Disclaimer: The only thing I own here is the song…=P
(A/N): To my friends, I already told you that I do publish some of my works in this site but I didn't tell you my pen name. Once you read this, you'll know it's me =P. I also know that you want to know what I felt on December 30, 2008. This was about that event. It's not what exactly happened but you'll get the idea. Leave a review if you read this, k? Or text me. =P
I HATE WHAT I FEEL
"This is a great song," Mitchie said after reading the song I just finished writing few days ago. Many people knew that I could mix sounds in my amazing laptop but only few knew that I could write song.
"Gee, thanks," I said while facing the laptop. We were in the cabin and Mitchie was lying in her bed.
"It's him, right?" she asked though she already knew the answer. She was referring to the "inspiration" of the song, Nate. I smiled at her.
"Wow! You really fall for him hard," she said smiling while looking at me. I looked back at the laptop screen. Discussing this topic with her really made me feel uncomfortable.
Mitchie knew what I felt for Nate since it started. It was about three years ago when it started. That year was when Shane was punished because of his attitude. It was also the time he became an instructor at the camp and also the time when I met Nate.
Since I was a friend of Mitchie and she was a friend of Shane and he was a friend of Nate, I became friends with Nate. It was a long chain, right?
Well, a year ago, Shane and Mitchie started dating and a month ago, they broke up. Why? Because Mitchie discovered that Shane was cheating. With whom? Honestly people, do you really need to ask? With the Camp Rock diva and the meanest word I ever knew, Tess Tyler.
It was really hard for Mitchie when she discovered it because she was friends with Tess. What they said was true. Once a jerk, always jerk. Shane and Tess would always be a jerk.
Since they broke up, Mitchie didn't talk to Shane and Tess. It was easy not to talk to them coz they were in different states but now that we were all in Camp Rock, that was impossible.
Since the start of camp, Mitchie managed to ignore Shane but not Tess. I saw her talking to Tess a while ago and can you believe it? They were laughing. I was sorry to say this but was she out of her mind? She was being friendly to the girl who stole her boyfriend. She was nuts.
I was still friends with Shane though we're not that close anymore. Tess, I hated her since the start of time and I hated her more this time.
"Deep in thoughts, huh. You're thinking about him?" Mitchie teased. I rolled my eyes to her. She just laughed. I heard her phone buzz.
"Speaking if the devil he texted me and I need to meet him on the mess hall," she said, her smile gone.
"Go on," I replied staring back at the laptop screen.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Of course!" I said in a fake happy tone as I looked at her. She smiled.
"Alright, gotta go," she said happily before leaving me alone.
I put the laptop down and I lay on my bed. I sighed. I saw this coming. Since Mitchie broke up with Shane and she was single again, Nate had a chance to date her. I sighed again. One side of me was happy coz they deserve each other and they would surely have a perfect pair but the other side of me wanted to destroy their relationship. I was a bad friend.
I got up and picked up my guitar from the floor. I walked on the woods until I reached my destination. The dock. It was Shane and Mitchie's favorite place but since they broke up, no one was using the place. It was perfect and a perfect place for me.
I sat by the dock, removed my sneakers and dipped my feet in the water. Thought it was already summer, the water was still cold that it made me shiver.
I strummed my guitar to the melody I knew so well. I started singing the words I knew from the heart.
I saw him again
The sweating of my hands,
The stuttering of my tongue
And the feeling was still there.
He didn't change much.
He still had that effect on me.
I was happy when I saw him again
But I hate what I feel
I hate those eyes that stare on me
And I hate to hear his voice
I hate the way he talks to me
Coz I wish that time could freeze.
He was back on my world
And he still had a space on it
I was still trapped in the memories
And I hate what I feel
I hate the way I care for him
And I hate him coz he didn't mind
I hate when his laughter fill the air
Coz I wish that I could laugh with him
I hate to smell his old perfume
Coz it irritates my nose
And I'll miss it when he leaves again
And I hate to feel this way.
I hate him coz he showed up again
And I can't help to fall again
I hate coz he was so numb
And he didn't feel the same
The last thing that I hate about him
He made me fall and love him
And he didn't care to catch me
And he didn't know it hurts
I sighed after dinging the song.
"That guy is a jerk. He is so numb," someone said from behind me. I turned and saw Nate walking towards me.
"Yeah, right," I said. "You are so numb," I whispered to my self as I looked down at the water. The next time I knew was that he was sitting beside me.
"Hey, where's Mitchie? I thought she's with you," I asked him.
"She went back to your cabin. She said she left something. She'll be here soon," he replied while looking at the horizon. We sat there in an awkward silence.
"What do you think about this?" he asked showing me a simple bracelet. "It's not the most beautiful bracelet I saw on the shop but it kinda reminds me of her." He was also wearing a bracelet that exactly looks like the bracelet he would give to Mitchie.
"As long as it comes from the heart, it's OK," I said before looking away.
"Hey guys," someone said from behind. Nate and I turned only to see Mitchie walking towards us. "What are you guys doing?" she said as she sat between Nate and me.
"Well, I just heard her singing a song about a jerk and numb guy," Nate answered.
"What song?" Mitchie asked while looking at me.
"I Hate What I Feel?" I said with an eyebrow raised.
"That song?" Mitchie tried to hold her giggles. "You actually thought that the guy in the song is numb and jerk?" She asked Nate.
"Yeah. He's really numb and jerk," Nate replied. Mitchie laughed. Nate looked at me with questioning eyes. I just shrugged.
"You don't have any idea how numb he is," Mitchie said still laughing. "Right, Cait? He is the numbest guy ever."
"Yeah," I replied with a fake smile.
"Hey, I have something for you," Nate said as he reached for the bracelet inside his pocket while holding Mitchie's wrist with his other hand. He wore it in Mitchie's wrist. Mitchie just smiled. I looked away. It was tearing my heart into pieces.
As long as they were happy, I would be happy right?
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(A/N): So, that's it. It's what I felt. And that event inspired me to write another song for that numb jerk.=P