Title: Portmanteaus
Category: Glee
Genre: Humor/Friendship/Romance
Ship: Rachel/Sam, Artie
Rating: PG
Word Count: 870
Summary: Sam and Artie discuss name-merges, which somehow leads to a date with Rachel.

Portmanteaus
-1/1-

"So wait… You and Brittney are Bartie?" Sam chuckled, brows furrowed.

"Yeah… Not exactly hot, but we roll with it." Artie shrugged. "You and Quinn were Fabrevans."

His nose wrinkled. "Huh… And then there was Kurt and Finn, even though it wasn't like romantic, but they were Furt, right?"

He nodded sagely, hands in his lap. "And when Brittany and Santana are getting their sweet lady kisses on, they're Brittana."

"Okay…" His eyes narrowed. "Sounds easy."

"You'd think. But some really suck. Like if it wasn't for your last names, you and Quinn would've been Suinn… or Quam… Not hot."

He shook his head. "No, that sucks… You and Brittney would be, wait… What's your last name?"

He laughed. "Abrams."

"Right, so… It'd be Prabrams… or Abrierce…" He shook his head. "Awkward."

Eyes wide and brows high, Artie nodded. "It's a talent, man. You gotta find the right combo." He motioned to Puck as he walked. "Like when Puck and Rachel were dating…" He smirked. "Puckleberry."

Sam frowned. "Rach dated Puck?"

"For like a week…" Artie shrugged. "Didn't really work out, since they were still hot for Finn and Quinn, but they're friends now, so that's cool."

He nodded, lips still pursed. "So what about the girls… Like what if Santana and Rachel got together." He smirked. "Besides being really hot, what would their name be?"

Artie quirked his head thoughtfully, mouth screwed up in concentration. "What about… PezBerry?"

Sam grinned. "Cool."

"Yeah, and Quinn and Rachel would be Faberry!"

Sam's smile faded as he got caught up thinking about what I'd be like if Rachel and Quinn were to ever kiss… He noticed Artie was noticeably silent too.

"Hey guys," Rachel's cheerful voice interrupted, taking a seat in front of them. "What interesting point of conversation has you both looking so intense?"

Sam and Artie exchanged a look.

"Code of silence between bros, Rach, sorry," Artie explained.

She pouted. "Fine… See if you'll get anything out of me the next time I have a stimulating conversation."

Sam chuckled as she stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest. "You gonna ignore us now?"

She glared at him before focusing her eyes on a far-off spot, squaring her shoulders uptightly.

He smiled. "You don't want to tell us what you're thinking of bugging Shue about for glee today?"

She bit her lip, her resolve waning slightly.

Sam leaned forward knowingly, reaching over to tuck her hair behind her ear before tugging on it affectionately. "Or maybe you wanna tell us about what happened on House last night…"

Her brows knotted and he smirked.

"There's been some gossip going around about Tina and Mike having Asian problems… You don't wanna tell us what you think it might be?"

"Fine!" she burst out, panting with the effort. "You drive a hard bargain, Sam Evans." She wrinkled her nose. "Although I find it unfair that you exclude me from your brothers from another mother conversation, I cannot find it in me to ignore you for too long." She sat up a little straighter. "I happen to know you received my text from last night regarding the gripping acting on House last night and I think it's pertinent that we share details and feelings on said storyline." She peered at him expectantly. "You go first."

Just as Sam was taking a deep breath, Artie interrupted, "EvanBerry!"

They turned to stare at him, brows furrowed.

"Dude, it was either that or Samchel." He threw his hands up. "Genius takes work."

Sam grinned. "EvanBerry… I like it. Totally better than Finchel."

Rachel looked between them, frowning. "Wait… Is that what you were discussing? The merging on names between couples." She scoffed, quirking her head. "Has it occurred to either of you that Sam and I are engaged in a platonic relationship and therefore would not warrant a portmanteau?"

They blinked at her.

"That's the proper name for your little monikers," she explained.

Sam looked back at Artie, telling him decidedly, "I like EvanBerry better… Samchel's all right too though."

Rachel huffed. "I refuse to be referred to by such an alias when you and I haven't even so much as gone on a date!"

He grinned at her. "'Stix this Friday?"

"Fine," she grumbled before standing and straightening out her skirt. "And should you have asked, I too prefer EvanBerry." She smiled. "It sounds rather sweet… Even adorable." Hands on her hips, she turned to walk away. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go dish to Mercedes about my up and coming dating." Fluttering her fingers in farewell, she skipped across the room to her friend.

"Skills," Artie praised.

"Right?" Sam grinned. "She kind of walked into that… And she's supposed to be the smarter of the two of us."

Artie held out a fist for him to bump. "You're my new favorite bro, Sam I am."

Sam fist-bumped him, nodding happily. "We'd be Sartie…" His eyes flashed. "Or like… Arm!"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Yeah, still got some work to do on you, dude."

Sam smiled sheepishly. "Sorry… So, EvanBerry… That'll be cool."

"Word."

And just like that, they were back on track… and Sam had an awesome date lined up.

[End.]