Free bird
Prologue
Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight, sadly, seeing as Stephenie Meyer does. I only dream that Jasper is mine. The title, and the lyrics are from Lynyrd Skynyrd's song "Free bird", which I obviously don't own either.
Summary : What would've happened if Jasper had killed Bella at her birthday party in New Moon?
Text in italics is the song. Italics in bold is the letter he wrote.
If I leave here tomorrow,
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
My pen hovered over the blank piece of paper in front of me as the song playing reached my ears. Even the radio was mocking me now. Would Alice remember me when I left? Or would she only recall that I left as a coward? How I had tucked my tail between my legs and run away instead of facing reality?
But this was, in fact, reality. I was a vampire, and feeding off human blood was, and remains still, my nature. And my own private hell. We are are no better than animals, in my opinion; it's in our nature to kill. Basic. Simple. That's always what I believed, even when trying my very best at living as a "vegetarian". I had gorged myself on human blood for so long, I couldn't resist it as much as the others. Maybe I didn't want to resist, I'm not even sure.
No one seemed to realize it though; that we couldn't change what we were, not even Edward's foolish human girlfriend. Every encounter with a human was hard for each and every member of the family. Each heartbeat, pulsing with the blood that drives our specy with insane thirst and need was as much tempation to us than a bottle of hundred-year-old brandy to an alcoholic.
One of us would've no doubt gone for Bella sooner or later, but it was me who did it. A simple papercut, and in that moment I ceased to be myself and became a monster of the grisliest kind; a nightmare come to life. It was almost expected of me though, wasn't it? The weakest link, the black sheep. My family's very own Achilles' heel.
And thus I made my decision to leave them. Had I known I would cause the death of Edward's soulmate, I would've left much sooner. I had tried for so long to follow their way of life, had lost count of how many times I had given in to the temptation and nearly exposed us for what we were. I couldn't bare to see them clean up after me any longer. This would be the last time.
I couldn't see, nor feel their disappointment anymore.
Bye bye baby, it's been a sweet love. Yea.
And though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it so badly,
'Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame.
And if I stay here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
The Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
Lord I can't change.
Taking a deep breath, I touched my pen to the blank page, my unbeating heart chipping away with each word I wrote. I had to do this, for how could someone as pure as Alice love me? I was nothing but a wild animal, unable to resist feeding, even if it meant destroying a friend and a member of its own family.
That was what I had become. What I had always been.
My sweet, dearest Alice,
By the time you'll be reading this, I'll be gone. I'm taking advantage of the fact that you've gone hunting to write this letter to you, hoping and praying you'll be distracted enough to not see what I am planning.
I know my decision will hurt you, the same as if pains me. I swore to never leave your side, "through the good and the bad", and I'm sorry love, but I'm afraid I will have to break that oath. I would gladly take you with me, but you should not have to suffer the fires of hell by my side.
Yes, I will also have to break my promise to live as the Cullens as well.
I've told you when we met that I didn't believe I was strong enough to live off animal blood; that still remains true to this day. I have tried my best, my hardest, to change my ways and make you happy. I have failed time after time, and I cannot bear to disappoint you or the family any longer.
You are everything to me, and always will be, but I'm not what's best for you. I will forever be grateful for everything you've given me. Please don't come looking for me, for your happiness resides with the Cullens and their way of living, not with me.
I love you, and always will no matter what. I'm sorry I have failed you.
With all my heart, Thanks for reading. ^-^ Don't worry, the next chapters won't be songfics. I don't like those, personally, but the song inspired the story, so I put it in.
Jasper.
To all those out there who like Bella; I apologize. XD; The same goes for everyone who'll hate me for making Jasper leave Alice.