Doing what you have to, by chibiness87
Spoilers: 1.16, 8.07, 9.02
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
A/N: So I've been out of the CSI fanfic world for a bit. I'm sorry about that. I am unspoiled for the season, and as such have been avoiding anything with the barest hints of spoilers. Basically, that means I have read nothing that has had the barest hint of a S9 spoiler in. If something like this has been done already, I apologise profusely, I was unaware of the fic(s), and I mean no infringement.
You're sitting in the same places you were almost 8 years ago. No tears this time; you're not sure if you even know how to cry anymore. The words you spoke all those years ago are playing in your head again, a constant repeating record in your brain.
"The husband doesn't get it. He's so happy that she's going to live."
He gets it now, though. In a way, you've been waiting for this moment for 8 years, waiting for the finality of the situation to hit him. You want to believe his story, want to believe that Thorpe has threatened him, threatened Pam, want to believe it with everything in you; the alternative is just too upsetting. But there is just something about it all that doesn't add up, doesn't make sense, and it scares you.
You wish you didn't feel that way.
You accused Grissom of being unfeeling that last time. Even went as far as to wish you were like him in that respect. Since then, of course, you found just what a caring soul he has, especially for you. It's one of the reasons you tried to convince him to come away with you; just ride off into the sunset together, try for a happy ending.
You should know by now you don't get happy endings.
Grissom, it seems, is playing devil's advocate in this conversation. Telling you why he thinks Tom might have ended his wife's life. It is the way he phrases his arguments that gets to you, puts you on the defense.
"Maybe he couldn't bear to let her go. Maybe he needed her to leave him."
You stop, stare at him. There's something in the way he's looking at you when he says that, and it cuts you deep in your core. His eyes, his ever expressive eyes, are telling you the underlay to that statement. He may deny it to the end of time, but you can hear the 'Just like I need you to' there as clear as if he'd announced it for the world to hear.
You have to ask, as much as it tears you apart. You have to be sure. "Who are we talking about here?"
He flounders for a moment, and that in itself is answer enough. So you nod, get up, leave his office. It may not have been said aloud, but you both know what you need to do. You need to get through this, find the truth. And then you need to go, get out of Vegas again. You can't stay here. As much as you love Grissom, as much as he is home to you, the ghosts you thought gone are creeping in on you again.
You love him too much to self destruct in front of him.
End