Going Home
Chapter 1
BPOV (June, 2001) 9 years old
I was an awkard girl. No if's, and's, or but's, about it.
There was just no escaping the growing evidence that I was, for lack of a better term, odd. There were many contributing factors at play here...
One, I was a natural loner. So making friends never came easily to me.
Second, I looked different from every other girl in Scotsdale, making me stick out in a crowd. Where they were pretty, bloned, and athletic. I was pale, unccordinated, and plain.
And thirdly, I was the daughter of a steele fisted police officer.
When Charlie drove me to school in his cruiser every morning I prepared for the inevitable humiliation. My father, a burly man by nature, looked intimidating in his snug blue uniform and highly visible gunbelt. He would slide on his aviater sunglasses, and smile beneath his cheesy mustach. I often wondered if he realized just how cliche` he looked.
During the morning commute to school Charlie would manage to pull over at least three of my classmates parents. They would beg him for leaniance, a warning instead of a ticket. But Charlie, with his holier-than-thou attitude, merely lectured and wrote the ticket with a flourish. With a tip of his cop issued hat, he strutted back to the cruiser, snickering. I could just imagine the horrible things they spat once he was out of ear shot. And while they couldn't do anything about my fathers lack of empathy, their children could. I was the next best thing their parents had to making Charlie pay. But, to their ignorance, Charlie never noticed the fresh bruises blossoming all over my body.
My mother, however, did.
She was called to school on many occassions, finding me in the nurses office, pampering a blacken eye or a busted lip. The principal would steeple his fingers and ask Renee how we could help Bella better coexist with her peers. Like it was somehow my fault I was being beat up. I gaped indignantly, wishing I could scream at the top of my lungs; I'm not the one using my fists, here! I'm just the punching bag! This is all Charlies fault!
It was in these moments that I really hated my father.
These meetings always ended up with my mother hollaring at my father, and myself fleeing to my bedroom in humiliation and shame. She tried to explain the consequences I was suffering. But Charlie would argue that this was hardly his fault. That no one was exempt from the law just because I happen to know them. I understood that. But I knew how much he enjoyed antagonizing the people he pulled over. I watched it unfold over and over again. It was a power trip for Charlie. And I just happen to get caught in the line of fire when he was itching that particular itch.
I would dash up the stairs and cry myself to sleep, book splayed open on my chest, fiction my only escape from the shouts echoing throught the house.
The characters I read about were strong and brave. No one pushed them around. And if someone tried, they always got sweet revenge in the end. I wished I could sink into the pages and just be them for a day. To stare into the faces of my monsters and rain hell down upon them.
Renee noticed my lack of enthusiasm when it came to... well, anything, really... and pestered Charlie to build me a tree house. I'm not sure what good she thought would come of it, but who was I to turn down a perfectly good tree house?
Eventually my father agreed.
He dragged the project out over several long weekends, moaning over how he was missing all his sport shows. The wood he used was recycled from a junk yard, the planks a weathered gray color. Rusted nails and splinters still stuck out of them haphazardly from whatever structure they used to form. Charlie and I carefully removed them, depositing them in an old tin can. Eventually we had a pile of gray boards resembling swiss cheese. And once we finished nailing it back together, I thought it looked like a tiny haunted house, perched high in a thick maple tree in the back yard.
It was the best tree house on the block.
On a sleepy saturday morning I wolfed down a bowl of cereal and climbed the ladder to my tree house. I shuffled across the wooden floor and kneeled down in the middle of it. I looked around myself, smiling. It was my own personal castle in the sky. I could be anything I wanted to be up here. A beautiful princess. A brave crusader. I could even sing as loud as I pleased without fear of being overheard.
But what I mostly enjoyed about the tree house... was the solitude. I really belive Renee had a moment of pre-cognition when she suggested it.
I wasn't feeling very imaginative this particular saturday morning, so I grabbed a deck of cards to keep my mind occupied and hands busy.
I was deeply absorbed in a game of solitair when the roar of a utility truck pulled me from my trance. It sounded like it stopped right out front. Curious, I jumped to the ground and ran around the side of the house. I spied a U-Haul idoling in the driveway next door, a sleek black car rolling to a stop just behind it.
Huh.
The house had been vacant for over a year. I scanned the front lawn for it's ever present, for sale, sign. But to my surprise, all that remained was a hole in the ground.
Some one was moving in!
I crouched behind the brown fence that seperated our yards, watching for the new owners to emerge.
The doors to the car flew open, and a sudden roar of noise echoed throughout the sleepy suburbian neighborhood.
Kids!
To my shock, a scrawny boy with mousey brown hair spilled from the back seat of the car to the rough pavement of the driveway. I hissed between my teeth, knowing exactly how painful hot asphalt felt on bare hands and knees.
A much larger boy with curly black hair and mischeiveous blue eyes clammoured out from behind the skinny boy, and stepped over him. He chuckled when the boy tried to get up. But the larger one nudged him back down with the toe of his sneaker. He bent forward and thrust his finger out. "Next time you squeal on me I'll do much worse than push you down! That's a promise!"
The boy on the ground scowled up at him. The bully swiped off his hands in a satisfied manor and strutted toward the U-Haul. I felt bad for the boy who was currently searching for his glasses. They had skidded across the pavement near the fence, and glinted gold in the sun near my feet. But I was too invested with feelings of pity to notice. A rush of anger burned in my stomach, while an overpowering instinct urged me to protect him, the way others didn't protect me. I knew how awful it felt to be bullied while a circle of people watched, and laughed. You were left feeling resentful and weak.
Their mother, I pressumed, broke my concentration by hollaring at the bully.
Good!
"How dare you push Edward like that! At least he told me about the bottle rocket!" Bottle rocket? The bully looked anything but sorry. He looked merely annoyed at being caught. "Emmett, don't you understand how dangerous those things are? They can kill you! They can take an out! They can..."
I never got to hear what else dangerous explosives can do, because I was suddenly face to face with Edward.
At first, I was too busy giggling behind a hand at Emmetts dillema to notice him crawling along the ground, squinting for his glasses. He found them near my feet. He yellped when he realized someone was only two feet from him. Apparently his eye sight must be really bad. We stared wide eyed at eachother, both blinking in surprise. His vivid green eyes narrowed when I lowered a hand from my mouth, revealing a stupid grin. He assumed I was laughing at him. I sputtered, wishing my social awkwardness would allow me to confidantly explain that I wasn't laughing at him. Instead, I stuck to what I did best... Flee. I whirled around and sprinted across the grass.
"Bella?" My mother spun around when I slammed through the screen door.
Charlie lowered the news paper to his chin as I tore past and said, "What's going on? Why is she running?"
I cursed my stupidity as I climbed the stairs, slamming my bedroom door behind me. I rested against it while catching my breath.
Great! Now Edward thinks I was laughing at him! He's gonna hate me! I groaned, pushing off the door.
I fell face first onto my bed, bemoaning the fact that I just made an enemy in record time. And he lives right next door. I groaned even louder. Rolling over, I mentally cursed my horrible luck.
A girl can only sulk so long before her growling stomach gets the better of her.
"Hey, you," mom smiled at the sink. "Hungry?" I hmmed in confirmation. "Did you see?" She pointed a soapy butter knife at the window facing the neighbors house. "We have new neighbors." I stared at the loaf of bread and nodded. "I was thinking later we might go over as a family to introduce ourselves."
I decided to shrug in response. Feign indifference. Though, on the inside I was screaming, Crap! Anything but that!
She frowned. "Why are you so quiet?" Double crap! I shrugged again and took a quick bite of my sandwich.
She turned fully toward me now, thrusting her soapy hands on her hips. "Did something happen earlier? Is that why you tore through here like a bat out of hell?" I sighed. My mother was a bulldog when she wants something.
"Leave the girl alone, Renee. She's probablly just hungry." Charlie strolled in, hitching up his pants and grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"I think I know when my own daughter is acting strange," she argued.
"I'm amazed you can see a difference."
My jaw dropped. "Hello! I'm right here!" Charlie chuckled, not realizing that his cheap shot stung.
"Come on," Renee pleaded, ignoring Charlie. "Tell me what happened. Was it the new neighbors? Did you speak to them? Did they speak to you?" I bit my lip, wishing I had kept my big mouth shut.
Charlie rolled his eyes and walked toward me. He studied my face for an unnerving moment. I felt like a frightened rodent caught in the sights of a snake. "Whatever it is," he said evenly, looking up at Renee. "She doesn't want us to know. I'm sure it's nothing."
That was what he usually concluded when it came to me. It was nothing.
Renee looked skeptical, but thankfully let it go. She eyed me as I slinked back up stairs with my lunch.
Trying to shake off the disconcerting interrogation I just endured, I settled into my window seat and watched the neighbors flit back and forth from the U-Haul to their house. They lugged expensive looking rugs and furniture through the open french doors, boxes and lamps soon following after.
Their interraction was fascinating. The lady directed the entire family like a Colonol with a regimant. She ordered them here and there, lugging small boxes and bags into the house. Once, I saw the kids run past windows on the second floor. They were choosing rooms I suppose. I blushed when I saw Edward chose his room closest to my treehouse. He glanced out his window at it.
Their was a tiny, black haired girl, I didn't see before. She was singing to herself while jump roping in a perfect pink dress and matching Mary Janes.
Edward spent most of the afternoon tossing a baseball into the air and catching it with a worn brown mit. He missed a lot at first but he kept trying. To my delight, after a few hours of repetition, he rarely missed. That said a lot for his personality. He didn't give up easily.
Emmett stuck close to a blonde man I pressumed was his father. He was strong enough to lug heavy boxes on his own. That impressed me. Emmett couldn't have been more than a few years older than me. Maybe 12? 13?
I chuckled when I realized the blonde man was keeping up a running commentary, his handsome face growing more and more sour by the minute. Emmett must be in trouble again.
I think I had the kids figured out by now. Edward was the middle kid; hell bent on being noticed by his parents. The girl was petite and dainty. She was daddy's little girl. And Emmett... well, he's self explanatory.
I began to wonder how fast the kids at school would sway their opinion of me? By monday afternoon, would I have three new enemies to add to my list. I sighed, wishing with everything in me that it wouldn't happen. My track record said otherwise.
Watching the kids interact made me wonder how different my life may have been if I had a sibling. A big brother to watch over me. Or a little sister I could swap clothes with. But after watching Emmett put Edward in a head lock I decided maybe I was the lucky one.
"Bella," my mother called up the stairs. "Come down here, please."
Jogging down the stairs, I smelled her famous mac-n-cheese casserole. I smiled. It was my favorite.
"There you are," she grinned. "I thought you may have slipped out to the tree house again. You've been so quiet all afternoon." That was her way of saying she hasnt forgotten my earlier behavior.
I examined the table and saw that it was weighed down with an industruial sized pan of mac-n-cheese, covered in tinfoil. A large pitcher of iced tea with lemon wedges floating in it. And a basket full of dispossable dinnerware.
Oh no... we really are going over. The woman wouldn't rest until I've died of humiliation.
"Here. You can carry the pitcher of iced tea. And Charlie can take the basket and beer."
He scowled. "I didn't think you were serious."
Renee thrust the six pack and basket into his arms. "Charlie, you have a thing or two to learn about being neighborly." He grumbled something that sounded like, taking another mans beer isnt neighborly. It's theft. Mom sighed. "Just shut up and follow me." I smirked.
Charlie and I followed my mother across the lawn and into their front yard. I have never been over here before. Only saw it from the tree house. From what I could see up there, the roof had a few missing shingels and leaves clogged the gutters. But from down here, it was pretty nice; Big white house. Green shutters. Little square bushes that needed hedging. And, of course, our conjoined fence.
"Hello?" Renee called once we were near the open U-Haul. "Anybody home?"
"I'm in here," a female voice called from within the truck. We walked around to the back and found the lady I've been spying on all afternoon sifting through boxes. She straightened up curiously. "Can I help you?"
"It's not how you can help us. It's how we can help you." Mom held up the tinfoiled pan and grinned wryly. "Were your neighbors, Renee and Charlie Swan."
The lady laughed and jumped down with the help of Charlie. He actually blushed!
Her auburn hair was twisted into a haphazard bun on the top of her head, and her big hazel eyes shewn with kindness. All in all, she had a very pretty face.
"I'm Esme Cullen. I'd shake your hands but I see there full."
Renee chuckled. "We thought we'd bring over dinner for your family as a welcome to the neighborhood. I saw the little ones running around and figured they'd be getting hungry right about now. And I'm sure your too busy to cook because your trying to get everything inside before nightfall."
Esme seemed to sag in reliefe. "Oh my, goodness," she sighed, taking the heavy pan. "You have no idea how grateful I am." My mother waved her off, but I could tell she was pleased. "All Carlisle and I have in the house is a gallon of water and a bag of chips." Renee laughed.
She led us to the house and called out for Carlisle, her husband. What a funny name. He exited the french doors wearing a Chicago Cubs t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. But beneath his frumpy work clothes was a very attractive older man, with sleek blonde hair and ocean blue eyes.
It was my mothers turn to blush.
He thrust his hand out to my mother and took hers. "Hello there. I'm Carlisle Cullen. It's wonderful to meet you." He seemed so sincere and refined.
"Y... yes..." my mom sputterd. "Yes. M me, too."
Charlie shoved the six pack into Carliles chest and shook his free hand. "I'm Charlie Swan. And this is my wife Renee."
Carlisle removed his hand from Charlies grip and shook it. "Woah. You have quite a grip, there, Charlie." My dads smirk wasnt apologetic.
"I'm a police officer. I have to be firm."
"Well, Im a surgeon. So I have to guard the money makers." My mom tittered.
Esme returned from depositing the food and beverages inside. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "We'd invite you in, but theres just no place to sit that isnt covered in boxes."
"Oh, don't worry about us," Renee waved her off. "We didn't mean to stay long anyway. You have a house to situate."
"That's very understanding of you," said Carlisle. I peeked out from behind my mother and accidentally caught their attention.
"Whose this?" asked Esme.
"Oh," Renees eyes brightened, remembering I exsisted. "This is our daughter, Bella."
"Well, hello, Bella," Esme shook my hand. "I think you may be my daughters age."
"She's 9," Renee clarified. She than ran her hand over my long brown hair comfortingly. I think she knew how hard socializing was for me.
Esme grinned, watching our silent interaction. I think she got the message. Bella was shy.
"KIDS!" she hollared at the house. "WE HAVE VISITORS! COME OUTSIDE!"
Emmett swaggered from the house with his hand deep in the bag of potato chips. His mischevious blue eyes scanned over us, and settled on me. A slow, unnerving, smile curled his lips. Intimidated, I backed further behind my mothers skirt. Oh man! I could just see the evil wheels turning beneath that black mop of curls.
Edward, on the other hand, srtolled lazily from the back yard. He was frowning at the baseball glove on his hand. "Mom? I need a new glove. This ones falling apart. Look..." He paused when he saw us gathered on the porch.
"Edward, Emmett," Carlisle said. "These are the Swans. Our neighbors." Emmett saluted. But Edward nodded shyly, averting his eyes. Ah, He was shy, too. "And this..." He gestured toward me. "... is Bella. She's your age Edward."
He surprised me with a shy crooked grin. "Hey," he said, though his eyes remained careful. I knew he was remembering me as the mean girl who laughed at him. I wished I was brave enough to tell him that I wasn't laughing. That I would never egg on a bully.
"Hi," I whispered back, blushing scarlet.
He seemed to be examining my face in quick glances while I did the same. And I saw, once again, how startlingly green his eyes were. If I wasn't so shy I would openly stare.
Than, out of nowhere... he took off. His departure was so sudden it stunned me.
He and Emmett ran up the street toward the park, laughing the whole way. I could clearly hear Emmett tease Edward about being careful around me. That girls have cooties. Edward glanced over his shoulder at me before they dissapeared around the corner.
I gaped. Boys are so immature.
Esme shook her head, exasperated. "I'm so sorry," she apologized.
"What can we say?" Carlisle shrugged. "Boys are rambunctious."
Mom laughed, and said, "Some more than others." She explained how she had a class full of fifth graders just the same.
The Cullens went into full swing about how they came from Chicago. Esme was an interior decorater, and Carlisle was a doctor. He was offered a fellowship in Pheonix that was too good to refuse. It all sounded like garbble to me.
Thankfully, the worlds tiniest girl, dainty as a flower, saved me from bordum.
"Hi ya!" she chirped, skipping up the porch in ribbons and lace. She stopped right in front of me, radiating confidence. "I'm Alice. Who are you?"
"Bella. From next door."
"No way!" she said excitedly. "So that tree house is yours?"
I chuckled. "Yep."
"Cool! Hey mom? Can I go over to Bellas?"
"Alice," Carlise chastized faundly. "You should wait to be invited. It's rude otherwise."
"Oh," her face fell.
I felt a sudden panic rise up inside me. Befriend Alice! You'll never have another chance like this! Do it!
"Can she come over?" I blurted out.
Renee looked down at me, bemused. Alice was the first person I ever asked over. Heck, she was the first person I ever talked to that wasnt related to me. "Of course, honey. Dinners at six, so you have an hour to play." Alice squeeled, jumping up and down. She grabbed my hand and dragged me off the porch. We took off together, dashing across the lawn to my side of the fence.
And ever since that first encounter, Alice has turned my abissmal life upside right.
Our first week together entirely changed my life.
When monday rolled around Esme invited me to ride with them to school. I didn't even ask Charlies permission, I just ran away from the cruiser as fast as I could before he had a chance to say no.
The kids at school started in with the teasing the moment I set foot in the hallway. But they had met their match with Alice. She was a tiny ninja in pink, standing in a fighters stance, and declaring she was from the south side of Chicago, so if they wanted a real fight, to stand up now. No one did. Especially when they learned throughout the day that Emmett Cullen was Alices brother.
From that day forward, school was more or less cake.
I was amazed. All it took was confidence and lightning fast reflexes. Karate Kid had nothing on Alice.
That night, Alice and I became blood sisters in my tree house. It was the best way we could think of to solidify our new friendship. That was until the blood trickled down our wrists. Carlisle patched us up with antiseptic wipes, bandaids, and an hour long sermon on why you must never exchange blood. I learned there and than never to cross Carlisle again. Especially when he threatened us with a tetnus shot.
Through out these misadventures I would bump into Edward here and there. That first summer he was scarcely home. Alice told me he played piano and had practice every other day. And when he wasnt there, he and Emmett went away to camp.
I had noticed a beautiful piano in the livingroom with a matching bench, but sadly no one ever played it. I came to believe it was just one of Esmes decorations. That was until I snuck over, unnannounced, and caught Edward playing a song on it that I'd never heard before. He carefully placed his long fingers on the keyboard, and sang softly to himself. I had to strain to hear it... but it was pretty, whatever it was. He had a lovely falseto voice.
I wasn't sure how upset he'd be if he realized I was eavesdropping. So I snuck back outside, not wishing to be caught. Our first encounter still haunted me.
I sat in the tree house, thinking about what I'd seen. I was ultimately surprised to see a different side to Edward. One that didnt have dirty knees and filthy clothes from sliding into home plate. There was a whole secret side to him... and I was intruiged.
One day, I invited Alice over for a game of cards in the tree house. She came over, but with a surprise guest. Edward. My jaw dropped when I saw those green eyes gaze uncertainly around my tree house. I smiled shakily, wishing to ease his tension. I didn't know if he still lived by the cootie rule or not. Because if he did, I could go get some of my moms hand sanitizer if that meant he'd stay.
He was a nervous wreck at first, settling on the wooden floor for our weekly card game. He was all akward and fidgity. Admittedly, I was the mirror image. So I offered skittles and cold soda as a peace offering. Sugar! That brought out the crooked grin I learned to anticipate from him.
Eventually we forgot the other was of the oppisite gender, and got along quite well. We would laugh at Emmetts expense. Or raz the other for a particularly bad hand of cards. And when we grew comfortable enough around eachother, he allowed me to stay when he was practicing the piano. I would bring a book and sit on the couch while he played, pretending to be absorbed in the literature. I think he grew suspicious when I failed to turn a single page the entire thirty minutes that he played. But he never said a word. And I was glad, because as much as I loved Alice, I enjoyed Edwards company just as much. He liked to ride bikes and play video games. Where as Alice preffered the girly things. They balanced me out.
And now, five years later, we shared an even stronger bond. One that was made of the toughest thread. When one breathed in the other breathed out.
They had become irreplaceable to me. Without Edwards wise green eyes and tall lanky frame standing by my side I would cease to go on. And Alice, my sweet, outgoing Alice, continued to find ways to bring me out of my naturally shy shell. Without her... I would roll over and persih.
Together, they held my happiness in the palm of their hands. And I was positive it was the same for them. Nothing else needed to exsist beyond that.
Nothing.
(June 2006)
The bus was roaring through mid day traffic, air breaks hissing, engine groaning. The swealtering heat caused the bus to smell weird. Like burnt rubber and exhaust. We slid the windows down and breathed a sigh of reliefe.
Since it was the last day of school everyone was on their worst behavior, throwing paper airplanes and shouting at their friends on the oppisite end of the bus. It was absolute chaos.
I scooted down in my seat, nearly avoiding a spit ball, and nestled earbuds in my ears, drowning out the noise. I sighed, closing my eyes and loosing myself to the music. Pink Floyds, Money, was always a good choice.
I thought about all the things I had to look forward to this summer while the heavy bass hook ensnared me. I would be fifteen in three months, a pivitol time in my life. I was old enough to get my permit. And as much as I hated Charlies cruiser I had been eyeing it with an indecent amount of interest. I didn't care if it had pretty blue lights on top. As long as it was an automatic and had a full tank of gas, I was golden.
I smiled involentarily. This was going to be a summer to remember.
I suddenly got the strange sensation that someone was watching me. You know, when your body prickles in that intuitive way. (and they say ESP doesn't exist)
Popping open my eyes I glanced up and met Edwards green gaze from across the aisle.
"It's my birthday next saturday," he said, fingering the drivers ed manual he practically slept with. "So, um... what did you get me?"
I raised an eyebrow and plucked out an earbud. "Who says I got you anything?"
He grinned crookedly, somehow changing his face from cute to sexy. How did he do that? "Oh, come now, Bella. We both know you got me something. You always do."
Alice smirked at her brothers tenacity. "Your a nosey shit, Edward."
He shrugged, unconcerned. "Bella loves me anyway. Isn't that right?"
I pulled a skepticle face. "Don't hold your breath." He chuckled.
"Leave her alone, Edward," Alice warned, smacking her gum and flipping through a fashion magazine.
"Or what?"
She turned to stare at him, narrowing her hazel eyes. "Or I'll tell Emmett that I over heard you singing Gwen Stefani in the shower this morning. Apparently your B-A-N-A-N-A-S." I threw my head back and laughed.
"You wouldn't!" Edward dared.
"Try me, pretty boy." They stared eachother down until Alice decided her point was made. She leaned forward to talk to our classmate, Marcus, instead. She thought he was cute.
Edward turned to look at me, slightly flushed from embarrassment. Giggles kept bubbling to my lips. I could just see him dancing around the shower, belting out Holla back girl while his long fingers washed his tossled brown hair and the hot water rained down on his hard biceps...
My smile slowly slipped, realizing I was fanticizing about Edward in a very innappropriate way.
He must have seen the look on my face because his teasing manor faultered. His dark eyebrows creased in confusion, trying to figure me out. Then our gazes fused together...
The atmosphere between us changed, growing electrically charged. Every fine hair on my body stood on end, reaching out toward him. I swallowed against the saliva that flooded my mouth... though it felt impossibly dry.
When he looked at me like he was now; green eyes glittering in the intense sun, I couldn't keep my brain from scrambling. Even behind his gold rimmed glasses the vivid oceanic pools of green disarmed me. They always have. They always will.
I retreated into the thick curtains of my dark hair and gasped. I felt flustered and confused. The defining line of our freindship seemed to be blurring. I mean, it wasn't entirely strange that we'd start noticing eachother as more than just Edward and Bella; childhood friends. We we're teenagers now. A male and a female. Oppisite sex.
Sex...
There it was again. That dirty word that stirred so many teeneagers hormones into a frenzy. Mine included. I'd never... you know... done that. But it didn't stop my body from reacting like a fully grown womans.
For instance, when I spent the night at Alices... which was every weekend, I started becoming self concious of my growth spurts. The night gowns that used to hang off my rail thin body now hugged the curves and dips of my shapely figure. And to my mortification I had become the tallest girl in my class. So I was suddenly all legs. I wasn't stacked by any means. Just developing in very obvious areas.
I wasn't the only one suffering from an identity crisis.
Edward would saunter around the house, shirtless and flexing in nothing but his swim trunks. He had always been the athletic type. So it should not have been shock to see how his torso and arms had reacted to the years of conditioning. That's when my dormant hormones would rouse with a vengence, and I'd hide in the bathroom, waiting for my blush to fade. And no matter how many times I told myself that it was just Edward, I knew that I had reasons to panic. His increasingly good looks made me feel that much more homely. He wasn't gonna want me hanging around when the pretty girls start taking notice of him. And they will. It was only a matter of time before one of them took him away from me. Then where would I be?
Something stirred beside me, pulling me from my thoughts. It was Edward. I knew before I saw him. He had a distinct scent. Clean bath soap and leather. I expected the latter scent was permenantly etched into his skin from the baseball mits.
He nudged me over and slid in beside me. "I'm gonna get it out of you, you know." The teasing apparently wasn't over.
I blinked, confused. "Get what out of me?"
He snickered through his nose and shook his head. "My birthday present. Remember?"
I threw my hands up and scoffed. "Ugh! Your relentless when you want something."
A slow, dangerous smile grew acrossed his face. "You know me so well, don't you." His hand reached out and polked my side gently. I yelped, jumping from his poky finger. He chuckled darkly, enjoying my skittishness. I hated being tickled! He knew that!
Just then, the bus decided to lurch to a stop, bringing my face forward with a sharp slap against the green seat. "Shit!" I hissed, grabbing my throbbing nose, squeezing my eyes shut tight.
"Oh my god!" He gasped. "Are you okay?"
I turned to look scathingly at him. This is all his fault! Why can't we interact lately without it resulting in an injury? My injury! "I'mb find," I said, pushing him away.
He tried, bless him. I know he did. But when I spoke with my forefinger and thumb pinching my nostrils shut, he lost it. The laugh burst from him, and I stood up indignantly, climbing over his size twelves.
"Bella," he whined. "I didn't mean to laugh. Your face was just so..." he laughed again, unable to help it. I hooked my sneaker with his... and tripped. Of course I did. I can't even storm away without making myself look stupid.
"Bella?" Alice asked, finally looking up from her conversation with Marcus. "What the hell happened to your nose?"
I ignored her and kept walking.
She knew not to take it personally. I just had to nurse my wounded pride back to health, that's all.
Slinking off the hot, smelly, bus, for the final time that year, I stalked away from the neighborhood kids who climbed off after me. I heard the whispered snickers follow my wake.
"Come on, Bella," Edward called. "I'm sorry!" I would have turned around and stuck my tongue out. But I wasn't sure if my nose was bleeding or not.
Why did I have to be such a spaz?
I slammed through the door of my house and shut it roughly behind me. Glaring out the window, I saw Edward and Alice arguing before they dissapeared behind the fence. I bet Alice was giving him hell.
You go, girl! I wanted to snap my fingers and head swivel, but stopped myself short when my nose panged in pain.
"Bella?"
"Mom?" I gasped, whirling around.
She held up her hands in a deffensive gesture and chuckled. "It's only me." I lowered my hand from my nose and breathed in reliefe.
Then confusion took over.
Mom was never home before me. She usually escaped the elementary school at four.
"What are you doing home so early?" I asked.
She zeroed in on my swelling nose, ignoring my last question. "The latest accident?" Her fingers gently prodded the area.
"Ow!" I yelled, looking reproachfully at her.
Her chuckle was cut off short when a set of foot steps entered the kitchen. I peeked over my mothers shoulder and saw Charlie standing in the door way, wearing civilian clothes. I frowned. I could have swore he went to work today.
"What? Did everyone play hookey today?" When they didn't answer I said, "Well, thanks for including me." They didn't smile.
He gestured to the table. "Sit down, Bella."
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously while sliding into a kitchen chair. "What's this about?"
He sat down beside Renee and grinned at her. She scowled. "Your mother and I have some news." I quirked a brow, certain they wernt about to say they were pregnant. "I got a job offer today."
"Okay," I said slowly, wondering where this was leading.
"You see," he continued. "It's in Forks...
"Forks?" I snorted. "What the hell kind of place names itself after a utinsel?"
...Washington," he finished.
I blinked, looking between my parents. Washington? My brain wouldn't absorb the meaning of the word, Washington. I mentally examined it like a caveman would fire. Washington?
I chortled nervously. "But, what's this got to do with us?"
Charlie looked confused by my confusion. "What do you mean what's this got to do with us?" he asked.
Alright. This has officially turned into the weirdest conversation I have ever had. And that includes the sex talk.
"Well," I smirked, looking between them again. Renee refused to look at me. "You said no, right? You turned them down."
Moms gaze shifted uncomfortably, settling on her bouncing leg. Dad was watching me like I had grown an extra head. His look clearly said, stop being obtuse, Bella. And he was right. Why else would Charlie have asked me to sit down and listen to him prattle on about a job in Washington? Plus they were both home from work on a wendesday, dressed in regular clothes. The cruiser was gone. And Renees breif case full of fifth grade homework was missing from the corner desk. Their school doesn't end for another week.
"No..." I whispered.
The air grew thick with a significant silence.
No. No. NO! How can this be?
Reality began to swim around the edges and time slowed down. The day had been a scorcher. But I was shivering violently, my warm blood running cold through my veins.
This was bad. Real bad.
"Hold on! What do you mean Washington?" I asked desperately. "You mean the north west, Washington? That Washington?" That's thousands of miles away!
Renee looked at me with mournful eyes, her gaze confirming my suspicions. "He'll get better pay and benefits, Bella. Plus, he's been offered the position of Cheif. How can he turn down?" I wouldn't care if they offered him the freaking Hope Diamond. He should still have said no! "Besides, it means we can finally get out of the city."
My hands dropped into my lap, mouth agape. She just spewed verbal diarreha all over this clean kitchen... and she knew it! Renee loved the sun! Loved the sprawling city and it's diverse population! Loved Esme.
My mother and Esme were an older version of Alice and I. Renee was bubbly and brave whereas Esme was the quiet observer. A day didn't go by when those two wern't out in their garden, elbow deep in soil. They even won blue ribbons for their roses.
So that left me with one last person to blame...
Charlie!
My glare slid to him.
My father loved to regail us with stories of his glorious past in Alaska. As a boy he and my grandad used to fish, hike, climb mountains, bear hunt. Basically anything barbaric. Charlie married my mom right out of highschool, and moved here, to Pheonix, because this is where the work was for young police officer. He called the citezens here, unsavory and immoral. He said the Border problem had gotten way out of hand and now we lived amongst 40% illegals.
So? I never understood the big deal. Isn't that what our country was built on? Immigrants.
Oh yes. I had my answer.
He's gonna move us to small town USA, where the land was 90% forest and 100% legal. He was gonna move us to the middle of nowhere so he can relive his glory days as a boy scout!
My stomach was so tightly clenched I was surprised I didnt shit out a diamond. How can I move from here? My home? From Edward and Alice?
Oh god!
They were the two most vital people in my life. Hell, my exsistance! And leaving them was absolutely no way to repay them for five years of love and friendship! Leaving them was an impossiblity! Incomprehensible! Inconcievable!
I clenched my fists into tight little balls of fury. We were moving so asshole here can fucking fish! I mean, he's fucked my life over before... but now?
I had to fight! Fight hard for what was right! For Edward and Alice!
Fight!
I jumped to my feet and shouted, "You can't do this!" They blanched at my volume. "What the hell are thinking? Our life is here! In Pheonix! Not Spoons Washington!"
"Forks," Charlie corrected flatly. "And I have to do what is right for this family, Isabella. Now sit down and lower your voice."
I narrowed my eyes, and leaned forward, defying him. I've never, in my life, acted like this. But knowing that Charlie was doing this for himself, and what was worse, was my mother was letting him do it, pissed me off that much more!
"Well, Charles," I snarled. "I think this is the most ridiculous, selfish...
"You don't pay the bills around here, young lady!" He barked, standing up. The chair skidded across the lanolium. I straightened up to, nearly a head shorter than him. But my fury matched his brutish size. "You have no clue how hard it's been around here economically! A teachers salary doesn't exactly go along way, you know!" Renee flinched.
"I'll get a job!" I cried. "Wait tables or something!"
Charlie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah? Good luck with that. Whose gonna employ an untrained fifteen year old girl?"
Dennys. IHop. Olive Garden. I could go on...
I did feel a tiny stab of guilt for talking like this to my parents. But I found I could override it with the fear that tattooed itself to my heart. Edward and Alice were the two most beautiful people in my life, and I found they had become more important to me than my own family. I'm not so sure that was concidered healthy, but I couldn't prevent what was already so deeply engrained.
They saved me once before. Now it was my turn to return the favor by fighting. Fighting for us!
Fight!
"I will," I gasped. "I swear it, dad. I'll get a job. Ease your burdon." I was wheezing by now, leaning against the table and gasping. "Please... please... don't take them away... from me...
Charlie just glared. And I realized my pleas were falling on deaf ears. It shot my hyperventilation into hysteria. I couldn't breathe! I flapped my hands around like a flightless bird. I was suffocating! Sucking air through a straw! And I was suddenly dizzy. Black spots swam in my vision. I began to feel heavy as an anchor. And without realizing it, I sank to my knees and collapsed. The last thing I heard was my mothers garbled cry. And everything went blessedly black...
My body was heavy as led, limbs pinned to the ground by gravity. Silence cacooned me, caressed me, seduced me. I embraced the stifling claustraphobia.
It was quiet in here. So quiet.
For what felt like an eternity I drifted between darkness and numbness. Voices began to intrude on my solitude, fading in and out. Words and sounds were a meaningless garble of confusion. What was going on? Why was I caged inside my own mind?
The disconnection began to stitch back together, pieces of the last few minutes rushing back. Mom and dad. Arguing. Shouting. Moving away to some God for saken town.
Washington.
Tall pine trees and damp furn plants began to form in my minds eye. That's what I thought of when I pictured Washington state. The cold ocean. Snow. God! It was the polar oppisite of Pheonix.
And thats when the agonizing pain reached my heart, swelling agonizingly under my breast bone. A sob built up in my chest and ripped from my throat.
I want out! I need to wake up!
"Carlisle!" my mother cried, pawing at my limp body.
"Bella, sweeheart?" Carlisles calm professional voice was near my ear. "Dont panic. Your alright. You have passed out, thats all. Give it a minute and dont rush to wake up." I think I nodded. My head felt like a bowling ball. "How did she get the bruise?" he asked, polking at my nose.
Some one answered, but it was too far from my position on the floor. All I caught was, my fault, and, an accident.
"Goodness," Renee breathed. "I never expected her to react to moving this way? Did you Charlie?" His name tugged my eyelids apart. I found a blurry version of him huddling near the stove. Him!
My mind and body simultaniously fought pain and anger against eachother. Pain or anger. Anger or pain. I was an jumbled mess of agony.
"Oh, Bella!" My mom threw her arms around my neck and cried. I did not return the embrace.
I sat up carefully with the help of Carlisle. Ugh! My head. The sun was intensly bright in the window. So I threw my hand up to shield my eyes. And that's when I saw them. Alice and Edward. Slumped against the wall, staring at me with concern. Alice looked distraught, tears flowing from her hazel eyes. It brought my own tears forward. And I cried along with her, my firend, my sister.
"I tried Alice," I hiccuped. "I fought." She bent down and hugged me.
"I know you did," she sniffed. "Mom told us." Us?
I pulled back and looked around for Edward. He was slumped against the wall, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He watched me, stoney faced, and oddly blank. But his eyes... those gorgeous gems of emerald, gave him away.
He was absolutely livid.
I gasped, rarely ever seeing his temper flare. Only on the field a few times, when someone called him out when he was safe. But this... this anger was fierce. Dangerous. Dark. I watched his chest shudder, like he was surpressing the urge to murder. His tell all eyes penetrated mine for a scary second. What the hell? It wasn't my fault!
His rage was truly something to behold.
His glare snapped to Charlies annoyed face. The old adage, if looks could kill, heavily applied here. Charlie caught Edwards expression and grimaced. They exchanged silent fuck yous. Holy crow! Charlie straightened up and stalked from the kitchen, shaking his head in bewilderment.
If he didn't understand my reaction about moving away from these fiercly loyal people... than he didn't know me at all.
The last two weeks in Pheonix consisted of Alice and I frantically signing up for Face Book, Skype, buying matching Blackberries, and creating e-mail adresses. Basically doing everything we could think of to stay in touch. Alice waved my worry off, confidantly claiming that we lived in the twenty first century. Not to worry about loosing touch with one another. She was right.
But Edward, on the other hand, avoided me like the plague. He completely dissapeared after my episode in the kitchen. It hurt more than I let on. But I gave him space to figure out whatever it was he was struggling with. The only problem with that was we were running out of time to say goodbye.
And weeks turned into days. And days turned into hours...
I stood on the Cullens porch with Edward for the final time. He, stoick and closed off. Myself, heartbroken and beyond reason.
I knew everyone was hovering nearby, giving us privacy. And I ignored my parents who were sitting in the idoling car, headlights on in the dark, both stealing quick peeks at us. But I didn't care. Because my brain was scrambling to find the words that adequately expressed my love for this boy. I was failing. And time was not on my side.
Finally Edward looked at me. He had the most heart breaking expression. And his tall, lanky frame, was hunched defensively. "This isn't exactly how I pictured my birthday."
I snorted. "You and me both."
We stood there, trying to find a way to sum it all up. It was impossible. So instead, I held out the flat square package that was tucked beneath my arm. "You were right. I did get you something for your birthday." He hesiated, eyeing it warily. A first for Edward, I promise. Usually he jumped on presents like a rabid animal.
Eventually he took it from my fingers. "Happy birthday, Edward," I whispered miserably.
He brought the package up to his face, examining it in the dim light. It was wrapped in blue paper with a red ribbon around it.
Alice gave me the idea to make him a home made DVD. I took her advice and climbed up into my tree house, settling on the floor where we had played cards countless times before... and poured my heart out to mini cam. I explained how much he meant to me. And that distance would only make that bond stronger. And most importantly, that I promised to come back as soon as possible. It was a promise I made to myself, as well. But being an unlicensed fourteen year old girl, that promise seemed beyond impossibe.
I also got him a real gift. Two tickets to see the Diamondbacks this summer. I originally planned to go with him. But we all know that plan was destroyed with dinomite. So I made Alice promise to go in my place. I couldn't stand Edward going with someone else. If I was to be replaced, than it has to be Alice. Not some blonde bimbo from school.
"Bella..." His smooth voice that he had deprived me of for over a week filled me with wistfulness. "I don't think I can do this."
I looked closer at his face, and found tears behind those glasses. He removed them violently and swiped at his eyes. I gasped. I've never seen him cry before. His anger crumbled around him, revealing the devistated boy within.
His pain punched a hole in my chest. I needed to soothe him! Protect him from himself!
I did the only thing I could think of, and flung myself around his neck. He dropped the present to the porch and crushed me against him, burying his face in my long hair. I felt his trembling fear. He hugged me so tightly to him he lifted me off my feet. And that was saying something! Seeing as I was only a head shorter than him.
"Please, Edward," I whispered desperately. My lips grazed the shell of his ear, and I felt his arms tighten around me. "Please! Hide me away! I don't wanna go! I cant leave you and Alice! Please..." I was sobbing now.
"Shh," he soothed, running his fingers through my hair. "Shh..."
I snuggled further into his neck, taking deep greedy breaths of his unique scent. Mmm... skittles and leather. Edward. Oh Edward.
He seemed to be doing the same thing; his nose running along my cheek, down my neck, my collar bone. Oh man. I shivered, and gasped. He lifted his eyes to mine, no glasses between us for once. His eyes were glowing with an emotion I couldn't identify. Then, to my surprise, his gaze flickered to my mouth... and I saw it, felt it... he was going to...
HONK! HONK!
Edward bristled and pulled away. Both our eyes shot to my parents car, our breathing a bit labored. Renee was wagging her finger in Charlies face, reeming him out.
Asshole! He did that on purpous! I officially hate him!
If my anger could flare into actual flames the Cullens would no longer have a porch. Edward reluctantly dropped me from his arms and took a step back.
"Write me everyday," I made him promise. "I want to know if you like your present." He nodded, looking totally devistated.
I stumbled backward off the porch. Alice reemerged from the house a moment later. She strolled to Edwards side and wrapped her thin arm about his waist, comforting him. I stared at them both, standing together in the golden glow of the porch light, beneath the starry sky. They were both so beautiful.
I waved miserably, tears obscureing my vision. I batted them away. Inexcusable! I was not about to waste what little time I had left with them a blind mess. I suddenly longed for a photographic memory. Alice and her long glossy black hair. So pretty and petite. Graceful. Edwards long lanky body with mousey brown hair, amazing eyes and gold rimmed glasses. They couldn't possibly get any better looking if they tried. And I was just lucky to have known them. To have been loved by them.
Remember Bella. Remember.
I never looked back at the house I grew up in. Nor did I spare a galnce for the neighborhood. Old Cactus Road. Because my entire reason for exsisting was waving goodbye. And as Charlie pulled away from the curb the Cullens filtered out onto the porch, to wish us a safe trip. Esme and Carlisle waved sadly. They were like my second parents. Even Emmett came home from football practice to say goodbye to me. The big goofball.
I twisted in the backseat in time to watch Carlisle touch Edwards slumped shoulder. He murmered something in his ear, and to my shock, Edward shoved his fathers touch away, fleeing like a bat out of hell. He slammed through the screen door violently... shouting over his shoulder. Alice ran after him, crying.
Oh my God!
I nearly begged Charlie to put on the breaks. To let me go back and fix this. But as we turned the corner, the Cullens dissapearing into nothing but a memory... it didn't matter anymore. Because I couldn't fix this. It was beyond me.
"Say good bye to Pheonix," Charlie sang as we drove up the ramp to highway 101. Renee glared at him. I ignored his tactlessness altogether. Instead, I collapsed into tears.
I burrowed into the backseat and bawled. My spine physically curved from the wracking sobs that took over my body. This grief was uncontrollable, consuming me from the inside out like a flesh eating virus.
With every mile that we put behind us I felt more and more disconnected from them. My mother reached in the backseat, stroking my hair and murrmering reassurances that time heals broken hearts. I raised my drenched face and stuttered out, "But my heart isnt broken. It's destroyed. Shattered." Im sure Charlie rolled his eyes at the girly hyperbole. But it wasnt hyperbole. This pain was real. And it hurt more than I could possibly describe.
Around 1 am a big green interstate sign declared that we had officially left Arizona. My home. And I vowed there and then, as I left Edward and Alice behind, that I would never, ever, let another human being get this close to me as long as I lived! I would bare this pain like a talismen if it meant I wouldnt forget my best friends, though. Afraid to remember. Terrified to forget. And I felt it when it happened. The impenitrable steel walls wooshing protectively around me, cutting me off emotionally from humnanity. I, Bella Swan, was a fortress. An island.
Alone.