Hear ye! Hear ye! I owneth not the intellectual property rights to Pirates of the Caribbean. Nay, I shall not make a single piece of eight off this yarn. So read this, if ye have the learnin', and review it, if ye have a mind to.

Chapter 1: An Evening of Enchantment

Suzanne de Xanillèe, daughter of the governor of the French colony of Petit-Goâve, was the most beautiful woman Captain Jack Sparrow had even seen. As they danced in the crowded ballroom, Jack feasted his eyes on the ruby and gold necklace that draped over her milky bosom. Her shell-like ears bore dazzling earrings which matched the necklace. And atop her long, blond, glorious hair sat an eye-popping tiara. Rubies sparkled in her hair. Four rubies rings decorated her slender fingers. Her hourglass figure was dressed in a scarlet gown, which matched color of the rubies that glistened on her like a constellation. Streaked throughout the plush gown, were threads of purest gold.

Elizabeth and Will danced by. Like Jack, they were both dressed to the nines in elegant clothing plundered from passing merchant ships. Elizabeth's eyes shot Jack daggers. "Stop it!" she mouthed silently. "Find the treasury!"

He mouthed back, "I'm working on it."

Elizabeth's pretty, pert nose jerked upwards in disbelief and disgust, and she and Will danced away.

Okay, so Jack wasn't working on it. Not exactly. He'd forgotten all about finding Petit-Goâve's hidden treasury, which held the gold he'd promised his crew to keep them from mutinying. Jack was besought and bedazzled by Suzanne de Xanillèe. He longed to get this enchantress someplace secluded. He'd whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she was overcome with passion and her clothing simple fell off. Then he'd grab her jewelry and clothes and run like hell.

"It's a little stuffy in here," he said. "Why don't you and I go out into the gardens?" Better the rubies that you see, he thought, than the gold in the treasury you can't find.

"Oh no, Captain," Suzanne replied breathily. "I love the crowd; I love the music; I love the dancing."
"But to see you in moonlight -"

"Fa! You can see me even better, right here."

"But what say, I wished to steal a kiss from you. How am I to do that here?
"Why, Captain!" She was not nearly as shocked as she pretended. "We only met tonight! I know so little about you. For all I know, you might be that notorious pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"Who?"

"Oh, he's a murderous villain who's been plaguing Port Royal and the Windward Passage. Rumor is that his ship, the Black Pearl, has now been spotted just three miles north of us here in Petit-Goâve!"

"Heaven forbid! We are in the most grievous danger! And that being so, for us to put off the chance for love, even for a second -"

"Fa!" she sang out. Then she skipped into the arms of another man and went reeling off across the dance floor.

Jack grumped over to the refreshment table. He grabbed up a goblet of rum, glared at his intended victim, and took a huge gulp of –- gag -– Madeira? What kind of party was it where they didn't serve rum? Jack started to hurl the drink away, but then thought better of it, and drank it. Bah, Madeira! He hated Madeira. Only pigs drank Madeira. He poured himself another glass.

"A beautiful night, is it not?" asked a silky smooth voice in a Castilian accent. Jack turned to find himself looking up at a tall, muscular Spaniard, dressed in all the fineries that the plunder of the Aztec and Inca Empires could provide. This handsome gentleman was obviously rich beyond measure.

"Ah! Yes, it is. And by the look of you, I'd guess that you're a sea captain."

"I am indeed," replied the Spaniard, as Jack's mouth watered in greedy anticipation. "Allow me to introduce myself. Well, I have one of those annoying Spanish name that rattles on for a half hour, so I will give you my curious nickname, 'El León de Cartagena'."

"I've heard that name," mumbled Jack as he dug through his memory. Suddenly his blood went cold. "Pirate hunter, are you not?"

"Oh, sí. Right now, I am on the trail of a most desperate one: Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Really, the governor's daughter and I were just discussing him," said Jack, vaguely indicating the treasure who'd just danced away from him. "Any idea of where to find him?"

"He's about three feet right in front of me."

Jack turned and fled.