If you haven't read my story To Persevere, then chances are non of this will make sense...
Here we go again!
It had been a stupidly long day. Neville was exhausted and was certainly not in the mood to continue working.
It was with a heaviness that he left Kingsly's office, files in hand, nervous about what he was about to do. Most of his colleges had long since left the ministry but Neville's evening agenda was going to be long and difficult.
He glanced at the prominent clock in the entrance hall, he was already running late.
Stepping outside of the anti apparation barriers Neville twisted his body sharply, moving his wand down fluently as he felt the immediate response as his body disappeared into nothingness.
He at once honed in on his surroundings as he reappeared, landing expertly in the shadows of a large oak tree. No one should have been able to follow him, but he still took precautions as his tired eyes swept the expanse of trees.
Insects were buzzing loudly, distorting his surroundings in a mask of noise. He took a heavy breath as he stepped out from the shadows, the last of the days sun nearly gone as dust lingered.
It didn't take long to determine that he was completely alone. Carefully Neville wasted no more time, he would be in serious trouble if he delayed his meeting any further. Pulling up his left sleeve he didn't hesitate as he pressed his fingers firmly onto the black snake enclosed in a skull imprinted on his arm.
The result was instantaneous. A loud crack split the silence as a robed figure materialised out of thin air.
Neville couldn't help be surprised as he stared at a very angry Blaise Zabini, a frown upon their usually handsome face.
"Hurry up Longbottom, what the hell do you think you're playing at?" Blaise snapped.
He took a hurried step forwards making to grab hold of Neville's own arm.
Neville blinked as he automatically stepped back. Blaise was not someone he had expected to see, if he recalled correctly they had not seen each other since school.
This only seemed to annoy Blaise further, his eyes cold and angry but it was the desperation that flooded his voice. "The Dark Lord is waiting" He hurried.
Usually it was Lucius Malfoy who was sent to collect him and it was startling to see the difference in reactions at his own tardiness.
"You're new at this" Neville started, once again stepping out of Blaise's reach as he tilted his head to the side a cold smirk gracing his tired face, he couldn't help it. Neville had little mercy for death eaters.
"How can you be calm about this?" Blaise snapped.
Neville shrugged, feeling genuinely indifferent about Blaise's current situation. They could spare a few more minutes, it would be worth it to see the Slytherin's discomfort.
"That doesn't mean you have to drag me down with you" Blaise hisssed, flicking his eyes around nervously to check if they were still undisturbed. They were, a muggle children's park was thirty feet down the road but it was deserted, the houses which backed onto the road all looked empty and run down as if the area had been abandoned long ago.
He turned his attention back to Blaise and cocked an eyebrow, it was certainly interesting to see a different side to the Slytherin who always used to be so poised.
Neville rolled his eyes. "Come on then" He held out his arm with Blaise promptly moved forwards to take.
Blaise twisted on his heel as Neville felt the discomfort of apparating. He hated side apparation, but that was probably because Lucius Malfoy often threatened to splinch him whenever he was running late. Thankfully Blaise was completely in control as the world around them materialised in a blink of an eye. The familiar grounds of Malfoy manor appearing, the large expanse of garden hidden in the diminishing light.
"So where's Malfoy?" Neville pressed, curious to discover why his escort had suddenly changed.
"Busy" Was Blaise's sharp retort, he seemed to be calmer now they were walking briskly up the large manor path.
"So what, you've been demoted to look after me?"
Blaise sniffed, flicking cold eyes across to him. "Promoted actually" He answered stiffly.
Neville didn't know whether to take this as a positive or not.
"Well lets hope you don't screw up then" He answered not to kindly which gained him a furious stare.
"You're the one who's more likely to screw up Longbottom" Blaise retorted angrily. "I grew up a Slytherin, if you think a Gryffindor could just waltz in and know our customs and how to act appropriately."
"You're forgetting. I don't need to act appropriately" Neville replied. He'd forgotten when he'd stopped feeling scared or nervous around Voldemort. "Plus technically I've been a death eater longer then you"
This really seemed to anger Blaise but this time he clamped his mouth shut and remained in silence as they walked.
It wasn't long before they had entered the manor and arrived at their destination. Neville made to open the large door into the chamber but Blaise intervened grabbing his arm sharply.
"Don't do anything stupid" He hissed.
Neville couldn't help but be amused by this. The Slytherin sounded identical to Draco Malfoy when he used to give Neville tips on coping with the Dark Lord. Of course Neville had learnt a lot since then.
He pulled his arm away and without hesitation he pushed the door open much to Blaise's indignant look.
At once furious red eyes locked upon them both but Neville had little time to worry about Voldemort's current mood.
He dropped to the floor ahead of Blaise his head dipping low.
Voldemort didn't move, instead his cold voice echoed through the room.
"Stand" He commanded.
Neville stood fluently, ignoring Blaise's own hesitation. The Slytherin wasn't going to last long if he showed his fear.
Voldemort made no sign of noticing, however his red eyes locked onto Blaise's with such silent fury. Voldemort was still as disturbing and intimidating as always, he was sat in a large chair at the head of the room, death eaters lingering in the shadows, waiting to be commanded.
"I believe your task was to rendezvous and accompany Longbottom?" He stated coldly.
"Yes my Lord" Blaise started nervously. Neville would have rolled his eyes, Blaise was such an amateur.
"Explain to me why you are late" It was a simple command but one for which he would be punished.
If Neville cared even slightly for the other boys well being he would have felt the smallest shred of guilt. Instead he kept his expression blank as Blaise's screams rung throughout the room. Months ago Neville would have felt differently for causing Blaise's suffering, but everything had changed, he was different now.
Voldemort lifted the curse lazily, his penetrating red eyes locking to fix on Neville's own. Blaise lay panting on the floor, hurt and disregarded.
"Why are you late?" Voldemort directed the question to him now, fury simmering.
"I had a meeting with Kingsley" Neville answered easily, trying to ignore his own heart as it began to race of it's own accord.
Voldemort thankfully looked intrigued more than angry as he tilted his head so Neville continued automatically, his throat tightening in discomfort. This had to go right.
"He wanted to make sure everything was finalised" He explained.
Voldemort's mouth curled into a thin smile as he leaned forwards.
"And is it?" He hissed.
Neville nodded, dipping his head into a slight bow. "Everything will be arranged My Lord"
Voldemort's eyes were gleaming in that horrible way. The Dark Lord turned to speak to a masked death eater lingering in the darkness.
"Bring the girl"
Neville instantly tensed, not sure if he would be prepared for what happened next. He felt sick and exhausted.
The wait was agonising. Neville tried desperately to hide his own discomfort. This particular assignment was way too close to home.
It took every ounce of self restraint to stay standing, every breath to stay calm and in character. It would do her no good to mess this up now. This had to go through.
The door opened behind them.
Neville couldn't help it he turned and felt horror consume him as he cringed.
Hannah Abbott was covered in blood, her lip was burst and her eyes blackened. Her long blonde hair was dirty and matted and her hands bound tightly preventing her from fleeing. Dried blood stained her filthy clothing.
The death eater securing her pushed her forwards with little regard for the pain she was in.
She winched, her eyes pleading as they immediately locked onto his own. Neville almost couldn't bare to see her scared expression turn to a mixture of fear and hope.
"Oh Merlin" She sobbed, weakly trying to pull herself free. "Neville, I can't believe-"
She was silenced by her own screams.
Neville desperately tried to hide his own anxieties, his own despair as Hannah writhed around on the floor. There was nothing he could do, nothing directly at least.
Voldemort was watching him amused, which only made him feel worse as he ignored the pain Hannah was currently in.
She was released and Neville stared down, forcing his expression to remain blank.
"Please, Neville, please-" Hannah's voice was piercing straight through him.
Neville couldn't shake the screams ringing from his ears as focused all his attention on Voldemort, he had a job to do.
"For Hannah's safe return her family will secure you instant access to the ministry files you require" His voice sounded weird to his own ears. He felt hot and sick.
Voldemort looked pleased as his thin lips curled up into an unpleasant grin. Hannah was still sobbing loudly from the floor.
Neville decided to press on.
"Can I confirm that Hannah will be released?"
Voldemort had what he wanted. He felt his insides churn as he waited, this was always the most difficult part. He purposely avoided Hannah's gaze, which he knew was wrong. This was the time when she needed the most comfort, the most hope.
It was horrible to admit but negotiations often fell through. She could be dead in an instant.
Voldemort's cold red eyes never left Neville's but he held himself calm. He dipped his head slightly hoping that the Dark Lord was in a reasonable mood.
Fortunately he was. "Very well Longbottom, I'm feeling generous"
Neville felt the air leave his lungs in relief as he bowed his head. Not caring that his pride was pushed aside, it was for Hannah, to make sure she came home safely.
"I expect the details to be finalised and delivered by morning" Voldemort commanded.
"Of course My Lord" Neville wasn't going to sleep tonight.
Hannah was now staring at him with a mix of complete horror. She didn't understand his part, why he was here speaking to the Dark Lord, bowing to her torturer.
"Take the girl downstairs" Voldemort commanded to a masked death eater.
"No" Hannah screamed, clearly distressed and unable to comprehend spending another night in the dungeon's, she struggled weakly, thrashing against her captor.
Neville shut his eyes before turning towards her. Merlin, she was going to hate him.
"Be quiet" He stated firmly, a hard edge to his expression.
Hannah seemed so shocked that she promptly shut up. It was even worse staring directly at her, Neville hoped she wouldn't be abused further.
"You should respect the Dark Lord for even considering your freedom and your life." His voice was so empty and cold. He felt unnatural and disturbed by himself but it was the only way to save her from more pain. The more she struggled, the worse it would be.
If there was one thing Neville understood from his job it was to honour Voldemort. It made everything easier for no little effort. Pushing away his Gryffindor pride went a long way for surviving among the snakes. Long ago he would never have considered his actions but everything had changed now.
"Do you understand?" Neville added. Hannah would do herself no favours to disrupt her chances.
She only nodded meekly, tears forming in her eyes in desperation. Neville would have given anything to reassure her and remove her from her nightmare but he could only bow low to Voldemort as he was dismissed.
Blaise rushed after him as he stepped out into the grounds. The sun had long since set as they walked into the darkness. Blaise lit his wand but Neville didn't even bother.
He wouldn't have time to sleep, he had to make sure everything was together by the morning, for Hannah's sake.
"Wow Longbottom, when did you get so cold?" Blaise started.
Neville shot him a wary look.
"Appearances mean everything to the Dark Lord. Adapting is essential" He replied blankly.
Blaise nodded, "Of course. Still, I'm surprised the ministry endorses what you do"
"The ministry acknowledge that the aurors cannot always bring people home" Neville answered bitterly.
"I have to admit I was impressed. Not everyone can get what they want from the Dark Lord" It made Neville feel sick how casually Blaise was acting. Hannah had been his classmate too. Considering how nervous he had been in the Dark Lords presence it was horrible how normal he was now.
"I'm only the middle man" Neville said quietly, "It's Hannah's family who have secured her life"
"Still-" Blaise shrugged and trailed off. "You should take some credit"
Neville didn't answer this, he took no pride in his work. Everyday was a dilemma, whether he was truly influencing anything, helping those by selling a part of his soul.
They had neared the apparation boundary of the manor now as they passed through the steel gates.
Neville made to leave but Blaise spoke once more.
"Does the ministry know you're a death eater?" He asked curiously, his eyes sharp and calculating.
The question hung in the air awkwardly as Neville hesitated, shooting him a sideways look before he shook his head slightly. "No"
Blaise let out a low whistle before he nodded his head. "You could easily have been a Slytherin"
Neville was left feeling distinctly hollow as Blaise twisted on his heels and disapparated, leaving him to the emptiness of the silent night.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
It was around two in the morning when Neville arrived home. Having secured a promise of Hannah's release he wanted to go over all the paper work and in turn check that everything was prepared for Voldemort.
If the slightest thing went wrong or even the Dark Lord was in a bad mood then negotiations could fall flat. This had happened plenty of times but this time Neville wasn't going to accept anything but Hannah's release.
Rubbing his face from exhaustion he made his way up his garden path. Neville lived in a relatively small cottage not far from where his Gran stayed. She had of course insisted that he remained nearby, so that he could come round regularly to deal with all the obscure plants she had growing.
However as he was was about to unlock his door it swung open in front of him. He winced, shielding his eyes from the bright light.
"Don't you have your own home?" Neville asked sarcastically as he glared at the smiling blonde.
"I decided yours would be more comfortable for tonight" Luna said warmly. "Plus I bet you've not eaten" She added.
Neville failed hopelessly to disguise his rumbling stomach.
Normally he would have been surprised to find Luna in his home at two o'clock in the morning, but she had the odd habit of turning up whenever he needed her.
"Fine, I'll eat something but then I'm going back out" Neville replied. Luna wouldn't leave until she got her way otherwise.
Luna however didn't seem satisfied with this as she took his arm and pulled him reluctantly towards the kitchen.
"You're sleeping after this. Dark Lords can wait" She added firmly.
Neville shook his head. "Dark Lords can, but Hannah can't"
Luna already had a question to counter this.
"What did Kingsley say?" She asked as she pushed him into a stool at his breakfast bar.
Neville shot her a look before answering reluctantly.
"He said they'll be ready for the transfer first thing in the morning."
Luna had brought round a pie which had obviously been kept warm and cooked by magic. The smell was so overwhelmingly good that Neville realised how long it had been since he'd eaten.
"Right, so eat and go to sleep." She instructed him. "There is nothing more you can do for Hannah right now."
Neville shot her a look but he knew she was right. He just didn't want to leave her in the Malfoy's dungeons any longer than he had too.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
By morning Neville had downed a pepper up potion and a coffee and was currently running on four hours sleep. Luna had stayed round in his spare bedroom, insisting that she would get him up in time.
Neville had already checked into the ministry where Kingsley had confirmed the trade was go ahead before he had used his dark mark to summon Blaise, who had thankfully picked him up promptly.
He was now waiting in the dark chamber, lit from the strangely cold fire flooding the room in a odd glow.
Voldemort was sitting silently at the top of the room, his intense red eyes seemingly lost in his own dark thoughts.
A few other death eaters were scattered about, lingering in the darkness but Neville for the most part ignored them.
This was always the worst part, Neville hated waiting and the atmosphere was horribly tense.
Hannah was sobbing quietly as she stood alone in a corner, waiting for her fate to be sealed.
Fortunately they didn't have to wait long.
A robbed figure entered the dimly lit chamber. Neville held his breath instinctively, anything could happen now.
The death eater moved forwards, not removing his mask as Voldemort locked his gaze onto them.
He fell to the floor, head bowing low.
And then there was silence. Neville tensed, it could all be over soon.
"Speak" Voldemort commanded coolly.
The death eater dipped his head lower, not moving from his bowed position on the floor.
"It is done My Lord. We have the documents"
Neville let out a breath, instantly feeling calmer, step one was complete.
Voldemort flicked his eyes almost lazily to Neville before he only nodded.
Neville moved at once, rushing over to where Hannah was standing, arms wrapping feebly around her own body as if to offer her a small amount of warmth in the cold room.
He took Hannah by the arm firmly, they had little time. She flinched, drawing back instinctively, hurt and afraid, her eyes unable to meet his own.
"Move" Neville encouraged gently. Whether it be from shock or fear she obeyed, allowing herself to be steered away from the horrid intense gaze of the Dark Lord and the overpowering presence of his death eaters.
Blaise followed too, his wand drawn and directed at Hannah. It wasn't necessary but Neville could hardly tell him otherwise.
They entered the corridor and Blaise commanded the door shut with his wand shutting them off from Voldemort. At once Hannah reacted finding a small amount of her courage.
"What happened to you?" Her voice was sad and accusing.
Neville remained silent, his grip tightening on her arm instinctively, she was not safe yet.
Blaise only raised an eyebrow but didn't comment as the two boys led her out of the manor and into the cool nights air.
She shivered at once, her own questions silenced by the wonders of the morning stars. It had been weeks since she had been outside and probably better that dawn had not quite approached, her eyes would not have adjusted to bright lights after the darkness of the Dark Lords dungeons.
Neville kept a gentle but firm grip on her arm, worried that she'd lose her balance. She probably hadn't had a decent meal in days, Hannah would be very weak right now.
Hannah was already shaking more violently from the cold but Neville didn't dare stop. The sooner they were away from the manor the better, and then Hannah would be looked after.
Hannah paused at the large gates, staring at them terrified as the stayed firmly shut.
Neville and Blaise of course could pass through with their dark marks but Hannah had no such free passage.
"Come on" Neville whispered, he shouldn't have said anything though as Hannah only looked towards him desperately.
"Stop being impatient" Blaise commented, even though it was dark Neville knew he would be rolling his eyes.
Neville shot the Slytherin a cold look in return.
He needn't have worried though, for not even a second later did the gates start to open.
Hannah gave a small squeak of surprise as if not really believing she was about to be released from her hell.
They proceeded forwards, Hannah looking so desperate just to be gone already.
"You should take her straight to St. Mungo's" Blaise suggested, eyes flicking up and down Hannah's injuries. She had several large gashes across her body and the dried blood had not yet been cleaned away. The wounds could easily be infected already.
Neville nodded, that was the plan anyway.
"As if you care" Hannah's voice was tight and angry.
"Just because he's a death eater doesn't mean he doesn't care" Neville said softly. Both Blaise and Hannah shot him a look. Hers however was much darker.
"Could have fooled me" She spat, she really was regaining her confidence now she realised she was really going home. "And you're no better" She added coldly.
On the outside Neville didn't react, so in tune to what Voldemort expected of him his emotions were protected. On this inside he recoiled, burned.
"Hannah, I-"
"Don't" Tears were welling in her eyes. "Neville, just don't"
She didn't want to know and he couldn't blame her. Not after the suffering she had endured. How could he explain anything to her anyway.
"Just take me home" She whispered, turning her tear filled eyes away.
Neville nodded, there was nothing else he could do for her.
"Come on" He held out his hand for her this time.
She didn't take it at once, eyeing him nervously before she relented.
"Catch you later Longbottom" Blaise stated. Neville wished he hadn't as he felt Hannah flinch.
He twisted his heel pulling them away from Malfoy manor for good.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
They landed in the secure section of St. Mungo's. Hannah panicked at once, not recognising her white surrounding as she yanked her arm away from him.
"Let go" She cried, arms closing around her body protectively.
"Hannah" Neville started, holding his hand up "Please calm down" But there was nothing he could do to settle her.
The door opened at once and several people rushed in. Neville stilled, eyeing the threatening wands directed at them both. Hannah however cried out in relief.
"Dad" She rushed over to a large man who had just stepped into the room. Neville watched carefully as they embraced, relaxing slightly now Hannah knew she was safe.
The auror's in the room however kept their wands locked onto him, Neville tried not to roll his eyes.
"Mr Abbott" Hannah and her father turned abruptly to see Kingsley greeting them.
"If you would please bring your daughter with me" The minister gestured out of the secure apparating room. "We will have healers examine her immediately"
Neville watched carefully, his heart racing uncomfortably.
As soon as the Abbott's had left the aurors lowered their wands. Neville ignored them as he pushed his way past them and out into the corridor. He really needed to get some sleep but he had some stuff to do back at the auror office, Hannah wasn't the only hostage the Dark Lord had after all.
XXXXXXXXXX
Neville had managed to finalise a lot of work by late morning so he was relieved to be heading home for some sleep. He should have known it was going to be one of those days. So it was with no surprise that he came to a halt, two aurors standing in the corridor blocking his path.
"What do you want Hawlish?" Neville snapped, he wasn't in the mood to deal with this now. It was clear what the Aurors intent was.
Hawlish smirked coldly towards Savage who was standing slightly behind him, twirling his wand idly.
Hawlish didn't reply, instead a horrible ugly grin spread upon his face.
"Have a good evening Longbottom?" He enquired, way too lightly for Neville's liking.
Neville made to move past him but Hawlish blocked the way easily. Neville resisted the urge to go for his wand at once, the small amount of sleep he'd managed had left him with a very short fuse. He had neither the time nor patience to deal with this now.
"Nice chat with the Dark Lord?" Hawlish jeered, his tone was too accusing.
"It's my job moron" Neville growled back.
"Hardly" Hawlish's expression had shifted to one of complete seriousness now. "The Dark Lord doesn't just let anyone near him" He paused before adding with a smirk. "Not know he's vulnerable"
"What's your point?" Neville snapped, his hand was now completely curled around his wand ready to move in a split second.
"My point Longbottom" And now Hawlish's smirk had turned into a very horrible grin. "Is why does the Dark Lord trust you?"
Neville was suddenly very conscious of the hidden dark mark resting underneath his robes.
"If you have a problem with what I do Hawlish, take it up with the minister" Neville retorted furiously.
He should be completely used to this now, the quiet mutterings whenever he walked past a group of people and the hostile stares.
"The minister no doubt is convinced your actions are useful but you can't fool all of us" Hawlish mocked, but there was no joke in his expression. "It'll soon come to light that you are nothing more than a traitor"
"What are you implying?" Neville snapped. Hawlish and Savage probably didn't care that Hannah was one more hostage who had been reunited with her family. All they saw was suspicion and betrayal.
"There are a lot of rumours floating around" Hawlish responded coldly. "After all it's not every day a wizard or witch can just walk from the ministry to the Dark Lord and back again. It's not normal"
"Both sides see advantages in what I do" Neville bit out. "Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make me a traitor-"
"Just because you know the right people they turn a blind eye" Hawlish cut across him. "You better watch it Longbottom. Not everyone believes you're completely innocent, there is no reason for the Dark Lord to choose you, you have to have given him a reason to trust you" He concluded.
Neville remained silent, staring coldly back.
"It is funny though Longbottom" Hawlish continued. "After all you know the exact location of the Dark Lord, yet we're no closer to catching him, makes one think something is clearly amiss"
Neville actually laughed at this although he felt completely hollow. "You're a fool if you think the Dark Lord doesn't take precautions against me. Sure I know how to contact him but that doesn't mean I can give the ministry anything useful without endangering the lives of the hostages."
"What is the life of one hostage for the freedom of all?" Neville turned surprised, it was the first time since arriving that Savage had spoken up, Hawlish nodded his agreement along side him.
"Would you sacrifice your mother?" Neville hissed staring coldly at them both.
The atmosphere shifted, it was tense as if curses would fly at any second.
"Would you sacrifice your brother?" He added furiously.
"We shouldn't be negotiating with him at all" Hawlish yelled, his calm demeanour breaking. "We should kill the Death Eaters not release them"
"What about the hostages?" Neville spat back. "You would condemn them to die"
"I would have given the ministry every damn piece of information I had so we could find and bring them back home without releasing any death eater scum."
"Because it's that easy" Neville snarled. "You have no idea the difficulty of bringing anyone home safe"
"And you have no perspective of cutting the problem off at the source. This could have stopped months ago but you continue to play the Dark Lords games. Continue to give him what he wants in able to further his regime." He argued.
"Every life is worth saving" Neville snapped.
"The only reason we cannot destroy the Dark Lord is because of weak men like you, who give into him and only progress everything he desires" Hawlish's temper was rising fast.
Neville reacted on instinct, his wand flying into the air but Savage was too fact. He had been waiting. Eagerly preparing for a moments violence, knowing that he would be antagonised.
"Now now Longbottom, careful where you point that" Savage taunted.
Neville wanted to strike them down, they didn't know the pain Hannah had suffered last night.
"What is going on?"
Neville's wand flew to side recognising the booming voice.
Savage too had pocketed his own as the minister for magic approached. Kingsley had a stern look on his face.
Hawlish's expression was so smooth. "Minister" He greeted.
Neville didn't say anything only shot him a quick glance and nodded his head.
"Longbottom, I would like a word" Kingsley stated.
Both Hawlish and Savage shifted at this, clearly not happy that they had been interrupted.
"We'll chat later Longbottom" Hawlish offered, his smile horribly fake.
Savage didn't offer anything as he only shrugged and turned to leave.
As soon as they were alone he spoke.
"Miss Abbott is still in St. Mungo's" Kingsley explained. "She wishes to speak with you"
Neville shot the minister a confused look but nodded, he certainly wasn't looking forward to this conversation.
XXXXXXXXXX
For the second time that day Neville entered St. Mungo's, he was currently running on caffeine but that didn't matter. He owed it to Hannah.
The Hufflepuff was sitting on a ward bed, a healer was only a little way off tending to another patient. Hannah's black eye was gone and so was all of the dried blood. Apart from a few bandages peaking out from under a fresh pair of clothes Hannah looked positively well.
She didn't look pale any more and he was surprised when she smiled up at him weakly.
"Hey" She whispered.
Neville stood there not entirely sure what to do with himself. He nodded his head, trying not to think back to the night before when he had abandoned her screaming.
"You look better" He commented but immediately wished he hadn't when she tensed up.
It took her a moment of composure before she spoke.
"I don't feel better" She whispered, tears were already trailing down her cheek.
Neville didn't find this surprising but he just stood there shuffling his feet slightly.
"I feel awful Neville" Hannah whispered, she was perched on her bed, knees drawn up close to her body.
"That's no surprising" Neville murmured but Hannah immediately shook her head.
"No" She continued, her eyes welling up. "Not about what happened to me."
Neville frowned, he really didn't have a grasp on the situation.
Hannah continued. "I can't stop thinking about the way we treated Harry." She whispered. "You know, after he came back to Hogwarts"
Neville cottoned on at once as his stomach twisted uncomfortably. The DA after all hadn't exactly been the kindest to Harry after his imprisonment with Voldemort. They had shunned him almost, not realising the mental suffering he had been forced to endure.
Hannah it appeared had been hurt physically a lot more, but Neville knew crucio didn't leave any visible scars. Harry had probably had to suffer that as well.
Hannah was rambling, not realising that Neville was lost on his own thoughts.
"I thought I understood, at least I tried to" She whispered. "But nothing compares to what I thought it would be like"
Neville didn't comment, at least she didn't hate him. Kingsley had probably explained his part in all this as best he could.
"There was no way any of us knew what Harry had been through" He explained, ignoring the tightness in his throat. "We did what we could"
Hannah shook her head hurriedly, tears spilling out. "No Neville. We didn't do enough. We shunned him, we thought he wasn't on our side anymore"
Neville didn't want to point out that he alone had trusted Harry but he let Hannah continue.
"No wonder Harry never got better" She concluded before she started sobbing into her hands. "I get it now" She cried.
Neville stood there silently. He had replayed the same conversation over and over in his head repeatedly.
Hannah's eyes locked onto his, they were full of tears and a silent plea.
"How can I make the guilt go away?" She whispered desperately.
Neville felt his throat constrict. He wished he could answer, tell her it would be okay. But it would be impossible when he didn't even know the answer to that himself.
XXXXXXXX
Neville left Hannah feeling worse than he had all morning. His anxiousness was making him feel hot and sick as his own thoughts raced. Luna had insisted he just head straight home and get some sleep but Neville decided to make a quick detour.
His parents should be awake by now and his mother always had a good tendency to calm him down and today he certainly needed it.
What Neville hadn't taken into account was the fact his morning was about to get a whole lot worse.
He was lost in his own thoughts when he nearly slammed into someone.
"Sorry" Neville started, glancing up briefly before his whole world froze.
Out of all the people he had expected it certainly wasn't her. Neville felt an uncomfortable lump form in his throat at once.
Hermione was standing directly in front of him, a look of complete surprise and shock plastered across her face.
There was complete silence, as he closed up instantly. Neville hadn't seen Hermione properly, let alone speak to her since Harry's funeral.
Hermione looked just as awkward as he felt as she shifted from foot to foot, a large notebook grasped in both arms in front of her chest. She stood out as she was wearing her blue uniform.
Of course Hermione worked at St. Mungo's, she was training to be a mind healer but Neville had long since memorised her timetable and shifts in able to avoid her.
"Hi" She started, a faltering smile plastered on her face as she recovered. Her eyes showed how uncomfortable she was as she addressed him. "How are you?"
It was immediately the wrong question to ask as she bit her lip and a look of regret flicked in her eyes.
"Fine" Neville answered automatically, he didn't feel the need to return the question.
Hermione shifted slightly, glancing round as if to see anyone else was in the corridor to engage with.
"I'm surprised we've not run into one another sooner" Hermione spoke at last, she was trying to make an effort although it really wasn't necessary. "I work on this ward every Tuesday, but my hours have changed this week" She rambled.
Neville didn't answer, he visited his parents as often as he could but this he was not prepared for.
Hermione reminded him of his guilt, of his failings, of Harry.
On top of the rubbish morning he was having he didn't think he could deal with Hermione right now. Unfortunately she seemed to have other ideas.
"Do you want to get a coffee?" Hermione hedged nervously.
Neville was so taken back by the question that his mouth parted slightly in shock. He had had little contact with any of the DA since Hogwarts. "Um, I was just-" He gestured towards the ward where his mum and dad stayed hoping that this would be enough.
"Oh, of course" Hermione fumbled. "I finish in half an hour though, will that be okay?"
Neville wished he could have answered but all he had managed was a pathetic nod.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Neville wasn't sure how it had happened but he was now sitting opposite Hermione in a small London muggle coffee shop. He fingered his mug nervously as Hermione smiled at him, she seemed more relaxed now she was out of her blue uniform and wearing casual muggle clothing.
"Ron says you have a job in the auror department?" Hermione asked brightly. Her initial shock seemed to have warn off.
Neville shrugged "It pays the bills" He wasn't sure if Ron had mentioned exactly what his job was to Hermione. It was supposed to be confidential after all.
There was another awkward pause as Neville racked his brain for normal conversation.
"So are you and Ron together now?" He tried feigning normal conversation. He tended to avoid Ron as much as he could at work, which seemed to work well as Ron too also seemed to have no interest in socialising.
He had expected Hermione to blush furiously, to duck her head and finally admit it but instead her expression went blank as she blinked surprised.
"Oh no, we don't really have the time..." She trailed off and took a sip of her coffee as if to avoid saying anything further.
Neville couldn't help but frown, aside from their day jobs it would surely be impossible for them not to be a couple.
They were living together from what he'd heard.
"What about you?" Hermione asked back, her eyes directed at the table. "Are you with anyone?"
Neville actually laughed at this, but it wasn't a warm and friendly laugh, it was cold and empty. He really had been hanging around death eaters too much.
Hermione shifted slightly, clearly uncomfortable as she rushed to change the topic slightly.
"How is Luna? I hear you spend a lot of time with her?"
Neville blinked surprised. Luna hadn't mentioned seeing Hermione or Ron any time recently.
"She's fine." He would have expanded further but small talk seemed pointless. Things were getting more awkward so he didn't know why either of them were forcing themselves to progress.
Neville had long since given up the pretence of keeping friendships which were failing. Ron and Hermione were a particularly good example of this, so it was horrible to be sitting with her now. They hadn't spoken about Harry since his funeral and Neville had been in a complete mess then, it felt odd to be avoiding the particular conversation and idly chatting instead.
Perhaps Hermione had recovered quicker than he had, she had after all not been subjected to Harry's worst torments, aside when Harry had tried to kill her. She also had Ron to confide in and although Neville had spent many drunken nights rambling to Luna, Neville had never come to terms with Harry's death.
Luna often said it was because he spent most of his time around death eaters, but Neville's whole demeanour was a lot darker these days.
Neville decided to be direct about it. That was another thing he'd picked up over the months. Voldemort hated anything that wasn't to the point.
"Look Hermione, can we talk about Harry?" Neville bit out, wow he really hated himself.
Hermione actually flinched and he would have cursed himself for his carelessness but there were things he wanted to know. Things he couldn't deal with on his own any longer, Luna always said it was better to talk about these things.
"Oh, yeah sure" She stumbled, her eyes dipped but she didn't look sad, if anything she looked guilty.
Inwardly Neville frowned, something was wrong. He paused before diving in.
"Do you hate me?"
Hermione looked up at this startled. "What? No?"
Neville shrugged, feeling a mixture of discomfort and indifference. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."
Hermione looked shrewdly at him now, setting her coffee down in front of her. There was a moments silence before she spoke, clearly thinking carefully about each word.
"Neville, I'm not saying what you did what right. Certainly for Harry's sake it make things more complicated, but I'm not going to say it was wrong either. You did what was needed. You kept Harry safe and away from Voldemort"
"But Harry still died." Neville countered, he had relived this conversation in his own head so often. If he had acted sooner, done what McGonagall had planned then Harry would have fled the castle. He would be alive.
Hermione definitely looked away from him now, biting her lip nervously.
"Neville, do you remember what I told you at Harry's funeral?"
"Yes" It was imprinted into his memory.
"I meant it Neville. I said one day you will realise how much you helped" She whispered.
Neville shot her an odd look. What Hermione had said only annoyed him, it didn't comfort him in the slightest like she had probably intended.
"Explain to me then" Neville asked, his voice cool and accusing. "I lied to Harry, I knew about Tom and that Harry was being possessed and controlled. The only thing I did was keep Harry in Hogwarts which resulted in him breaking into the chamber of secrets before Voldemort tried to get him to kill you and Ron. Harry died, so how did I help?" He knew he shouldn't take his own frustrations out on her but he pushed aside his guilt. He desperately needed answers.
Hermione's expression had darkened considerable as her own tone changed.
"You can't blame yourself for Voldemort's actions." She said sharply her eyes narrowing.
"No, but I can blame myself for my own" Neville retorted coolly.
Hermione sighed now, her face softening. "I don't understand what you want from this conversation Neville?" She paused before adding. "You clearly don't forgive yourself"
Neville honestly didn't know what he wanted, his thoughts were so disjointed.
Brushing a hand through his hair he sighed heavily.
"I can't forgive myself because I haven't come to terms with Harry's death" Neville admitted heavily. "Perhaps I'm being naïve in thinking this will help. Confessing my sins so to speak"
Hermione was silent briefly before she whispered quietly.
"Neville, I don't think I can help you"
That didn't surprised him, but there was one thing she could clarify. There was one thing that had been bothering him since they had bumped into each other earlier that day.
"Why can't you look me in the eye and tell me you're okay with me?" Neville asked his voice betraying his guilt. "You're telling me it's not my fault and yet you don't forgive me"
"Neville. It's not that, please. You're not the problem" Hermione started, her eyes flying to his own in an almost silent desperation.
"So what is?" Neville asked not missing a beat, he wanted answers.
"I can't-" Hermione started. "Look Neville. I know we haven't been fair to you-"
She trailed off. Neville had never known Hermione to struggle with words so it was odd that she was sitting across from him forcing herself to make awkward conversation.
He wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.
Hermione stood up abruptly, her coffee spilling across the table in her panic and discomfort. "Neville, I...I have to go" She started.
Neville stood at once, barely resisting the urge to ask her to stay, but something held him back.
He had noticed it briefly before, but now it was clearer.
Something was wrong, Hermione did not seem herself at all. Neville was used to dealing with Death Eaters, it threw him to see someone with their emotions so open on their sleeve.
It just didn't make sense, Hermione was acting so guilty. If she was regretting not speaking to him sooner then she had just gained the perfect opportunity to confide in him now, but Neville didn't think that was the case.
As Hermione left, Neville sat back, he wasn't sure just what had happened.
Xxxxxxxx
Hermione took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. That had gone a lot worse then she had imagined.
She had little time to recover, not even a minute to prepare as she turned the corner and lost the privilege of her own company.
Draco Malfoy was leaning against a stone pillar, arms crossed and looking far too amused.
"Not bad Granger"
Hermione scowled at him. "Shut up" She snapped, she didn't need this right now.
"This needs to be done." His voice was indifferent which only annoyed her.
"This is cruel, we're as bad as Voldemort if all we're doing is manipulating Neville" She retorted. Nothing would make this okay.
"Would you quit splitting hairs, Potter is fine with it" Malfoy smirked, he was enjoying this way too much.
This earned him a furious stare. "You know that's not the same"
Malfoy just shrugged, his eyes shinning. "Come on" He started, straightening his posture. "We better get back"
Hermione relented, shoulders sagging as she nodded. She was way too tired to argue right now, it wouldn't change anything. Everything was set in motion now.
Sorry the start was a little slow...it'll pick up pretty quickly.