Torn
A/N This story is AU. As a disclaimer, I own nothing.
"So why do you think old Dumbles wants us in his office this time?" Sirius bantered with his best friend as they made their way to the Headmaster's office. It wasn't an uncommon thing, as the two young men were still getting into plenty of pranking and mischief, despite being nearly done with their seventh year at Hogwarts.
"Other than to bask in our killer good looks?" James joked back. "I honestly don't think we got caught doing anything. We were able to successfully blame Peeves for charming Binns' ghostly sheen pink." Walking through the hallways, they were catching the gazes of many of the younger female students. So, of course, they played it up for their audience. James may have been dating Lily, but no harm could come of joking around with his friend.
Sirius snorted at James's weak reply. "Oh great Head Boy of the many excuses, whatever would I do without you?"
"You would surely be much more bored and in many more detentions than you have been. Yes, you would be utterly miserable without me!" James ran a hand arrogantly through his hair.
"Aren't we lucky I'll never find out?" Sirius said as they reached the golden griffin guarding the Headmaster's office. "But seriously, why do you think Dumbledore wants to see us this time?"
James shrugged. "It's likely another recruitment attempt for his Order of the Phoenix. I know we told him to give us time, but graduation is a month away and time is ticking until we're out in the real world."
"I'm not sure I'm ready to make a decision just yet. I mean, it's hard to know what the right thing to do is. I want to live; you know? We don't have to join right out of Hogwarts, right? We have time to figure it out," Sirius said slowly. James shook his head.
"We don't have to join right away, but I think we have to make a decision soon. Anyway there's no use wasting time speculating when Professor Dumbledore is waiting right upstairs. Gumdrop."
As soon as the stairwell revealed itself, the boys wasted no time climbing it and James walked right into Dumbledore's office. Having spent the year as Head Boy, and added to the number of trips he'd had to the office for pranking, James felt no need to make themselves known. No, they were expected. James plopped into a seat in front of Dumbledore, who was seated at his desk, and waited for Sirius's usual 'grand entrance.'
"What's up, Dumbles?" Sirius said as he sauntered in like he didn't have a care in the world. "Just couldn't wait to see me at graduation? Had to tell me privately how wonderful I am?"
James had the mind to read the room, noticing a few professors and aurors sitting near and around Dumbledore. "Sirius, pardon the pun, but I think this is more serious than we thought," James told his best friend. Looking around, Sirius saw what James already had. He quickly zipped his lips and took a seat beside him.
"What's going on?" James asked, noticing Professor Dumbledore's twinkling eyes were grave and dull. "What's happened?"
Dumbledore sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his desk. "Mr. Potter, do you know of anyone who could have had a vendetta of any kind against your parents? Any reason to dislike or hate them?"
James looked at the headmaster confusedly. "No, Dad used to run a potions business with Mom, but they sold that years ago… why?" When Dumbledore sighed sadly and rubbed his eyes, Sirius leapt to his feet.
"What happened to the Potters?" he demanded. Dumbledore turned his sad eyes on Sirius momentarily before turning his attention back to James. Everyone knew Sirius didn't like being ignored, but Sirius had the sense to not make a fuss. He sat back down, knowing he'd want to be sitting for what was to come. He'd mastered reading emotions at a young age, and masking them if they were his own.
"You're both aware of the happenings outside this castle. I've seen you with the Daily Prophet at breakfast and I know Remus and Peter have already joined my cause. You're aware of Voldemort's ideals and – "
"Just what does this have to do with my parents?" James interrupted, "You can't ask me if anyone hated them and then veer off into one of your recruiting speeches! Everyone knows what You-Know-Who is up to. He's killing muggles, muggle-borns, and anyone who sympathizes with them. My parents weren't involved in any of it!"
"Prongs…" Sirius said, grabbing his friend's arm. James had stood up and was leaning over Dumbledore's desk. Sirius pulled him and he weakly sat again.
"When your father sold his business, he sold the rights to a muggle-born witch in America named Alice Kowalski. I'm sure you know how certain members of the magical community viewed that transaction," Dumbledore stated, hoping that James would catch on. He could tell that Sirius, on some level, knew. James, on the other hand, was in denial.
"They labeled Dad a Blood Traitor…" James said slowly, holding onto his denial. "I hope I'm being called here because they're going underground…" When Sirius looked at his friend, he saw the young man was barely keeping himself together. James had a defiant look on his face, refusing to face what the facts were pointing at him.
Inside, Sirius was fuming at the knowledge. He wanted to break down, but he knew he had to be strong. For James's sake. He knew that James was simply holding in his feelings, tamping down the reality, refusing to believe what Sirius could plainly see.
"A Dark Mark was seen hanging over Potter Manor this morning," Dumbledore said. Off to the side, Professor McGonagall was in tears and several aurors were mumbling over a set of notes.
"No," James whispered. Sirius felt his own eyes well with tears.
"Aurors investigated as soon as it was seen, all of the wards were down."
"No," James interrupted a little louder. He saw Dumbledore shake his head sadly at him.
"Fleamont and Euphemia Potter have passed away. They were found in their kitchen, which was on fire from a burner left going," Auror Kingsley finished for Dumbledore. Sirius knew it was eating the old man up to bring this news to a student.
"NO!" James shouted, holding in his tears. Unable to handle the environment, James fled the room. He heard Sirius behind him. He didn't care, nor did he turn around. James ran without looking through the endless hallways of Hogwarts until he crashed into another student.
His running had taken him right outside the library, and he'd bowled over his girlfriend on her way out. Lily looked at him huffily, until she got a good look at his face. James's face was that of a broken man.
"What happened with Dumbledore?" Lily asked quietly, wrapping her arms around James. He shook his head and pulled out of her embrace, looking away. He was about to race off again when Lily got a firm hold on his hand. He turned to look at her and she was unable to keep the worry off of her face. "Let me help you."
He slowly nodded and they walked together to the Room of Requirement, where she knew the Marauders went when they wanted to be alone. The Room gave them a small space with a fireplace and a couch, and they sat facing each other.
"Now will you tell me what's up?" Lily asked quietly, never letting go of James's hand. She'd never seen him so… lost. Looking at her, James knew he could bear to hold it in no longer. The tears started pouring out and he lurched forward into her arms. Lily held him as he cried, his sobs wracking his whole body. Even after he regained some of his composure, James stayed in Lily's arms with his face buried in her hair.
"Talk to me, sweetheart," she said quietly, content to wait until he was ready. He nuzzled further into her hair and she gave him a squeeze.
His voice came out hoarse and quiet in her ear. "You-Know-Who had my parents killed." Lily gasped in horror. She'd met his parents briefly the prior summer and had thought them delightful and kind people. She felt her own eyes well with tears, but kept her voice level for James's sake.
"I'm so sorry, James."
"I just… I don't know what to do now… I always thought that my parents were indestructible… and now they're gone…"
"Shhh. It's okay. Now I know and I've got you. Nothing is going to hurt you, James. I'm here," Lily consoled. James quietly sobbed a little more and Lily simply held him close, occasionally kissing his head or stroking his back to comfort him.
It was nearly curfew when the pair heard the door open and shut quietly. They'd shifted slightly so that they were laying side by side on the couch, Lily's arms still encircling James. Sirius came to sit in the armchair that the Room had created for him across from them.
"I figured you'd be here," Sirius said. James shrugged as Lily sat up, resting her boyfriend's head in her lap.
"And I thought you'd be here sooner," she replied quietly, keeping her voice calm and soothing for James. The crying had tired him, and he'd been dozing before the door had roused him.
"He didn't need me. He needed you," Sirius rationalized. Lily shrugged, stroking James's hair. "I told Dumbledore I'd join. The Order, I mean." Lily narrowed her gaze slightly.
"I thought you were on the fence about it?" Lily probed. She herself hadn't made a decision on the matter though she'd been asked as many times as James and Sirius had.
"James's parents were more like parents to me than my own were. I'm going to fight for their memory, and for innocents like them. They were cooking breakfast when the Death Eaters broke in, Lils. I can't get over that," Sirius said defiantly. The sorrow that he'd felt when he first heard the news was buried under layers of rage at the people who'd killed the Potters.
"Don't do anything rash, Padfoot," James said, his words muffled as he curled into Lily's stomach. His back was to Sirius but he'd known instantly who would come looking for him.
"It's not rash, Prongs. It's like the muggle comic books, I'm going to be an Avenger or whatever," Sirius tried to joke. Lightening the mood was not working out in his favor.
"Sirius, just earlier you said you didn't want to decide until after graduation. My parents are gone, but we're still here. You said you wanted to live," James said. He was pained and felt his own decision on the matter looming over him.
"We're Blood Traitors, James. Just like your parents. Hell, you've been planning your wedding to Lily since we were 13! We're the worst of the lot. Yeah, I want to live. So I've got to take out the douches who want me dead."
"You think because she's muggle-born I'm more at risk than anyone else? You're her friend, so what about you? How about Moony's furry little problem? No Sirius, those people have no discretion. Everyone is at risk except You-Know-Who's chosen followers."
"That's enough of this talk for one night, Sirius," Lily said lightly. Her boys had a long day. "Even Marauders need to get to bed, it's getting late and it wouldn't do for the Head Boy and Girl to be seen out after curfew with Hogwarts Delinquent #1."
Sirius and Lily helped haul a half-sleeping James back to the Gryffindor Common Room. They got him settled into his bed, then turned their bodies to face each other. "You know joining the Order is the right thing to do, Lily," Sirius said quietly. Lily turned her face away.
"That doesn't make it easy. Professor Dumbledore's Order members are always out on the front lines. You could very well be signing up to die," she argued quietly, letting her tone slip into defiance for the first time since being found by James.
Sirius shrugged. "Better than trying to live in a world that wants me dead. The way I see it, we can go out fighting or we can take it laying down. At least if I fight, I have a say in my fate."
Lily nodded at his reasoning, then turned and left their dorm. Sirius flopped onto his bed, noting that Remus and Peter were gone. He sighed, remembering the prank plan they had drawn up and his friends were likely executing. Yes, he'd fight for their right to prank. For the right of older couples to eat breakfast in peace. For the muggle-borns like Lily to keep living. Though mostly he'd fight because it was the right thing to do.
A/N Ravenclaw Bonus Round 2; prompts: Sometimes the right decision is the hardest & He could bear to hold it in no longer. 2179 words.