Chuck was nervous as he neared his destination. He stood frozen for several minutes before tentatively knocking on the bold green door. "Sarah?"
"Go home Chuck."
"Sarah please, open the door. I want to talk to you."
"And I told you that I didn't want to talk to you."
Chuck cast his eyes downward and let his hand slowly drop until it came to rest at his side. Sadly, he turned and walked away. He had made a mistake, a big one.
Lying on her bed, Sarah sobbed into the pillow. Her heart ached. It felt as though it had been impaled by one of her throwing knives. But no, the source of her pain came from the man who had once told her that he loved her. If she had the choice, she would have preferred to be impaled by the knife. It would have hurt less.
They were engaged. He didn't have a ring yet, but still, he had proposed to her. Then when she was hurt on a mission, he took it back. He completely broke off their relationship. He told her that acting on their feelings was a mistake. He believed that the relationship should return to its former cover status. He thought Sarah would be safer that way.
The next morning the knock came again. "Chuck, I told you last night that I had nothing to say to you."
"Walker. It's Casey. We have a briefing to get to."
A few minutes later the door opened and Sarah wheeled herself into the hallway. "Okay. Let's go."
"How are you feeling today Walker?"
Casey mumbled so low that Sarah barely heard him. "Better. The pain's not as bad as it was yesterday."
No further inquiries or elaborations were made and the rest of the journey to their destination was made in complete silence.
The silence ended the moment the two entered the Castle. There, Casey issued a command on the third member of the team. "Bartowski! Here! Now! Carry your little girlfriend down the stairs."
"He's not my boyfriend," Sarah spat.
Casey let out a loud grunt. "You really made a mess of things this time didn't you Bartowski?" Other than Chuck and Sarah, Casey was the only person who knew what had transpired between the two. Seeing as how Sarah didn't want anything to do with Chuck, he instead told him to grab her chair. He would have to be the one to take Walker down the stairs.
Moments after Sarah was settled back into her chair at the bottom of the stairs, General Beckman came on the screen. "First, Agent Walker, how is your recovery coming?"
"It's going really well. The doctors are confident that the surgery was a success and that within a few weeks I'll be on my feet again."
"I'm pleased to hear that. It would be a tragedy to lose a top agent such as yourself. Until such time as you achieve full recovery, you will be on surveillance duty."
"Yes ma'am. Thank you."
The meeting continued as Beckman and the team went over the progress and success of the mission so far and concluded with the necessary steps remaining in order to mark the completion of this mission.
After the meeting, Chuck took Sarah back to her place, since Casey had to get to Buy More and Chuck didn't have to go in until later.
Upon entering the building Sarah informed Chuck that his services were no longer needed. She was capable of wheeling herself up to her room. Chuck didn't listen and entered the elevator with her.
"I said, I don't need you!"
Chuck really wanted to have the opportunity to talk with Sarah, so he racked his brain and said the first thing that popped into his head. "How would it look if a boyfriend didn't help his girlfriend who was in a wheelchair up to her room?"
"Fine."
Once they reached her room, Sarah wheeled herself over to the window, looking out at the city.
"Sarah, we really need to talk."
Sarah knew that in order to protect their cover Chuck couldn't leave yet. So she relented and gave Chuck permission to address the issue he wanted to discuss. "Alright talk."
Chuck pulled a chair up next to Sarah and sat there looking at her. Several minutes passed in silence, but Sarah didn't seem to notice. She just continued mindlessly staring out the window. The quiet was disrupted when Chuck finally spoke. "I made a mistake. I want us to get back together."
Sarah turned to face Chuck for the first time since that day. Her eyes were shining with quietly shed tears. "It doesn't work that way Chuck. You broke my heart. You can't expect me to just jump back into your arms and forgive you, just because you suddenly decided you want me back."
Sarah wiped the water from her eyes before turning away again to silently produce more tears.
Chuckling nervously, he responded by saying, "Well of course not. That'll have to wait until you're healed and can walk again."
Chuck knew in an instant that he had just made another error. Now was not the time for jokes, especially not about Sarah's injury. An injury he was technically responsible for. But even though what happened to Sarah was sort of his fault, she never blamed him. In fact, before heading into surgery she told him that she was happy that he was okay and that she loved him and would be waiting for a kiss once she was in recovery. But instead of giving her that kiss he ended what they had, saying it was better this way.
"I'm sorry Sarah. That was really stupid of me to say."
Sarah didn't acknowledge Chuck.
After a brief pause he began speaking again. "Sarah, I love you and I want us to be together again."
At that Sarah slowly turned her face back to Chuck, her face lightly stained with tracks of tears. "Yeah, until you decide we should go back to our cover relationship again. No Chuck. I'm not going to go through that again. My heart wouldn't be able to take it a second time. You really hurt me. 'Sorry' just isn't going to cut it this time. I think you should go now."
Reluctantly, Chuck got up and after he returned the chair he was sitting in, to its rightful spot, he headed out the door. As soon as the door closed, the floodgates in Sarah's eyes broke as a steady stream of tears began to cascade down her forlorn face.
Dejected, Chuck decided to go on over to Buy More a little early. He immediately headed into the break room and at sat the table furthest from the door. He thought about the pain he had brought to Sarah by what he had done.
Sarah had admitted several times to not being good at relationships. He knew that she had a hard time trusting people. She didn't like to let anyone in, but over time he had been able to break down the walls surrounding her heart allowing himself to enter. Then once all her defenses fell away, he showed her why she had built up those defenses to begin with, no one could be trusted. Everyone will eventually hurt you.
How could he have done that to her? She may be strong physically, but emotionally she had always been fragile, ever since the fractured relationship with her father. Chuck just may have given her reason to never trust anyone ever again.
Chuck was taken away from his thoughts by a voice booming his name. Casey was demanding that he follow him to the home theater room as he had some serious issues to discuss with him.
Chuck settled uncomfortably on the couch, fearing what was to come.
Casey stood in front of the couch towering over him. "You are an even bigger idiot than I give you credit for. How could you have been so stupid?! You've completely messed Walker up. On the ride over to Castle, she couldn't hide her tears. The entire trip she had to keep wiping her eyes. Walker doesn't cry easily, so she has to be hurting pretty badly. Breaking things off with her, right after surgery no less completely destroyed her."
"I know. I was really stupid. I didn't think about how it would affect her. I was just trying to protect her. I tried apologizing and telling her I wanted to be with her again. But things didn't exactly go as smoothly as I hoped." Casey eyed him suspiciously. "Okay. She threw me out. There, you happy."
"That your being honest about what happened with Walker, yes. The fact that you haven't cleaned up your own mess yet, no. You need to fix this thing between you two before things get worse. Broken agents are no good in the field. She'll either get thrown out or killed. Do you want that?"
"No, of course not. I would never want anything bad to happen to Sarah. How do I fix this?"
"That's something you're going to have to figure out yourself." Before Chuck could say another word, Casey had left the home theater room.
Chuck was left alone with his thoughts. Fifteen minutes remained until his shift at Buy More. He would use that time to try to come up with a solution. However, the fifteen minutes passed and he was no closer to solving the problem than he was when this whole mess started. But he had no more time to think right now. He would get into even more trouble if he was late for work.
That evening the trio had a mission. Instead of being undercover as originally planned, Sarah was stuck in a van, with Chuck. And that's the last place she wanted to be right now. If she had her choice, she'd rather be on another planet, maybe one in a different galaxy.
But this was work. She had a job to do, and Sarah Walker did not fail. She wasn't going to let her current feelings toward Chuck mess this up. Tonight, the relationship between the two of them would be completely professional and nothing more. If he even thought about bringing up their personal issues, she was going to hurt him.
Being trapped in the surveillance van was uncomfortable. The cramped space didn't leave much room to move. Chuck and Sarah bumped into and brushed up against one another on numerous occasions, making the tense situation even more awkward. Sarah couldn't wait until this mission was over.
Three long, agonizing hours later, Sarah finally got away from Chuck. Her feelings of hurt and anger had been warring with her feelings of love the entire time. She loved him, immensely, but she was terrified of him breaking her heart again. She didn't want to allow that kind of pain into her life again, so she needed to do her best to forget about him. He would be her partner in work, not in life.
For the next few days, Sarah avoided contact with Chuck as much as possible. The only interaction she had with him was when they had work and the topics of discussion were kept on a strictly professional level. They were able to work together effectively, but Chuck was hurting and he knew Sarah was as well.
The sound of someone knocking on her door roused a sleepy Sarah from her sleep. Careful, so as not to aggravate her injury, Sarah slowly sat up. She then carefully raised herself off the bed with her hands and slid into her chair. She then wheeled herself over to the door to stop the incessant knocking.
Opening the door she discovered Chuck standing there with a large bouquet of Gardenias, wearing a tux and displaying his trademark Bartowski smile. This feeble attempt at an apology was not having any affect on her. Anyone could come up with the idea of bringing her her favorite flowers. Chuck tried to hand her the flowers, but she refused to take them, shaking her head. After rejecting the flowers, Sarah wheeled herself out of the doorway then shut the door without word.
The next morning Chuck arrived with a bouquet of red roses. Again, anyone could think to bring roses, especially red ones. So again Sarah refused the flowers and shut the door.
On the third morning, Chuck showed up with a bouquet of vibrantly colored tulips. They were very beautiful and a more unique choice than either roses or her favorites, but that didn't mean she was going to let Chuck in or take the flowers.
This routine continued every day with Chuck showing up with more expensive flowers with each passing day. He brought peonies, orchids, hydrangeas, Casablanca lilies, oriental lilies and several other rare flowers. Sarah rejected them all.
On what would be the tenth morning, Sarah sat in her chair waiting for Chuck's latest flower, tux, smile combination to disrupt her otherwise peaceful mornings. Sarah glanced over at the clock, 8:03. Chuck always arrived at eight on the dot. Good, Sarah thought. Maybe he finally got the message. But she feared that maybe he was just running a little late today. It wasn't until 9:00 A.M. that she allowed herself to relax. Chuck wasn't coming.
Sarah went about her day, experiencing the best mood she had in a while. It was impossible to forget her feelings for Chuck with him showing up every day. Now that he had finally stopped coming over, it would be easier. Maybe in time the pain in her heart would start to slowly fade away. She really hoped it would because right now, it hurt so much.
That afternoon around 2:00 P.M., someone came to the door. They knocked on the door rather than using the knocker that Chuck had used every morning. Relieved that it wasn't Chuck, Sarah wheeled herself over to the door.
Upon opening the door, Sarah was met with what she had come to dread every morning. But it was different this time. Chuck was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and one of his nerd inspired T-shirts. In his hands he held a small vase filled with five simple white daisies. His smile was even different. It too was small and simple.
Sarah found the sweet simplicity of it all charming. She couldn't stop the small smile that formed on her own face. Chuck was too nervous to notice however, and when Sarah wheeled out of the doorway, he prepared to be shut down again. But the door wasn't slammed shut on him this time.
"Come in," he heard her say.
Chuck entered the room and shut the door, then just stood completely stiff staring off into space. "Well... aren't you going to give me those?" Sarah said pointing to the daises clasped in Chuck's trembling hands.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Chuck then bent down to hand the flowers to Sarah.
Sarah held the vase between her knees as she wheeled herself over to the table by the window where she set the flowers down. "So whose idea was it for this simplistic approach?"
"Mine," Chuck answered. "The others were mine as well, but they weren't really my style. I finally stopped trying to impress you by being some cool sophisticated guy and just be my nerdy self." Chuck flashed Sarah his goofy grin.
For a brief moment, the tiniest hint of a smile flickered across Sarah's face. "Well, for future reference, I prefer the real you."
"I would have brought you Gardenias, but I did that the first day. I hope you don't mind the daises. I know they're not that special."
"No. You're wrong Chuck. They are very special. I love the daisies. They're so simple yet so beautiful. It's actually because of the daises that I let you in."
Chuck looked down at Sarah sitting in her wheelchair. "Um. How are you feeling? Are you still in a lot of pain?"
"I'm feeling a lot better. I hardly notice the pain at all anymore. Now, you had a reason for coming here. What was it?"
Chuck grabbed a chair from the table and sat across from Sarah. "I want to explain myself." Chuck stopped Sarah before she could interrupt. "I'm not asking you to forgive me. In fact, I'm not expecting you to. I just need to tell you this. I was an idiot and a colossal jerk." Chuck had to stop for a moment before he continued. When he began speaking again, his voice was filled with emotion. "When you got hurt and ended up needing surgery because I didn't do what you told me, I panicked. I felt horribly guilty and I was worried something like this would happen again. I couldn't bare it if something I did got you hurt or worse. I thought if we stopped things before we got any further I might save you further harm."
"Chuck, I have a dangerous job. You can't control my life or what happens to me and you can't make decisions about my life for me. Only I can do that, because it's my life. I get to choose how I live my life, not you and not anyone else."
"I know and I'm really sorry." There was a brief pause of silence before Chuck spoke again. "So, where do we go from here?"
Chuck was nervous and filled with anxiety as he waited for Sarah's answer. "Well, we could try being friends again."
"Sarah, I can't bare having you only as a friend. I love you too much for that."
"Well I'm not ready to give you any more than that yet. I don't know if I ever will. My heart still aches from what you did to me. How can I trust you not to hurt me again?"
"I won't. I promise. I want to be with you forever."
"How can I believe that? What happens the next time I get hurt? And I will get hurt again. It comes with the job."
"I don't know."
"Well, until you can answer that question we can't be anything more than friends."
Unable to give Sarah an answer, Chuck got up and with his head hung low walked out the door.
After their latest talk, the working conditions showed noticeable improvement. Their friendly comradery had returned. But Chuck couldn't give up the fight yet. He was determined to get Sarah back. He just needed to come up with something that would show Sarah how much he cared about her. Something that would allow Sarah to believe him and trust him when he said he wanted to spend every day with her.
The next evening Chuck presented Sarah with an adorable stuffed rhinoceros. Sarah laughed when she saw the stuffed toy. "Chuck, why did you get me a stuffed rhinoceros?"
"Well, our relationship is more unusual than most. So I didn't want to get you the routine teddy bear." Chuck continued in a whisper. "And don't tell the teddy bears, but he was cuter."
That caused Sarah to let out another giggle.
"He is really cute."
"What are you going to name him?"
"Rhino."
"Real original."
"Hey! Don't make fun of my choice. I happen to like the name. Now apologize to Rhino."
"I'm sorry Rhino," Chuck said as he patted the animal's head.
They had been engaged in friendly conversation for almost half an hour when Chuck abruptly changed the subject. "Sarah, is there any hope of us getting back together?"
"I told you, if you can give me an answer to my question."
"Sarah, it won't happen again."
"That's not an answer. If this relationship is going to go forward, I'm going to need a real answer."
"Please Sarah. I love you."
"I know that, but I need to know that you won't break my heart again. I don't want us to get back together, only to have you toss me aside once again. When you have a real answer to my question, I'll be willing to discuss our relationship."
Chuck returned to his apartment. He rarely left his bedroom, spending the majority of his time, sitting up in bed thinking. He spent three days trying to come up with the answer to Sarah's question. He had to find the answer. He couldn't imagine a life without Sarah. She was the only woman he could ever love. He wanted to see her beautiful face every day for the rest of his life. Anything else was just unacceptable.
When he felt he had finally come up with an acceptable answer, Chuck jumped out of his bed threw on some clothes and drove toward the woman who held his heart in her hands. He reached Sarah's door in record time.
"I think I have the answer to your question," Chuck said the second Sarah opened the door.
"Alright." Sarah wheeled back to her spot by the window and Chuck took his spot in the chair. "Let's hear it."
"If you were to become injured on another mission, I would wrap you in my arms and hold you tight. I would tell you that everything would be okay because I wouldn't leave your side. I would take care of you and make sure you knew that I loved you. I would protect you until you could protect me again."
Before Chuck started speaking, Sarah's face wore a serious expression. Once he began speaking however, a hint of a smile snuck up on her and replaced her seriousness. With each succeeding word, that tiny smile grew until it reached what could only be described as ultimate happiness.
"And I would kiss you like this," Chuck finished. He then dropped to the floor and put his hands on the armrests of Sarah's wheelchair. Bringing his face closer to hers, he placed a soft kiss on her lips.
"Chuck... that answer was... was just what I was looking for!" Sarah erased the smile on her face and added a final thought, or rather a warning. "But if you ever act like an idiot again..."
"You'll hurt me," Chuck interjected.
"You bet I will." The tone of her voice and the look in her eyes let Chuck know that she was serious. He would experience great pain, if he ever did anything to hurt her. Chuck wasn't really worried though, because that would never happen. She meant far too much to him, to ever be separated from her.
After a minute, Sarah threw her arms open and waited for Chuck to fall into her embrace. He was really gentle with Sarah, as she was still recovering from her injury and subsequent surgery. Sarah could barely feel his touch, but he didn't dare hold her any tighter. He was afraid of hurting her.
Looking into beautiful blue eyes, Chuck smiled. "So are we officially boyfriend/girlfriend again?"
"No. Well... I hope it's more than that. I mean, didn't you propose to me. I seem to remember some sweet nerdy guy saying he wanted to marry me. Now, that was you, wasn't it?"
"Yes it was, and I will get you a ring. Soon. I promise."
Four days later, Sarah had an appointment with the doctor. He informed her the surgery was indeed successful and that her recovery was coming along quite well. And that if she felt like it, it was okay for her to start trying to walk again but that she needed to take it easy and to immediately sit if she felt any sharp pain.
That afternoon after getting back to her room, Sarah mentally prepared herself to get up on her feet for the first time since before her operation. Chuck took hold of Sarah's hands and helped her stand. Heavily leaning into Chuck and using her dresser for support, she was able to take a few steps.
After the initial tiny steps, Chuck made Sarah sit back down in her chair. She complained a little saying she could do more, but cooperated anyway. It was hard and it had drained all of her energy in those few short seconds. She would do a little more tomorrow. If she worked a little every day, she should be up and walking again in just a few short weeks.
Chuck spent the rest of the day with Sarah, taking care of her every need. Making sure she kept herself in her wheelchair. He knew if he wasn't around, she would be trying to do too much.
When the night sky came upon them, Chuck helped Sarah get into bed and pulled the covers over her. He took her stuffed rhinoceros and placed it in arms. Kissing her gently, he whispered goodbye and headed home to get in bed himself.
The day after Sarah tested out her ability to stand and walk, Chuck took her out to so she could pick a ring. She was going to need one now that they were officially re-engaged and he finally had saved up enough money.
Chuck pushed her by all the display cases filled with the brightly shining diamonds. She could have her pick of anything in the store. When she chose the one she wanted, Chuck immediately dropped to his knees right there in the store. He didn't care that everyone was watching.
He held the ring up to her and took her hand. "Sarah Walker, will you marry me?"
Sarah answered in the affirmative and Chuck slipped the ring onto her finger. In the background, cheers and applause could be heard. The realization that they had an audience brought a pink tint to their cheeks and their faces cracked a smile. Chuck ended the show with a gentle, slow kiss.
They made no plans for the wedding however. Their engagement would be a long one. They were unsure of when they would be able to have the ceremony with all the crazy unpredictability found in the spy world. But someday, they would walk down the aisle and say their I dos. Nothing would stop them from reaching that ultimate goal.