Life of Crime, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

A/N: This is my third Hetalia/Spongebob parody/crossover-thingy rightfully titled: Life of Crime. Based from the actual episode that you should probably look up and watch to get the picture of what's happening in this fic, just saying.

It all begins as an ordinary day for the two naïve nations Italy and Japan. But then they learn about how they could have anything that they wanted as long as they gave the said items back to their original owners before they are missed. A.K.A; "borrowing". After wandering through town wondering how to spend their day, they come across a balloon stand...and that's when the shit goes down. So what will happen next in this very strange and chaotic misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: I own neither Hetalia or Spongebob Squarepants. Truth be told, I really want to. T_T

Life of Crime

On a small TV placed just so on a random table in Germany's home: there was this German dude that looked like he was in his late teens; he was walking down the streets of Berlin as he carried some very heavy books of some kind.

Promptly, another German male whom looked about thirty and looked extremely shady and up to no good entered the scene and stalked the dude in his late teens. When he wasn't looking, the second one grabbed the books and laughed evilly as he ran away.

The dude in his late teens gasped and then started cussing the bad guy out shamelessly in his native language, until the authorities entered the scene and asked in German where the shady man fled to. And he answered.

So after a very epic chase scene that was so awesome it cannot be described in any way possible, the bad guy was captured and tossed into a random cell. He mumbled some curses and then wore a miserable expression as he grasped the metal bars of the cell. And the dude in his late teens was shown smirking as the camera panned back to him and his returned books.

"What douchebag that guy was!" Germany hissed as he watched this show on the TV that he had. It wasn't logical how he got the television, or how long it had been there, but let's not dwell on that now.

At his side was Italy and Japan, the both of them innocently watching the other nation go on a rant and cuss out the bad guy in German. Which was totally okay and didn't offend their virgin ears because they didn't know much German any way and saw no reason to bother learning.

"Thieves should be wiped off the face of the earth! Thieves are going to be the end of all us; thinking that they can just steal anything they want and get away with it, it isn't right!" Germany ranted endlessly, turning off the TV with a glare and then turning to meet the blinking eyes of his friends.

Japan cleared his throat. "Um...Germany-San, what about all the stuff that you stole?"

"What do you mean?" Germany asked them, the aura around him now suddenly very intimidating. It succeeded in making Italy cower, but Japan just gestured to the table that the offending television was positioned on.

"What about that table? It says: 'property of the White House in America' in large print underneath." Japan pointed out, and both Germany and Italy tilted their heads to see the aforementioned large print in red, white, and blue.

Okay, how could he get himself out of this one? Germany racked his brain for a few long minutes, trying to think about a little white lie to fool Italy and Japan for now. "Oh, America just needed to be payed back for certain reasons and I rented the table without him knowing."

"Ve~ Are renting that TV that has a price tag with Chinese letters written on it too?" Italy asked with a typical, absent and carefree smile. He didn't even seem to notice that his friend/ally/love interest was being a huge hypocrite and stealing items from different nations without them knowing. Poor China and America...

"Ah...no..."

"Then you bought it?" Now Italy and Japan were both smiling hopeful smiles, as they didn't want to discover that Germany had some bizarre obsession with stealing.

"No..."

"Then," Italy's smile faded and he cocked his head to the side. "Isn't that stealing...?"

"Well..." Germany tugged at shirt collar, now desperately thinking about some kind of way to make these two stop interrogating him about stealing. He certainly was not a hypocrite and did not want to be labeled as one either. They did not need any more wars.

"What about this towel from Japan's hot springs?" Italy pressed curiously, holding up said towel. Germany just stammered, trying to figure out his answer to that.

"And this cellphone that is decorated with maple leaf stickers?"

"Or Grandpa Rome's guitar?"

"Or Taiwan's favorite dress?"

Italy glanced over at this pair of bloomers on the shelf, kinda dusty, but he held them out with a disapproving expression. "Even this dusty pair of bloomers...?"

"That one was a gift from several centuries ago, it doesn't matter!" Germany insisted rather too quickly as he snatched the bloomers from a puzzled Italy and put them away into hammerspace. He coughed afterward, trying to ignore the blush spread all over his face as Italy and Japan exchanged bewildered expressions. "Listen you two, all of that stuff was not stolen...it was borrowed and will be returned eventually."

Okay, that made a little bit of sense to Italy and Japan, thankfully. They both glanced back at each other with approving tiny smiles rather than earlier when they were disapproving over the fact Germany was a hypocrite, stole things as if it was like a horrible obsession, and actually had a pair of bloomers on a shelf collecting dust that strangely looked familiar to the Italian.

"We're relieved. We thought that you stole all that stuff without permission to." Japan remarked with a relieved sigh, words could not describe how horrible it would have been to say that he was friends with a guy that stole items shamelessly.

"Oh, you don't need permission all the time, Japan. You can have anything in this world that you want, just as long as you return it back to it's original owner." Germany couldn't help but inwardly admit that this was a pretty convincing white lie for the two. Later on, after some chaos occurred, he would admit to them that this wasn't the truth...maybe... "Everyone knows that. Right?"

"Right!" Italy and Japan echoed.

"Alright then, you two have done so much work today that you should have the rest of the afternoon off and relax around Berlin." Germany said this a little too quickly once again and then shoved the two naïve nations out of his home.

"But we didn't do any work today!"

"Goodbye!"

It wasn't until Italy and Japan totally left down the streets and out of his sight when Germany released a long sigh and slammed the door shut. From the inside, he leaned against it and shifted his eyes back and forth uneasily before pulling back out the pair of dusty bloomers from earlier and smiling a tiny bit as he inhaled the scent of a certain little Italian maid from quite a while back.

"Mein Gott, that was a close one..."

So now, Italy and Japan found themselves looking totally out of place along the streets of Berlin. Just walking idiotically and earning themselves odd stares by passing Germans that didn't know whether to be disturbed or to laugh at them for their weirdness.

"What do you want to do today, Japan?"

"I do not know. What do you want to do, Italy-San?"

"Ve~ I dunno, what do you wanna do today?"

"I do not know, Italy-San. What do you want to do today?"

"Ve~ I don't...ahh!" Italy and Japan froze as they found themselves stopping in front of a cart that had colored balloons tied to it. They enchanted the Italian and his eyes snapped open in awe as he fully gawked at their beauty. "Veeeee~ I know what I want to do today..."

The balloons were so beautiful. So sparkly. There were several colors ranging from red, blue, green, purple, pink, brown, white, yellow, damn, there was any color that you could imagine! And one particular one even had all of the colors of the German flag proudly adorning it. Italy was awe-struck by the fact that he had seen something like this in the country of all places; he did not know that Germany was into that sort of thing. Never would have guessed that he would have endearing little carts where colorful balloons were being sold.

"I need some money..." Italy quickly dug his hands into his pockets furiously, whining in utter disappointment when he pulled out the inside material, and no money. He sighed in his state of depression, but then brightened up when he remembered that he also stuck money into his pants from time to time so that he wouldn't get robbed easily.

Japan just watched with a very disturbed expression as Italy shoved a hand into his pants and reached around for the money. When random Germans passed by, he just flushed noticeably and insisted to them that he did not know the man at his side and they were strangers. At long last, Italy did find the money that he was looking for earlier.

But it wasn't enough Euro. It was barely even enough to buy a cheap fork, most likely.

"Aw!" Italy frowned and turned to his Japanese friend before lightly shaking his shoulders. "Veeee~ Japan~ I want a balloon really really badly! Reeeeeally reeeeeeeally badly!"

To be honest, Japan wasn't sure how he should handle the situation. He, himself, had forgotten to bring along any Euro when he was going to be visiting Germany, and only had his own currency with him. There was not any way that he could buy the balloon, and Italy couldn't either because he was sort of a ditz and had been spending all his money on other things that won't be mentioned because it is not of any relevance to our tale.

Even after checking his national bank (his pockets) Japan was able to conclude that, yes, he had no Euro whatsoever and could not buy the bouncy Italian at his side a balloon that he was near obsessed with getting. This was disappointing for the both of them, and they released long sighs as they paced around in deep thought.

Then Italy had an idea. "Ve~ I have an idea!" He smiled and prepared to start walking away happily. "Maybe we can go borrow some money from Austria~"

"Wait," Japan, himself, had another idea in mind after recalling Germany's previous words about 'borrowing' anything that they wanted. It sounded pretty legit to him, so he figured they should probably test that. "Austria-San may refuse and kick us out. Maybe we should just borrow the balloon instead of the money."

"Ve~! Like Germany~!" Italy said with much new-found spirit. But he was totally unaware of the chaos that was currently unfolding at a rapid speed before their very eyes. "It's only borrowing...we will return the balloon right back as soon as we're finished playing with it!"

"That is right. And if all else fails, we still have our cute charms to trick the German at the cart into letting us keep it forever." Japan mentioned. And truer words have never been spoken.

With their minds made up, Italy and Japan turned back to the cute little unfitting cart that had several multi-colored cute little balloons. They waited for the perfect chance to strike and snatch a balloon before they were spotted. It was when the German guy at the cart reached for a pale green balloon and gave it to a smiling child did Japan use ninja reflexes and grasp a bright red balloon, and then he took off running with Italy happily down the streets.

You might be thinking at this point that all was well with the world. After all: Germany got away with a white lie and is re-living once forgotten old memories, Austria didn't have to be interrupted during his playing of the piano in the background during this unfolding chaos for money that he would not give anyway, Italy got his balloon, and Japan realized that he's still got awesome ninja reflexes even though that point in time was long gone by now. Alas! Things never do stay calm and perfect too long.

All way seem well, but that is all about to be changed very soon. And Italy and Japan will learn a lesson about randomly borrowing (stealing). Maybe.

Let's continue with the tale: so Italy and Japan finally stopped running like idiots and froze around some kind of restaurants. They didn't know where the hell they were, but that didn't matter to them because they were so blinded by the amazing charms of this red balloon they acquired.

"We're going to have so much fun...first we can run with the balloon!" Italy said happily as he tightly held the string that the balloon was tied to.

There was this odd feeling that overcame Japan. It was strange, he suddenly felt this rush of excitement as he thought up various fun things that they could do with the balloon. "Yes! And then we can go to the beach with the balloon!"

"VE~! YES! And then we can go to the movies with the balloon, and Venice, and shopping, and Olive Garden, and a heavy metal concert, and watch anime, and go to Tokyo, and get Germany to treat us all to a meal, and go onto Facebook and brag about the fact that we got a balloon to other countries, and throw a rave, and get totally wasted on very high grade wine, and surrender, and take the balloon to some of my churches and have him converted, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah~!" Italy rambled very hyper-actively as if he had just gotten into a whole lot of sugar and was paying the ultimate price for that. But then again, Italy was always like this.

Strange enough, Japan was now so excited about the fact that they would be able to do so much with the balloon that he couldn't contain it any longer and was rambling just like Italy. "And we can go to Mount Fuji with the balloon, and exchange ideas about new manga, and go to a concert, and take a trip to the moon and the stars, and buy pocky, and cook noodles, and go to cosplay conventions, and write fanfiction, and then go back to the moon and the stars but take America with us this time so will take that alien with the dirty mouth back to his home and stop visiting me with him all the time, and then write a draft about about all of us countries together doing utterly random things as we go through history and whatnot with lots of shonen-ai and post it was a webcomic someday with the balloon as our witness and make Korea furious with it!"

Their babble proved to be a fatal mistake. The poor balloon could not take it anymore and finally popped. Italy and Japan could do nothing else but stare with widening eyes as the remaining pieces of the balloon fell to the ground with the string. A sad silence hung in the air as the two looked back at each other for any kind of answers.

Then they both screeched indignantly.

"VE! HOW ARE WE GOING TO RETURN IT NOW, JAPAN?" Italy shouted in much distress as he stared at the remains of the balloon on the ground and grasped large hand fulls of his own hair, near ripping it out.

"I have the pieces!" Japan proved his point by getting low to the ground and gathering the useless pieces of the balloon that passed away too suddenly before any fun could be had.

"And I have the air!" Italy reached into the air, and 'held' onto it as Japan got up and started frantically trying to put the pieces back on.

"Hurry! We must put the pieces back on!"

After they were finished with the little...episode of theirs, Japan and Italy took one last look at their work. The balloon pieces were defying gravity and physics as they were frozen in the air in the round-ish shape they were previously. But they all just finally got hit with a wave of logic and fell down once again and scattered in the light breeze.

"We popped a balloon...!" Italy gasped at Japan's words and started trembling. "We cannot return it like this...!" Italy blanched and then held his head in his hands with utter shame. "WE ARE LOW-LIFE THIEVES, ITALY-SAN!" Now unable to handle this revelation, Italy fell down to the ground in a fetal position and started shaking like a leaf.

"And now...now we must confess our crimes right to Germany-San directly for bringing shame upon the once-great-yet-very-complex-with-so-much-negative-history-with-his-crazy-boss nation." Japan mentioned knowingly, as if he understood exactly what their next moves should be. But just because he had it all figured out well, that did not save him from trembling and shaking in his boots just as bad as Italy over there in a fetal position on the side of the street.

"Ve? CONFESS?" Italy bounced up from the ground and rushed to the other countries' side, now flailing his arms about very frantically and in the most panicked manner possible. "Are you insane, Japan? Do you have any idea about what Germany would do to us if he found out about our horrible sins? We are not talking about Jesus Christ, who'll easily overlook these things, but we're talking about someone who could easily snap and go all Nazi on our asses!" Japan just blinked repeatedly as Italy caught his breath and added as an after-thought: "And...and...and besides, we don't need any other wars. I'm already pathetic enough and would have to make extra white flags for my entire army!"

"You're right. We must handle this situation delicately and not let anyone label us as suspicious." Explained Japan, and Italy nodded at his words and tried to compose himself.

The two of them were silent for a few moments, very under control and not looking suspicious at all. But the paranoia proved to be too much to bear and so they both lost it and started babbling gibberish as they stumbled around, pulled on their tongues, and flopped around the street on their stomachs like fish out of water.

One random German male walked up to the freaking out nations and gasped before proclaiming to all the passing folks: "Oh mein Gott, Straßenkünstler!" ("Oh My God, street performers!")

Pretty soon, droves of Germans were gathering to watch Italy and Japan...street perform. The twosome still were unaware of the fact that these people had misunderstood their insane actions, and were also not aware of the fact that they were just embarrassing themselves.

"Schaut sie euch an, sie sind so dumm!" ("Look at them, they're so stupid!")

"Haben ein Barrel Rolle!" ("Do a barrel Role!")

"Dies ist so unterhaltsam! Ich liebe es, Menschen verlieren jedes Quäntchen ihre geistige Gesundheit!" "(This is so entertaining! I love it, people lose every ounce of their mental health!" Or...something along those lines...)

"IT'S NOT WORKING...!" Italy and Japan yelled in unison after ceasing their freaking out. All of the Germans could only stare and blink repeatedly once the both of them scrambled off the side of the road and took off running like the madmen they have recently become down the road.

They would have probably gotten far if they hadn't face-planted right into the exact same cart of colorful balloons from earlier. After falling back to the ground with spin-y, swirly eyes, and regaining consciousness from the trauma, they sat there on the side of the streets and fearful widening brown and sparkly amber eyes met the confused face of the German man at the cart.

"Guten Tag, meine Herren." ("Good morning, gentlemen.")

"It's him again...!" Japan managed to gasp out, whilst pointing a finger in absolute horror.

"Ve! It's no good...RETREAT!" Italy cried, his eyes promptly shut tight once again and he and Japan scrambled up from the ground and retreated frantically AGAIN.

The German at the cart just shook his head in a disapproving manner. He hated it when foreign visitors from other parts of the world applied those stupid stereotypes about Germans being terrifying and overly-strict to others...Damn, with their retreating, he had not even gotten the chance to tell them that the balloons were for free and he would have let them have whichever color of their choice...

Side by side, Japan and Italy ran like their lives depended on it. They were so fast, so fast that the random spectators could only make out blurs of black and copper red. But there was a good reason to be doing this: they could not return to Germany, or face him with the guilt and the shame of stealing a balloon! Bad reputations follow you everywhere, sadly, so there was no way that they would be able to return back to their own homes either.

The two of them were exhausted and near the point of passing out, and yet they continued to push themselves and run. Neither knew where the hell they were, but the location didn't have any significance as long as they were away.

"J-Japan, what are we going to do...?" Italy panted and tried to catch his breath, he was practically holding onto the other nation's shoulders for support as his running became rather awkwardly slow.

"It's not safe for us anymore, Italy-San! We cannot go back to our homes, our bad reputations may follow us there, so our only chance for us is to just run fast and cover our tracks!"

"Ve~! I'm covering our tracks, Japan!" Italy suddenly had this burst of energy after realizing how Germany may react to their crimes, and with this surge of energy, ran behind Japan and effectively and literally covered their tracks in the ground with a large paint brush that had the colors of the Italian flag all on it.

Nothing else was said as they both ran like madmen and Italy carried this bucket of paint and left a very long and winding line of red, white, and green paint behind them.

They ran for literal hours! And somehow, they found up on a very large hill that overlooked Germany. And it wasn't logical in the slightest how that hill had suddenly materialized for the benefit of Italy and Japan, or how long it had been there.

Sadly, the two stood by the edge and stared out with down expressions, both equally ashamed of themselves for what they have done and how they single-handedly destroyed their own reputations.

"Take the last look at Germany, Italy-San. There is no way that we can return...we can't even return to our own homes now." Japan mentioned, glancing down at the ground underneath them and turning to a random large stick with some of his belongings wrapped inside of his flag while Italy waved goodbye. "We only have ourselves," He lifted the stick and slung it over his shoulder. "And what we can carry on our backs."

"Ve~" Italy turned to this big-ass Colosseum that may not have been there before (what the hell am I writing?) and then grabbed the edge of a small stick that it was wrapped around in a very large version of his own flag, he tried with all of his limited-strength to sling over his shoulder, but eventually whimpered and fell down to his knees in defeat.

Japan just blinked. "Um...we might need to travel lighter."

Hanging their heads in shame, Italy and Japan walked down the rest of the random hill into the sunset. Leaving behind their original lives and reputations, as well as their belongings, land, and the big-ass Colosseum.

Later into the night, Italy and Japan sat on the cold ground of the random mountain in the middle of some thick rain showers. They both were defying logic and had a campfire crackling and flickering as they sat in creepy silence (why does that sound so familiar...?).

Italy was taking this entire situation the worst, he was sitting there wrapping his arms around his knees and tears were pricking in his eyes as he whimpered, "I want to go home, Japan. Or at least crawl into Germany's bed and get tied to the headboard again."

Japan chose to ignore the last comment. He released a sigh and shook his head. "We cannot ever return home. We just committed a horrible crime. Now we will spend the rest of our lives running...running from the man." He looked up at the falling rain that pelted them both and shivered before extended his hands toward the fire. "But at least...it's warm around this campfire we were able to make."

"Ve~ Japan, if we're in the middle of a rain shower, then how can there be a..." The fire instantly fizzled out after Italy just said something logical for a change, the two partners in crime stared with widened eyes at the remains before going back to holding themselves and shivering from the cold rain. "I'm scared, Japan!"

He was scared with good reason. Now they committed a horrible crime and there was no way they could erase themselves to cross out what they've become, or what they've done (get the reference?). Now Japan began to list some things that they used to have but no longer do.

He listed in this order: warm homes, happy lives, good food, getting mail, manga, going to awesome concerts, goofing around and being random, Germany, Romano, America, all of the other Asian nations, and their population, and money, no more anything! And so the both of them threw away the list of things they would miss and wept for their loss.

"We don't have anything now!" Japan mentioned, struggling to hold back a choked sob as he said that.

"I want pasta!" Italy promptly fell to the ground and trembled in a fetal position as the tears streamed from his eyes forcefully and fizzled out the sparks of their original campfire.

"But..." Japan composed himself and sat back up. "The situation does not have to be all bad, right? At least we have each other; partners in crime."

"Yes..." Italy sat back up and smiled, it was true that they did have each other and weren't alone. He 'veee'ed happily and mentioned, "And all of that running is good for your buns and thighs, right...?"

Suddenly, Italy looked up at this thought cloud above his head to see a Germany posing rather sexily in only his underwear with sexy saxophone music in the background. "Ja! Buns and thighs!"

Japan noticed the thought cloud and just shook his head, not even bothering to try and figure out what was the point of that thought and how he could see the Italian's thoughts.

"And the bitter cold is bracing, isn't it?" Italy asked excitedly as he stood up in the rain and flexed his nonexistent muscles. "Ve~ I feel more manly already~!"

"Yes." Looking over at Japan, it was apparent that he had just got frozen into a giant block of ice, which shattered suddenly in his rush of sudden excitement about the situation "And we can loosen our ties!" He promptly reached his hands to his tie and carefully undid it and then tossed it to the soggy ground.

Italy beamed and hastily yanked off his own tie (without even choking himself!) and tossed it to the ground. "And we can fly~! Yes!" Promptly, Italy started waving his arms vigorously like a Germany;s brother, Prussia's bird-friend-thing and jumped backward in his state of excitement.

Alas, Italy didn't begin to soar like he hoped. He just fell off the back of the mountain and tumbled down loudly.

Japan just stared for a long amount of time until his friend hit the very bottom and he weakly moaned and 'veeee'ed. "Um, we still are incapable of flying it seems..." Italy materialized back around the remains of their failure of a campfire. "But at least we do not have to shave. There will be no one to judge our body hair and we don't have to worry about bothering those razor companies."

"I'm way ahead of you, friend!" Italy sang almost proudly as he lifted his pants leg and revealed the fact that his legs were so hairy and out of control. But this was due to the fact that he's trying to save up money these days so that means...no shaving until he could find a job somewhere on the side. And not much kinky sex with Germany (because he detests the feel of the hair pricking his skin during sex.)

Suddenly, another idea struck Japan and he snapped a finger. "And, not to mention that we get to talk tough." He cleared his throat, and then spoke in a very deep, Southern sort of accent, "This world ain't big enough for the two of us!" He noticed that Italy was silent and staring blankly at him, his face pinked and he kind of shrank away into a dark corner for a brief moment. He needed to stop hanging out with America and the personifications of his states...

"Ve~! Let me try~!" Italy stood up and cleared his throat, he remained silent for a minute until he found what kind of persona he wanted to try out and wore this twisted smirk, speaking in a tough and perhaps stereotypical Southern Italian dialect, "Hey punk, bring me the goddamn money before 'ya get shot in 'ya disgusting face!" He promptly dropped the act and fell back to the ground giggling and trying so hard to not get the mental picture of himself actually doing something like that. Because that was Romano's job after all.

"The best part is: now that we are horrible criminals, we do not have to return anything that we borrow."

"Ve~! Yaaaaay~!" The rain was beginning to let up somewhat, and Italy fell back to the ground and pointed a finger at Japan. "And we owe it all to you!"

"Oh no, I am not the one that should be praised." Japan shrugged and this tiny smirk graced his features. "Borrowing the balloon rather than money from Austria-San was all your evil plan."

"Ve~ Untrue! My friend, you're the one with the sticky fingers and the impressive ninja reflexes that I could never dream of having!"

A soft shade of red crept into Japan's cheeks and he suddenly to become awfully flustered by the compliments, and the next thing he knew, there was a very clingy Italian that had suddenly flung himself over and glomped tightly.

Never would Japan get used to this kind of contact. His entire face quickly flushed crimson and he had the perfect: 'WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?' kind of expression, before he awkwardly pried the overly-friendly Italian off of him and composed himself. So then, the both of them went back to sitting by the remains of their campfire and sighed loudly as their stomachs rumbled.

"I just wish that we could have something to eat..." Italy murmured sadly as he crossed his arms over his knees.

Luckily, Japan was very much prepared for a predicament like this. He couldn't help but feel sympathy for the Italian, as he always liked to eat and would become rather depressed and unlike himself without a full stomach. He fought back a tiny smile and reached into his pocket, pulling out two small boxes. "Look what I have with me."

Italy blinked, and then gasped happily. "TINY RECTANGLE BOXES~!"

"Not just any 'tiny rectangle boxes', Italy-San, it is pocky. A snack of mine that is actually pretty popular in Japan." He tossed a box to Italy's awaiting hands and opened his own up. The Italian stared with awe at the box, even though he couldn't understand the Japanese writings on the label, he quickly opened it up and stared at the thin sticks covered in chocolate. "It is not much, but we are countries after all. This should be enough to last us until something apocalyptic occurs and we are all destroyed."

"Thank you so much, Japan!" Italy smiled and held up the box of pocky. "I think I'll eat mine now~!" Like a maniac, the starving Italian took the box and threw his head back, letting all of the chocolate pocky sticks fall into his mouth. He emptied the contents rather fast and while chewing and swallowing, he dropped the empty box to the ground.

This was where the drama began to unfold. Italy could be kind of...what's the correct word here? Well, oblivious and forgetful occasionally. He was still so hungry that he did not notice he emptied the box of pocky, so he repeated the scene from him saying 'I think I'll eat it now~!' to when he dumped the nonexistent pocky sticks into his awaiting mouth. When none came out this time, his eyes snapped open, this random glass-shattering sound effect being heard after this.

"W-w-where did the pocky go?" Stammered Italy frantically as he started digging around high and low for the missing pocky. He had eaten the snack messily; so there was still some remains of chocolate smeared over his lips and Japan could only stare as he froze in the middle of chewing on his first stick of pocky.

"Italy-San, you just ate yours." Japan gestured to his face. "And it is still smeared across your lips."

"Ve! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Italy was now digging like a maniac through the dirt. "Where did my pocky go? I'm going to starve now! Where did it go? This can't be happening to me!"

Amazingly, and I don't even know how, Italy tunneled underneath the earth a long ways. Mostly, this was out of his panic and desire for his so-called missing pocky. All of the flying dirt and plants had piled up on Japan, whom was sitting there with a lot of patience until his Italian friend finally popped back up beside him and all of the matter fell off them both.

"I can't find it...! Where could the pocky possibly be...?" As if by some odd force, Italy turned his to Japan, he met those lifeless brown eyes that were focused solely on him in bewilderment. But Italy was staring more at the familiar open box of pocky in the other nation's hands. "Ve! Japan!"

"What is it?"

Italy all but flung himself out from the underground tunnel he dug in record time and pointed an accusing finger at Japan as he stood a small distance away. "You...! Japan, I thought that we were allies and friends...! How could you steal my pocky?" His widening amber orbs were beginning to well with sparkly tears, out of sadness and fury from this revelation.

Japan, on the contrary, did not know what the hell was going on. So he just stared, all while holding onto his own box of pocky that Italy claimed was really his. "I did not steal your pocky, you already consumed it and it's all over your lips, Italy-San."

"You took my only food! Now I'm going to starve!" Italy said in despair as he held his head in his hands. Geez, he was acting like it was the end of the world, Japan randomly noted.

Not wanting to create any future conflicts, broken alliances, unexpected attempted attacks and invasions, or another World War, Japan held out his box of pocky, hoping that this would smooth things over. "Here, Italy-San. There is enough in mine for us to share."

"Yours? That box of pocky is mine!"

"Look, I am trying really hard to not lose my patience, here. Do you want the damn pocky or not?"

"Ve? Of course not! I don't want anything unless Japan admits that he stole it from me!"

"This is my box of pocky. Just because the boxes have the same design, that does not mean it is all mine."

Italy huffed and looked away, crossing his arms across his chest in a pouty way.

"Well," Now at the breaking point, Japan glared and lowered his hand to the box of pocky. "If you will not listen to my explanation, I will just eat it all myself and leave you to pout about it."

"You...you better not do that!" Italy was worried now, his voice even cracked a bit in fear as he turned and watched a wicked smirk grace Japan's features. He just was not good at threats like Romano, he didn't know how to handle this at all! "I...I swear...you..."

Japan ignored Italy's fail threats and dipped out all of the sticks of chocolate pocky into his palm, Italy began to shake in his boots when he teasingly brought them to his mouth and back again to the original spot.

"VE! STOP IT!" Italy shrieked, his eyes widening in horror and his face paling once Japan started to softly nibble on the edges. "JAPAN...!"

For the next severely awkward, horrifying, and strange seconds, Japan teased his friend to death by licking the pocky vigorously, nibbling on it, and even tapping them together making a very annoying beat. But at long last, he carefully shoved all of the pocky into his mouth and ate them happily. Italy, meanwhile, started freely crying forcefully and grabbed hand fulls of his hair.

"YOU'RE A CRAZY PERSON, JAPAN!" Italy panted and stared evilly at him before pointing a finger again. "I should have realized this when you tried to steal that balloon! Then I wouldn't have one of my best friends being a traitor, because that's my job!"

"Did I steal that balloon? Did I...?" Japan finally snapped and glared as he pointed a finger right back at him. "Or was it your satanic idea that possessed me to do it!"

Italy just gasped, and clenched his fists together, trembling in utter rage now. He usually didn't let himself get pissed off easily, but this totally called for it. "OH...That is it!" He stomped a foot onto the remains of the partners in crimes' campfire. It defied logic yet again and flames rose and started burning strongly. Japan just stared in shock at this, and Italy screeched hysterically and started rolling around in the dirt to fizzle out the fire on his leg.

Luckily, Italy did not get badly burned. Due to the fact that he was just the personification of the aforementioned country, he was thankfully unable to get too badly injured from injuries that would otherwise practically kill a person. He released a sigh once the fire fizzled out and he scrambled back to his feet and threw his hands in the air in defeat with what to do with this 'crazy person'.

"First the balloon, and now the pocky...you're out of control!" Italy struggled to find what kind of threat he could use, as this was something he wasn't used to doing. Mind you, he just didn't get furious often. "You know what, Japan? I'm...I'm...I'm going to tattle on you!"

Japan's eyes widened. "What? Then, I will beat you there!" He promptly took off running as if his life depended on it, causing Italy to turn around and gasp.

"No you don't...! Germany will side with me; we have better history and a relationship!" Italy was prompt in bolting off, leaving only a cloud of dust behind.

So Italy and Japan once again found themselves running back the way they came. Naturally; they were not confident in returning back to the source of their drama, but it was necessary in the end. The both of them knew that the other had to be stopped at literally any cost, before they gave in to the bad-yet-good feel of stealing and became a horrible criminal and influence his population to do the same. The fate of the world was about to be determined...!

...By Germany, as per usual.

Once back in Berlin, it was already dark out. But yet, the partners in crime ran hastily down the streets to Germany's house. Once inside, they both all but crashed into the home and toppled ungracefully over onto each other. When they gazed up, they noticed that the man staring down at them was not Germany; but rather a brunette German man.

"Um...what can I do for you two?" Thank God, this dude actually knew another language other than difficult-to-understand German! Italy and Japan both leapt to their feet and babbled nonsensically about their experience today.

"It-it was horrible! Okay, he wanted a balloon, I had no money in my national bank, and then we ran, and then the man at the cart, there was a Colosseum, and-and-and..." Japan rambled, reaching forward and grasping the man's shirt as he freaked out.

"Ve! I wanted to get the balloon converted and then we could be friends, I had no Euro, we ran, and then I flashed my hairy legs, Romano is probably furious with me for taking the Colosseum, Germany borrowed Grandpa Rome's guitar and Japan's towel, and-and-and the pocky looked so tasty, and-and I-I-I..." Italy rambled whilst freaking out and flailing his hands about in the air.

The German dude just stared really, really blankly at their mixing story about their adventures today. He honestly didn't understand Italians, or the Japanese at all. But, he cleared his throat loudly, and the both of them shut their mouths and straightened up instantly.

"I am sorry, but I having trouble understanding the both of you." The man sighed and shook his head, as his brain was trying to register their babbling and form a conclusion about what was going on. "Now then, what is going on?"

Japan and Italy hesitated for a minute, and looked back at each other for reassurance. Finally, they couldn't handle the pressure, and confessed their crimes together in unison: "We stole a balloon! There, just let fate do away with us now!"

The brunette German blinked repeatedly as he watched the two tremble and fumble for words to add to the confession. But luckily, Germany popped up from the kitchen and walked over at his side. "Is there a problem here...?"

"Well," The random German guy furrowed his brows together and looked back at the nation. "It would appear this Italian man, and the Japanese man confessed to me that they have stolen a balloon."

Germany felt like performing a headdesk. But he kept his cool and just decided to release long sigh and mutter some curse in his language under his breath. Once he shifted his icy blue eyes to Japan and Italy, they both flinched and the latter moved closer to the former and tightly grasped his shoulders in fear.

"What are you going to do about this?" Italy asked them in a small voice, he just wanted nothing more than to disappear off the face of the earth. He was so terrified of the consequences that would be brought upon them both for committing such a sin like stealing.

It hit Germany fast. An idea of how he could get everything back in order and reveal to his two friends the error of their assumptions. He kept a straight face and turned to the random man, whispering his plan into his ear.

"Japan, Italy." Germany turned to walk with with the random man and then gestured for the two to follow them. When Germany wants you to do something, you fucking do it whether you want to or not. So Italy and Japan fearfully and full of guilt and shame followed after him.

The four all walked a little ways until they were down in the basement of Germany's home. Ever since Prussia had decided to move out and live in his boyfriend-in-denial Austria's home against his knowledge (because Prussia did not need any permission to live somewhere, FYI.), he had taken the the liberty to put a big cell in there. The reason for this is because there were a lot of people walking the streets that were up to no good and needed to be imprisoned for their wrongdoings.

Pffffft, it isn't like Germany put it in there because Italy has been dropping by a lot lately. And this way, he could give in to his hidden desires and do some kinky S&M kinda stuff with the perfect mood. That is totally not the real reason!

"If you can't do the time," Germany leaned over and opened the unlocked door of the cell. The other German gestured for them to go in and they both did so, hanging their heads even. "Don't do the crime." The door closed and he put the keys in and locked it.

No more than four seconds went by, and Germany already walked back over to the door and unlocked it and opened. "Alright, your time is up. You can leave now."

Italy and Japan still made no attempts to escape like Germany obviously wanted them to do. They were confused, they just committed the horrible sin of theft and he claims their time is up and they have the right to leave their prison? That was just effed up!

"But we..." Once again, the tears began to prick in Italy's eyes as he walked over to the cell wall and gripped them, this saddened expression on his face as he met the eyes of Germany. "We stole a balloon..."

Germany, moved closer to the wall and stuck a hand through to rustle the Italian's hair a little. "Yes...on Free Balloon Day." Afterward, he could no longer fight back the amused little smirk and it curved on his lips at long last.

Italy and Japan both stared with equally widened eyes and paled instantly. Germany and the random dude started having a good chuckle or two out of the situation though.

So in the end, the four all walked outside the house and Germany handed a small platter to the two starving idiots standing across from him. On this platter were two small Berliners, which looked pretty damn appealing after they both went most of the day without food and only had a little bit of pocky to fight over.

He knew they were hungry, so giving them some of those freshly-prepared ones (although he made another white lie and insisted to them that he bought them from the random guy once Japan asked him if baking those was what he was doing all this time). Japan was sort of doubtful about taking them, but Germany reminded him that they were starving and should take whatever they were given. He had more anyway. So the two starving nations grabbed one of the pastries and glanced at each other warmly.

"Let's promise that we will not ever borrow anything without permission ever again." Japan mentioned to Italy, as he never wanted to have to go through this experience ever again. He raised his Berliner in the air and Italy smiled at this.

"Ve~ You said it, Japan!" Italy raised his own towards Japan's pastry in agreement to this promise.

But he found himself staring at his hand that was covered in crumbs and white icing smeared on it. Confused, at the fact his pastry was not there, he examined his hand with widening eyes.

What he didn't know, was that he had already scarfed down the pastry and this point was proven by the fact there was smeared jelly and icing around his lips. Japan, Germany, and the random dude were given an icy glare after this as Italy registered in his mind that one of them must have snatched it when he wasn't paying attention.

"Alright," A wave of rare fury overcame Italy and he turned to the three in his view and looked pretty pissed off. "Which one of you sneaky fuckers stole my Berliner...?"

Everyone kind of stared at the now-pissed Italy for several awkward seconds. It was apparent that someone was about to crack under the pressure; the first person was surprisingly Germany. A quick chuckle escaped and he tried to mask that fast with a fake cough. Pretty soon, Italy and the random German man got amused by that and started laughing as well.

All ended well with a good laugh in the end by all four. The screen faded to black and it was heavily implied that everything was fine...although Italy still never found out nobody stole his Berliner and that he already woofed it down before making the toast with Japan, or why Germany had dusty bloomers in his house...

The End

A/N: Seriously, what the fuck did I just write? ._.'

I can't lie. This was incredibly fun to write, I found myself having a good laugh after picturing various moments actually happening with Japan and Italy. Mostly the scene when they were rambling about the fun things that they were going to do with the balloon. *Stifles my snickering* I don't know why that was so amusing to me, but it just was, okay?

Looking back, I just realized I added so many GerIta implications. *Sweatdrop* I did not mean to add so many, but I adore the couple and it's easy for me to picture their sex life as S&M-ish. Don't judge me. But it wasn't just the GerIta references, I also added several different references to songs and various other things somewhere in the story. If you can spot them, cookies for you! And cupcakes for you if you caught on to the fact I included a Germany=HRE reference (remember Italy's original departing gift for Holy Rome?)

Oh, and just so you know: A Berliner is a pastry in Germany and central Europe that is pretty much just a jelly doughnut. If you want to know the rest about the pastry, look it up on Wikipedia.

I'm not very fluent in German, I know a little bit. But I recently befriended this dude my age whom moved here in my location from Germany and isn't all that great with English. I am studying the language as we speak 'cause I want to be able to communicate better. And maybe also because I like challenging myself by learning different languages. I really like history and learning about different cultures, so yeah. If there was any wrong German phrases, PLEASE correct my wrong. I had to resort to using an online translator for the most part.

As for my next parody...hmm...I don't really know what to make next. :| I guess this means I'll need some SUGGESTIONS from you readers then. If you have any suggestions, please add them in your review.

Read and review~!