mentally counted to three when she heard the window open. She wrapped her grief and sorrow around her in righteous fury and turned almost bursting out in bitter laughter when she did.
There he stood as both the thing that brought them together, and the thing that stood between them. The Arrow. Oliver—Arrow she had to remind herself collapsed his bow and set his quiver down on her bed. He was determined to see himself as the Arrow and not Oliver Queen so she would do the same. He stood watching her and she fought the urge to shift her weight in front of him. When he opened his mouth she held up her hand to stop him.
"Give me the curtesy, Arrow, to at least take the mask off." She emphasized his alter ego. Arrows jaw clenched and he lowered his mask to his neck. "Oh hi, Oliver." She snapped.
"You work for Ray Palmer now." He stated. She nodded, not exactly caring how he knew so fast; it saved her the time from telling him. Felicity sighed and released her anger; though she wanted to stay angry at him, they were still friends at least.
"Why are you here, Oliver?" He noticed how tired she sounded. He looked at her, really looked at her, and saw a weariness he didn't remember.
"I want you to stay on…'Team Arrow.'" He admitted, wincing as he realized that was not the best way to phrase it. Sky blue clashed with ocean blue as they analyzed each other.
"I'm not leaving Team Arrow." She replied after a time. Oliver's eyebrows rose in shock.
"I thought you weren't going to wait around with me, that you wanted more of your life than this?" Oliver didn't quite understand. Felicity took a breath, thinking very carefully of what she wanted to say to him.
"I realize that what we do for Starling City is important," She paused to hold off the shaking in her voice. "And I couldn't forgive myself if I completely walked out. But I won't waste my life in the Foundry. If I dedicate my nights to something that 'only ends one way', then I will dedicate my days to something that has many possibilities."
Oliver nodded in understanding. A part of him wanted to ask where he fit into that, but he didn't have the gall to ask her when he had pushed her away so many times. Still, he needed to know, if he was ever going to put his mind at easy.
"Do I only fit in your nights?" He asked more broken than he thought he'd sound and instantly regretted it. The fury returned to her eyes and Oliver readied himself for the most justified mother of bitch fits since Laurel had found out he and Sara were dating…again.
"You decided that you only fit in my nights, remember? You were the one who fed me that line." She started off angry but couldn't hold on to it. Oliver stepped forward but she held her hand up. "You've never wanted me enough Oliver." Her voice broke off at his name. Oliver felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Her tears filled him with a swirling sinking feeling.
"Felicity—" He looked down, unsure of what to say.
"If you say that's not true so help me I will scream." He looked into her fiery eyes.
"You have told me over and over that because of the life you lead, you couldn't be with someone that you could really care about," She snorted unladylike. "What a beautiful lie that was. You know I spent hours convincing myself that someone you could really care about was me. I wanted so badly to believe that. But it was just a pretty way of saying 'sorry Felicity, I'm just not that into you.'"
"Felicity that's not true." The words came out of his mouth faster than he thought possible.
"Really, Oliver. When you want something enough you go for it without reservation; you have tried before to be the Arrow and still have some kind of meaningful relation. You wanted Laurel enough, you wanted Sara enough, you wanted Helena enough, you wanted McKenna enough, and for the love of all that is holy," She threw her hands up, exasperated. "You at least wanted Isabel enough to sleep with her; I didn't even get that far."
"You would have accepted being a 'slam-bam-thank you ma'am?'" Oliver raised his signature eyebrow that expressed how confused he was. He would have never propositioned Felicity for a cheap and dirty one night stand; he respected her way too much.
"So not the point, Oliver!" She paced back and forth to get rid of her frustration. "The point is that every woman you have wanted, regardless of your past affiliations with them, or their desire to murder their father, or them trying to hunt you down, or their comfy position on The List, you have slept with or tried to have a real relationship with, or both with women."
"Felicity," He reached out for her but she took a step back. He looked into her beautiful eyes and wished he could take her sorrow away, sorrow that he is solely responsible for.
"The point is Oliver that you have never wanted me enough to try past one date." Tears streamed quickly down her cheeks. It was the first time she had ever expressed her displeasure at their relationship standing. She taken the crumbs he'd given and never complained. Even with bloodshot eyes, tears running down her face, blotchy redden cheeks, and blonde curls wrapped wildly around her shoulders, Oliver struggled to think of a time when she had ever looked more beautiful.
"I'm not going to play limbo with you any more Oliver. Either once and for all you try with the same effort that you tried with Laurel, and Sara, and Helena, and McKenna, or you leave out the window the same way you came, as the Arrow. Nothing more and nothing less." Oliver weighed his choices but the choice was none existent; where once being the Arrow was all he wanted with Felicity, now he couldn't imagine a world where he didn't get to see her bright smile in the rays of the sun, where he couldn't be around her almost every second of every day, where he couldn't pull her to him when he was sad, or she was hurt, or she needed reassurance of his safety, or he just wanted to feel her body warm against him. Decision made. Oliver closed the distance between them in seconds. He tipped her chin up and kissed her with all of the passion in his soul. He tasted her salty tears and felt her lips quiver beneath his own. He wound his hand around her waist, pulling her closer until she could barely breathe. He wound his hand through her silky hair, slanting her mouth and kissing her deeper until it was like feasting on her soul. He gave her everything, his fear, his hopes and dreams, his self-loathing, his love and she took everything, giving as much as she got. When they realized air was a necessity, they pulled away from each other, chests pounding and breath unstable.
Felicity gave him a bright smile then stepped back and walked to her bed. She slipped of her bra and tossed it on the dresser with a brown dress he'd never seen her wear. She slipped under the covers and held them up as invitation. He took off his leather pants and jacket, laying them on the chair and placed his mask over them. After checking to make sure her window was locked, Oliver slid into her bed and wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled back into him and fell asleep to the sound of his deep breathing and husky scent that surrounded her. Oliver listened to her breathing for a little longer, wondering if for the first time since he left on the Queen's Gambit if he was finally home. He shifted deeper into her comfy bed, kissed her golden hair and dozed off into the most comfortable sleep he'd ever had.