One fine Saturday morning in the Bear family household, Brother Bear was enjoying his weekend, playing Super Grizzly Brothers on the Super Beartendo Entertainment System, and hiding from Sister Bear, who was having her first period and not having an easy time with it. He decided that in order to give himself a buffer zone between him and the wrath of estrogen, he'd invite Cousin Freddy over to play video games. He snuck downstairs, hearing Sister's screaming in the distance. She had a phone in her bedroom, and was in the middle of cursing out one of her dumb little friends. Man, girls are nuts, Brother thought to himself. "Queenie, for the last fucking time, I am not letting her come to my birthday party. She'll ruin everything!" Brother would have questioned the name Queenie, but considering he was named Brother, had a sister named Sister, and his mama and papa were named Mama and Papa, he didn't feel he had the right to make fun of other peoples' names.
He made it to the kitchen, grabbing the phone off the wall as Mama walked in through the front door after having went shopping at Bear-Mart. As a side note, why is everything bear themed in this world? In our universe, we don't put "Human" in everything we make. In any case, she had bought a million things from there, because today was Sister's birthday, and she was having a big party. The Bear family had to be prepared for the worst, considering the state she was in. "Oh, good morning Brother." She said, setting the groceries down on the table. "Are you making another phone call? Between you and Sister, I'll be having to get a second job just to pay my phone bills!" Brother chuckled a bit, not realizing that this wouldn't be the first time his mother had gotten a "Second job". All the males over 30 knew exactly how diverse Mama Bear's talents were.
Brother nodded in response, not finding it necessary or possible to lie. "I'm calling Cousin Freddy so I'll have someone around to protect me from the monster that lives upstairs." Mama Bear shook her finger, adopting a corrective tone of voice. "Now, Brother. That's not a very nice thing to say about your sister on her birthday. She can't help it if her hormones are out of control. You're lucky you're a boy so you don't have to deal with this sort of thing. I remember when I was her age I was a real screaming demon, my mother simply didn't know what to do about me. But that was ages ago." Brother rolled his eyes a bit. Girls are definitely nuts. He dialed the number to Cousin Freddy's house while Mama rummaged through her groceries, mumbling to herself. "I better not have forgotten the balloons..no no they're right here. And Papa needed his 'Maverick Pills'..." Brother Bear turned and looked, his curiosity piqued. Maverick pills? He thought to himself. Isn't a Maverick what Bear Romney was always calling himself? What does that have to do with any pills? Sure enough, Mama was stashing away a small bottle of pills into the dark depths of the kitchen cabinet, hidden behind a few cans of kidney beans. He barely had time to read the label. It was something starting with a v. But that was all he saw before it was gone and Mama returned to the bag on the table.
He knew that whatever it was, it wasn't something he was supposed to know about. But he couldn't help his curious nature. He was always exploring in new and strange places, often when he knew he wasn't supposed to. He simply loved discovering things that in his mind, nobody else even knew about. He was about to open his mouth to ask about the pills, when Cousin Freddy answered the phone. "Hello?" Brother jumped, nearly dropping the phone. He was clearly anxious about the strange pills. "Hello? Is this another telemarketer? My dad told me to tell you to FUCK OFF." Brother shook his head, coming back to reality. "No no, it's just me. I was wondering if you'd come over today. I mean it's Saturday, and…" "...and you're dealing with Sister's period. Sorry man, but I value my life. I'm only 9 years old after all. It's too early for me to die." "Oh come on, you're not gonna die. Besides she's having a birthday party with all these other girls coming over, you won't even see her the whole time. We can just hide up in my room and play Donkey Bear Country. You do like Donkey Bear, right?" Brother smiled to himself. Nobody can resist Donkey Bear. "D-Donkey Bear, huh. Um...well I do kinda...like it...ok ok fine it's my favorite game! But my uncle got drunk and thought the cartridge was a piece of toast, and he put butter on it and ate it!" Brother laughed, since Cousin Freddy's uncle was his Papa, and he knew that was exactly the kind of crazy shit Papa Bear did while he was drunk.
"Well I tell you what, I actually have an extra copy of it. If you come over today and stay through the whole party I'll let you have it for free. That a deal?" Cousin Freddy sighs. "It's not free if you're making me do stuff for it, baka…" Brother rolled his eyes. Cousin Freddy, in addition to being a gamer, was also a massive otaku, and was always saying weird Japanese words that Brother didn't understand. He continued. "But fine, you got a deal. Just don't let Sister anywhere near me. She'll probably try to murder me with an axe or something like that." He hung up, and Brother put the phone back in its place. Mama had finished putting the groceries away so now seemed like the perfect time to ask about the pills. "Hey, Mama...did you get anything unusual at the store?" She shook her head. "Not really. Besides party decorations, anyway. And one of those crappy store-bought cakes in case anyone goes wrong with the one I'm making. Like if your father gets drunk again.." She looked angrily in the direction of the front door, where a small path led to his workshop where he was always working on hand-made furniture, and getting drunk as a skunk to celebrate his woodworking prowess.
Brother persisted. "I mean, you know...like maybe some kind of pills?" Mama's eyes widened a bit. "Pills? Just what on Earth do you mean by pills?" "Y-you know. Medicine or something." Mama laughed a bit. "Oh, you mean like this!" She pulls out a bottle of vitamins, the kind that were massive and impossible to swallow. The kind Brother hated. "I almost forgot. You'll be taking one of these every day from now on." Brother was sweaty, absolutely petrified. He couldn't stand the idea of taking one of these pills every day. "Oh come on, Mama! I'm not even sick!" She shook her head. "Brother Amadeus Bear, you spend every second of every day up in your room playing video games and eating junk food! And you haven't gotten an ounce of exercise since the incident with the football team, and it's because of that, your father isn't allowed to use the blender without permission anymore. So the least you can do is take some vitamins." She opened the container and put one of the pills on the table. "So I'm not letting you leave until you swallow that." Brother groaned, then he came up with an idea. "Can't I at least have some water to drink with it?" "Of course." She turned around and opened up the fridge, pulling out a jug of water while Brother threw the vitamin into the sink. "Oh, nevermind, I swallowed it no problem! You can put that water away." Mama was not amused. "I know you didn't swallow it that quickly. Why, it usually takes a full minute for Sister to swallow." She put another pill on the table and poured a glass of water for him. "Now, you're going to eat your vitamin, so you can be healthy, and not waste away into nothing like your unborn twin did!" Brother shuddered a bit and grabbed the pill. It was massive. Gargantuan. Enormous. And it was taunting him. "You can't swallow me" it said. He put it in his mouth and Mama nodded. "Good boy. Now swallow that or you're not leaving this table. The water's right here if you need it."He struggled and squirmed for a bit, taking a drink of the water. Being over dramatic, he made an obviously fake choking noise, but Mama wasn't falling for it. "Brother Bear you will swallow that pill or no video games tonight!" He gasped, swallowing the pill on accident. After a few moments of coughing, it was over. "See, that wasn't so bad. Now you can go back to enjoying your Satur-" She was interrupted by a huge crash coming from Sister's room. "Hang on, that sounded painful…" She walked up the stairs to see what was the matter, while Brother sighed, looking at the kitchen cabinet.
Would he risk looking at the pills now? What if someone saw him? He knew Papa was still outside in his shed, and Mama would be busy with Sister for a while. He decided to take a quick peek and nothing more. He opened the cabinet, moving a few cans to the side until he saw it. A small, bland looking bottle with a picture of a smiling old bear on it. Blue text above the picture read "Viagra" Viagra. It was a strange, unfamiliar word. But it was beautiful to him somehow. Almost like a girl's name. He said it to himself quietly. Viagra. The more he thought about it, the less meaning it had. It was just nonsense, and soon simply looking at the bottle wasn't enough. He just had to know what the pills did. But as he was about to open it, he heard Mama's footsteps coming down the stairs. He quickly hid the pills back behind the cans and closed the cabinet door. He sat back down and Mama sighed in frustration and defeat. "I just...don't know what to do with her..hey what were you looking for in there?" Brother looked away, feeling his face heating up with embarrassment. "Uh, nothing. Nothing at all. Just trying to find if we have any Wheaties left" Wheaties are fucking delicious. "Nope, all gone. I think your father ate the last of them." Brother heaved a sigh of relief. That was close.
Soon Papa Bear came in, drunk already. He made a horrible grunting noise before sitting down at the table. "So what's for lunch?" "Well it's Sister's birthday so we'll probably end up eating cake, assuming nothing goes wrong with it." "Ooh, cake!" Papa stood up and opened the oven. "Looks good…" The cake was still sitting in a metal container, half-baked, and was nothing but flaming liquid. "It's not done yet Pap- PAPA WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?" Papa Bear had lifted the cake out of the oven and began drinking it. He burned his mouth very badly however. "Hot, hot hot! Ouchhhhhh! Ow!" He then lost control and ended up dropping the cake container and splattered half-cooked cake everywhere. "My...my mouth is burning!" Brother shouted "That's cause you drank boiling cake mix you baka!" I'm starting to sound like Cousin Freddy, he thought. To cool himself down he tore open another box of cake mix and poured the dusty substance into his mouth. "Ah, that's better." Mama facepalmed and Brother couldn't stop laughing. Mama took the store-bought cake out of its bag. "Well that's what I bought this for...and for the love of God, Papa, can you control your appetite until the party?" Papa replied "I'll...try…" before vomiting in the sink.
Once Mama had cleaned all the vomited cake mix out of the sink, she got to work putting up decorations in the living room and kitchen. Streamers, ribbons, balloons, all the stereotypical decorations for a little kid's birthday in cartoons, and a huge banner that said "Happy 7th birthday, Sister Bear!" to go in front of the house. As she was putting it up, leaving him alone inside, he once again couldn't resist digging the bottle of pills out of the cabinet. What do they do? He wondered to himself, a rather obvious question to ask. There was only one way to find out. He popped one into his mouth and forced it down with a large gulp of water. At first nothing happened, then he felt an odd feeling in his pants. A sort of stiffness. This wasn't the first time he felt it. He always got this feeling from watching Bearly Cyrus videos. Named as such because she "bearly" wore any clothes. Bears love puns, you'll come to find out. But this time it was different. But no matter how hard he tried to make the swelling go down, thinking about gross things, looking at gross things, even trying to push it down, it stayed massive and engorged with blood. Is this normal? Why would Papa need a pill like this? One thing was for sure, he needed to hide this from his parents at all costs.