Memoirs of a Gardevoir
Hello there. My name is Gardevoir. If I could get one thought across to everyone, it would be this: I hate the Hoenn region. Now, you may wonder why I do. After all, the place has active volcanoes, several scenic beaches, as well as a giant green sky dragon. My reasons can be summed up in two words: Dawn Stones. Or rather, the lack of them. Yep, that's right, I'm a guy, in case you were wondering. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not insecure about my body or hate having amazing psychic powers. It's not even because I was denied getting a sweet pair of awesome arm blades, though those would be great. The reason I feel that I have been cursed with this form of mine… is all of those perverts out there.
…All those times getting hit on by several different species, most all of those wannabe suitors male; these horrible memories are forever etched into my mind. Even if my innocence had long crumbled to dust by that point, those experiences have had their effect on me. I now have a deep-seated hatred for Lucario that most likely will never fade away. I swear, if any of you jackals out there try that "Flash Cannon" move on me one more time, not even your Riolus will be safe from my wrath.
And while I'm at it, a word of warning to all my fellow Gardevoir out there, be you male or female: be wary of any piles of goo that are inexplicably friendly to you. For the sake of you and future generations, I implore you to stay away. I can tell you firsthand, it never gets any easier being called son of a Muk.
However, my problems don't end there. Humans can be just as bad, if not worse than those lusty-eyed Lucarios. Don't deny it, you know who you are, you depraved deviants! Portraying my species in all those sick and twisted fantasies of yours, all the while carrying out undoubtedly unsavory actions in the comfort of your "happy place!" …I've lost many nights of sleep, contemplating what my fate would be back when I was a Kirlia. …What I wouldn't give to be back in the days of my innocent Ralts-hood. I empathized with you humans, thinking that your kind was the greatest thing on the face of this earth. That ignorant naïveté had me looking forward to evolving, even before I knew what a Gallade was. But then I found out the truth, the sobering, life-altering truth. Reading minds is not all that it's cracked up to be, I'll tell you that. At first it was all, "That's a cute Ralts! I wonder when it'll grow up!", but as I my life went on, the thoughts I read later were significantly more… lewd. It brings me shivers just with the sheer mention of it. Sigh… I envy those of my kind living in Kalos, where we are viewed as companions of champions. …Or at least, I hope that is the case. If my experience here in Hoenn is anything to go by, they most likely have their share of humans who view us as companions of a… different sort.
At the very least, I can take solace in the fact that not all people in this world are insufferable letches. There are those out there who can appreciate us for being formidable fighters who just happen to be easy on the eyes. There are those out there who don't have such base and lascivious desires. To all you Wally's and Diantha's out there, I thank you on behalf of all Ralts, Kirlia, and Gardevoir for giving us hope for humanity. And if I were to have but one wish it'd be that there were more of you around.
Author's Note: Hello again, Golurker here with a short little one-shot! Really, you gotta feel bad for Gardevoir and all the things they have to endure. Honestly, if I had PokeDollar for every time this Pokemon comes up in various internet forums, I'd be able to buy the Pokemon League! I've actually had the idea for a Gardevoir-ian rant floating around for a while, but never really had the time to expand on it till now. Hope you enjoyed it, and heed his words of advice…