summary: tv!verse, au. it's been a while, she says smoothly; fingers running over cracks in the table. has it? the other replies sharply, the pointy words hanging in the air. -— serenavanessa, slight serenadan.
notes | for femslash february. it's kind of messy, at times might be a little out of character (although — it might be how i interpret the characters as well, and would of wrote them if i were the writers) and shows just how much i hate dan. also i'm only fourteen so i don't really know if growing up is scary or not, although it certainly seems scary to me. ALSO WRITING IS VERY BAD HERE. the title is from the arctic monkeys, arabella.
like the galaxy's edge
serenavanessa
.
Everything that glitters isn't always gold, Lily had told her flouncing around with wedding planners prattling off requirements. She would know, the fourteen year old Serena had muttered having all ready gone through multiple replacement fathers over the years.
In a few months time Lily will be prancing around with interior decorators, wanting to start fresh; anew. Crying in the early hours of the morning over a tub of ice cream as she contemplates another failed relationship.
Serena didn't need to be told twice, her world is shimmery on the outside — pretty dresses hanging off of pretty girls with slim figures who'll dance around with gorgeous men in suits, arrays of the most delectable food available for brunch, lavish parties where people would cross over the line of decency into morally wrong.
On the inside, it's tainted; a world of people who say that they're your friends but will back stab you in the back in 0.2 seconds flat for personal gain, where everybody passes down judgement no matter what you do or say, fake greetings with the ugliness hid behind pearly smiles and high pitched voices pouring out fake compliments.
She hadn't always known this, it was only a few months ago she revealed the truth herself. Sitting on a staircase in a flowing blue gown, looking forlorn as she waits for the latest war with her best friend to be over but Blair Waldorf doesn't back down; she destroys. Serena should of known that, but as Blair was growing up, Serena was too busy having her head up in the clouds to notice.
Lily is mumbling something about dinner tonight with the new family, and Eric — her little brother, is rolling his eyes as he bounces down the stairs with a frown. Serena can't say she's all that pleased herself, neither knows anything about their future step father but they can only assume he'll be as awful and as fleeting as the last.
.
In Brooklyn, Vanessa Abrams is lying flat on her stomach on the carpet of her best friend's living room, eyes following the screen viciously. Dan watches her fondly from where he's perched on the couch, amusement evident in his gleaming eyes.
Vanessa briefly wonders if he's in love with her, then her eyes catch sight of a leather bound blue notebook in his hand, a pen poised above lined paper as he scribbles down mystical words about Serena van der Woodsen; golden girl.
"Isn't she becoming your step sister?" Vanessa laughs, shaking her head at her best friend. Dan's head shoots up, his eyes squinting at Vanessa as he glares with her with all the venom he can muster; which isn't a lot, truth be told.
The scruffy headed boy shrugs his shoulder, a sly smile falling onto his lips. He doesn't even think Serena knows that her mothers get married; much less to his father. He imagines she'll be appalled, her mother marrying someone from Brooklyn. He dreams one day maybe she'll marry from Brooklyn, marry him. He plans to woo her while they live together. He's planned to woo her since the day he first laid eyes on her, two years ago to the day.
Rufus hurries in the door then, words about dinner at the Van der Woodsen's tonight flouncing off of his tongue as he grins to himself. Vanessa rolls herself into a sitting position, preparing to leave.
The older Humphrey surprises her by asking her to join them (it's something he'd say, but still). He wants her to join them for dinner with their new family, who live in a penthouse on the Upper East Side? She can't help but let out a roaring laugh, nearly falling to the ground.
"Thank you, but I must decline." She bids her farewells, and then she's off the laugh still rumbling in the back of her throat as she walks along the dusty sidewalk home.
.
When Serena is sixteen and her world is falling apart, Dan decides it's time to let his inner dick shine; the one that has been shining all along, the stupid fool. He tries to pick up the pieces, practicing poetic words in front of a mirror about a broken golden girl who fell from the inner circle into the depth of hell. He tries to kiss her, and he ends up with a broken nose and a bruised eye; not to mention the wounded ego he carries around now that the best of the best showed him really how low and pathetic he truly is.
Vanessa swings around with Chinese food, runs straight into Serena herself. She hasn't ever spoken to the blonde before, she's seen her at school, sitting on the steps of the MET with her best friend (and reigning queen of mean) and sometimes when she's over she'll spot the girl sneaking out of her bedroom and into the glittering night.
"Vanessa, right?" Serena asks, blue eyes focusing in on the girl trying to walk up the stairs but can't because Serena is sitting on them, staring helplessly at her phone. Vanessa's surprised she knows her name, she's taken aback a little, then she's annoyed. She wouldn't mind getting up the fucking stairs. Serena pays no notice, looking forlorn; eyes wide, doe like, as she stares out the window in a trance.
"My best friend hates me," Serena says, letting out a little laugh as she shakes her head. Vanessa bites her lower lip, why is she telling me this? She can tell that Serena is close to tears, her hand reaching up to her face as she wipes something away from underneath her eye. "I slept with her boyfriend, if you hadn't heard." Serena looks up out her now, blue eyes aching with sadness. "But, of course, he gets a free pass. That's just the way it is, he's a guy. It's expected of him, do you know how fucked that is? How fucked up our society is," She's half way between laughing and crying by now and all Vanessa wants to do is wrap a girl she had hated up until now into a gigantic bear hug and tell her she's sorry for ever judging her based on her opulent wealth.
Dan comes bounding down the stairs instead, spewing insults at Serena. She's sure that his one black eye is looking lonely; she wouldn't mind giving it a little friend.
Serena rolls her eyes as she stands up, smoothing out her dress before pushing Dan down the remaining two steps before walking gracefully up to her room, before she flutters away she sends Vanessa a small finger wave and a smile. Vanessa barely has time to send a smile back her way before Dan is tumbling towards her, falling on her shoes. She lightly kicks him off, growling at him before turning on her heels and heading out of the penthouse. She wants to blame the Upper East Side on changing him; but he's always been a fucking dickhead.
.
Dan stays home the next day, sprouting nonsense about how he doesn't feel well. She ends up sitting with Serena, the blonde laughs at every joke she tells and whispers hushed secrets about herself to Vanessa. That's when Blair Waldorf decides she wants Serena back, and Nate Archibald gone and that's when Vanessa is welcomed to the elite inner circle; even if Blair doesn't want her there.
.
Serena turns seventeen and Blair wants it to be a full blown affair — the hottest DJ in the whole of the country, handcrafted chandeliers made from gold, one of a kind dresses sent in from Milan, lavish place settings inscribed with each guests personal initials.
Vanessa is, by some miracle, invited to the party. She turns up in jeans and t-shirt and Blair frowns when she sees her, rolling her eyes as she races off upstairs to attend to the birthday girls every need. Vanessa hates the party upon first sight, dying to talk bad about it to her darling Serena, but, Serena loves it. Eats up the attention like it's a a strawberry cake with chocolate and vanilla icing.
Dances around in a gold shimmery dress, blowing kisses to everyone who walks past. Spins Vanessa around until the shorter girl is dizzy, ready to fall over and pass out but Serena laughs, clapping her hands with glee as she blows out the candles. It's not the first time Vanessa notices that they're a lot different; just like she had originally believed before they became friends.
"Aren't you having just the most fun!" Serena squeals, blonde hair jumping on her shoulders as she dances around the room; mingling with people Vanessa has never even heard of.
Later that night, when the lights have died down and guests are passed out after one too many vodka jelly's she finds Serena upstairs in her room, her dress dumped on the floor and tears cascading down her cheeks like a waterfall. She looks terrible, is Vanessa's first thought. She's no Dan Humphrey who'll wax the most poetic garbage about a girl who's obviously hurt.
She lightly sits down next to her, the bed dipping a bit as she curls her body next to Serena's.
"I don't want to grow up," Serena whimpers, letting out an ugly strangled sob explode from her peach glossed lips. Vanessa kisses those peach glossed lips, mouths sticking together as their bodies relax. It's a kiss between friends; not mentioned in the morning, or the day after that, or the day after that, or the next day.
.
Once Vanessa has left and Blair has fallen asleep, her chest rising and falling with each soft breathe that flows out of her mouth, Serena lets herself smile as she traces her lips with her fingers. Traces the place where Vanessa had kissed her, had taken away some of the pain that came with growing up. She lets herself dream of a world where Vanessa kisses her often and she traces her lips some more as they turn upwards into a silly little smile.
Serena falls asleep, her hair a gold halo above her head and her fingers are laid to rest on her lips.
We could work, she thinks sadly as her eyes flutter close hiding blue from the world. We could, she screams inside of her head.
.
They don't work. They crash, they burn, they end all rather suddenly, actually.
It's two months after Serena is seventeen and everything has gone to hell. She lashes out, she goes back to wanting to be little, the future is closing in on her. University enrollments rolling through the front door, disapproving frowns from Lily as she dots over Dan and his marks and his ability to grow up. Serena doesn't — she parties until three in the morning, loudly barges through the house reeking of gin and tonic, brings strange men home who spend the night in her room but never ever dare to touch her, breaks things when she gets mad.
Rufus yells at her until his voice runs out, and Lily sighs trying her best to defend her daughters "crazy antics" all while telling her that no university will accept her if she doesn't start focusing on school like Dan.
"Oh! I didn't know Dan had time for school. My mistake, I thought he was too busy fucking his teacher." She yells bitterly, in a huff she throws on a coat and storms out of the penthouse and into the winter air.
Everything is a mess when she gets home. A flurry of Dan getting told off, and the school being called, and Ms. Carr being fired and Vanessa coming over to comfort Dan who she's barely friends with anymore as he complains about Serena. Vanessa and Serena fight in front of everyone at school the next day, that was uncalled for! Vanessa yells, angry with her not because of the secrets she spilled that Vanessa told her in confidence but because she hasn't mentioned the kiss.
Serena recklessly kisses her then, grabs her by the shoulders and presses their lips together in a fit of fury. Snow flutters around them, falling on their eyelashes and on their lips as they part. Grinning slightly at each other as Blair rolls her eyes and grabs Chuck's hand and storms off, yelling back that it's about time.
.
But they're done before they begin — Vanessa wants the world, and Serena already has the world.
Vanessa turns to hate the Upper East Side more than ever, remarking bitterly about how dark Serena is when she's inside the world of pretty. They fight constantly, and Serena tells her at least she's not Brooklyn scum.
It lasts five months before they fall apart and Dan decides his crush on Serena has returned. The blonde is left weak once Vanessa takes a gap year, traveling to Asia on the money she saved up from working. Dan tries to kiss her again, and Serena is weak and takes him to her room where they sit in silence and read.
It's what she used to do with Vanessa. Dan smiles at her, says he's sorry as he kisses her and Serena remains emotionless.
Serena turns into a zombie.
.
Dan and Serena don't really date.
Dan and Serena sometimes make out.
Dan and Serena sometimes go out for coffee.
Dan and Serena fight.
Dan and Serena kiss.
Dan and Serena stop being Dan and Serena.
.
Vanessa comes back on a Monday. Hair highlighted, eyes shiny and on the arm of an Archibald.
Serena swings around her place, dressed in a blue sweater and an old pair of jeans and an easy going smile that she prays will win back Vanessa's closely guarded heart.
"It's been a while," She says smoothly; fingers running over cracks in the table.
"Has it?" The other replies sharply, the pointy words hanging in the air.
Serena nods her head, and Vanessa's frown relaxes into a smile. They kiss each other lightly. Vanessa tastes like coffee, and Serena tastes like mints.
.
Serena marries Nate and Vanessa marries Dan and they wonder how that worked out when they're old and grey and fussing over grandchildren whose love lives aren't nearly as complicated as theirs were when they were younger.
.
Notes | what even. i got lazy and just kind of made my writing sloppy and wrapped it up. sigh. sorry! haha as if anyones reading this.