Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in the following story, and I thank Stephenie Meyer for letting me play around with them. I also do not own the copyrights to the Anberlin song that I reference to (it's called 'The Unwinding Cable Car' - totally check it out, it's awesome and has a very Twilight-y feel to it!) Okay, 'nuff said, enjoy the story.
I was in my room, lying on the couch that was pushed up against one beige wall, feet propped up and earbuds dangling from my ears. It had been the first time in week that I was spending time at my own house – I had either been with Bella at school or with Bella in her living room or with Bella in her bed. I hardly spent time at my house and with the rest of the Cullens since I had met the love of my life, the core of my existence, the apple of my eye (though I simply referred to her as my girlfriend in the presence of strangers and of course, Charlie).
The only reason that I was away from Bella at the current moment was because she was getting in "face time" with Charlie, as she put it, in order to deflect some of his recent worries that Bella and I were getting too close, too fast. After 100 some odd years of a solitary existence, our relationship was everything but fast to me but obviously I could not explain the complicated situation to Bella's father. And so, instead of spending valuable time with my precious Bella, I was listening to my iPod just like old times – the times before I fell hopelessly in love with an incredibly breakable human.
Music never failed in soothing me and my worrisome thoughts, and this time was no different. I randomly scrolled through my iPod playlist and selected "The Unwinding Cable Car" by Anberlin. I tipped my head back as a calming guitar riff began and soulful vocals commenced shortly after. My eyelids drifted closed and I felt the creased worry lines smooth out as I got lost in the music blasting through my ear canals. One line in the chorus stood out to me, particularly: This is the correlation of salvation and love. Bella was this to me. Words could not describe the way I felt about her, the way I loved her, and strangely enough it seemed that she felt the same way about me. Recently she had started to complain about her human status; she confessed her wish to be a vampire so that our relationship would literally last forever. Although I fervently (and selfishly) desired the same, I simply could not bear to be the cause of the stopping of her heartbeat and the draining of her blood. In particular, as I told her sternly many times before, I believed that being a vampire meant that the chances of salvation, of going to heaven, were instantly shot. She argued ardently against this belief - but I knew that her soul was much too important to be so careless with. This is the correlation of salvation and love - the line that had interested me before - echoed through my mind again as the chorus repeated and reminded me of Bella's side of the argument.
"Edward!" she had whispered imploringly only days previously. "You try. You try to be good, to repress your impossibly powerful natural urges even when the odds are stacked against you and the world seems to oppose every one of your valiant efforts."
She had begun to stroke my cheek then, and every one of her touches sent an electric flush of warmth from my face to the rest of my senses. I faintly lost track of what she was saying and reveled in her love, her physical proximity, her unbelievable warmth.
"Aren't those efforts worth something?" she continued. "Now, I'm not much of a religious person, but I refuse to believe that God would turn you away from the gates of heaven just because of a matter that you had no choice over."
I had flippantly brushed aside those words at the time, my stubborn nature automatically rebuffing any arguments that weren't mine, but now I reflected on the conversation. Could she be right? Could the labors that my family and I had undertaken in order to stifle our most basic instincts save my soul in the long run? I pondered deeply, completely lost in the music that thudded through my brain and the thoughts that overwhelmed my mind, so naturally I was quite startled when my bedroom door banged open and an angel stepped shyly over the threshold.
"Hi." She smiled hesitantly.
"Hi." My face involuntarily broke out into a huge grin and I opened my arms to my love, my sweet Bella, beckoning her to my side.
Bella bounded to the couch, tucking herself neatly against the left side of my body. I sighed with satisfaction and rested my chin on top of her head. Of course, my throat burned with thirst and venom spilled into my mouth at the sweet sight of her…but that was a price I was willing to pay a thousand times over if it meant I could be close to her.
She brashly plucked an earbud from one of my ears, inserting it into her own.
"What'cha listening to?" Bella asked, glancing up at me. I took the chance to gaze into her soulful, intuitive brown eyes, instinctively remembering the conversation we had about heaven and salvation. Bella raised an eyebrow, and I realized that she was still waiting for a response.
"A song that reminded me of you," I finally told her.
She turned her head slightly to the right and pressed soft lips to my shoulder. My entire being buzzed with warmth and love, my heightened senses screaming in utter contentment. I wrapped both of my arms around her delicate body, pulling her closer. It is possible, I decided after a few minutes, the logical side of my brain triumphing over the unreasonable half. It is possible that I still have a soul, due to my efforts in attempting to preserve my humanity…that my chances of entering heaven are still there, however slim.
I now fixed my eyes on the fragile creature nestled in my arms, her small body radiating heat and warming my cold heart. A half-smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I realized that even if hell was inevitable, Satan and pitchforks were insignificant compared to the invaluable time I was able to spend with my darling Bella, whether it be fifty years or one-thousand. Needless to say, I would put forth all efforts in trying to convince Bella that staying human was in her best interest, that I would never leave her side even as she grew old and stayed seventeen years old as time passed us by. I would attempt to sustain her humanity as best I could…but she was her own person, and an exasperatingly stubborn person at that. I knew that if heart was really set on becoming one of us, no amount of persuasion could possibly change her mind. And when that time came, when humanity and the supernatural collided, when a decision was necessary for us to move forward, I would not stand in her way if she chose the side of the bargain that I reasoned against. I was much too selfish to act in any other way…I needed her too much. Her heartbeat would decelerate and the blush that spread across her cheeks would evaporate and her soft, warm body would harden and cool in temperature…but she would still be my Bella. She would still be the Bella that I fell head-over-heels in love with. Of course, even if I wasn't damned before, I would most certainly be damned now after I caused such a sweet, loving person to lose her humanity…but as I said before, ultimately, I was much too selfish to have it any other way.
Ooo, bad Edward! Compromising your girl's soul? Didn't expect that from you. Lol, please leave a review if you can, and suggest an idea for my next story because I'm totally running low on inspiration. BTW, Edward loves feedback! D