Betrayal Written in the Stars
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lonely is the night when you find yourself alone
your demons come to light and your mind is not your own
lonely is the night when there's no one left to call
-- "Lonely is the Night," Billy Squier
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It's a full moon, Peter thinks vaguely, as he huddles by a gravestone. His Master is silent and Peter doesn't know if he's sleeping or if he's even human enough to sleep, but he's not ungrateful for the silence, for the brief absence of terror.
It's a full moon, and Peter thinks that twenty or so years ago, he'd be a rat, scampering around with a dog, and a stag, and a werewolf. Peter shudders slightly, wondering why he had ever been content to be friends with a werewolf. It was disgusting, really.
And yet…Peter remembers the werewolf's endless help with Charms and Transfiguration and History of Magic and all those subjects that he never could fully grasp. He remembers the werewolf standing up for him when his other friends went from teasing to cruel. He remembers the werewolf's kindness and understanding.
Peter wonders what the werewolf is doing now. If he's alone, or if he has the one remaining member of the pack with him. If he fondly remembers being a pack of four, or if he wishes that he had crushed the meaningless rat when he had the chance.
Peter looks up at the sky, avoiding the full moon, and takes in the stars. They're so vast and unfathomable, that they make Peter feel somewhat insignificant. It's a feeling that he's felt all his life; it's a feeling that made him allow his dark side to take over, to betray his friends. Could they really be called friends, Peter thinks bitterly, if they considered him to be beneath them, if they treated him as if he was the one dispensable member of their little group?
One of the stars catches his eye, and Peter feels his breath hitch. It's the Dog Star, the one star that he could properly identify in Astronomy without any help. He remembers its namesake pointing it out constantly, much to the annoyance of everyone else within hearing distance. He remembers that it was the brightest star in the sky, something the namesake was very proud of. Peter wonders if its namesake is still bright like he once was, or if Azkaban has sucked away the brightness like it sucked away the joyous happiness and carefree laughter. Peter shudders and tries not to think about it.
The stars twinkle above him, taunting him. Peter remembers lying on rough blankets, with the other three, and staring up at the stars. He wonders if, even then, his betrayal was written in the stars, miles above them. He can see it now, dark and irreversible, a far cry from the brilliance of the full moon, and the brightness of the Dog Star, and the overwhelming wonderfulness that the rest of the stars hold, and remind Peter of the stag that forced the boys all together, that made them a family.
It's a full moon, and Peter wonders if the last two members of the Marauders are looking at the stars, even as they romp around in canine forms. He wonders if they are thinking of him, or if their thoughts are reserved for the stag, the member of their group who was always more significant and more irreplaceable than Peter could ever hope to be. He wonders if they miss him at all, or if their hatred for him wipes away the good memories. He thinks he knows the answer.
It's a full moon, and Peter has never felt so alone.
Author's Note: This is my first time writing Peter after his betrayal, so I hope it turned out okay. Please review :)