The door to Aaron Hotchner's office opened slowly. Hotch glanced up, surprised there had been no knock first. Spencer Reid walked in, turned to close the door, then locked it and closed the blinds on the window. Hotch leaned back in his chair, once again amazed at how Reid always seemed to know exactly when to come to the office, always seemed to know when he was wanted, needed, necessary. As Hotch watched Reid take off his tie, and begin to unbutton his shirt, he reflected on the first time Reid had come to his office like this, over two years ago...
Hotch sat at his desk, working on a file, his expression grim. Yesterday he had finally relented and signed the divorce papers. He hadn't wanted to, had no desire whatsoever for this divorce, even the separation; but Haley was determined, she wanted a divorce and nothing Aaron did or said was going to change her mind. So Hotch had signed the papers, agreeing to the visitation schedule and child support, his heart smashing to smithereens as he did it. He had loved only Haley since high school, and knew he would never love anyone like that again, intended to never love anyone again. He could not go through this kind of pain again and survive, he just couldn't. Of course, he knew he could go for some kind of counselling, talk things through with a professional, but that had never been his style. He had always internalized his pain, anger, fear, hurt; it had gotten him through an unhappy childhood, and now it was getting him through an unhappy adulthood. At least, he hoped it was getting him through, for he had been having some severe stomach pains lately, that he was sure were caused by his emotions, and stress. Hotch shifted in his seat, the pain was especially acute today, then he reached into his drawer for some of the over-the-counter liquid relief he had just bought, hoping it would help ease the discomfort at least slightly. As he twisted off the cap, Hotch looked out of his window into the sky, wishing he could be free like a bird and fly away from his life. Then he saw his reflection in the glass, and shuddered at how miserable he looked, his face drawn with pain, bags under his eyes, his lips tight with suppressed emotions. No wonder Haley didn't want him anymore, he thought miserably, and swallowed down some of the liquid. Suddenly his door opened and Spencer Reid walked into the office.
"What's up Reid?" Hotch asked, annoyed that Reid hadn't knocked first, had caught him taking medicine, which for some stupid reason made him feel weak. Reid glanced over at Hotch, then turned and locked the door. As Reid moved to the blinds and began to close them, Hotch recovered from his initial shock and became angry. "Reid, what's going on?" he asked in his sternest tone, his dark eyebrows lowered. Usually that tone, and that face, meant whoever it was directed at would immediately start to worry, but Reid didn't even hesitate. He continued to close the blinds, walking over to the small couch when he was done. Hotch said again, in a louder voice, "Reid, explain yourself. Now." Reid acted like he hadn't heard Hotch, he proceeded to take off his tie and unbutton his shirt. Hotch began to feel a bit nervous, 'what the hell is going on here' he wondered, then suddenly hoped Reid wasn't high on Dilaudid again; Hotch knew Reid had kicked that habit, but his behaviour right now made Hotch wonder if he had had a relapse. But Reid didn't really seem stoned; Hotch was at a complete loss as to what was going on.
Once Reid had undone his buttons, he slipped off his shirt, folded it and set it on the couch, beside his tie; then he pulled his t-shirt over his head. The sight of Reid's bare chest galvanized Hotch; he stood up and walked around his desk towards his subordinate. "Reid you had better tell me what the hell is going on here, right now." Reid, again, paid not one bit of attention to Hotch, moving his hands to his waist to undo his belt. Hotch began to really worry, was Reid having some kind of psychotic break, had he actually inherited his mother's mental illness? In a quieter tone, Hotch asked "Reid, Spencer, what's going on?" as he slowly approached Reid. But as soon as he reached him, Reid moved away, intent on slipping his pants off, adding them to the pile on the couch. His shoes toed off, his socks removed, Reid's fingers were in the waistband of his underwear, when Hotch tried another tactic, "I'm going to phone someone to come and help you Reid, don't worry, we'll get you through this, whatever it is." But for some strange reason Hotch didn't pick up the receiver, just held his hand on it, continuing to watch Reid strip down. Why he didn't make a call, why he didn't just move to the door and walk out, why he didn't avert his eyes, Hotch had no answers. Finally Reid slipped off his underwear, then turned to face Hotch completely nude.
Hotch was stunned, he was actually standing in his office looking at a silent, naked Spencer Reid. Hotch moved his gaze up slowly from Reid's bare feet, all the way along his body to his face, stopping when he reached Reid's soulful hazel eyes. What he saw there shook Hotch to the core; reflecting back to him from Reid's large eyes were all of the painful emotions he had been feeling recently, been feeling since Haley had left him. Hotch actually took a step back, his breath catching in his throat, for along with all of the negative emotions, Hotch saw a flicker of something else in Reid's eyes, understanding. Hotch stood silently watching as Reid walked over to his desk, removed everything from the top, placing the items on the floor. Then Reid climbed up, lay on his back, bent his legs so his feet were flat on the desk and waited. Hotch knew he should say something, do something; but speech seemed to have deserted him, and didn't have a clue what to do, had no idea. Except that that wasn't completely true, he did have an idea, an idea that had started as soon as he had drowned in Reid's eyes.
Hotch found himself moving over to his desk, standing at the end where Reid's feet were, staring down at Reid's prone body laid out for the taking. Hotch watched Reid`s chest moving while he breathed; he saw how concave Reid`s stomach was and wondered how he stayed so thin; his brain registered the fact that Reid`s torso was smooth like an adolescent; he forced his eyes over Reid`s groin, taking note of Reid`s semi-erection. Hotch knew he should be asking questions, demanding answers, getting help, but he had lost control of himself; he was on autopilot, following directions from some inner source which knew exactly what it wanted to do. Hotch looked down at his hands as they undid his own belt, unzipped his pants, then slipped them, along with his underwear, down to his knees; he had never had sex with a man before and was surprised to see the huge erection that sprang up once released from his pants. Hotch's mind finally accepted what was going to happen, and turned to practical matters. Hotch didn't know if Reid was gay, or if he had ever had anal sex before, but Hotch and Haley had enjoyed it, so he knew how to prepare him. Remembering some old hand cream in his drawer, Hotch reached down and retrieved the bottle. As he started to flip the cap, his brain seemed to wake up a bit. What am I doing? Am I crazy, this is Reid laying here, Reid. Why am I going to have sex with Reid? Why did Reid do this? This is nuts! Hotch tried one more time to question Reid, but Reid just turned his head. Once Hotch stopped talking, Reid moved his head back around, looking straight into Hotch's eyes. Something in Hotch's subconscious connected instantly with Reid's, recognized something deep in Reid's eyes; Hotch knew then that this was going to happen, was happening, and he might never fully discover why.
Hotch coated his fingers with lotion, then gently pressed against Reid's anus. He saw the grimace on Reid's face, but knew the pain would eventually lessen. Haley had always felt pain too; the thought of Haley seemed to trigger Hotch's anger, and he unceremoniously pressed his finger straight into Reid's dark tunnel, right up to his knuckle. Reid squirmed a bit, trying to adjust to the feel, which made Hotch reharness his anger so he could properly prepare Reid. Moving his finger in and out slowly, Hotch searched his memory trying to remember exactly where a man's prostate is located. He figured Reid might as well get as much pleasure as he could out of this, this whatever it was. Hotch moved his gaze from Reid's face down to his ass, watching his finger stroke in and out of Reid's body. It was surreal, Hotch felt he was in a dream, or a nightmare; but his own straining cock forced him to accept it was reality. Soon he was really going to be putting his hard cock into Reid's hot ass. The heat created from that thought, caused Hotch to slip a second finger into Reid's anus, anxious to get him ready. Knowing they had to be quiet, so none of the agents on the other side of the locked door would hear them, Reid pressed his lips together, as his body adjusted again. Hotch moved his fingers slowly at first, then quicker as he felt Reid's muscles starting to relax. He curled his fingers slightly, taking note when he heard a small whimper escape Reid's lips, figuring that was where Reid's prostate was. Finally, Hotch figured Reid was as prepared as he was going to be, and anyways Hotch's engorged cock was aching to be encased in Reid's tight tunnel, so he moved forward, touching the tip of his erection to Reid's wet pucker.
As Hotch hesitated, he once again looked into Reid's eyes. Suddenly a wave of anger washed over him; he placed his hands on the backs of Reid's thighs, pressing them back as far as he could, then thrust himself into Reid quickly, barely registering Reid's quiet grunt. Hotch's anger seemed to build as his mind began to relive the last few months, hips moved faster and harder until he was pounding into Reid's ass as hard as he could. Anger changed to rage as his mind, finally unleashed from Hotch's mental defences, roamed across his life reliving memories from childhood, work, marriage. Hotch, panting, continued pounding, pounding, pounding into Reid's pliant body, as he purged himself. Why had his father beaten him, why was Strauss trying to get rid of him, why did Haley leave him? Reid, breathing heavily, gripped the sides of the desk, as Hotch pistoned away, trying not to make a sound. Soon, Hotch's rage began to dissipate, his anger began to cool, he realized his legs were shaking from exertion. He looked down, saw that Reid's cock and balls were being bounced around almost painfully from Hotch's hard, rapid strokes. Hotch also noticed Reid had an enormous erection, so he figured he must have been hitting Reid`s sweet spot at least some of the time. Hotch suddenly discovered his anger had faded, he was now stroking into Reid for pleasure. He began thrusting gently, moving his hips so that he was sure to hit Reid's prostate each time, gripping Reid's erection in his hand, pumping his fist in time with his hips. Reid's head was thrown back, his neck muscles straining, when his orgasm hit, his cum spraying out like a fountain. Hotch, feeling Reid's walls spasming against him, soon climaxed as well, his seed ejected deep into Reid's body.
Almost as soon as his orgasm finished, Hotch's tears began. He slipped his spent member out of Reid, then laid his head against Reid's semen soaked stomach and wept silently, while Reid stroked his hair. In minutes he was gasping for breath, but feeling surprisingly refreshed, like a massive weight had been lifted from his back. He also realized the pain in his stomach was gone too. Hotch lifted his head, moving to get some tissue to clean his face. After passing some to Reid, Hotch watched him clean his stomach, get dressed, then leave the office, never having spoken one word. But Hotch had looked into Reid's eyes again just before he left, and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Reid had been refreshed from some of his own issues as well.
Ever since that day, Reid seemed to instinctively know when Hotch needed him to visit the office. When Haley had been killed, Reid had come every day for a month. Every time followed the same routine, every time not a word was spoken; the only change from the first time was that Hotch now undressed completely as well. Only once did Hotch try to question Reid about what had happened, but Reid had silently turned away and left, so Hotch gave up. Hotch accepted that Reid was offering him a way to release some of the negative feelings and emotions he held tightly within him, he hoped that Reid also continued to find his own emotional comfort during the visits...
Reid had finally finished undressing. Hotch was still removing his pants when Reid walked to the desk. But for the first time in two years, he didn`t climb up and lay on his back, instead he stayed on his feet and bent forward over the top. Hotch wondered why Reid had changed positions, but knew not to ask; he wouldn`t get an answer, and maybe he really didn`t want to know. Reid had his own reasons for doing this, Hotch didn`t know why, would never know, but that was okay. Hotch was just glad Reid had decided do this, literally open himself up for Hotch; it was the only thing keeping Hotch sane. As he moved to stand behind Reid, Hotch prayed it would never end.