obviously in light of tonight's... fantastic show of epicness, i had to post a little something. i have already done one shots from Britt's POV, Quinn's POV, and so it only seemed highly appropriate to write a Santana POV one-shot. this story is a stand alone, and has nothing to do wtih the other one-shots or other stories i'm doing. but i hope you read it and enjoy it anyway.
i had actually written this a while ago, but i made some changes considering tonight's episode, so some of that is in here so if you haven't seen it beware there are references aka SPOILERS!
so read and review :)
It was a Thursday evening.
We were in my bedroom flipping through magazines our mother's normally wouldn't let us read but I swiped them from my dad's office. The women that worked the front desk used to let us do the quizzes with them because we begged them to and they made us promise not to tell my father.
So we were doing yet another one of those tests to see if we had the power to 'please our man'. We were only 13-years-old but we weren't stupid. We knew what the article and the quiz was about. We had both had our first kiss last year at one of Quinn's stupid 'mixer's' her mother used to make her throw. It was boring so we decided to spark it up with a game of spin the bottle. I guess it wasn't much of a real first kiss, but it was the first time a boys lips touched mine.
I remembered giving Joe Truman an evil stare when his spin landed on you. And then watching his lips on yours, well, I had to do everything in my power not to jump across the circle and strangle him. I remember when we got back to my house and you were in my room changing I asked my mom what it meant when you got this weird feeling in your stomach and your face got hot when you saw two people together. 'That's called jealousy Santana', she had told me and I automatically knew who it was that I was jealous of and why.
You read a question out loud, which is how we take these tests usually and it was one about kissing. I got this weird feeling in me, not like the one I had gotten deep in my gut that night you kissed Joe, but a different one. The one I had gotten after the party when I realized my jealousy. I shut the magazine and looked at you.
Your hair was in a messy bun and you were wearing those cute pajamas with moons and stars on it and one of the straps to the top were hanging off of your shoulder and I thought you looked really pretty. I was nervous, but I knew that if I asked you, you wouldn't make me feel stupid. I wondered aloud if you liked Joe's kiss and you quickly responded with a groan of disapproval and that made me laugh. I asked you why it was so bad and you told me that you had always thought your first kiss was going to be with someone else.
'So then why did you kiss him and not wait for that other person' I countered, suddenly that jealous feeling had come surging back within me but I tried not to let it show in my voice. You shrugged and mumbled 'I don't know' but I didn't accept that as an answer. I asked you who you wanted to be your first kiss and you looked away after grabbing the magazine out from under my hand and flipped it open again pretending the page you had ended up on was the one we had been reading.
You tried to ignore me but I knew you would inevitably give in to the stare you knew I was throwing your way. You huffed and shut the magazine shut, your hand holding it down on to my bed. I saw you taking a few breathes with your eyes closed and then before I knew it you whipped your head around and your lips were on mine.
My eyes shot open, I was shocked, and as quickly as you were kissing me you weren't anymore. You turned back to the magazine slowly opening the cover page while I was left with my mouth half open and my eyebrows up to my hairline. I could tell you were blushing but you also were sporting a grin that made me smirk slightly.
'Britt' I said softly hoping to get you to turn your attention back to me again, but you were being stubborn, probably from embarrassment and the thought of being shot down. 'Britt' I said again more firmly and this time you looked up to me, your lower lip between your teeth. I smiled at you and nodded before I leaned in and brought our lips together again.
That was our first kiss.
It was a Monday.
It was New Year's Eve and you invited me over to celebrate with your family. My dad had to work and my mother was on a business trip and you didn't like the idea of me being all alone when there was a perfectly good party going on at your house. I was at your house all the time anyway, so your parents weren't confused when I showed up.
We watched from a far as the adults filled up their champagne glasses as they counted down the seconds for the New Year to come. You grinned at me and made a mad dash to the counter that had all of the alcohol on it and swiped two full glasses for us and dragged me into your room. You handed me the glasses and twisted the lock, locking the door. You turned on the television so that we could watch the ball drop.
I handed you your glass and we stood there in front of the television, side by side, holding pinkies and counted down from ten. When the ball dropped we yelled Happy New Year to one another and took a big swig of the champagne. We were both surprised that it actually tasted good and finished out glasses. You put our empty glasses on your night stand and then slowly made your way back to my spot in front of the television.
You put your hands on my shoulders and whispered that you wanted to give me a New Year's kiss. I gulped and nodded, because I was hoping the night would take us to this. Your lips tasted like your lip gloss and a hint of champagne and I smiled.
Before I knew it we were sitting at the foot of your bed, our kissing had heated up and my hands were sliding up under your sweater. You breathed out into my mouth that it was okay, and so I ventured further up your sweater. I felt through the fabric of your bra and you gasped.
Soon your sweater met the floor, as did mine and then we were lying naked under your covers. The lights were on in your room and I was too amazed by your body to feel self conscious about my own. I let you stare at me as you hovered over me and I trailed my eyes along your torso. I felt a lump in my throat when you kissed my neck and then my chest.
I lost my voice when I felt your hands between my legs and almost jumped off of the bed when you were inside of me. I smiled up at you, and I moved some hair out of your face. Our bodies moved together and I had never felt so alive and complete in one moment as I did then.
We had locked the world out, not just literally, but nothing else mattered. We had forgotten about everyone else down the stairs and I think we almost thought or felt or both that those cheers from your family partying were for us. I know it's silly but that's how amazing it was.
You whispered my name as I touched you and you asked me to keep going and that I felt good. I had always thought in movies and shows it was silly when people spoke like that in bed but now I understood and I told you the same things. I remember wanting to tell you something, but I swallowed those words, too afraid of what they would mean.
Your body shivered and mine shook and I giggled and whispered for you to be quite when you screamed my name. We lay in bed comfortably for the rest of the night. No one had bothered wondering where we were and that was comforting for once. I enjoyed your body against mine, your arms around me and mine around you. You whispered goodnight to me and then we fell asleep like that.
That was our first time.
It was a Wednesday night.
I was stressed about Cheerio's and Sylvester was on my back. I needed to get on top because my rep was seriously declining after baby gate and Puck was clearly not working with me. You told me about how you got that kid on your sister's soccer team to be your boyfriend. I remember laughing about it with you after the whole Madonna obsession in school that week and you told me you promised him candy if he agreed to be your boyfriend. You didn't want Coach to think you were not capable of getting what you needed. I too didn't want her to think that.
You tried to make me feel better and told me that if I took a guy's virginity it would give me power. I had forgotten about the time I took Josh Toreno's virginity and followed me around like a puppy dog for about a month. Your idea seemed flawless, especially when you suggested Finn.
So I did, and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I think it lasted about as long as a piece of gum's full flavor lasts and then I was left feeling just as unsatisfied as I did when I got there. I told you as soon as I got home and you hung up on me. I remember looking at my phone wondering if it was just a disconnected call but I saw that I was a call ended disruption. I quirked an eyebrow at the phone and immediately pressed redial but you didn't answer.
The next day at school I confronted you and you tried your best to ignore and avoid me but I wouldn't let you. You tried being mean but you were never good at that. You wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but you didn't have to, I already knew. You kept giving Finn dirty looks all week and that was confirmation enough.
I wrote you a note during Spanish class to tell you that it didn't mean anything and reminded you that sex isn't dating. That I simply used him as a stepping stone to keep us on top. You accepted my 'apology' and we left class pinkies linked.
That was the first time I saw that I hurt you.
It was a Monday.
It was our lunch period but you and I decided to head back to your place to get in some extracurricular activities. We had just came down from equal highs and were just kissing and cuddling on your bed when it happened. You made a comment about us singing a duet together and I flipped out on you. I told you that we weren't anything and I wasn't in love with you. Worse of all I told you I was only with you because Puck wasn't available.
When we got back to school I saw you with Artie and you gave me a look that told me you were cutting me off from our 'alone' times. The next day you told me that you had sex with Artie and that's when I felt it. I felt what you felt when I told you about Finn, and I also felt what I had felt all those years ago when I saw you kiss Joe. And I was pissed.
I flipped the script and told Artie that you were using him and he bought it. I felt bad that he broke up with you but at the same time I felt relieved that you were single. I knew it was selfish but I didn't like the idea of you with someone else. I still don't.
It didn't matter though, because you wound up going back out with him, and you did for a while. So I was forced to try and whore myself out to anyone who would take me. It seemed that I wasn't such a hot commodity as I thought I was. But honestly, the only person I wanted to be wanted by was taken.
That was the first time I needed you more than I knew.
It was a Wednesday.
Miss Holiday was subbing for our sex ed teacher and then Mr. Schu invited her to sing songs with us in Glee. I guess they figured that she could teach us better through song about the things we thought we knew so much about, sex. After we were all done singing she told us that we need to use protection and be careful with our partners because when we sleep with them we sleep with everyone else they'd slept with. I remember thinking that that theory was really gross and that I've practically slept with everyone in the school. I tried to shake off that notion and went to my locker.
That night we were at my house, in my bedroom and while I was fixing your hair you told me you wanted to talk to me about something. I could tell it was important and I held my breath, afraid of what it was you were going to tell me. Hoping against hope that you weren't going to end things between us, because it was the only way I knew how to be with you, even if it meant I wasn't fully with you. I at least had a little part of you and you had a little part of me, the little bit I allowed you to have anyhow.
You were confused about us. I didn't admit it at first, when you had said it, but I had been confused too. You said that you and Artie talked about 'feelings' and I obviously brushed that idea off like it was stupid to talk about tedious stuff such as feelings, but you were adamant that feelings made it better, I knew you meant more meaningful. I think I got more defensive than anything, because it hurt to know that you had legitimate feelings for the kid. You wanted me to open up, and even though I wouldn't admit it right then, I did too I just didn't know how. So you suggested we go talk to an adult about our issues, because there so obviously were issues. We were so confused about the path we had been on for so long not even talking about where we were headed.
The next day I decided we go talk to Miss Holiday about it because she seemed more knowledgeable and open and trustworthy. So I brought you with me to seek her out and she agreed to talk with us. She brought us to her classroom and we sat in a small intimate circle where it seemed so comfortable and not as scary as I thought it would be. Her willingness to accept us, to accept me was without a doubt surprising but I think just what I needed. You told her that you weren't sure how or what to feel considering I was so closed off and wouldn't let us have that conversation. She suggested we try to find a song, hoping it would 'spark some dialogue'. I knew right then the perfect song to express myself to you.
Miss H sat between us as we sang 'Landslide' and we stared at one another the whole time. I tried to keep my emotions in check, and I thought I had done a fairly good job, but your expression told me it was of no use. So, I just let myself let go, which is what doing that song was supposed to do.
When we were done I felt some tears running down my cheeks and you asked me if that was how I really felt and I told you it was. My body had been controlling itself without my brain knowing and suddenly I was standing in front of you. You looked up at me I could see you were worried and intrigued and I put my arms around your neck as you got up and you put your arms around me. I whispered 'thank you', I still thank you.
The next day I confronted you in the hallway. I thanked you for singing the song with me and you nodded, I think you said 'yeah' like it was obvious you would sing any song in the world with me. And I knew you would if I asked. I told you that the song made me do a lot of thinking and that it made me realize why I was such a bitch. That I was angry at myself and taking it out on everyone else because of it and that I had these feelings for you that I couldn't control but was trying my hardest to conceal. You nodded some and said you understood. I felt relieved for a moment but in that split second I realized I hadn't even really told you much of anything, it was still all confusing and it was like all this was for nothing.
I looked back up at you and asked you if you really did understand and you shook your head. You said you really didn't understand what I was saying and I got nervous again wondering how to say what I wanted without actually saying the words I was so scared to say. But there was no use, you were always one with the need for direct wording. So with a small breath and a tiny bit of courage I must have had stored away for a rainy day, I told you that I wanted to be with you. That I was so afraid of what would happen if that were to happen and that I loved you and I didn't want to be with any of those dumb boys from school. Just you, only you.
I begged you to say you loved me back, pleaded practically, and you told me that you did but I couldn't relax because you quickly followed that up with a 'but'. You told me you couldn't be with me because of Artie and that you loved him too. You said if you two ever broke up you'd totally be with me, but it wouldn't be right to break up with him. You tried to apologize but I was devastated and stormed off.
That was the day you broke my heart.
It was a Sunday night.
You came to my house because I wouldn't answer your calls. I think I was more embarrassed than anything. Not even about my declaration, but about the fact that I had run away and that I had been crying. You closed the door behind you and sat on the end of my bed while I sat at my desk with my lap top on my thighs.
You told me that you had been trying to get in touch with me and I nodded in response. I couldn't tell you I was avoiding you. You said you thought our song with Holiday was amazing and that the rest of the group thought the same.
"Rachel asked me if we were together." You said and I finally looked up from my computer screen and at you. "What's going on San?" You asked and tilted your head with hopefulness. I looked down for a moment, shut my lap top and placed it on my desk. I took a deep breath and rolled my chair in front of you and reached for your hands.
I wanted to tell you that I was so sad, so angry still but for different reasons. I wanted to ask you if I had done that stupid duet with you months ago if you would be with me and not Artie. I wanted to ask you if you loved me like I loved you or if you just said it because I said it to you or if you said it because I was your best friend. But I didn't ask any of those things.
"I broke up with Sam." I told you and I could see you stiffen in your chair, I guess you weren't expecting that to come out of my mouth. "I didn't tell him why, don't worry, Artie will never know." I sighed and pulled my hands from yours and turned back to my desk.
I looked over my shoulder and you had a sad but thoughtful look on your face. Finally I took another deep breath and turned back to face you, getting you to look up at me.
"Britt, why did you make me go through all of this?" I asked you, trying hard to maintain calmness with my words. "Why did you want to talk about… us, and then have me figure all of this stuff out if you didn't want anything?" I couldn't help that my voice raised at the end, it was frustrating and I had spent all weekend thinking about it. "I mean, I poured myself out during that song and then to you in the hallway and you tell me you can't leave Artie." I made sure to keep eyes contact with you through my rant. "And now I'm stuck here all alone, with all of these… feelings and you're with Artie. If you love him more than me you could have just…"
That was when you cut me off. You grabbed me by the sides of my face and pressed your lips to mine. I was shocked, to say the least, but I allowed it because I missed your lips. You pulled away and looked at me and then looked away and you had tears in your eyes.
You told me you could never love anyone more than you loved me, it was just an impossible thing. You said that you loved Artie, but you weren't in love with him. I tried to process your words because still, hearing that you loved him even a little was like a knife in my heart. You grabbed my hand and told me that you just needed some time, time to figure this thing with Artie out. Our fingers laced together and you pulled me closer and I told you I would wait forever for you. You smiled sadly and told me that wasn't fair to me.
It was a Friday.
You came up to my locker, your thumbs hooked into the straps of your backpack. You said 'hi' in a soft voice and your eyes were anywhere but at me. You asked me if you could walk me to class and I said sure with a shrug of my shoulders. When we got to the door you grabbed my elbow to keep me from going in to class and this time you were finally looking in my eyes.
"I broke up with Artie." You said, your voice slightly hopeful. I could feel my smile on my face before I even registered the news fully. I guess you could see it slightly fade away as I looked down doubtful of the outcome I had obviously been hoping for. "I told him I'm in love with someone else." You leaned in to whisper catching my eyes with yours. "I'm in love with you Santana, I want to be with you." You told me nervously. "Please say you love me back and that you want to be with me too." You used my own words back to me and I felt the smile come back to my face.
That day we decided to start seeing each other, exclusively.
It was a Saturday.
We were getting ready to go out with Quinn. We had been able to get over our issues, well, me and her did, you two were always okay. You were changing in and out of dresses trying to find the perfect one while I was waiting on your bed flipping through a magazine, remembering our first kiss.
I picked up on the fact that there were no more sounds coming from your closet and I looked up to see you standing in front of me in lingerie. I tossed the magazine and pulled you on to the bed. We didn't hear the knock on the door but we heard the gasp.
You sat next to me with your robe on, but you hadn't tied it up, I think you were too nervous. Your mother was standing in front of us and I found it so hard to look her in the eye. She surprised us and told us she knew what had been going on but told us that we should at least wait till they were fast asleep before engaging in sexual activity. I remember wanting to die in that moment.
You asked her how she knew and she told us that mother's know everything. I questioned her about my mother, and whether she thought my mom knew and she repeated herself. I hoped my mom would be as cool as yours.
We figured since your mom knew, it wouldn't hurt to tell mine. So the next day we went to my house and sat my mom down. She was kind of shocked at first but she was okay, actually she was better than okay. She loved you, she always had. But, she asked us to keep it from my father for a little longer because he was going to take it hard. It sucked but three out of four was okay.
That was when we came out to the world.
It was a Monday.
We managed to find schools we both liked near each other. Even better we found an apartment that we could afford and even better, we got Quinn to move in with us. Somewhere in between high school graduation and the first year of college she and Rachel Berry started seeing each other. I questioned her sanity, but I never questioned her and you never would.
Quinn was out with Rachel and we had the place to ourselves. We ordered in and rented a movie that we wound up not even watching. We had sex everywhere in the apartment that night and when we finally reached the bedroom I whispered 'I love you' as I hovered over you and you had tears in your eyes as you came. You assured me they were happy tears and you said 'I love you too'.
It was a Tuesday.
I was sitting at home watching some stupid reality show on T.V. waiting for you to come home. We had been living in our apartment for a few months since graduating but it was conveniently located by the studio you worked at. I checked the time on the cable box and then glanced to the door when I realized that you were running late.
I nervously wiped my hands on the skirt I had put on, we were going out somewhere nice after all and you kept saying I needed to get out of those sweat pants and get a job. You were growing frustrated with me since we had graduated and moved in. You sounded like my father telling me that jobs weren't going to come to me that I had to get off my ass and stop being lazy.
I would roll my eyes and then you'd catch that and then we'd start fighting. I didn't want to fight, but I didn't want to talk about it either. You were right; I was being lazy and acting like a spoiled brat. If we were going to be living together and trying to have a life together I was going to have to step up and get shit done. I had actually spoken to Quinn a few days before and she yelled at me for getting you upset. She told me you called her up crying a couple of weeks ago and it broke my heart to hear.
She told me it wasn't so much about me being a lazy piece of shit, her words not yours, but the fact that we had been fighting. You never liked it when we would fight. You hated it when I fought with anyone, especially you. I didn't like fighting with you either.
My phone buzzed on the table and I quickly grabbed it. A text from you.
Babe sorry I'm late. Walking up the steps now. Love your face xoxox B
I grinned because even when things weren't exactly perfect between us, you still managed to love me and all of me in spite of it. As soon as I was done reading your text you practically bounced into the apartment tossing your dance gear to the side. You slowed down once you caught my outfit and you eyed me up with a small smirk playing on your lips.
"You look fancy." You said suspiciously bringing your hands up to my neck.
"Do I pull it off well?" I asked leaning in for a chaste kiss. You nodded and hummed your response. I sighed over exaggeratedly. "Thank goodness because I have to dress up like this for work." I quickly said and then turned back to head to the kitchen. I could hear the spinning in your head as you put my puzzle together.
"Job?" You piped up trying to hold in your excitement. I smiled and turned around giving you a nod and jumped in place. "You got a job." You shouted and climbed over the couch and launched your body onto mine. I laughed as I caught you and you placed kisses all over my face. "Yay San." You cheered as you put your feet to the ground.
"Well, come on. Get out of those sweaty clothes and let's go celebrate." I kissed your lips, winked and playfully slapped your ass and watched you saunter off to the bathroom.
It was a Saturday.
We were supposed to go out with Quinn and Rachel that night, but things didn't exactly go as planned. You and I took a taxi to their apartment and were greeted by Quinn who looked less than excited. Her eyes looked sad and her mouth barely moved as she said hi. I remember you and I sharing a look wondering if we should reschedule.
"Rachel is late… again." Quinn told us and I could tell that the look in her eyes was the glazed look of being slightly intoxicated.
We followed her into the kitchen and you took my coat and laid it over the chair along with your own. You tried to keep yourself busy with a small magazine on the kitchen table, you were never much for confrontation. I walked over to the counter and put my hand over Quinn's who had a bottle of vodka in her grasp. She tried to swat my hand out of the way, but pulling the bottle from her was too easy at this point.
I twisted the cap back on the bottle and as I walked it back over to the freezer I looked over at you and you gave me a look of concern. I felt my lips tighten and shook my head, I didn't know what to do or what to say and so you put the magazine down and walked towards Quinn. On your journey you placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.
You gently grabbed the glass of vodka from Quinn's hand and then took her other hand and led her out of the kitchen, away from the brightness of the room and into the living room that was a little darker and more comfortable. I followed you both, but made sure to stay a little more behind to give you two some privacy. We both knew it didn't matter, you would tell me everything later anyway.
I took a seat on the recliner while you sat with Quinn at the end of the sofa. You wrapped your arm around her shoulders and pulled her against the back of the couch along with you and let her head rest on your shoulder. You whispered 'what happened' and she sobbed a little and I winced. It always hurts to see the people you love in pain.
I sat there as Quinn told you how Rachel has been cheating on her and that she just found out today. She had stayed home from work because she just needed a day. The phone rang while she was cleaning up breakfast this morning and realized that Rachel had left her cell phone at home. It was a text message and normally she wouldn't have opened it because she believed in trust there was something in the name that didn't settle with her.
It was a girl that had been trying to get Rachel to hire her. The girl was just starting her own P.R. firm and desperately needed some up and coming acts and Rachel apparently was one of those acts. Quinn went on to explain that she had met the girl a few times and Rachel had told her that the girl was pushy and she had worked with her before on a play.
Toni.
That was the girl's name. Saying it made Quinn look like she wanted to spit. She told you she stopped by the restaurant Rachel usually went to for lunch and saw her with the girl. They looked cozy. Then when she got home she went through all of Rachel's text messages and she had all of the evidence she needed.
We sat there, in Quinn and Rachel's apartment, you holding Q while she cried. About an hour and a half maybe even two hours later, Rachel finally came home and I could tell she was a little buzzed too. You walked a sobbing and cursing Quinn to the bedroom to calm her down and you left me with Rachel. I screamed at her, cursed some and shoved her a little. I told her to get out and that she better not come back.
When she finally did leave I walked into the bedroom where you and Quinn were. I told you I didn't feel comfortable leaving Quinn alone and you agreed. We brought her back to our apartment and fixed up the couch for her.
That night when we laid in bed, you were wrapped up in my arms and I kissed you a few times. You asked me if I'd ever thought of doing what Rachel did and I almost immediately said 'absolutely not'. You sighed with relief and turned your face into me and said 'good'. I grinned but then thought about it and asked you the same question and you told me that with me, you don't need anything or anybody else. I kissed your lips and held you a little tighter that night.
It was a Wednesday.
You were at work and I was finally off for a day. I was cleaning the apartment like you asked and I was on the phone with Quinn. She laughed when I told her I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor and she told me that you had me whipped. I laughed and nodded even though she couldn't see me, it was true.
I sat up on the heels of my feet and blew some hair out of my face. I told Quinn that I needed her to come over in a few minutes because I had an errand to run and needed her help. I finished cleaning the bathroom and then made our bed and folded your clothes. By the time I got showered and dressed Quinn was already sitting in our living room with a cup of coffee.
She asked me where I was taking her but I told her to be patient. I asked her who her best friend was and she said she had two and that was a stupid question, which made me laugh. But I asked again if she had to choose one of us for whatever reason who would it be, and she said you, which I thought she would say. 'Good, this way if she hates it I can blame you' I told her and she scrunched her nose in confusion. I grinned and pointed up before walking into the jewelry store.
'Shit', she pretty much shouted as she followed me closely into the shop. I told her I wanted her opinion on the ring I had already picked out because I was planning on proposing to you. The woman at the counter referred to me by name which shocked Quinn and then she handed me over the box with the ring inside of it.
I smirked as I opened it, only enough for me to see and I was pleased. I closed it once again and handed the box to Quinn who hastily opened it and squealed. She told me you'd love it and I was beyond happy. After we walked out of the store, ring in my possession, I got nervous and asked Quinn if she thought you'd say yes. Quinn slapped the back of my head and said she would say yes to me if I gave her that ring. I rolled my eyes and hooked my arm in hers.
It was a Monday night.
We were watching television together on the couch and you were snuggling into me. I asked you how work was and you groaned then told me how tired you are and you needed a vacation. I smiled because you were so cute sometimes.
We were flipping through the channels when we landed on a 'wedding cake' show and you asked me what kind of cake I wanted for our wedding. I felt warm inside because it was finally something so attainable for us, and I thought about that ring that I had hidden away.
It was a Friday night.
You were really upset with me when Quinn called you at 2:30 in the morning to tell you I got into a bar fight. Me and Quinn had decided to go out because we really needed some covert proposal time and I knew you'd be too tired to come out but not want us to miss you. It turned out Rachel was there and she said something nasty to Quinn so I punched her.
I know it was reckless and we aren't kids anymore but she deserved it. You came to the bar, still in your pajamas and tossed me and Quinn into the cab and took us back to our apartment. You didn't talk to me all morning the next day, but when I apologized you smiled and nodded then told me 'I know'.
It was a Thursday evening.
I had gotten out of work late and on the way home I had realized I left my phone at home. Normally it was attached to my hand or my ear so it was kind of weird that I hadn't noticed all day. I shrugged it off because you were understanding about things like that, thought I still felt bad about having you probably worry.
I took the steps two by two up to our floor and walked fast down the hall to our door. When I walked in a dropped my briefcase and my jacket on the floor, my keys were still in the door. My heart was pounding and I could feel small tears making their way to the corners of my eyes. It looked like my biggest nightmare coming true.
You were looking back at me from your spot on the couch, your face full of sadness and you had two pieces of our luggage packed beside you. I tried to speak but nothing came out because I thought you were leaving me.
'Babe', you said realizing I didn't know what was going on. You stood up and grabbed my hand and the fact that you called me babe and were touching me reassured me that you were not breaking up with me. 'We need to talk', but then again those are never words you wanted to hear. But I listened to you and took a spot beside you on the couch.
You asked me if I knew I had left my phone home and I nodded. It was in your hand and you placed it back onto the table before turning to me. You told me that my mother called an hour and a half ago when she couldn't get me on my cell phone.
You told me my father passed away that evening. You packed up our bags and had already arranged a flight for us to head back to Lima. You held my hand on the plane, in the airport, at the wake, at the funeral and then you held me through the night in my childhood home. You whispered you loved me and you kissed my forehead.
We stayed there for a week and half to help my mother with the house. While I tried to get her outside and be social you stayed behind and cleaned everything my mother couldn't. You cooked our breakfasts, lunches and dinners and you fed my brothers and sisters. You did everyone's laundry, went food shopping and watered the garden in the backyard. You fixed the light bulb in the bathroom that my mom had said went out a month ago and you organized the boxes in the garage. No one asked you to do these things, you just did them.
On the way home I asked you why you were keeping yourself so busy with all of those chores. You shrugged and told me, 'I was just helping Mom out San, she needs us now more than ever' and I remember grinning the way you said Mom. Then you told me that doing all of those chores helped you deal with your grief. That doing the things my father usually did felt good because it would make my mother happy and she wouldn't have to think of them not getting done because he wasn't around anymore.
My father always loved you.
It was a Tuesday.
We were fighting and you yelled at me saying that I only cared about myself and never did anything nice for you. We both knew you were just angry and in the moment and that you didn't actually mean that, you only said it to light a fire under me and it worked. I told you that you were acting like a child and being ridiculous. To be honest I do not remember what the fight was about but it doesn't matter.
You marched out of the bedroom and I heard you slamming cabinets in the kitchen. I turned to my nightstand and pulled out a box from underneath a bunch of crap I had accumulated just to use the crap as a shield. I marched out of the bedroom with my fists at my side and challenged you with one of my stares. You looked at me and jerked your head ever so slightly and slammed another cabinet.
You told me to leave you alone because I was pissing you off. I chuckled obnoxiously and walked over to where you were standing and slammed the box in my hand onto the counter. You gave me a dirty look and watched me step back and cross my arms over my chest and motion with my head towards the counter.
Your eyes moved down to look at the counter. I saw you scrunch your nose and your eyebrows furrowed. Slowly, you lifted your head and stared at me. 'I don't do anything nice for you huh' I said to you in that tone you hate but I think you secretly love. You brought your hand up to the box and slowly opened it and your eyes widened and you breathed out 'San'. I felt my heart melt and suddenly all of our fighting right then didn't matter. I walked up to you and took the box from your hand and got down on one knee.
"B," I began. "I'm sorry I've been a dick today. Or a bitch everyday or whatever." Your eyes were fixed on mine and you could care less that your wedding proposal was topped off with curses. "You are probably the best thing to ever happen to me babe. So I have a question for you." I grinned up at you and you smiled at me so I winked. "Will you marry me?" I asked you and then you got down on your knees and wrapped your hands around mine and whispered 'yes baby, I'll marry you'.
You pulled me in for a kiss and then cried when I slid the ring on your finger.
It was a Saturday morning.
We had just gotten back to the hotel after our combined bachelorette party. We had barely gotten the door closed by the time we started taking each other's clothes off, but we didn't care. We weren't drunk, unlike our bridal party so it wasn't one of those sloppy drunk sex nights. We had sex in the shower, against the window, on the dresser so you could watch me in the mirror and then against the window again.
By the time we got to the bed we were exhausted so we just lay in each other's arms. You rested your head in the crook of my neck and placed your hand over my heart. You told me you were so excited to start our lives together and I laughed because we I thought we started our lives together so long ago. I kissed you on the lips and told you that you were the most beautiful woman I had ever met and that waking up to you every morning is like a dream come true.
You said the same about me and then we spoke of the wedding some more. You asked me if I wanted kids and I told you that I wanted anything and everything you wanted. You giggled into my skin and said you wanted a million kids and I said 'done' which made you laugh more.
It's Sunday morning.
Quinn wakes me up with an elbow to my ribs. When I finally sit up she smirks and asks me if I'm ready and I tell her I was born for this day. She rolls her eyes and hops out of bed to prepare her face for the day. I look over at my night stand and smile when my eyes fall on the picture of us.
My mother and sisters are here at my mom's house with Quinn and me, while you're parents house with your mother and sisters. I got to talk to you last night but it really wasn't enough because I just know what today brings.
We get to the park and are brought to the tents set up for us to get ready. Quinn helps me with my dress and my mother and older sister help her button up the back. When my mom isn't listening Quinn makes a joke about me wearing white and I just roll my eyes and shake my head. My younger sister comes through the tent with her hand over her mouth and her eyes wide.
"Santana, you are gonna shit when you see Brittany." She tells me and that just makes me nervous all over again.
I get a little sad when I am standing with only my mother at the end of the aisle, about to walk down and I wish my father was here. I glance ahead of me and see Quinn winking at me and I feel okay. My mother walks me down the aisle and lets me go up and wait for you there. Quinn takes my flowers and asks me how I'm doing and I tell her 'fine' even though we can both hear my voice shaking.
I see everyone turning their heads and I know what's coming next and my heart starts to pound. I see your father first and is his smile is anything to go by I can only imagine that I may pass out.
You are there.
Probably about thirty five to forty feet away from me. I can see your blue eyes, they lock into my eyes and I feel that warm and fuzzy feeling I did when I was 13-years-old. You smile at me the entire time you are walking, not even paying attention to the probably horrible joke your father is making as he whispers in your general direction.
I watch your eyes look me up and down and I can see your chest stutter, as if you lost your breath for a moment. Your father hands you over to me and now you are mine, to have and to hold, forever. 'I love you' you whisper to me while the priest is speaking. I am smiling like an idiot now but I don't care. 'I love you too' I say back a little louder.
He asks us if we take each other as wives and we take our turns saying 'I do'. He grants us kissing privileges now that the ceremony is over and you waste no time throwing yourself on me and latching your lips on to mine. We walk down the aisle, not even paying attention to the people clapping, the people smiling and the people crying happy tears. You only see me and I only see you.
Today, we got married.