I swear, you've got the most gorgeous bum. I can't stop thinking about it. -J
ACK -J
DELETE THAT, SHERLOCK -J
THAT WAS NOT MEANT FOR YOU -J
I don't think I will. I like when you compliment me. -S
I want to keep it to look at for when you're mad at me for no reason and stop giving me compliments. -S
SERIOUSLY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR MARY -J
I DO *NOT* OGLE YOUR BUM -J
You should, though -S
I have a marvelous bum -S
[bum1 . jpg]
I receive compliments on it regularly -S
. . . -J
Did you just take a picture of your bum? -J
[bum2 . jpg]
Maybe. -S
You are utterly ridiculous. And I'm supposed to be seeing patients. -J
Wait. That second one has a different background. -J
Do you keep pictures of your bum ON YOUR PHONE? Like, just in case anyone asks for one? -J
Because either you changed clothes and ran outside to get that second picture or you already had it saved. -J
I may have just misdiagnosed an old woman's stomach pains because I was distracted by your bum. -J
NOT IN THAT WAY -J
No need to be embarrassed, John. -S
Mary likes it too. -S
She looks when she thinks you won't notice. -S
Okay Sherlock, seriously -J
I'm at WORK -J
Please don't send me pictures of any part of your anatomy while I'm at work -J
I will make an exception for "does this look bad enough I need the A&E" because my answer will almost always be YES -J
And I know you won't go on your own if I don't make you -J
You started it -S
Very mature. -J
Delete this whole conversation -J
No. -S
You're a complete knob-end sometimes. -J
What do I have to do to get you to delete this? -J
Sherlock? -J
Please don't be posting this on your blog -J
Or mine -J
Not posting, just thinking -S
You realize you're opening yourself up to a significant array of blackmail opportunities -S
No I'm not, because I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP. -J
And I could just as easily embarrass you if I wanted to. -J
Maybe not AS easily, since you've got no sense of shame 95% of the time, but still. -J
I can be motivated if necessary -J
Delete the damn text and please pretend this whole thing never happened. -J
Only if you send me a better one. -S
. . . Like what? -J
A rhapsodic ode to my magnificent bum. For me to reassure myself with when I'm here in this cold, dark flat all by myself now that you moved out. -S
If I do, do you PROMISE to delete all reference to this text, from both your phone and your mind palace? -J
I promise -S
Fine. -J
Sorry, had another patient -J
SHERLOCK, YOU HAVE THE MOST MAGNIFICENT BUM ON THIS SIDE OF THE POND
AND PROBABLY IN THE REST OF THE WORLD AS WELL
CRIMINALS SWOON BEFORE THE MIGHTY ARSE OF THE WORLD'S ONLY CONSULTING DETECTIVE
MANY A VIOLIN SOLO HAS PROBABLY BEEN WRITTEN IN ITS HONOR
PRESUMABLY BY ITS OWNER
IF YOUR BUM WERE A MURDER, IT WOULD BE A LOCKED DOOR MYSTERY INVOLVING TWO EXTRA LEFT FEET AND A MISSING RIGHT KNEECAP
OTHER BUMS QUAIL BEFORE IT
NOW DELETE MY DAMN TEXT
I . . . assume I wasn't the intended recipient of that, but you'll be stopping by Sherlock's on your way home? - Mary
I swear I am turning in this phone and replacing it with a tin can on a string. -J