DEVEN711 PRESENTS...
A DEVEN711 PRODUCTION, I MEAN, NOVEL, NO, I MEAN, EROTICA, NO, ACTUALLY, I MEANT, FAN FICTION...(THERE WE GO.)
DEVEN711'S
MIGHTY MORPHIN POWERS FAN FICTION...
"ALL POOPED OUT"
ENJOY!
Narrator: Today on Power Rangers...
Chaos erupts at Angel Grove High when Bulk and Skull take a crap in the urinal.
(Show clip)
Mr. Kaplan: Now who took a crap in the urinal?
(Everyone laughs)
Narrator: Also, Billy (the Blue Ranger for all you dumbasses) is suffering from a massive case of diarrhea. Meanwhile, Rita gets really, really bored and decides to send in her most powerful monster yet: the Pooflinger! An evil monkey that throws feces at people and gives them diarrhea. Can the Power Rangers stop him? Will Billy stop crapping himself? And was this parody worth writing? Find out next on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!
(Intro)
(Act 1: Beginning)
(Title: All Pooped Out)
(Angel Grove High)
(Jason, Kimberly, and Trini are walking down the school hall when Zach comes.)
Zach: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. The bus caught on fire and blew into pieces and killed everyone on it and then I had to hitch-hike because I felt like it and everyone on the bus was dead except for me so then I got a ride from some redneck dude.
Jason: Wow. Long story. Anyway, what happened to Billy?
Zach: How the hell should I know?
Trini: Billy was right here with me!
Jason: Really?
Trini: No.
Jason: Then what's the point of mentioning it?
Trini: How the hell should I know?
Jason: Because you're the one who said he was here with you, now weren't you?
Trini: ...I guess.
(Billy comes.)
Billy: Hey, guys. Were you talking about me? I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT ME!!!!
Jason: I don't know. Were we?
Billy: How the hell should I know?
Jason: Damn it, why is it that whenever I ask someone a question, they always respond with "How the hell should I know?"?
Zach/Kimberly/Trini/Billy: How the hell should we know?
Jason: (sigh!) Nevermind.
(FART!!)
Jason: Trini, was that you?
Trini: No.
Jason: Oh, com'on, Trini. You fart all the time. Remember that time you made Billy pass out?
Billy: (gasps as if he saw a famous celebrity) OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ME!!! (laughs excitedly like a schoolgirl)
(FART!!)
Billy: Aww, not again! I just changed my underwear!
Jason: That was you, Billy?
Billy: Who did you expect? Jim Cavizel?
Jason: Uhh...no.
Billy: Oh well, then.
(FART!!)
Billy: AGH! DAMMIT! Excuse me, guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Jason: Alright. See ya.
(Billy leaves.)
Kimberly: Hey, has anyone else noticed that Billy's been going to the bathroom quite a lot lately?
Zach: I don't know why.
Jason: Me neither.
(Billy comes back.)
Billy: Ahh...that was nice.
(FART!!)
Billy: Oh, god. Hang on.
(Billy leaves again.)
(FART!! FLUSH!!)
(Billy returns.)
Billy: Ahh...much better.
(FART!!)
Billy: GRRRRRRRRRR!!
(Billy leaves again.)
(FART!! FLUSH!!)
(Billy returns.)
Billy: Ahh...finally!
(FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!)
Billy: Dear god, you've got to be kidding me!!
Jason: Man, you've sure been going to the bathroom a lot, Billy.
Billy: Yeah, well, I woke up today with a humiliating case of diarrhea. I can't do anything without crapping my pants.
Jason: HA HA! You suck, Billy!
Billy: Don't say that to me! (runs off crying like a little girl)
Jason: Umm...okay.
(Rita's Evil Palace of Evilness)
(Rita is pacing the floor.)
Rita: I'm so bored! What should I do?
(Meanwhile, Squatt and Baboo are playing chess.)
Baboo: Checkmate!
Squatt: Dammit! You always win!
Baboo: That's because you suck!
Squatt: Oh yeah? Well, you're a monkey!
Baboo: You're a midget that looks like what happens when an ugly blowfish has butt sex with an autistic frog!
Squatt: Take that back, ass goblin!
Baboo: And what kind of retarded name is "Squatt" anyway?
Squatt: What kind of retarded name is "Baboo"? It sounds like the name of a prostitute monkey from West Virginia!
Baboo: That does it!
(Baboo prepares to deliver a punch to Squatt when he is interrupted by Rita.)
Rita: WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!!!!!
(Squatt and Baboo fall into a deep silence.)
Rita: Man, can't you see I'm bored right now? I wanna do something!
Squatt: I know! Let's make another monster to kill the Power Rangers!
Rita: Oh yeah! That's it! Uhh,,,how about a pig that eats everything?
Squatt: Nope. He was blown to bits.
Rita: A storybook guy?
Baboo: Beaten the hell out of.
Rita: A Frankenstein monster?
Squatt: Lasted a good, long while. But was destroyed by Dragonzord (in battle mode).
Rita: Well who?
Squatt: How should we know? Why don't you look through your telescope and get some ideas?
Rita: That's it!
(Rita looks into her telescope. She zooms way in on Earth and sees Billy in the bathroom taking a huge crap.)
Billy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Ahh...
Rita: AHA! That's it!
(Exit telescopic view)
Rita: I know what monster to send out!
(Rita goes into Finstar's room.)
Rita: Finstar! Make me a monster!
Finstar: I'm not making you a monster, you little bitch!
Rita: MAKE ME A MONSTER, DAMMIT!
Finstar (upset) Yes, my queen.
Rita: I want him to be crazy and throw feces at everyone.
Finstar: Oh, I know just the monster.
(Finstar bends over and brings out a clay sculpture of a monkey with wings. Similar to a Wizard of Oz monkey.)
Finstar: I was gonna use this to pull a prank on my cousin. Aw, hell!
Rita: What prank? Why?
Finstar: I really don't want to discuss it.
(Finstar puts the sculpture on a tray and puts the tray on top of a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt moves it into a huge mechanical machine and the sculpture goes down a metal tube and out of the tube comes lots of steam. Then, the steam reveals the sculpture...in monster form!)
Rita: Perfect! I shall call this one...Pooflinger! Now go to Earth and destroy those goddamn Power Rangers!
Finstar: Wait, Rita! I forgot to tell you something. If Pooflinger throws a turd at someone that already has diarrhea-
Rita: Shut up!
(Rita uses her wand and teleports it.)
Baboo: What kind of gay-ass name is Pooflinger?
Rita: Don't question me!
(Rita smashes him in the face with her wand really hard.)
(Earth)
(The monster is teleported in a huge field. It wonders around and sees four teenagers, two guys, two girls, walking together. The monster jumps right in front of them.)
Boy1: Hey, what the hell?
Boy2: A monkey?
Girl1: With wings?
Pooflinger: Outta my sight!!!
Girl2: RUN!!
(The four teenagers flee but the monster throws feces at each of them and knocks them down.)
Boy2: Oh, god! Monkey poo! How could things get any worse?
(He craps his pants, heavily.)
Boy2: Oh, god, no.
Pooflinger: AH HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! You're next, Power Rangers!
(Pooflinger flies off.)
(Angel Grove High: Bathroom)
(Billy is in one of the stalls, grunting, straining, and crapping as always. Bulk and Skull enter.)
(Their theme song plays: Do do do do do do DO! Do do do do do do DO! Do do do do do do DO!...Do-do-DO! Repeat.)
Bulk: Aw, com'on, kid! You've been in there all day. We have to crap too, you know.
Skull: Yeah. Come out of there or we'll bust this stall door open and smash your face in, constipated or not!
Bulk: Hmm...I have an idea. Hey, Skull. I know another option.
Skull: Hold it in?
Bulk: No, dumb-ass! The urinal.
Skull: But isn't the urinal for peeing only?
Bulk: Only, Skull? Here's what I have to say.
(Bulk goes over to a urinal and takes a crap.)
Bulk: See? Nothing happened.
Skull: Alright.
(Skull takes a crap as well.)
(Leave bathroom)
(Later...)
(Angel Grove: Lobby)
(Jason. Kimberly, Billy, Trini, and Zach are walking through the hallway when Mr. Kaplan comes.)
Mr. Kaplan: Hey, guys.
Jason: Hey, Mr. Kaplan!
Mr. Kaplan: I just came here because I heard that someone took a crap in the urinal.
Zach: (sarcastic) Wuh-oh!
Mr. Kaplan: And I was just looking for the one who did it. So, who was it?
Trini: Uhh...we don't know, Mr. Kaplan!
Mr. Kaplan: Oh, come on! It had to be one of you!
(FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!)
Billy: Dammit! Not again!
Mr. Kaplan: AH-HA! We have our culprit right here!
Billy: Huh?
Mr. Kaplan: Billy, you have detention!
Billy: But Mr. Kaplan! It wasn't me that took a crap in the urinal!
Mr. Kaplan: That's what they all say! Now get to the principal's office! NOW!
Billy: Can I go to the bathroom first?
Mr. Kaplan: NO! You will suffer the consequences by sitting in your own pile of crap for the rest of the day! Now go!
Billy: Grr...
(Billy walks off.)
Mr. Kaplan: Okay, so see ya!
(Mr. Kaplan leaves.)
Zach: Ha ha! Billy got in trouble!
Jason: Well, that's what he gets for going to the bathroom so many damn times.
(Suddenly, Jason's communicator beeps out the Power Rangers theme. Beep! Beep! Beep-beep! BEEP! Beep!)
Jason: Huh? It's Zordon!
(Jason, Kimberly, Trini, and Zach run off inside an empty walk-in closet.)
Jason: Come in, Zordon!
Zordon (through communicator): Power Rangers! I need you at the Command Center immediately!
Jason: We're on our way!
Trini: But what about Billy?
Zach: Who the hell cares? Let's go without him! He'll probably crap in his suit anyway!
Trini: I was thinking the same thing.
Jason: Let's go, guys.
(The four of them get beamed by lasers matching their colors and teleport into the command center, leaving the room, obviously.)
(Command Center)
(They beam into the Command Center.)
Jason: Sorry, Zordon! Billy's having some diarrhea problems and was accused of taking a crap in the urinal.
Zordon: (laughs hysterically)
Kimberly: Hey, that's not funny!
Zach: Yes it is! (breaks into laughter)
Zordon: Anyway, we need your help!
(Turn to: Viewing Globe)
(The Viewing Globe shows Pooflinger throwing feces at everyone in a large city.)
Zordon: Rita has sent in another monster named Pooflinger! It is a monkey that throws crap at everyone and gives them diarrhea! If you don't stop him soon, the entire world population will suffer from intense diarrhea.
Jason: We're on it, Zordon!
Kimberly: Yeah!
Trini: Let's go!
Zach: Let's kick his ass!
(Suddenly, there is a silence.)
Kimberly: Uhh...Jason?
Jason: What?
Kimberly: Aren't you gonna say that line?
Jason: What line?
Kimberly: You know, that line you always say before we morph into our suits?
Jason: Uhh...
Zach: Oh, for god's sake, Jason! Just say "It's Morphin' Time!"!
Jason: Oh yeah! THAT line! Alright! (holds out power morpher) It's Morphin' Time!
(TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE)
Zach: MASTODON!
Kimberly: PTERADACTYL!
Trini: SABER-TOOTHED TIGER!
Jason: TYRANNOSAURUS!
(END TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE)
(The Power Rangers appear in the city where Pooflinger is wreaking havoc.)
(Author's Note: From now on, when the teens are the Power Rangers, they will be referred to as their ranger color.)
Red (Jason): Ready, guys!
Black/Pink/Yellow (Zach/Kimberly/Trini): Ready!
Pooflinger: Power Rangers! What the hell took you so long? Oh well! Let's do this!
Red: We're gonna end your monkey business, Pooflinger!
Pooflinger: I'm gonna end YOUR monkey business!
(Pooflinger takes a crap and throws it at the Red Ranger. It hits him and sparks fly out like they always do whenever a ranger takes damage.)
Red: AAAAAAAAAGH!
(Jason is sent rolling on the ground and the rangers go to his side as always.)
Pink: Jason!
Black: I'll take him out!
(Zach takes out his axe and swings it at him. He grabs it.)
Pooflinger: Get outta my way, you little bitch!
(Pooflinger throws him into the air and flies up. He then smacks him back down with his tail. BOOM! Zach hits the ground hard and powder goes all over the place.)
Red: Good god! Zach just got crushed harder than Paul Reubens' career!
Yellow: We have to go help him!
Pink: Damn, Jason! You smell like crap!
(The three rangers go over to Zach.)
Black: Ow...son of a bitch.
Red: Black? You alright?
Black: No, I'm not alright! That damn monkey crushed my juice box! (sniff!) It was so flavorful!
Red: (sniff!) It's alright, man. (sniff!) We'll kill that monkey! He'll pay for destroying such an innocent little juice box like yours.
Pink: Dammit, it was a juice box!
Red: It was ZACH'S juice box! (cry!) It was a hundred percent juice!! (cry!) And we're gonna kill that monkey for it! Let's get him!
Black: Right!
Pooflinger: So, you think you can stop ME, do you?
Red: You're the one who should be scared, gorilla-crap! We've beaten a bunch of monsters before you! Pudgy Pig, Frankenstein, Madam Woe, Terror Toad, and everyone else that was once a clay sculpture made by that bitch, Rita.
Pooflinger: I'm afraid the outcome of this match will be different!
Pink: Think again!
(Pink pulls out her bow and fires an arrow at him. He grabs it and slams it onto his knee, snapping it in two. Then he eats the two pieces. Then, he takes a huge crap.)
Pink: Damn! No effect!
Yellow: I'll handle him!
(Yellow jumps into the air and hits him with her daggers.)
Pooflinger: OW! Think you're so tough, do you?
(Pooflinger picks up the Yellow Ranger by the head and throws her into the Pink Ranger.)
Yellow/Pink: OW!
Pooflinger: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! You're pathetic, Power Rangers! And now to finish you!
(Pooflinger sticks out his butt, takes out a match, lights it, then sticks it out and farts, creating a massive blaze of fire that hits all four of the rangers.
Red/Black/Pink/Yellow: AUUUUUUUGH!!!
(All four of them are sent into the air and they all take a hard landing.)
Red: Ow...man, he's tough.
Pink: We're doomed!
Pooflinger: And now...
(Pooflinger takes a HUMUNGOUS crap and throws it at the Power Rangers.)
Red: ACK!
Black: Geez!
Red: (FART!!) Damn, I crapped myself!
Black: (FAAART!!!) Aw, I crapped myself, too!
Pink: (FAAAAAART!!!!) What's going on here?
Yellow: (FAAAAAAAAART!!!!!) I don't know!
Pooflinger: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! It's the end for you, Power Rangers!
(fade out)
(End of Act 1)
(Commercial Break)