all right. well this is my first posting and it was quite confusing getting it on here...(thanks dreamernwriter123) anyways...enjoy (:

One. Secrets and Confessions.

"Eli!" Adam screamed down the hall. I looked from my locker, over to him. He ran to me.

"Can I help you?" I asked. I wasn't in the happiest mood. Another night of no sleep. Another night of endless thoughts. Another night of regrets. Another night of thinking what can be. If only I didn't pussy out every time I wanted to tell her how I really feel.

"CLARE AND KC ARE DONE!" He was out of breath from the run across the school.

"What?"

My mind was blank.

Clare and KC are done? Oh, this will be interesting.

"Clare. And. KC. Are. Done."

"Adam, I heard you the first time. But how do you know that?"

"Clare was yelling at KC saying how much of a douche bag he is. He cheated on her with Jenna. Asshole right?"

I would never do that to Clare. All I want to do is treat her how she deserves to be treated.

Adam was going on and on about something completely different than Clare, so I lost interest. I stared inside my locker, at the pictures of Adam, Clare and I from a photo booth at the mall a year ago. Her hair was incredibly long and straight. In the first picture, we were getting ready so we look so weird. Adam was fixing his hat, I was pushing my bangs to the side and Clare was in mid sentence, saying, I don't even remember what.

In the second one, we're all smiling and looking normal. In the third one, Clare was in front of us, blocking us, looking like a model posing. In the last one, we all have the ugliest faces we can manage.

Adam snapped me back into reality, telling me that the bell just rung, telling us we have to get to English, my favorite subject. It's my favorite, well only because Clare's in it and sits directly in front of me. It's last period so all I usually do is stare at the clock on the wall.

Clare was already in the classroom. Her head was in her hands and I saw drips of tears on her arms. I set my books down on my desk and kneeled beside Clare. I set my hand on her back and she looked at me. There was a thin trail of black from her makeup. I wiped it away.

"After school, we'll do something, okay? We can talk about this?" I asked quietly. Her eyes were red.

"Please. I need to tell you everything that happened."

When one of us is upset, we have our Eli and Clare talks. They go on for hours. We just sit and work things out, rant about things that bother us, and get closer. I use those times to hint that I have strong feelings for her. I know she understands, because her face always becomes a little red. I always lean in, trying to kiss her. But when we're about to kiss, I think of Julia.

Julia was my girlfriend of a year. We were inseparable the first ten months. We did everything together. We would sneak out every night at the same time, eleven-thirty. We walked in the park almost every night, to get rid of our negative energy and spend time together because we went to different schools. I would drive to her house in Morty and we would go to the park. During the spring and summer, we would walk around. During the winter, we would sit in the back and get into huge make out sessions. Almost to the point when clothing gets shed. But we weren't ready for that big step in our relationship.

The last time I kissed her was right before we ended. It wasn't rough like the other times but it was a quick peck without passion. We were mad at each other, I was leaving.

"Eli, don't walk away!" she screamed at me.

"I have to go. Julia, I have to think things through, okay?" I gave her a quick kiss and turned to leave. I unlocked Morty and got in. I drove home and went straight to my room going to sit on the edge of my bed and put my head in my hands.

That was the last time I talked to Julia. Mainly because she was killed. She was walking over to my house, which was a mistake. She got hit by a car. She was enraged at me and not careful of her surroundings. It hit her, and I was the cause. I basically killed her.

I don't think that I should ever be happy again. I'm basically a killer. I'm basically her killer.

I told Adam and he doesn't think I'm a killer. He thinks I should be happy. He thinks that I should try things with Clare. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll loose her too. I can't deal with that again.

"Clare, after school, I need to tell you something. Okay?" I whispered. I'm determined to tell her about Julia.

She looked at me, nodded, and wiped her eyes. She whispered a faint "thank you" and I sat down.

"Alright class, take your seats," Mrs. Dawes said in a loud voice, over all the talking. She started talking about some dead author from like, dinosaur times I guess. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. I was jotting down notes to on Julia's and my relationship to tell Clare. I was mentally preparing to tell her. "Clare, I have a dead girlfriend. I killed her. I don't deserve to be happy. Ever again." Yeah, that would definitely go well…

I gave up on the notes and just started to doodle. I wasn't even paying attention to what I was drawing. I was drawing lines, and then when they all connected, it spelled Clare. I stared at the paper in awe. Is this a sign? Is this telling me Clare is "the one"? I tore the paper out and put it in my back pocket.

The bell scared me as it rang. Clare was getting up, and she dropped her notebook. I saw my name, just like I drew hers. I stared at it, and my mouth twisted into a small smile.

"Don't flatter yourself Elijah. It's just random lines. It wasn't even supposed to be your name," she said with a small smile. Seeing her smile is an amazing feeling. I feel like there's an electric current going through me.

"Setting your lie to the side," I smirked. "I need to tell you something. When we have our talk. We both need it."

"One, I'm not lying. Two, why do you need it?"

"We all have a dirty little secret. I want you to know mine."

"And I need to talk to you about KC. I need to tell you everything that happened in our five-month relationship. You're not going to be too happy. Just don't kill him. Eli, it eats me everyday. You're the only one who's going to know."

"How bad?" I asked, greatly concerned.

"It's bad. Just let's get out of here."

We went to our lockers, put our books in, got what we needed for homework, and we met by the hearse. She was sitting on the hood. When she saw me, she hopped down and I unlocked the doors. I got in and leaned over to unlock her side. She got in and I asked her where she wanted to go. She didn't care.

I drove a little out of our way to a beach. It was the beginning of January, so it was freezing. I always kept sweatshirts in the back, for some unknown reason.

We got out, and I went to the back to get Clare a shirt. I could tell she was cold already. I handed her the heaviest one there was and we walked to the sand and sat down in the middle of the water and Morty.

"Now, who shall tell first?" I asked, not looking from the waves violently crashing against the earth.

"How intense is yours?" I tore my eyes away and looked at her.

"I'll go first I guess," I said sighing. "Not long ago, I had a girlfriend named Julia," I began. "She's dead. I killed her."

"What?"

"We got into a fight, I couldn't take anymore, so I went home. She was walking over to my house, she was enraged, and she wasn't careful of her surroundings. Clare, she was hit, and died instantly. I killed her. I never deserve to be happy again. She was fucking killed, and I'm the cause and the murderer."

"Eli, you didn't kill her. It was her fault. She should have been more careful. But you most definitely didn't kill her."

"I have to live with that everyday. It's hell. Not a day goes by and I don't think of her. She's on my mind constantly."

I looked over at Clare. All we could hear was the waves. Her eyes were on mine, and I was waiting for a response.

"Elijah Goldsworthy, you didn't kill her. If anything, it was her own fault."

"Alright, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with you. Now tell me your relationship with KC."

"The first two months it was fine. Then the third month we started to fall apart. I don't know what happened." Clare paused, looked at the waves, and then looked back at me. "By the fourth month, he, he raped me. Eli, he raped me."

I looked at Clare. I pulled her hands in and I wrapped my arms around her. I felt her sobbing into my neck. I felt her arms get tight around my waist.

"He wanted to have sex with me. I refused. One day he snapped and tied me down. Then two weeks later, he's out having sex with Jenna. Today I just couldn't take it anymore. He told me she was pregnant. He's not going to do anything for her. He's going to make her go through it alone."

"But what are you going to do about being raped?"

"Trust you with it. Don't say anything."

"Clare, you have to tell someone! You can't just keep it to yourself!"

"I have no choice. I can't tell anyone. KC threatened to kill the one I love most."

"Who?"

She hesitated. She looked directly into my green eyes. "It's you."

Did she really just say that? I don't know how to respond. I don't know whether to take her and kiss her, or tell her the same.

I took her hand and leaned in. I kissed her lips gently, and I felt her one hand let go of mine, and her hand went onto the back of my neck, playing with the ends of my hair.

I broke away and looked at her. Her face was red.

"What did that mean?" she asked me.

"It means I feel the exact way," I said and kissed her again.

"Then what happens to us?"

"Let's go out tomorrow. It's Saturday so I'm going to steal you and take you away in Morty."

We both laughed and it was quiet. The only sound was the waves crashing.

"I have a family party," her eyes met mine. "Or would you like to come too?"

"I'd rather have you to myself," I said and smirked.

"It's at a park not far out of Toronto. It's going to be cold and I need someone to keep me warm," Clare smiled and pulled me by the collar of my jacket. She kissed me and broke away slowly.

"Fine. Just tell me when and where."

"I'll drive up with you. I know where it is."

"Sounds good."

I checked my watch and I asked Clare if she wanted to go home. She did and we went back to my hearse. We got in and I cranked up the heat. I had her hand as I started to drive back. I could feel her defrosting. I kissed the top of her hand.

well did you enjoy it? I had a fun time writing it. Clare and Eli are my favorites on Degrassi and they're the only reason I watch it. Eli is sooo hot (: and dreamernwriter123, THOMAS 3 mwahaha

Well i think you all should REVEIW! i love feedback (: its like amazing to me! tell me what your thoughts were! and don't be afraid to talk to me (: